I just shit my pants at work.**Now with fart stimulation**

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Hoss Bonaventure, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. George Costanza

    George Costanza It's not a lie if you believe it
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    My wife's parents live in Ocala. So if they ever report some turds on the hood of their cars then I'll know who to contact. Thanks.
     
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  2. Fancy

    Fancy thanks, i hate it
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    I mean in pasta it's a dye. If you ever have had colored pasta its squid ink. That said, this particular dish was incredible and I have the BMs to prove it.
     
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  3. Boner_Jihad

    Boner_Jihad "Do you like hurting people?"



    [​IMG]
    Sorta happened to me once and I was going to bang out a long winded narrative as to what happened, but I think this picture pretty much sums up my whole experience until I got out of the cab, paid the bill and left an extra 20 under the seat for any residue that might have been left as penance. Chucked my knickers in a trash bin, tidied up with by socks, chucked those in another trash bin and waddled back to my mate's house to have a wash and a pint ontop the many other pints that lead to that adventure of the night that eventually culminated in my shitting myself in the back of a cab. Eh, you live and you learn, I guess.
     
  4. UncleJesse

    UncleJesse Did I invent hip-hop? No, but I was there.
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    [​IMG]
     
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  5. Joshuam2107

    Joshuam2107 SUH DUDE
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  6. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    One time I pooped myself 3 times in one day because I was sick and didn't want to get out of bed. The second and third time were in the same pair of briefs
     
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  7. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    Went to a Brazilian steakhouse last night. I feel it coming. Already pooped twice today, but obviously those were just tremors.
     
  8. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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    literally in tears
     
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  9. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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    amazed at how many people have shit themselves


    also, I cannot read this thread at work. I must be really immature but every story has me cracking up
     
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  10. AptosDuck

    AptosDuck Pedantic Hausfrau
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    Let loose at the LA Museum of Natural History when I was 11. We were visiting my aunt and uncle for the weekend, and she'd made a big vat of chili the night before. We're in the museum, I start to feel the rumblings, tell my parents I need to find a bathroom RIGHT NOW. We start looking for the men's room, and it turns out that our particular floor only had a women's room. So we find the elevator to go up one floor, and I exploded between floors. I guess I didn't chew my food thoroughly as a kid, because my dad got to clean up a bunch of whole bean goodness when we finally got to the bathroom.

    Last weekend my youngest (10) went to a birthday party with one of those bouncehouses with an attached inflatable slide. He came back laughing because a kid he really dislikes smeared the slide after sharting at the top. Host mom was not happy, as she got to clean up the mess before the rental company picked it up.

    While I've been typing this my 4-month-old kitten came by, took a shit in his litterbox, jumped up on my lap, and wiped his ass on my shorts. Looks like a chocolate smear.
     
  11. gus_chiggins

    gus_chiggins Where you goin’ with those clubs, punk
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    throw that cat up in the ceiling fan
     
  12. AptosDuck

    AptosDuck Pedantic Hausfrau
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    I live in a nice enough area where ceiling fans aren't needed.

    The kitten is actually pretty cool, when he's not smearing his shit on my pants. He terrorizes the dogs, which is fun to watch.
     
  13. gus_chiggins

    gus_chiggins Where you goin’ with those clubs, punk
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    [​IMG]
     
  14. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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    the best is the squeak at the end
     
  15. gilstein21

    gilstein21 Tight Rip 26 Seal Right
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    had the raging beer shits yesterday after drinking too much shitty beer Sunday. I think I had 5 or 6 ass explosions before 9:30 AM. The worst part is I had to drive 2.5 hours home. I thought for sure there would be a new post for this thread, but somehow I made the drive without shitting or sharting myself. There were a few tense moments when I had some fart pressure. I'm on the mend today; the shits are solider and everything fells fine until .... a moment ago I'm laying in bed surfing the internet and I go to let out a fart. Nope, that's shit, so I did the all quick clinch and got it smashed between the cheeks without causing any damage to the underwear or the bed. I let my guard down and it almost ended in a shitty situation.
     
