Almost joined the brotherhood today. It had nothing to do with work and everything to do with nearly shitting my pants. So I decided to go for a nice late afternoon run prior to Christmas dinner with the family. I had just woken up from an hour long nap so I was feeling refreshed. I had a distance in mind that I wanted to hit and had mapped out my path in my head prior to running. I'm in mile 5 and I'm starting to feel some bubbling and uneasiness in my stomach. I kind of ignore and push on. Usually I don't have issues with having to shit during runs. Probably because I eat wisely leading up to any planned runs. However, with this being the holidays and visiting family, my diet has been all kinds of fucked up. Prior to the run I had homemade banana bread French toast, potatoes, and sausage for breakfast and then a couple slices of leftover homemade pizza my dad always makes for lunch. Well, I should have known that wasn't going to be a good mix when I set off on my 7.5 mile journey. As I get to mile 6 I'm really struggling and having to focus to keep it in. I decide once my watch clocks 6 miles I'm going to stop and walk for a bit to see if I can get things to settle down. I do that and walk for a few minutes. It wasn't helping too much and I'm also racing against the clock as my family was going to have dinner ready by the time I got back so they'd be waiting on me if I'm later than anticipated. So I decide that I'm going to try and power through and sprint the remaining 1.5 miles to get back quickly so I can unleash what is stirring inside me. I start running and after about 1/10 mile I realize this is a losing battle and I have to find a place to handle this. Thankfully my parents live in a small beach town and it's Christmas evening so almost nothing is open and no people are out on the roads. As I'm looking around for sanctuaries I see a construction site with a house going up. There are always a lot of construction projects going on here with people investing in real estate and building beach/winter homes. Thankfully this site has a porta potty right off the sidewalk. So I make my way over to it, look around to make sure nobody sees this embarrassingly desperate act, and slip in there. It's dusty and messy, but surprisingly doesn't smell awful. I was expecting much worse from a construction site porta potty. Of course there was no toilet paper left but I didn't give a fuck. I sat down, sweating profusely now that I'm in a hot, humid, confined space, and just unleashed some horrible mushy liquid shit. It felt like I had lost a couple of pounds by the time it ended. But I'd never felt so alive after it was over. With no TP, I found the empty roll of TP sitting on top of the dispenser and I just used that to wipe once to clear some of the shit and pulled my shorts back up, snuck out undetected, and proceeded to finish out the final mile and a half as if nothing had ever happened. Immediately jumped in the shower once I got to my parents house.
I hope you got penicillin for Christmas, because you definitely contracted some sort of venereal disease.
Had a pair of Patagonia water resistant hiking shorts on that I will also use for runs since they have that built in netting in the shorts to hold your junk together. There was no option to ditch anything, plus I love those shorts
George Costanza I have had to shit multiple time while on runs. I will always try my best to try and use the bathroom multiple times before running, but it doesn't always work. I normally make a couple of laps around the neighborhood on my 5 mile run so I can stop at the house halfway if things are getting dicey. The worst instance of this (I probably have already posted this story) was when I was at my parents. I did the stop and walk maneuver but that didn't help so I had to pull a Chinese Yard Shitter under someone's huge Southern Magnolia tree.
No one has truly lived the struggle yet if they haven't had to resort to the tried and true Chinese Yard Shitter method.
Didn't even need to mash it, it was just diarrhea. I had gotten thai food the night before, and asked for it extra spicy, because i hate myself. So the next 12 hours was just on again, off again cramping and burny shits. about 2pm the next day I'm sitting on the toilet and i think i got all of it out. Its that kind of diarrhea that there is nothing to it but pond scum. So i decide to get in the shower, because my asshole is completely rubbed raw from constant wiping. Once in the shower, I took the removable shower head and gave myself a power wash. I felt this really weird cramp/pressure happening, but it felt good. I looked down and didn't see anything so I kept powering through it. About 5 seconds later the shower water started getting brown and I realized i was shitting myself. I basically had to make a split second call to stop, get back on the toilet with wet ass and finish there, or just empty myself in the shower. Decided to just finish in the shower, because even with the overwhelming amount of shame i was feeling for losing control of my bowels, i just really hate sitting on a wet toilet seat.
You don't eat them lol. It's used as a spice during the cook process and then should be removed at the end
If there is bay leaf in your food, that's on the restaurant. Bay leaves are cooked with whole, never chopped, and removed prior to serving. It wouldn't even make sense as a garnish. It'd be like trying to eat an oak leaf. They don't cook down. I'm going to guess it wasn't bay leaf, but some other fibrous leafy green.