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Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by racer, Oct 31, 2011.
I missed this thread
Scariest thread on here.
I even listened to "Nights In White Satin" (from the Home Improvement FF) this morning. That's one scary fucking song in its own right.
There's only so many ways to get with Pam Anderson on a beach.
At some point you have to go hardware store.
Did you guys know that randy has thyroid cancer?
And Leukemia. And apparently blindness. And he caught gay. Someone fucking HATES Randy Taylor on that site.
The Trouble In My Head» by Baxxiereviews
The Taylor family has been through some tough times, since Randy lost his sight. When finally something good happens, will it last? Or is it a sign for something worse to come? Read and find out!
The Longest Day by malic124 reviews
The day after Randy's appointment in the episode "The Longest Day", Jill calls her nephew, Randy's cousin to come and be with their family during their troubled time.
Randy's Fight » by Dimples73 reviews
Randy Taylor has leukemia will he live or will he die? how will his family cope? -FINISHED-
Jacob's Ladder » by Darkpurplelighter reviews
A.U to the season five episode 'The Longest Day.' Randy's cancer diagnosis will test the strength of the Taylor family like nothing has before.
Secret Relationship by Ghostwriter reviews
Randy meets his boyfriend at the Bowl-O-Rama.
Holy shit. Just...wow.
Just one of those days
Author: Never Ending Master PM
Tim the Tool Man Taylor seems to be having a rough day, based on the his less than stellar behavior. Wilson has some sagely advice for the Tool Man.
Rated: Fiction T - English - Words: 338 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11-05-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5490917
The episode starts off with a classic Tim the Tool Man Taylor doing his show with Al Borland. Ok, folks, today we are going to show you how to build the Titanic from scratch. The audience cheers!
Al Borland steps in, And not just any Titanic, we are going to use all the pieces from the actual Titanic and rebuild her using only those pieces.
Titanic survivors in the audience clap. But Tim the Tool Man Taylor trips on Al Borland s face and the entire set caves in destroying everything and everyone, except Tim the Tool Man Taylor, Al Borland, and a camera guy. The audience is screaming in pain from being buried alive.
Welp, badee badee badee that s all folks! Tim the Tool Man Taylor yells. Fades to black.
Tim the Tool Man Taylor goes home and walks in the door. Hey honey, did you see my episode today? Jill says, I sure did! Great job! Tim the Tool Man Taylor doesn t like this response. He doesn t like it. Not. One. Bit. Listen here you stupid cunt! I am going to actually murder you! Tim exclaims. Jill starts running for the door. Tim the Tool Man Taylor pulls out a nail gun and starts blasting her. AHHHHH! she cries. The audience claps. The kids walk in from school. Mom??? they stutter.
Tim the Tool Man Taylor grunts and goes outside.
Hey Wilson, you out here?
Heidi-ho good neighbor! Wilson walks up to the fence.
Well, Wilson, I just killed my wife with a nail gun, she s bleeding all over the place. The kids are in their crying over her corpse. What should I do?
Oh my, well, as Plato once said, All good things come to a dreadful end of pain and suffering, the only thing you can do is tapdance really really fast in hopes of time traveling to the future where they TURKERDURBS!
Tim the Tool Man Taylor thanks Wilson for the great advice and it fades to black.
HOLY SHIT AHAHAHA!
uh should we alert some authorities or something?
It's like a Dolan version of home improvement.
Standing behind the counter, Elliot pushed her pelvis into the table's edge. Her face was scrunched as she tried to hide her arousal; she couldn't get horny at work! She knew what would happen: she'd get hard, she wouldn't stop thinking about having some muscular man fuck her brains out or fucking some attractive woman's brains out, her nipples would poke through her scrubs, and she'd have to give herself a quickie in the restroom of the hospital.
She only lost her sexual control on certain days. You know, days when Carla wore her too-large scrub shirt which exposed her brown breasts, or when Turk wore his too-tight smock which perfectly outlined his abs. Today was a rare day where both wore their revealing outfits, and Elliot couldn't stand it. Being born with a cock and breast had its advantages, but a hot flash during work was not one of those perks.
While no one was looking, she slowly pushed her hardening prick up against the counter, slightly moaning with each hump. Her perky nipples showed their state through Elliot's blue scrubs, and a firm package could easily be seen in her crotch. Though the pants showed her round ass very well, hiding an erection was not easily accomplished. When flaccid, Elliot would push her package between her legs never separating them while walking. She mastered this technique in High School to avoid embarrassment, and in time the walk was second nature to the blonde.