  16. Tobias

    Tobias dan “the man qb1” jones fan account
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    is this climate related or are ceiling fans some low class thing now?
     
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  17. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    he must have his servants fanning him
     
  18. AptosDuck

    AptosDuck Pedantic Hausfrau
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    both
     
  19. dathalfnukkahd

    dathalfnukkahd dat nukka high definition
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    Sharted at the reception of my uncles funeral. Luckily we had all of our luggage in the car already so I could change my boxers in the car. Ended up telling my pops that it happened because I had to get the keys from him and he could tell something was up. He was hurting pretty bad that day(we all were) so it was nice to see that I could get a laugh out of him at my shitty expense.
     
  20. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Fuck my life. Granted I have been feeling sick the past few days and technically I did it at home on lunch break, but that's twice this month. That's the inside of my pants.
    [​IMG]
    To make matters worse, I have no idea how to use the new washer and no clue where any of the stuff is.
     
  21. milquetoast

    milquetoast Firm Security
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    Should drop the 'p' and tag as "Show Soiler"
     
  22. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    At this point in time, you may want to consider adult diapers.
     
  23. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    What the hell are you eating?
     
  24. timo

    timo g'day, mate
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    Maybe, and I say this with all seriousness, it's time to see a doctor?
     
  25. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci lying dog-faced pony soldier
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    :roll:
     
  26. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Nothing bad. Had a protein shake and some blueberries for breakfast and a salad for lunch. I went to Olive Garden yesterday because brolift had to get his grub on but I didn't eat and just drank some wine. Might have gotten sick just from being in an Olive Garden though.
     
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  27. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    A nice diet of torchy's tacos and protein powder
     
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  28. Crepeswithasmile

    Crepeswithasmile Well-Known Member
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    sounds like somebody has a doo doo fetish
     
  29. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    I think we know who the anonymous shower drain pooper is now
     
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  30. bro

    bro Your Mother’s Favorite Shitposter
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    please change your tag to The user who cannot stop shitting his pants
     
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  31. UncleJesse

    UncleJesse Did I invent hip-hop? No, but I was there.
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  32. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Welp, I've been sitting here contemplating how I've gotten to this point again in my life and the one factor that I haven't considered is my pre-workout. I don't always take it, only if I'm feeling a little sluggish in the mornings and I can't remember if I took it the last time I did it but I know I took it this morning.
     
  33. brolift

    brolift 2sweet
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    Shoulda had the tour de italy
     
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  34. FrankReynolds

    FrankReynolds Go Blue
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    Someone lost structural integrity
     
  35. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    Yea, but that wouldn't explain the whole sharting deal. Go to the doc. Srs
     
  36. AIP

    AIP Team bush
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    are you sure you don't have the HIV
     
  37. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    I have no idea why I keep opening spoilers in this thread
     
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  38. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    The runs is a huge side effect for some people from pre-workouts.
     
  39. brolift

    brolift 2sweet
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    Get the one's without citrulline or arginine srs
     
  40. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    You aren't understanding. You are pooping in your pants.
     
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  41. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    So?
     
  42. Boom TittyMilk

    Boom TittyMilk User Formerly known as Big R
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    Hoss Bonashitter

    :awesomeface:
     
  43. HOOSINSC

    HOOSINSC You're with me leather
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    Came pretty close to pooping my pants just now. a fart escaped as I was duck walking to the b-room.
     
  44. Bo Pelinis

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    bup for a near miss to start the day
     
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  45. Joshuam2107

    Joshuam2107 SUH DUDE
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    I read this as
     
  46. Celemo

    Celemo tell 'em Steve-Dave
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    :respek: hey me too. Shit was coming out of my ass before my cheeks were even touching the toilet seat
     
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  47. KNOTT

    KNOTT Well-Known Member
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  48. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    T.G.I.F. Thank God It's a Fart.
     
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  49. Joshuam2107

    Joshuam2107 SUH DUDE
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    pooping ruggt now
    Not in pants
     
  50. Barves2125

    Barves2125 "Ready to drive the Ferarri" - Reuben Foster
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