Official Dads of TMB Thread

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Boo MFer!, Apr 9, 2015.

  1. Carl Brutananadilewski

    Carl Brutananadilewski do what now?
    Donor

    Anybody know a reputable costume rental company that isn’t stupid expensive or a scam?

    wife was looking for an adult size Elmo costume for our kids bday (guess who gets to dress up) apparently it’s all scam websites or like $600.

    if you have one on hand, let me know, willing to pay for shipping / dry cleaning to borrow it.
     
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  2. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Subscribe
     
  3. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    Regular Elmo or Sexy Elmo?
     
  4. Bruce Bowen

    Bruce Bowen Well-Known Member
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    This should suffice
    Disguise Men's Sesame Street Elmo Bodysuit Costume
     
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  5. Carl Brutananadilewski

    Carl Brutananadilewski do what now?
    Donor

    I thought it was assumed it came with a thong?

    Are people really that interested in seeing Elmo being pegged?
     
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  6. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
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    I have a haunted Elmo costume but that might not be suitable for a child’s party.
     
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  7. houtex716

    houtex716 let's have a beach party
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    hello I will be joining the dad crew in less than a month

    I am terrified
     
  8. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    You're the one asking for the costume
     
  9. Dr. Mantis Toboggan

    Dr. Mantis Toboggan Well-Known Member
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    I’m not terrified yet (due at the beginning of May) but I know it’s coming.
     
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  10. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    I don’t know how to stop buying and receiving things for my kids send help

    2E232B37-C9EE-492A-A21F-4C0979FC4108.jpeg
     
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  11. Trip McNeely

    Trip McNeely Guys like us....we are a dime a dozen
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    Caring for a sick infant while also being sick has opened a whole new level of suck for me. I thought hungover dad duty was bad.
     
  12. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    This doesn't help me with my above post but I want to get my 5 year old his first bike. Never had a balance bike but is a pro on a scooter.

    I see these $300 Guardian or $400 woom bikes which look great but not sure if necessary. But I dont want to buy a piece of shit. I also know nothing about bikes. Any recommendations?
     
  13. Bo Pelinis

    Bo Pelinis Not really into dinosaurs right now
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    Get a cheap ass bike from Walmart or something because he’s probably going to treat it like shit then grow out of it in like a year or two imo
     
  14. TableKnight

    TableKnight Go Knights
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    Sub-Zero
    Sports equipment consignment shops are the way to go for bikes.

    You can still get a decent used bike for a good price. I got my 2 year old a spiderman huffy bike that he will grow into for $20!
     
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  15. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Yea spending hundreds if dollars on a kids first bike might be the dumbest thing I've heard in a long while
     
  16. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    I was dozing off in my recliner in our living room. I hear what sounds like water being poured on the floor. I wake up and see my 10 year old son sleepwalking and taking a piss in our kitchen on the tile right by the sink. I say his name and he kinda just looks over at me grinning and then realizes he’s pissing, cuts it off and walks into his room and passes back out.

    Thankfully, most of it was right on top of a rug we have in front of the sink that I’m just going to throw away now… but that was definitely a first and funny as hell. Reminding him about it tomorrow morning is going to be hilarious.
     
  17. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    But they’re so shiny!
     
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  18. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    Good call. A 5 year old is just old enough to like something and certain colors but that's a great place to look. Gotta think kids bikes are lightly used since they grow out of them.
     
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  19. ButchCassidy

    ButchCassidy Well-Known Member
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    Sure, blame it on the sleepwalking kid, not blacked out dad.
     
  20. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    In 6th grade, I was staying over at my friend's house and his younger brother did almost exactly this, we caught him pissing in the kitchen trashcan.
     
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  21. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    My mom says I did it once when I was young inside my toy box.

    I guess my wife did it too.

    we’re just a big happy family of sleepwalking pissers
     
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  22. bryix

    bryix a crooked jerky jocky who drives a crooked hoss
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    https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/what-your-favorite-sad-dad-band-says-about-you

    I feel attacked.

    The National
    You should have moved to Brooklyn when you had the chance. You never had the chance. At what point does the artisanal whiskey interest become just alcoholism with a higher word count? You used to think you were once great at soccer, but now you’re not so sure you were ever good at soccer. This is causing a very low-level existential crisis that will vanish in three years.
     
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  23. kezarmyaj

    kezarmyaj pro anti anti
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    I meant to post that in the indie thread earlier
     
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  24. ButchCassidy

    ButchCassidy Well-Known Member
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    My Morning Jacket
    You know how to cook an eel.

    False.
     
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  25. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    Did something similar on a family vacation in the hotel closet. My dad stopped me before I let loose though. Sleepwalking is sweet
     
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  26. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    He remembered nothing
     
  27. Daddy Rabbit

    Daddy Rabbit But the second mouse gets the cheese
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    It's not?

    What's giving them melatonin every night mess up?
     
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  28. Daddy Rabbit

    Daddy Rabbit But the second mouse gets the cheese
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    That's because you pissed in the floor. You're just covering your tracks so blind dog doesn't rat you out since youve been riding his ass all week always.

    [​IMG]
     
  29. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG

    My 7yo had a basketball game at 8am, played outside from 10am-2pm, baseball practice from 3pm-5pm, and we stayed at the playground until it got dark at 6pm. He yawned the whole way home and could barely keep his eyes open at dinner.

    He’s currently in his room reading because he’s not tired.
     
  30. Rabid

    Rabid Fan of: DQ Treats
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    Minnesota Golden Gophers

    I recall drunk guys in college doing this. Did he take shots earlier in the night?
     