With one hand supporting herself on the table, she continued to hump the edge, running her other hand through her straight, short hair. Her mouth went slightly agape, moaning with the pressure on her member, when noon struck the clock. She stopped her motions almost in synch with the clock as she heard her co-workers come in for their lunch break. Knowing the routine well, she picked up a binder and held it in front of her appendage. There was nothing she could do to cover her nipples that would be discreet, so she didn't bother with them as she strolled out of the cafeteria. Her mind racing with inappropriate thoughts of her friends and colleagues, she sped up her walk to the restroom, only to be stopped by Carla.
"Elliot, where you headed? Lunch just started!" She said with that Dominican accent of hers (turning Elliot on even more).
"Girls room," she responded quickly, "I'll be back soon!" She pushed her way past Carla and the rows of people crowding in the cafeteria.
Carla turned her head and watched Elliot leave. I wonder what's up with her. I'll check on her in a few minutes. She sat down with Turk and JD.
Elliot was now running down the hall, bolting as fast as she could to avoid any conversation. Pre-cum started to leak through her cock as she burst into the bathroom. Completely vacant, she ran into the cleanest stall she could find, closed the door, closed the toilet head, and dropped her pants. She pulled her ten inch member, completely hard, out of her panties. She threw all of her leggings (plus shoes) on the ground, leaving her lower half completely exposed to the bathroom air. She breathed the musk of her dick inward, inhaling deeply and exhaling with content and excitement. Her legs spread wide, feet firmly on the ground, she started to stroke her massive girl-cock with her right hand.
Pre-cum from her mushroom head leaked down her veiny length and into her stroking hand, serving as an excellent lubrication. She let out short gasps of air, mixed with quiet feminine moans accompanying each breath. She sped up to a more relaxing speed and began to massage her covered breasts with her unoccupied hand. Still stroking and moaning, the blond took her shirt and bra off with one skilled hand. She groped her c-cup tits, one then the other. Her fapping becoming more audible (falling on deaf ears, as no one else was in the room), she let her tongue slide out of her moaning throat. Her tongue slithered around her lips, wetting them as she unknowingly let some drool slide out of her mouth.
She pinched her nipples with her fingers as she tried to rub out her load, faster and faster with each passing minute. She let her head fall back as she placed her second hand on her giant prick, using double force to ejaculate. Her eyes closed as the stall around her disappeared, she was in her own world now. Fuck! She thought, I'm so close! Just a bit more…more…
She didn't hear the bathroom door open. Carla slipped into the room, whispering, "Elliot? You in here-" She stopped herself when she heard a loud fapping sound, accompanied by an aroused girl's moaning, coming from a stall. Carla couldn't resist the call of curiosity as she peeked into the unlocked stall. What she saw almost drenched her panties and most definitely turned her on. Her best friend was in a sexual daze, completely naked, and pounding her hands up and down on a monster cock, which seemed to be attached to her body. Amazed, she accidentally called out, "Elliot!"
Elliot came back to reality, the walls of the stall returned, and she stopped fapping (before her release). She snapped back to the real world and looked up at Carla. Elliot started to shriek in terror of being found naked (and masturbating, nonetheless). She let of her cock and tried to cover herself with her arms, to no avail. Carla leaned into Elliot and covered her screaming mouth with her hand.
"Stop-Stop it! Stop screaming!" Elliot's muffled scream died down as she looked at Carla with eyes wide. "I'm gonna uncover your mouth now, don't scream. Ok?" Elliot nodded quickly, fear and embarrassment still in her expression. Carla slid her hand off and leaned back. Elliot brought her legs to her chest, her large testicles still exposed, but the rest of her was mostly covered.
Elliot didn't answer, her head bowed in shame. She started to quietly cry.
"Hey, hey…it's ok, we all have to get off every now and again." Elliot gave a short laugh at her joke.
"Please, just don't tell anyone about…about me."
"I would never!" Carla assured here. Elliot looked up at her, mascara smeared with tears, and smiled. Carla smiled back. "Now, why don't I help you finish the job?"
Elliot's smile went away as Carla bent to the ground. "Wait-wait! Think about Turk!"
"He wouldn't mind me sucking you off, Elliot! He'd probably encourage me to help you!" She pushed Elliot's legs off the toilet, exposing her cream colored body. Her cock still rock hard, she allowed Carla to weave her tongue around Elliot's length. The blonde waned her neck and moaned with pleasure. Carla started to suck on her head, sliding her tongue around the soft tissue. She pushed herself on Elliot's man-piece, driving Elliot crazy with arousal.
