Not entirely sure. Fiancee is a board certified behavioral analyst (commonly referred to as a BCBA), and I know she often performs such initial evaluations. However, if I were in your situation I'd look for a doctor (there are BCBA's who are PhD/MD's but not all are) because your brother would probably be much more receptive to hearing this from a doctor. Maybe call a BCBA clinic in your area, explain the situation, and see what/who they recommend?
I’m a psychologist (I don’t work with kids) and wife is a BCBA. My niece is also autistic. I echo what most other people said about treading lightly. I have a great relationship with my brother but pushing them to get an eval was a really rough on our relationship. Took his wife several years to get over it and they’re still don’t ever come to us for advice. Autism evaluations aren’t going to be too reliable until 18-months. Autism evaluations are a specialized field and most psychologists/pediatricians/BCBAs are not qualified to do them. Even if an evaluation is done at that age, there isn’t a ton you can do until they get closer to 2 years.
I’m currently on a weeklong family vacation with 6 kids under 6 (including 2 of mine). My 4.5 year old had a top 5 meltdown last night that lasted the better part of two hours. I’m completely spent and it’s only Wednesday.
Here’s my two cents on the autism situation. From what I’ve learned in these 13 years with my son attending every thing I can, coaching youth sports, dealing with family with similar issues is this: everyone thinks their little Johnny or Julie is perfect, and they can do no wrong. It lessens as they get older but it’s still there. While what you want to do comes from a place of love, it is pretty much going to be seen as a slap in the face whether you are right or wrong. I think somewhere deep down most parents with children with special needs know there is an issue but they don’t want to face that reality. Whether they say it or not they are comparing their child to yours and see the difference. Right now it may just be a nagging doubt but parents are always comparing their kids to other kids. It’s human nature. My advice is be supportive. Be the best uncle/brother/BIL you can do one day if what you suspect is true you’re there to help
Thanks. All great points. Definitely going to be supportive and see how it pans out in the next few months.
We were very lucky and my son’s daycare provider had a PhD in special education and was the previous dean of special ed for a local school district. By 1 he had about a 100 word vocabulary and was reading by age 2. My niece (6 weeks older) only grunted until she was 4. I’m probably the biggest idiot anyone meets and am never the smartest person in any room. My wife is the opposite was valedictorian, magna cum laude (undergrad and law school). We didn’t have any idea what to do with our son as a first time parent and got lucky with our daycare. My niece is also 13 now and we just spent 10 days with them on vacation. They celebrate c’s on a 6th grade curriculum while my son is getting ready for freshman level courses in 7th grade and gets pissed at a B+. The kids will always be different but the more you can celebrate their differences the better your relationships will be with them. Like I said we all compare our kids and level set against kids we know. They know there’s a potential issue but you don’t need to be the one to bring it up yet.
I definitely had to vent a little mid way through the week. We stay up drinking pretty late each night and then the kids of course are up at the crack of dawn. So breakfasts are just the worst with all of us squeezing in one small kitchen. My wife is nursing our 4 month old in the mornings so we can't exactly swap out. Next year will be easier because we will be able to take turns sleeping in. We will also likely increase baby sitter time. At least thats what i'm telling myself lol.
It’s also worth noting that my wife is half the problem on vacation (with my family). The pattern is always her annoyance building to a crescendo by the end of day 3, bitch mode days 4 and 5, remorse and regret day 6, and sadness that the trip is over on day 7. There’s a lot to unpack because family is complicated, but she doesn’t help much in that vein. My older, spazzy kid from above is pretty much a carbon copy of her which explains a lot.
My daughter started K-4 yesterday and holy hell was it depressing. It took my mother to convince me to let her go, I was whole heartedly against it. Annabelle was literally pushing me out saying, “I got this daddy” wanting me to leave the classroom. Teacher is awesome too and understands my predicament with no mom in the picture. Teacher texted me a picture yesterday of Annabelle making a “rainbow pizza”.
Going on a quick trip Friday to Sunday this weekend with my wife’s family with 7 kids 5 and under. I’m starting to feel sick, but would rather skip the trip to the doctor in hopes it gets worse and I get a quiet weekend at home to myself.
Pre-K starts Friday for my son. School starts way too early now. Early August should still be summer time.
Looking for some advice here. My 10 y/o is a pretty solid athlete, but he basically refuses to practice anything without me nagging him to go outside. He insists he's "good enough" and while watching games he always does the "I can do that" which is driving me nuts. Any suggestions to motivate this kid to a)use at least some of his remaining summer to practice outside, b) become more coachable, and c) be realistic about his current skill level vs. what it could be with practice.
what's your endgame? Are you trying to ensure he's a D1 athlete in the future or are you simply trying to instill some work ethic into the kid. How into the sport is your son? Is it something he likes casually or really into it? Not trying to be a dick
Whatever season it is he's really into it at the time. For example with baseball he played spring, then on the LLWS tournament team for our league. We discussed with him taking a break during summer season and resting for football and he was cool with that. Last night we go to his buddies summer game and he's telling me he wants to play baseball year round. Before baseball season he was all about basketball and not wanting to play baseball. As far as end game is concerned, sure it would be great if he developed into a college athlete but ultimately I want him to learn to work at things to get better and stop watching youtube/play video games wasting away his summer.
any advice for a jealous toddler? my 2.5 year old son has turned on his mom seemingly overnight. we have a 4 month old daughter and we think he's jealous of the attention she gives her.
