I just shit my pants at work.**Now with fart stimulation**

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Hoss Bonaventure, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. Louis Holth

    Louis Holth but we also just might be those motherfuckers
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    This just isn’t a thing. Like smelling your hand after checking your balls is a thing, but this just isn’t a thing.
     
    Lip, DirtBall, Dump and 2 others like this.
  2. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    I feel like user DUCKMOUTH needs to be in this discussion
     
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  3. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Honestly the whole debate is worthless without a king @marcus ruling
     
    Dump, Tiffin, ramszoolander and 3 others like this.
  4. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    Nothing like polishing the balloon knot with a few fingers of dip spit to stimulate a bowel movement
     
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  5. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    The only time I've heard this was when our pediatrician encouraged us to take our daughter's temperature rectally when she was constipated and intentionally holding before she was potty trained. I can say that I've never fingered my asshole to elicit a fart either.
     
    Dump, bigred77 and ned's head like this.
  6. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Oh damn, you're right. I thought of the perfect secret santa present for him.

    [​IMG]
     
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  7. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
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    I’m still not over ramzoo thinking that a little midnight ice cream after 2 days of butthole piss was a good idea.
     
  8. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

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    I'm getting caught up on the last couple pages while on the can at work. Guy a couple stalls down prolly wondering what these breathy chuckles that I'm trying and failing to stifle are about.

    Zoo what in the absolute fuck I'm dying here
     
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  9. $P1

    $P1 Ball State #1
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  10. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Known for Buns
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    Status...another normal poop. This is AMAZING
     
    Lip, Dump, Jimmy the Saint and 5 others like this.
  11. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    Whatever you say, brown fingers.
     
  12. ~ taylor ~

    ~ taylor ~ Well-Known Member
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    What are you wishing for with your other hand?
     
  13. Tiffin

    Tiffin ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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    If you think Marcus would be anything other than pro buttplay you're kidding yourself.
     
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  14. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

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    Stop I'm dead
     
  15. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Known for Buns
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    I had pizza for lunch. Hold on to your butts...
     
  16. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    Why? So you can tickle it?
     
  17. gilstein21

    gilstein21 Tight Rip 26 Seal Right
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    That’s what the crust is for right?
     
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  18. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Known for Buns
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    I feel sick all of a sudden
     
  19. ~ taylor ~

    ~ taylor ~ Well-Known Member
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    Dude you're either lactose intolerant or 10 weeks pregnant
     
  20. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Known for Buns
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    Because I don't want to put pizza crust on my butt?
     
  21. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Try lactaid next time you dumb shit
     
  22. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    Goddamn. Shawn out here bodying ramszoolander.
     
  23. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

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    I still can't stop laughing
     
  24. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Known for Buns
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    Don't you have TPS reports to do or something? If loving a bowl of ice cream once a week is wrong I Don't want to be right!
     
    Dump and Name P. Redacted like this.
  25. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    At least I can fart without having to stick my finger up my ass
     
  26. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Known for Buns
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    At no point were fingers stuck up asses. But you sound experienced so I will defer to you.
     
  27. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Sure, whatever you say, shit fingers
     
  28. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Known for Buns
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    Shawn, I'm just a simple man trying to overcome gastroenteritis. I don't know why we have to hate.
     
  29. racer

    racer Yuma, where I work in software.
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    Talking shit on people with medical conditions is kind of his thing
     
  30. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    It's just some friendly ribbing
     
  31. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Sure if we're going consider stupidity a medical condition (referring to the previous episode that led to that reference)
     
  32. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
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    Man this guy really shit on his own hand

    and i thought my stories were bad
     
  33. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Known for Buns
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    Guys, I'm joking. It's cool.
     
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  34. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Known for Buns
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    Not a high point of my life.
     
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  35. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
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    hey man i wont shit on you too much because I’m scared to leave my house half the time because i def have ibs but damn
     
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  36. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
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    Also for those of you who constantly blow your toilet up like i do try psyllium husk works wonders imo
     
  37. Prospector

    Prospector I am not a new member
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    While doing research I discovered there are many many many fart sounds apps
     
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  38. racer

    racer Yuma, where I work in software.
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    Too cool to say Metamucil?
     
    Craig Pettis and Boo MFer! like this.
  39. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Known for Buns
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    I am surprised at the shit ton of interest in this thread. I forgot it existed prior to my DIGESTIVE TRAVAILS
     
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  40. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
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    nah i only take psyllium powder
     
  41. John McGuirk

    John McGuirk member of the blue tiger club
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    And I don’t like cocaine, I just like the way it smells
     
  42. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Konsyl >>>>>>>>> metamucil

    :old:
     
    #1594 ned's head, Jul 2, 2022
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2022
  43. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Metamucil is like a miracle powder. A combo of that once a day + getting into less stressful work has been like a miracle cure for my bowels.
     
  44. Detlef Schrempf

    Detlef Schrempf Back to Back to Back AAU National Champs
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    I didn’t shit my pants today, but I didn’t know where this fit other than here.

    I got foood poisoning last week and shit my brains out for a couple of days, we’ll I had been taking it easy on food for 2-3 days and haven’t pooped much. My wife and I are now on vacation in NYC and I’m eating everything I can while I’m here. Had pizza for lunch, Korean barbecue for dinner and cheese cake for dessert yesterday.

    Didn’t shit last night.

    Walked to the Met from Times Square spent four hours there, ate a bacon egg and cheese croissant in Central Park and a pretzel on the way back. Still haven’t Shit.

    Get back to my hotel a little bit ago, sat down and out of my asshole comes a solid log that could block the Hudson River. Absolutely the largest shit I’ve taken in my life.

    I decide to chance it and flush. After staring through my legs and watching a stinky twirly bird not go down I realized thanks to this thread what I needed.

    A poop knife.

    Unfortunately, what I don’t have is a poop knife, but what I do have is the left over to go fork from Juniors cheesecake last night. I had to segment the shit into four parts to get it to go down.

    The end.
     
  45. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
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    That’s pretty much the opposite of what this thread is about but i respect the work it took for you to do all of that

    i would have just asked them for a plunger personally
     
  46. ARSENAL

    ARSENAL Well-Known Member
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    No pictures?
     
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  47. Detlef Schrempf

    Detlef Schrempf Back to Back to Back AAU National Champs
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    I nearly did but I was slightly panicked thinking it wasn’t going to work. I had to stick the fork in it and pull it gently out of the hole so I could chop it up so it could go down
     
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  48. ~ taylor ~

    ~ taylor ~ Well-Known Member
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    That was a wild ride. A bacon, egg and cheese croissant is a proven and reliable accelerant to shitting your pants. It would have been like a 3rd leg.