I just shit my pants at work.

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Hoss Bonaventure, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. THF

    THF BITE THE NUTS, THUMB IN THE ASS!
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    Help me recover faster and minimize the effects. I am not a smart man.
     
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  2. THF

    THF BITE THE NUTS, THUMB IN THE ASS!
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  3. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Being unable to run when you're about to shit lest you destroy your pants is one of the worst things ever.
     
  4. THF

    THF BITE THE NUTS, THUMB IN THE ASS!
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    I just got this in a group text.

    [​IMG]

    First response was "Again?"
     
  5. prerecordedlive

    prerecordedlive Matthew Gertz is my real Congressman
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  6. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q

    I love this thread.
     
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  7. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure College football is overrated anyways.
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    Why in the hell would they stop doing that and go to a bathroom?
     
  8. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    Everyone in my house has a stomach bug.


    I missed almost the entire super bowl shitting thru both ends . Never had that happen before.
     
  9. Emma

    Emma Wisconsin Sports
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    3rd time this school year I've diarrhea'd in my car on my way to work
     
  10. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q

    [​IMG]
     
  11. Emma

    Emma Wisconsin Sports
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    I'll gladly attach a photo of my now brown seat cover
     
  12. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q

    :rules:
     
    One Two likes this.
  13. GordoBombay

    GordoBombay Well-Known Member
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    There is nothing more funny than someone shitting their pants
     
  14. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    Had a close one Wednesday. Praise the good lord above because I was pardoned from my 2 hour long meeting.


    It was a hot mess. Light brown. 90% water. It was like I was wiping with a marker.
     
  15. theriner69er

    theriner69er Well-Known Member
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  16. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure College football is overrated anyways.
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    It suck back up in your butthole?
     
  17. Emma

    Emma Wisconsin Sports
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  18. theriner69er

    theriner69er Well-Known Member
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    false alarm
     
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  19. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure College football is overrated anyways.
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    Solid nodding session in the mirror looking at yourself in the eyes for an hour then some oxyclean for the seat and whiskey for your soul should set you right.
     
  20. Emma

    Emma Wisconsin Sports
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    By the way, the outlining stain is from a previous session this year

    Looks like I'm going back to car seat covers
     
  21. Nandor the Relentless

    Nandor the Relentless Former Leader of Al Quolanudar
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    [​IMG]
     
  22. Room 15

    Room 15 Mi equipo esta Los Tigres
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    You could band aid the situation

    Or...
     
  23. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    You should take it to carmax and see what they will offer you for it
     
  24. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
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    Did you eat that morning? Sounds like a food intolerance.
     
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  25. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    It’s from years of shoving things in his ass

    There’s just no resistance back there any more
     
  26. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure College football is overrated anyways.
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    That’s some light colored fabric but you should be fine. I had to scrub a shit stain out of a light tan cloth in my freshman roommate’s forerunner because I shit myself
    in it on purpose to prove a point. It came out and looked ok or at least I thought so.
     
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  27. Emma

    Emma Wisconsin Sports
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    IBS and who knows what else is going on

    Feel pregnant most mornings with how much I dry heave

    Appointments soon
     
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  28. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    What? What point?
     
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  29. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure College football is overrated anyways.
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    I’ve posted the story in this thread but I had to shit post eating at the caf (which we both had nicknamed Colon Blow from the old SNL skit commercial) and told him so and he laughed and decided to just drive around campus instead of heading back to the dorm. So I shit myself in his passenger seat.
     
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  30. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
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    you wake up and have to puke?
     
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  31. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    I've never met you, but even I know to GTFO of the day whenever you say you have to go to the restroom.
     
  32. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure College football is overrated anyways.
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    Oh he thought I wouldn’t do it and I told him it’s going to happen and it just made him laugh even more. Even if he would have went straight back to the dorm it would have been close to me even making it to a bathroom anyways.
     
  33. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    What'd he say afterwards?
     
  34. tjsblue

    tjsblue I was right at the time
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    That smells like shit
     
  35. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure College football is overrated anyways.
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    Well I hopped out and waddled into the dorm and went to the bathroom and cleaned up. He was pissed but I told him I’d clean it up. We were roommates and pledge brothers so it wasn’t a huge deal. It was a little more damage than what was posted because I really really had to shit and it was a huge one but it came out.
     
  36. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
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    Sounds like pot withdrawal symptoms
     
  37. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure College football is overrated anyways.
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    All joking aside that’s how I realized I was physically addicted to alcohol. Fucking brutal.
     
  38. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
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    fairly certain my issue is just food intolerance. I have to go within an hour of eating, but the biggest problem is that when it is time to go I only have about 10 minutes to find refuge. I’ve ditched more boxers than I care to admit.
     
    One Two likes this.
  39. THF

    THF BITE THE NUTS, THUMB IN THE ASS!
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  40. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

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    I just want to salute all the pant shitters itt who have more courage to withstand life's twists and turns than I ever will.

    I am in a terrific state of mental health, but can say with 100% confidence that if, or God forbid when, I shit my pants at work, I will kill myself. I'd take a cancer diagnosis and a sudden divorce in the same day over ever shitting my pants in public.
     
  41. Fidelio

    Fidelio meet me at the corner of my mind
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    wrong approach. you should embrace that shit and keep living
     
  42. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
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    You literally just said you'd kill yourself if you sharted.
     
  43. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

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    at work
     
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  44. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci yello
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    Wolfsburg

    I shit/sharted my pants when I was at a friend's house a couple of years ago. My stomach wasn't doing great to begin with and we were drinking a bunch. I didn't think it was that bad so I went into the bathroom to try to salvage the situation. Thought I was good until someone goes "what's that smell?" and I was out the door about 60 seconds later. I walked like 2 miles home with a shitty ass because I was drunk and didn't want to sit in an uber while smelling like shit.
     
  45. Tommy Callahan

    Tommy Callahan Well-Known Member
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    I full on shit my pants twice on a drive for Birmingham to Tuscaloosa. Got out and cleaned up after the first. Second one I just kept on going
     
  46. BWC

    BWC It was the BOAT times, it was the WOAT times
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    That sounds like a whole lotta chafing to go with the shit
     
  47. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
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    Aids?
     
  48. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
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    Leather seats?
     
  49. Emma

    Emma Wisconsin Sports
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    Idkman I straight threw up blood the other day
     
  50. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
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    Luckily we have assisted suicide specialist lechnerd