I love my Dad but he was never really one to practice with me outside of team practices, your kid is lucky. Is he in AAU ball yet or is that big where you live? I think I started AAU baseball at 9 in FL and that was competitive as hell. There were some teams that you either had to have an in or be truly elite to make it. Upping his competition could spark some motivation to improve his game?
There are a ton of travel baseball teams around us to the point where it's like a parent status thing to say your kid plays travel, the competition isn't much different honestly. We apparently have the largest little league organization in the nation according to the league president so the competition level is pretty similar to travel ball. My dad is also the high school's pitching coach and I used to coach JV baseball so he's got all the outlets for coaching/competition at his disposal. It probably adds to my frustration that I work from home and just see him sitting around all day until I urge him to go outside and be active for an hour or two.
We had to institute some pretty draconian anti-screen rules in our house because of this. Tied it to chores to get him invested in helping around the house. Been helpful but yeah.
Kid could watch other people play minecraft and fortnite for hours, but god forbid we ask him to empty the dishwasher or take the dog out.
My 12 turning 13 yo is similar. Talks shit nonstop and most time backs it up which makes it pretty difficult. We did that cooperstown tournament this year and he got to see what really great teams and players looked like and it really made him up his game to be honest. They played against the #1 team in the country and got just smoked. I’ve found that having friends over and forcing them outside helps for sure. They hoop, play wiffle ball, fish, kickball and I don’t have to be the pushy father.
he's at least been very sweet with his sister. hasn't shown any jealousy at all to her and always kisses her and is gentle. it's been ideal. but lately he has been a total little dick to his mom. Just only wants me to tuck him in and always cries for me as opposed to mom. if mom comes to hug him when he's upset he will push her away. tell her he doesn't love her. it sucks.
This is how my son currently treats me. It’s not all the time but he’s a major momma’s boy. Hoping for a little switch when baby girl comes but not a total 180.
what will your age gap be? You will get plenty of alone time with your kid assuming your wife nurses.
The last year of school starts in 2 weeks This isn’t easy for me, seems like yesterday he just started Already accepted at three colleges Not ready for this at all
Our oldest starts his first year of “real” school this year (3K, lol). Everybody says it goes in the blink of an eye. I believe it, because I remember dropping him off at day care for the first time 3.5 years ago like it was yesterday. I try to enjoy it all, even the shorty parts.
Druce does your son have a favorite college player or team? If so, you might try reaching out to them to see if they can put a letter together or something along those lines of the work/practice he’ll need to put in to get to that level. I was similar around those pre teen years then got a face to face with Ryne Sandberg. Dad said something like what you’re going through to him. I remember him telling me that I needed to work hard and practice everyday if I wanted to be like him. Just a thought.
1/3 growing up WAAAY too fast and is very proud of her grown up dress for my engagement party next month. Also got picked number two in the draft for her softball league for next fall. Pic is from her summer league where they won their last tourney.
My wife and I got to spend 4 wonderful days without the kids last week. It was the first time since they’ve been born. It was fucking awesome.
will weigh in with what I can. 2nd son was born last december, oldest was 22 months. We went through this after I was home for basically the first month, then went back to work and mom was still feeding all the time. I would say the best 2 things we did are: make sure older sibling gets lots of 1 on 1 time with baby, holding the baby for sure. It sounds like yours is already doing well, but you want to eliminate the baby as the reason for jealousy. even if it's rough at first, make sure older sibling gets 1 on 1 time with mom/rejected parent. If that is dad taking the baby for a bit, getting a sitter/grandparent to watch while dad is at work, you need mommy/son dates that are super fun, solely concentrated on him. Tell mom to put the phone away the entire date unless she really needs it, need 100% attention on the kid. I've found a babysitter/grandparent watching the baby helps, at least anyone but Dad, where the kid can attach and be pissed he is leaving at the house with the baby. Remove yourself from the situation.
Thanks for the advice. My wife and son did a breakfast date Saturday morning complete with a trip to the park and he even got to pick out a small toy at the shop by the park. It was great for both of them and he asked yesterday when they were going to have another “cereal date” lol. And best of all baby sister napped the entire time and Dad got to lay on the couch and do nothing for an hour and a half.
Shout out to all the dads with little new just starting kindergarten. Wife was emotional today on the oldest first day of kindergarten. Can’t wait for her to come home and find out how the first day was.
Kindergarten first day. Little man did great. Was super excited to go. Super excited to come home and talk about it. Mouth hasn’t stopped running.
1/3 got lightly hit on her bike by some prick cutting a corner in the parking lot of her moms apartment on the way home from school. She’s fine, just a knee scrape and freaked out, but people need to watch the fuck out for kids. She was mostly scared that she was going to be in trouble, bless her.
I went on a work trip for 3 days come back and my 1.5yo won't let mom out of his sight without screaming MOMMA MOMMA. I thought I was the favorite before that trip