"Uhh…Fuck! Carla! Deeper…deeper!" Elliot stayed as quiet as she was able to avoid attention. Carla slowly stuffed her throat full with half of Elliot's cock. She pulled back and moved forward, inching further and further on the blonde's monster with each slurp. She moaned into Elliot's dick, vibrating her schlong and sending pleasure through her body.
Carla made one powerful plunge, and landed her lips at Elliot's base. All ten, thick, juicy inches were filling Carla's stretched mouth, and Elliot was in heaven. Carla slurped back and forth, taking all of the cock out and forcing it back into her trained mouth.
Elliot could hardly take the buildup of girl-cum: she placed her legs on Carla's shoulders, knees bending around her back. She pushed Carla into her cock as the Latino continued her blowjob. More! More! Elliot thought (or said, as her sex was back in control of her words). She firmly grasped Carla's head, forcing it on her giant cock and thrusting into her mouth. Elliot's eyes rolled back, as did her head, as she yelled, "Fuck! Carla! I'm gonna explode! I'm cumming!"
Carla tried to pull off of Elliot's member before she released, but the horny futa would not let go of her. She pushed Carla inward and outward, her spooge launching into the Dominican's throat. Seeing no escape, Carla continued the blowjob to the best of her ability. She started to fondle Elliot's huge balls while sticking two fingers in and out of her perfect ass.
Still thrusting into Carla, Elliot leaned forward, mouth wide open, shouting and moaning with feminine arousal. Drool spilled out of her mouth as she licked her lips wildly, as if searching for another mouth. Carla became more forceful with her squeezing, and Elliot responded by moaning louder and forcing the blowjob to speed up. Unable to breathe, drowned by the girl-cum in her body, Carla fell backward on the stall door, escaping Elliot's death grip, coughing and breathing heavily. Elliot wasn't done with her massive orgasm, however. Already a minute long launch, she beat herself off with both hands, launching more and more thick, semen all over the stall. Carla was sprayed with the futa's essence, as were the walls. Still stroking, Elliot pointed her prick at her own face and swallowed up as much as cock as she could, performing auto-fellatio. She drank the girl-cum with bliss and shivering pleasure, up to the last drop. When her launches finally ceased after two more minutes, her body fell limp, her cock slid out of her throat and fell parallel with her legs. For a few seconds, the tired member would twitch, sending the final spurts of spooge onto Carla.
After a rest, the two cleaned themselves up. They licked the semen off of each other and decided to play hooky for a bit. They ran outside to their cars and sped off to Elliot's
I just find it hilarious that people are so attached to the Home Improvement characters.
Mark was such a dweeb.
well it is like the greatest sitcom ever
I hated that show and everyone who liked it. Still would have fucked the mom though.
I never thought about it, but I like how the title of this thread implies that there was once a time when everyone wrote Home Improvement fan fiction and it was perfectly acceptable.
I hope people are writing Last Man Standing fan fiction already. Nancy Travis.
Although I did like the first oldest daughter they cast more than the current one.
thread never fails to make me laugh
love every time it is bumped
I'm so glad I finally know how Jacob's Ladder ends.
I'm a big fan of the ones that get super serious. Like a main cast member gets cancer or turns out to be gay. What kind of fucking weirdo is writing this shit.
Gus Milquetoast definitely writes Batman fan fiction
Disney Baby is an avid writer of fan fiction, mainly Community/AD crossover
Huge downgrade for the oldest daughter.
What if The Wire was a comedy? We'll never know what could have been...or will we
Romcom, love triangle between Omar, Brandon and... Rawls!!! Dun dun dunnnn
You, McNulty, are a gaping fucking asshole...but I gotta go, I've got Lakers tickets
From 58:30 - 1:05:00
This ought to be a good episode
And I thought Mark going goth was a weird turn of events.
Not surprised, did you see his behavior in The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift?
he has a very large head
I played against this guy in a soccer tournament while growing up. Believe at the time he played for the Pasadena Exiles. They were a decent squad.
easily the lamest taylor kid
and that's saying a lot because ya know...Mark
The episode where Brad learns it’s not ok to choke girls
Kid was very hatable
Perfect villain in first kid
always bothered me that they tried pawn that village of the damned spawn off as an offspring of Jill and Tim
maybe wilson had the daywalker genetics and slipped em in.....that wasnt both they kid dohhh
What’s up with the Taylor kids using all 3 names in real life?
I wonder if there is any fan fiction where Tim and Jill welcome Heidi into their bed.
"this week, on a very special episode..."
They don’t call him “Tim the Toolman” for nothing.
those are some drunk roid rage eyes for sure
Does everybody know what time it is?
Time for Brad to drop the soap
seemed like this belonged in this thread