I just shit my pants at work.

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Hoss Bonaventure, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb A donut without a hole, is a Danish.
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    No. In that situation I’d rather vomit on the floor and ask for a mop. Much cleaner than your preferred alternative.
     
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  2. AubCabs

    AubCabs eatin' fried okra with Oprah
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    Still dating this girl and yesterday I learned she sets a yearly alert on her phone so that she can remind me of this day and we celebrate by getting pizza.
     
  3. racer

    racer The biggest cheeseburger you’ve ever seen.
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    Just stand in the tub and let it all fly
     
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  4. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    I shit my pants last week. I had a bunch of laundry so I decided to use the bigger pay machines in my apartment complex. I walked out the door and felt this weird strain in my stomach. Figured I’d fight through. Put my laundry in the washer and before I could even start putting the coins in I ran back to my apartment. Early exits were made and some remnants plopped onto the bathroom floor

    took a quick shower and changed and went back down the hall to start my laundry before coming back to clean the shit mess
     
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  5. Nandor the Relentless

    Nandor the Relentless Former Leader of Al Quolanudar
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    What if it comes up on you all of a sudden with no warning signs?
     
  6. Schadenfred

    Schadenfred Well-Known Member

    Every man in a serious relationship that might become even more seriouser should shit his pants while out with the girlfriend. Crucial in figuring out if she is the right one. A good wife will handle not only your metaphorical shit but also your literal shit.
     
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  7. Bo Pelinis

    Bo Pelinis WE GO HARD ON EARTH
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    It would have to be a super rare circumstance to suddenly become so violently ill without warning that you are almost immediately puke shitting. It's hard to envision a time where you wouldn't have time to find a private bathroom with a puke receptacle.
     
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  8. Tiffin

    Tiffin Florida is a penis.
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    Welp, just got in my last pants shittng of the year. Been driving all day, definitely dehydrated. Was about to hop in the shower, felt a deuce coming on. Let one rip while scrolling TMB, and it is a disaster. Leaving this concentrated evil in 2019.

    2019-12-31 19.50.23.jpg
     
  9. gilstein21

    gilstein21 Tight Rip 26 Seal Right
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  10. Room 15

    Room 15 Mi equipo esta Los Tigres
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    I never know why I click the spoilers in this thread
     
  11. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State Wildcats

    This was my move when Arby’s did me wrong.
     
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  12. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State Wildcats

    Holy shit what a story. Wife this chick up
     
  13. blotter

    blotter Aristocratic Bum
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    not midnight yet, but that's already enough internet for 2020..
     
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  14. lomcevak

    lomcevak The suck zone
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    This doesn't fit the theme of the thread, but I figured I'd post it here anyway.

    I was cleaning out my email and stumbled upon this email I got from an acquaintance... He sent it to Mike (team leader) and a few others...I still can't fathom why he sent it:

    DEAR MIKE,
    I have been horribly depressed and violently ill stomachaches and stomach cramps and uncontrollable shits dehydrated im messing my self 8 times a day, i have no control of
    My bowels at all! I've been in the hospital for 5 weeks, im so tired and weak and
    Cant get out of bed! The IBS and chrons and so much pain!
     
  15. cutig

    cutig My name is Rod, and I like to party
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    Prepping for a switch away from Gmail?
     
  16. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure College football is overrated anyways.
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    The proper reply is “K”
     
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  17. AptosDuck

    AptosDuck Pedantic Hausfrau
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  18. Duck70

    Duck70 Let's just do it and be legends, man
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    Reading this thread makes me need to shit
     
  19. marcus

    marcus Sex with old ladies for money aaaand bear traps.
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    Really hope we can be better in 2020 and post more evidence in this thread a la Tiffin . Thanks in advance.
     
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  20. Daddy Rabbit

    Daddy Rabbit But the second mouse gets the cheese
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  21. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    You need to get to shopping for a ring if you havent already
     
  22. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
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    next will be taking a dump on her chest...
     
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  23. letan

    letan Just looking for the gator board
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    Just heard a story and this thread seemed like the best place for it. I work for a large company and thankfully have not shit myself at work thus far. Apparently a man came to drop his wife off for an interview here yesterday. He asked our security if he could use the restrooms but since he wasn’t registered as a visitor he was denied. I guess he really had to go bc he then proceeded to take a shit outside on our sidewalk right out front. Needless to say his wife did not get to finish her interview and was asked to leave.
     
  24. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure College football is overrated anyways.
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  25. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Seems very evil to deny someone access to a bathroom.
     
  26. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
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    Yeah I mean when you ask if you can use the bathroom it's not really asking for permission as much as asking where it is. I don't fault the guy at all for dropping a spite deuce just for the principle of it.
     
