MLS Thread: New Season, Same Dirtball

BUCKMASTER TIME

 

Kaku just spun Castillo into the fucking ground

 

Its 2019, MLS has been around for a bit, teams are pillaging South American for talent. RBNJ replaces a World Cup starter with RECE BUCKMASTER

 

MLS garbage goal scorer Brian White gets hurt and bench player Bradley Wright Phillips is forced into action

 

GIVE ME SOME GOD DANG MUYL-TIME

 

Has he hit puberty yet?

 

Every game day I swear:

Text convo:

OZ: Dirt, you think you guys will win today?

Dirt: No. I don’t expect to get anything close to resembling a result ever again. I could read that SJ forgot to get on the plane and Sporting will play 11 v 0 and still expect them to lose.

OZ: Hmm, thought you guys would be better.

Dirt: :sound of bleach being chugged:

 

if it helps at all I thought you guys would be better too

 

I hope we miss the playoffs

 

All the cool kids are doing it this year

 

Cool kids who drink red bulls?

 

Jokes on them. Their shooting legs are going to be really worn out in the second half.

 

Philly can't put a shot on goal against Chicago's 10 men and I'm digging it very much, down 2-0 going into stoppage

 

Cool another 2-2 draw today when my team had more and better chances

 

Hey! I know these feels. Except it usually ends in a 4-1 loss.

 

What happens when the match ends and your team has more goals?

 

You drink another 6 pack

 

Ho boy. 6 pack of bourbon here I come.

 

Timber Jim. Absolute legend. Beautiful state. Beautiful city. Beautiful club. Beautiful logs.

 

ZLATAN

 

Down to 10 on 10 in salt lake

 

Vela converts PK. Replayed showed Toledo way out of position per usual but he guessed right in giving the penalty.

 

Seattle Floundering.

 

Omg Zlatan

 

I didn’t like this last Sean Johnson episode because I couldn’t hear Johnson 1/2 the time.

 

Good lord at Vela’s record setting PK

 

Wat????

 

Tears. Legit tears.

 

LAFC has clinched a playoff berth

 

The BS pod is the greatest force in modern day soccer:

 

None lol

 

Hopefully Wayne just starts ripping on DonG every chance he gets on the way out. Cool story, DC told him he could have the Zlatan treatment and get private flights for every match but he told him he wanted to travel with his teammates.

 

Had to currently be the saddest team in MLS. Even shitty teams like Sporting still sell out their stadium.

 

Would of been epic to replace the 2019 picture with the turd emoji

 

Watching Cola Wars on history channel and all this Coke talk is making me too uncomfortably close to supporting Atlanta. Got to turn this shit off.

 

Wow. Even Atlanta’s beat writers admit Portland >>>>>>>>> Atlanta.

 

Let’s go boys!

 

"Pity"

"FC"

 

Trying to play wide open @ the best counter attack in the league. That De Boer scouting never ceases to amaze.

 

Portland fans chanting Pity FC.

Hate to see all these fair weather fans ruining the league.

 

Insanely beautiful tackle. Pity too scared to shoot.

 

That was a horrendous no call.

 

Not sure if serious.

 

Then you’re an idiot