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Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by a.tramp, May 3, 2022.
What a classic
When I travel I always put my keys in my backpack. A few weeks ago on my way home I couldn't find my keys to drive home. I ubered home and called my apartment office right before they closed on a Friday afternoon. She couldn't get the spare key to work that she was going to leave in my apartment unlocked so they had to call the off duty maintenance guy to come. I was able to buzz myself in and after waiting for 30 minutes for the guy right as he walked up I had an epiphany that I shoved my keys in a side compartment of my luggage. I felt like such an idiot.
Had to uber back and get my car too. Wish I would have just held that thought in front of the guy because it made me feel so bad that I called this guy in at 7pm on a Friday
Was at a birthday party for one of my best friends senior year of HS. There was like 100 people there and and a shitload of alcohol. His parents had a beautiful cake custom made for him where the icing was a realistic looking photo of him from childhood. I was hammered and holding a bottle of rum near it. After we sing Happy Birthday, another of our friends yells “MILES, SPIKE THE CAKE” so naturally I poured rum all over it.
The next Monday at school I showed up with another cake that was decorated with: “sorry about your cake, man. PS: it was Clint’s fault.”
Girl I went to HS with that was a year younger than me and was an absolute super model. At Southern Hills, Sergio Garcia wrote his phone number on a golf ball and gave it to her and they dated for like two months until he prob got bored and found something new. Anyways, she came to my apartment my freshman year of college after she graduated HS. I got extremely drunk and drank some real shitty beer in a drinking game (I think it was Keystone Ice or some shit) that pushed me over the top and sent me spinning. I went to lay down in my room and she comes in and starts making out with me and takes her top off and pulls my pants down.
I push her off and run to the toilet and start throwing up for like 30 minutes. She ends up leaving and I barely ever talk to her again.
Got blackout at a party in high school - was staying at one of my friend's houses that night so less familiar with the layout than usual but definitely had been there enough to not make this mistake.
I went up the stairs and instead of going to his room and sleep on the futon I went into his parent's room and slept at the foot of their bed (like in bed, not on the floor) while they were in it.
His mom wakes up startled and wakes up the husband who starts frantically telling me "Eathan, Eathan - you're in the wrong bed" - I apparently looked up at them and responded with "well obviously" and laid back down. Dad basically had to walk me to the other room.
I remembered none of this so my friend and I are eating breakfast the next morning while his dad tells us that this occurred.
Was drinking with friends at a park type of thing where a lot of us would meet up to gameplan the night - 2 police cars pull up so I sneakily head to the bathroom to hide because I was definitely hammered.
About 10 mins later someone knocks on the bathroom door asking if anyone is in there and I assumed it was the police so stayed silent.
I was trapped there from like 9pm until 8am the next morning because it was the maintenance guy coming to lock the door.
I also attempted to rip the sink off to break out of there and it just ended up in me being soaking wet.
Also had to get picked up by my parents. That was a rough night.
My inner Mel Kiper based on watching college QB's play in person is basically Mel Kiper. Ryan Mallett, Tyler Bray and Tebow were all future HOFers and Russell Wilson and Dak Prescott were an embarrassment to the sport. And Matt Stafford was a meh at best for me.
At least I knew Deshaun Watson was decent (as a QB. yes. A gentleman? I think not).
Was hoping this developed into more...
much smaller scale but early in the pandemic we were ordering all our groceries through shipt, and I accidentally ordered 6 bunches of bananas instead of 6 bananas, so I got 36 bananas.
About a year ago I was presenting to our CFO. Still remote, so I'm at home on video. My dog starts barking at something outside as I'm speaking, so I say "one moment, please" before I mute the phone, turn my head and yell "QUIET!" at the top of my lungs.
I turn back to unmute except ... I never actually hit the mute button. Easily one of my most embarrassing professional moments. CFO was polite but I still cringe when I think about it today.
I regularly screw up my scan and go order at Sams. I'll scan one bar code twice if I'm getting 2 of something and have regularly not gotten the second one. It's very dumb and makes me angry when I do it.
We don’t have enough time.
I left this game with about two minutes to go
Wow - that's a pretty solid one.
my life has been one long bad decision.
Reminds me, tried to see Kobe during his last season. Bought tickets to LA @ PHX. I saw the Clippers play.
I don’t know how many times I have bought tickets to something while drunk then after the event get an email asking how I enjoyed the event.
Pretty much every doc that operates at my hospital has a surgical coordinator back at their clinic who schedules all their upcoming cases. At least once a week I need to call one of these coordinators to get additional info/clarity for these cases. One particular doc, DR. F, had a coordinator who was fucking awesome but she left so they replaced her with a woman named Lisa. Lisa fucking sucked, she booked cases wrong, consistently left incorrect or incomplete implant requests. When you could actually get a hold of her on the phone it was clear she had no idea what she was doing. Just a real pain to deal with in general.
One day in the locker room I asked Dr. F about Lisa.
Me: So what's the deal with Lisa at clinic?
Doc: What do you mean?
Me: She is literally the worst, she makes mistakes all the time, she's difficult to get a hold of, and she clearly doesn't know her ass from her elbows, she fucking sucks.
Doc: Yeah...she's my wife, man
Me: uhhhhh...So I should probably stop shitting on her?
Doc: Yeah...that's a good idea
His PA was in the locker room at the time and was dying over the conversation
The next week Lisa was actually at the hospital and Dr. F introduced me to her like that conversation never happened. I was all "Uhhh it's so nice to put a face to a name...gotta go" and I got the fuck out of there.
Celemo bursts into the lead!
Is this a fucking riddle?
I'm debating re-posting the story of the time I tried to hook up with my girlfriend's mom
Well now you have to.
This one right here, well done.
Cliffs; 20+ years ago I had a sexually adventurous gf with a divorced hot mom. The mom was always flirty with me. One time I came home from work and they had recently been adult store shopping and was watching porn together and invited me to watch with them. One night after some drinks I made a pass at her and she politely declined. The End.
I assume at this point we all know apple juice is basically a laxative.