  27. Gustavo Fring

    Gustavo Fring Shock the world.
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    Imagine that car ride home. :gross:
     
  28. gilstein21

    gilstein21 Tight Rip 26 Seal Right
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    So I’m in the confines of my home tonight. Nice dinner, no bowel pressure. I have noticed that over the last week a silent fart is impossible but shits are normal. I’m in the shower about 3/4 done when all of sudden I feel some pressure. I thought let’s just let this fart slip out and be done with it. Nope, felt mush between the cheeks so I tightened up to prevent shitting myself in the shower. Rinse off, do a quick dry off and hop on the toilet. After the first wipe I was like ya I need to hop back in shower and clean this matted mess if shit between my cheeks. Turn water back on and get ready to clean my ass and I look down and there’s a nice clump of shit on the shower floor. Apparently stepping out of the shower left enough of an opening from my clinched cheeks to offer a squirt. Luckily no other shit made the floor during my journey, but yes, I’ve officially shit myself in the shower. Where’s my merit badge?
     
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  29. JeremyLambsFace

    JeremyLambsFace For bookings contact Morgan at 702-374-3735
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    What position was she interviewing for
     
  30. letan

    letan Just looking for the gator board
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    I’m not sure. Tried asking around but no one knew for sure
     
  31. JeremyLambsFace

    JeremyLambsFace For bookings contact Morgan at 702-374-3735
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    CEO is my bet
     
  32. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
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    Sounds like he got his rocks off. He probably felt great and then just lied about what happened to his wife
     
  33. AptosDuck

    AptosDuck Pedantic Hausfrau
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    I once crawled through the transom window above the door of a Pasadena gas station bathroom to leave a messy spite shit in it after the attendant told me I couldn't use it
     
  34. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb A donut without a hole, is a Danish.
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    Sounds like a lot of work. Also sounds like an easy way to shit yourself halfway through a transom window.
     
  35. AptosDuck

    AptosDuck Pedantic Hausfrau
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    Desperation is an effective motivator

    On location for Beethoven. I got the driver of our crew cab to back his truck up to the door so I wouldn't have to use the doorknob to climb up
     
  36. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb A donut without a hole, is a Danish.
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    That is truly awesome
     
  37. Henry Blake

    Henry Blake No Springsteen is leaving this house!

    I admire that level of spite.
     
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  38. racer

    racer The biggest cheeseburger you’ve ever seen.
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    Flu-like symptoms for me today. Every cough it a big big gamble.
     
  39. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    I didn't post itt last time I sharted, but it was many times because I had, I guess, food poisoning. Had diarrhea for a few hours and began to feel nauseous. The first and second time I threw up I also shit my pants because of the pressure. After that I had to vomit into a bucket I was holding while sitting on the toilet which was awful. I haven't had food poisoning like that ever before, thankfully it lasted just one evening.
     
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  40. Room 15

    Room 15 Mi equipo esta Los Tigres
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    food poisoning will make you question your existence
     
  41. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Texas LonghornsAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta FalconsAtlanta UnitedGeorgia Southern Eagles

    The annoying thing is I've no idea what the source was. My wife and I basically are the same things 24 hours before.
     
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  42. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
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    Your wife is obviously poisoning you.
     
  43. One Two

    One Two Send it!
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    I thought I had food poisoning as well with the post I bumped this thread with but apparently a few other people around that time had the same thing and it was just a really nasty norovirus that was going around. Have never been that dehydrated from an illness before.
     
  44. AptosDuck

    AptosDuck Pedantic Hausfrau
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    Maybe you're pregnant
     
  45. HatterasJack

    HatterasJack Is your refrigerator running? It's Mike Hunt.
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    That’s the bitch with those things. You’re dehydrated so you drink water but your body has rearranged your bowels so that your esophagus is now somehow attached directly to your anus. The more you drink, the more you pee from your bhole. It’s a vicious/frustrating cycle with that.
     
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  46. One Two

    One Two Send it!
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    had the opposite problem. No matter how small the sips I was puking within ten minutes of drinking whatever it was. Water, sprite, Gatorade, all right back up the hatch.
     
  47. Room 15

    Room 15 Mi equipo esta Los Tigres
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    The trick is to drink ice cold water. Kind of refreshing coming back up.
     
  48. THF

    THF BITE THE NUTS, THUMB IN THE ASS!
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  49. Mikelangelo

    Mikelangelo Nicking a living
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    Had a tree root fuck up my plumbing so have to use single ply for the foreseeable future. It's fucking miserable, what kind of monster would willingly use this shit.
     
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