  31. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    He had a brutal basketball practice earlier that night where they ran a ton. If he drank after that than more power to him.
     
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  32. Rabid

    Rabid Fan of: DQ Treats
    Donor TMB OG
    Minnesota Golden Gophers

    Basketball? That sounds like a lot of shots. :drumroll:
     
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  33. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    Mine spent her first three weeks in NICU and is now a disgustingly athletic giant
     
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  34. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    My wife knows the guy who designs these lmao
     
  35. DrTomOsbourne

    DrTomOsbourne Fully Husked
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    Modern medicine is just incredible. Glad to hear she will be kicking your ass soon enough.
     
  36. DriveByBBQ

    DriveByBBQ Well-Known Member
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    Any guidance or reading recommendations for setting boundaries with narcissistic controlling relatives and their access (or non access) to your child is appreciated. These people and their entitlement are unbelievable.
     
  37. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    No real guidance besides make your guidelines and boundaries known early and often and enforce them.

    We have a no social media without consent policy and both of our parents broke that early. Let them know we wouldn’t send them pictures if they didn’t respect our wishes and it’s been a non-issue since.

    People do get really weird with kids. Had to yell at a lady to stop touching my kid at the grocery store once.
     
  38. Rabid

    Rabid Fan of: DQ Treats
    Donor TMB OG
    Minnesota Golden Gophers

    Move and don’t tell your MIL where to find you.
     
  39. DriveByBBQ

    DriveByBBQ Well-Known Member
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    Examples of narcissistic shithead relatives:

    1) Aunt posted baby announcement shit on her social media and photos I texted her without clearing or even asking how we felt about it. Especially considering we’re being mindful about posting and haven’t made a single post ourselves. Fucking worms for brains.

    2) MIL has been bombarding the Mrs. with asinine requests ex. Returning dishware they left at our house over the holidays. Seriously, we’ve been home with our first child for less than a week, your daughter is sleeping in 2 hour increments, and you want us to gather up all the shit you left at our house now. Why exactly? About to smash your gd casserole dish in the street.

    3) Haven’t spoken to my grandmother since last spring when she prioritized and coddled my drunk uncle over my father who was literally in the next room on dying on his death bed. Basically, went

    Me: “My Dad isn’t getting enough morphine, who is in charge here?”

    Her: “let’s get drunk uncle’s emotions under control first”

    So I text her just the facts a week after he’s born (out of respect of my father) to let her know we had the baby. Within one text reply she lets me know;

    -when she’s coming to visit (hasn’t been invited)

    -how she can’t wait to hold him (entitlement, no one said you can hold our baby)

    -how my deceased father is smiling from heaven. (Shake my motherfucking head)

    I haven’t responded but there’s a fuck-ton, lifetime of unresolved trauma, she’s a toxic hyper-controlling monster and I’m no where close to entertaining the idea of resuming our relationship. /RANT

    TLDR: Relatives are the worst.
     
  40. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Lock your doors, don't send them shit as far as pictures.
    And just wait till yall are ready
     
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  41. Hank Scorpio

    Hank Scorpio Globex Corporation, Philanthropist, Supervillain
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    A core memory took place today

     
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  42. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    Pretty dope to have that on film
     
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  43. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    We also realized quick that it was the Aunts who were the absolute worst with social media shit. We made it clear quickly to not post anything and what helped was how they got pictures.

    We use an app 23snaps which is basically a private family photo share app. There's others out there and even though you can download them...it's just understood the pictures in there are meant for the app only. People got the hang of it and they can "like" photos and leave comments. So I think it gives them that so I'll media feeling without it being all over the place.
     
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  44. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    we do something similar but just a shared album with apple photos. if people don't like that then they can stop being a poor and buy an iphone.
     
  45. DriveByBBQ

    DriveByBBQ Well-Known Member
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    Yeah I thought about doing a shared Apple photo album but I think it might be easier to just cease all contact indefinitely.
     
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  46. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    yeah, the shared album is with family members I like.
     
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  47. The Blackfish

    The Blackfish The Fish in Black
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    We didn’t send any pictures out until we were okay with other people posting. My wife swears I sent one to the family group text as soon as my son was born but I don’t think that’s accurate.
     
  48. Dukes

    Dukes flying ain't nothing just fallin' with style
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    I have a 2 year old and a 6 month old. I’ve only been a parent during a pandemic. The past year hasn’t been so bad since vaccines were released and it felt like we were getting closer to normalcy. Now with omicron it’s harder as parent of young children than it’s ever been. Daycare was shut down all last week with little notice. Both kids at home. I work from home full time. My wife works in an office but was able to work from home last week. Balancing demanding jobs while taking care of two kids for a week wasn’t easy but we made it through. We were both completely drained. Got a message last night that daycare will be closed again today. Wife had to go back to the office so I have both kids home. I’m tired. I’m mentally hanging on by a thread. I’m angry at everyone who has failed children and parents of young children. People that didn’t get vaccinated. Our government. Our country. We could’ve done better. We should’ve done better.
    Sorry for the rant. Just needed to get it out.
     
  49. You

    You Gold Jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit. Ogre.
    Donor

    Dropped my 4-month old at daycare for the first time. I was fortunate to have 3 months of parental leave and my mother has been gracious enough to stay and help take care of him while my wife and I worked (from home, but still needed to be in calls and meetings.

    Dropped him off only an hour and a half ago and I already feel like the house is too empty. Big sad
     
  50. infected donkey

    infected donkey Arkansas Razorbacks
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    Now sleep and enjoy it.
     
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