I just shit my pants at work.**Now with fart stimulation**

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Hoss Bonaventure, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. IV

    IV Freedom is the right of all sentient beings
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    Is this the ivermectin thread?
     
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  2. Prospector

    Prospector I am not a new member
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  3. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Welp, here I am again. I mentioned it last night how we all have a stomach bug and I’m feeling better today but sure enough I thought I was in the clear and I was wrong. Tried to sneak a fart at my desk and it was not all fart.
     
  4. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q, Ohio
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    buddy, you’d figure you would be the last guy to trust a fart.
     
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  5. UncleJesse

    UncleJesse Did I invent hip-hop? No, but I was there.
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  6. THF

    THF BITE THE NUTS, THUMB IN THE ASS!
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    That kid is fighting for his life in there.
     
  7. Prospector

    Prospector I am not a new member
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  8. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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    it has been nearly 8 months since anyone posted ITT. I need some stories folks
     
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  9. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q, Ohio
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    [​IMG]
     
  10. dblplay1212

    dblplay1212 Well-Known Member
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    Haha meant to post this a few weeks ago but forgot. We were out with friends and one of them got this from their kid at college. Mom said clean yourself and keep partying. Dad said clean yourself up the best you can and take your dirty ass home. :laugh:

    20220409_235844.jpg
     
  11. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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    Maya Angelou would be proud
     
  12. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    Just like hopes springing high…
    Still…I’ll shit my pants!
     
  13. Jimmy the Saint

    Jimmy the Saint The future is a benevolent black hole
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    Agree with dad. Once you've shit yourself it's probably time to go home.
     
  14. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Reminds me of the end of this clip

     
  15. ClemPson

    ClemPson Well-Known Member
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    Working from home has taken its toll on posting in here. No need to try and hold it in at work when you have the home field advantage.
     
  16. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Also there's a very good chance I probably sharted in the past 8 months but was too lazy to update this thread.
     
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  17. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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    SHAME
     
  18. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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  19. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Amateur. Should have ditched the pants and let the second round go on the pavement.
     
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  20. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
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    Been eating a lot of yogurt lately so yea... shit my pants the other day

    Thought it was just a wet fart and was in loser denial for a minute. Thank God for telework.
     
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  21. ARSENAL

    ARSENAL Well-Known Member
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    I’ve had the sneeze doodles the past year. Sometimes I sneezed/snoozed so hard I poop a bit. Not one bit of fun
     
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  22. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q, Ohio
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    is this a normal reaction when eating yogurt? what kind are you eating?
     
  23. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
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    Yes, my poop usually is p wet when I eat a lot of yogurt and not a lot of fiber

    Chobani, not to brag
     
  24. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

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    Mom wants grandbabies bad
     
  25. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q, Ohio
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    a man of fine taste.
     
  26. Emma

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    Personal development Friday at school so the kids are home. Didn't feel off in the morning, went through a bridal shower with my colleagues in the lunch room. Started to get waves of vertigo while talking to coworkers. Excused myself and wobbly walked to a staff bathroom. The next 2 hours consisted of throwing up until it was just bile and shitting myself with diarrhea at the same time.

    Onset fever was so terrible that I probably lost 2 pounds in sweat, tried to sleep on the bathroom floor as I couldn't move without triggering more toilet time out of both ends. Felt like I was dying and was to be found curled up on the staff bathroom floor with a toilet and sink full of diarrhea and vomit.

    Somehow made it to my classroom, door locks automatically. Shut the lights off, crawled on the floor, triggered another throw up session. Had more diarrhea in my garbage bins when I wasn't throwing up.

    Curled up with a blanket that students use which likely is somehow cleaner than I now am and slept in a wood cozy cube for 2 hours.

    Leaving cleaning the cozy cube until next week as I'm sparsely covered with products from both ends. Still residual dizziness. I smell like death too.

    Either my blood pressure went to shit, I had food poisoning, vertigo or something else.
     
  27. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    I’m not a doctor but I’d recommend seeing one. Hope you’re ok
     
  28. RockHardJawn39

    RockHardJawn39 #FranklinOUT
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    Jesus dude. Get help.
     
  29. Emma

    Emma
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    Let it be noted: ER visit is on the docket once I can stand up and walk without yakking.

    I do understand the appeal of this cozy cube for my students though.
     
  30. The Blackfish

    The Blackfish The Fish in Black
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    Can someone go pick up Emma
     
  31. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Someone call 911 for this man
     
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  32. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Mammoth Stabber
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    Emma you good man? Sounded serious. Hope you got an IV.
     
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  33. Butthead

    Butthead narmas, narmas

    Roughly 24 hours into my covid stint I thought my body had been drained of all liquid

    Nope, a nice yellow blast appeared
     
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  34. Nole96SC

    Nole96SC Old Member
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    Shitting in trash cans at work should be an automatic “i gotta go to the hospital and if i cant walk out of here under my own power 911 is going to have to take me”.
     
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  35. Emma

    Emma
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    I'm not dead, but definitely feel so. Slept a while longer in the cozy cube. Environmental worker/janitor unlocked my classroom to snag my recycling bins, turned on the lights and spots me curled up. Had to explain the reasoning behind the makeshift garbage bin toilets.

    Gave it an attempt to walk across the street to the ER. Essentially threw up the fruit snacks and water I had earlier to see if it was a blood sugar level problem as soon as I made it to the school hallway.

    Called up a PE teacher colleague, she got me an extra large floor scooter to sit on and pushed me across the road to the ER. I understand ERs see everything, but each layer of clothing has either shit or puke on it and I smell putrid. Not my proudest moment right now.

    Waiting on blood test results, laying down in a dark room with a much needed IV.
     
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  36. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    Godspeed please keep us posted
     
  37. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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  38. ono

    ono Well-Known Member
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    If I had to go to a bridal shower at work, I’d probably react like that too.
     
  39. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Legit sounds like noravirus or food poisoning but I'm no doctor. Hopefully that means Emma is feeling better already.
     
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  40. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q, Ohio
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  41. Lip

    Lip Well-Known Member
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    RIP Emma. I will always remember the giant hammers he posted.
     
  42. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    People will have to understand you were really sick and cut you a break on the clothing
     
  43. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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  44. letan

    letan Just looking for the gator board
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    I know I shouldn’t have laughed at this but this had me dying.

    Hope Emma is ok
     
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  45. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Imagine having an Oregon Trail death in 2022.
     
  46. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    I had what Emma most likely had a couple of times from my kid and was live posting my death in the dads thread.
     
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  47. Emma

    Emma
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  48. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    I got norovirus like 4 years ago and had to go to the ER. My wife wouldn’t let me stay home anymore.

    Started feeling like shit at 9pm and by 4am I was faceplanting into walls trying to get to the bathroom. Sickest I’ve ever been in my life.

    I was fine 24 hours later.
     
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