People still write Home Improvement fan fiction

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by racer, Oct 31, 2011.

  1. tne

    tne Now tagging people with spaces in their name
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    Arsenal

    I missed this thread
     
    racer likes this.
  2. chet fire

    chet fire Man in Members Only jacket

    Scariest thread on here.

    I even listened to "Nights In White Satin" (from the Home Improvement FF) this morning. That's one scary fucking song in its own right.
     
  3. bigpig

    bigpig cultofwhatever.com
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    There's only so many ways to get with Pam Anderson on a beach.

    At some point you have to go hardware store.
     
  4. STEVE HOLT!!!

    STEVE HOLT!!! ... and then there's a kiss, right?
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    [​IMG]
     
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  5. racer

    racer Better call Saul!
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    Did you guys know that randy has thyroid cancer?
     
    Funnyman2417 likes this.
  6. PeteTopKevinBottom

    PeteTopKevinBottom Well-Known Member

    And Leukemia. And apparently blindness. And he caught gay. Someone fucking HATES Randy Taylor on that site.

    The Trouble In My Head» by Baxxiereviews
    The Taylor family has been through some tough times, since Randy lost his sight. When finally something good happens, will it last? Or is it a sign for something worse to come? Read and find out!
    The Longest Day by malic124 reviews
    The day after Randy's appointment in the episode "The Longest Day", Jill calls her nephew, Randy's cousin to come and be with their family during their troubled time.
    Randy's Fight » by Dimples73 reviews
    Randy Taylor has leukemia will he live or will he die? how will his family cope? -FINISHED-
    Jacob's Ladder » by Darkpurplelighter reviews
    A.U to the season five episode 'The Longest Day.' Randy's cancer diagnosis will test the strength of the Taylor family like nothing has before.

    Secret Relationship by Ghostwriter reviews
    Randy meets his boyfriend at the Bowl-O-Rama.
     
  7. PeteTopKevinBottom

    PeteTopKevinBottom Well-Known Member

    Holy shit. Just...wow.
    [​IMG]
    Just one of those days

    Author: Never Ending Master [​IMG] PM
    Tim the Tool Man Taylor seems to be having a rough day, based on the his less than stellar behavior. Wilson has some sagely advice for the Tool Man.
    Rated: Fiction T - English - Words: 338 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11-05-09 - Status: Complete - id: 5490917

    The episode starts off with a classic Tim the Tool Man Taylor doing his show with Al Borland. Ok, folks, today we are going to show you how to build the Titanic from scratch. The audience cheers!
    Al Borland steps in, And not just any Titanic, we are going to use all the pieces from the actual Titanic and rebuild her using only those pieces.
    Titanic survivors in the audience clap. But Tim the Tool Man Taylor trips on Al Borland s face and the entire set caves in destroying everything and everyone, except Tim the Tool Man Taylor, Al Borland, and a camera guy. The audience is screaming in pain from being buried alive.
    Welp, badee badee badee that s all folks! Tim the Tool Man Taylor yells. Fades to black.
    Tim the Tool Man Taylor goes home and walks in the door. Hey honey, did you see my episode today? Jill says, I sure did! Great job! Tim the Tool Man Taylor doesn t like this response. He doesn t like it. Not. One. Bit. Listen here you stupid cunt! I am going to actually murder you! Tim exclaims. Jill starts running for the door. Tim the Tool Man Taylor pulls out a nail gun and starts blasting her. AHHHHH! she cries. The audience claps. The kids walk in from school. Mom??? they stutter.
    Tim the Tool Man Taylor grunts and goes outside.
    Hey Wilson, you out here?
    Heidi-ho good neighbor! Wilson walks up to the fence.
    Well, Wilson, I just killed my wife with a nail gun, she s bleeding all over the place. The kids are in their crying over her corpse. What should I do?
    Oh my, well, as Plato once said, All good things come to a dreadful end of pain and suffering, the only thing you can do is tapdance really really fast in hopes of time traveling to the future where they TURKERDURBS!
    Tim the Tool Man Taylor thanks Wilson for the great advice and it fades to black.

     
  8. jimmy butler stan account

    jimmy butler stan account mpl92, bad (or sick) guy!
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    HOLY SHIT AHAHAHA! :roll:
     
  9. Teflon Queen

    Teflon Queen The mentally ill sit perfectly still
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    Auburn Tigers

    uh should we alert some authorities or something?
     
  10. PeteTopKevinBottom

    PeteTopKevinBottom Well-Known Member

    It's like a Dolan version of home improvement.
     
    John James Fisher likes this.
  11. blind dog

    blind dog #1 Ladycock fan
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    [​IMG]

    Standing behind the counter, Elliot pushed her pelvis into the table's edge. Her face was scrunched as she tried to hide her arousal; she couldn't get horny at work! She knew what would happen: she'd get hard, she wouldn't stop thinking about having some muscular man fuck her brains out or fucking some attractive woman's brains out, her nipples would poke through her scrubs, and she'd have to give herself a quickie in the restroom of the hospital.
    She only lost her sexual control on certain days. You know, days when Carla wore her too-large scrub shirt which exposed her brown breasts, or when Turk wore his too-tight smock which perfectly outlined his abs. Today was a rare day where both wore their revealing outfits, and Elliot couldn't stand it. Being born with a cock and breast had its advantages, but a hot flash during work was not one of those perks.
    While no one was looking, she slowly pushed her hardening prick up against the counter, slightly moaning with each hump. Her perky nipples showed their state through Elliot's blue scrubs, and a firm package could easily be seen in her crotch. Though the pants showed her round ass very well, hiding an erection was not easily accomplished. When flaccid, Elliot would push her package between her legs never separating them while walking. She mastered this technique in High School to avoid embarrassment, and in time the walk was second nature to the blonde.
    With one hand supporting herself on the table, she continued to hump the edge, running her other hand through her straight, short hair. Her mouth went slightly agape, moaning with the pressure on her member, when noon struck the clock. She stopped her motions almost in synch with the clock as she heard her co-workers come in for their lunch break. Knowing the routine well, she picked up a binder and held it in front of her appendage. There was nothing she could do to cover her nipples that would be discreet, so she didn't bother with them as she strolled out of the cafeteria. Her mind racing with inappropriate thoughts of her friends and colleagues, she sped up her walk to the restroom, only to be stopped by Carla.
    "Elliot, where you headed? Lunch just started!" She said with that Dominican accent of hers (turning Elliot on even more).
    "Girls room," she responded quickly, "I'll be back soon!" She pushed her way past Carla and the rows of people crowding in the cafeteria.
    Carla turned her head and watched Elliot leave. I wonder what's up with her. I'll check on her in a few minutes. She sat down with Turk and JD.
    Elliot was now running down the hall, bolting as fast as she could to avoid any conversation. Pre-cum started to leak through her cock as she burst into the bathroom. Completely vacant, she ran into the cleanest stall she could find, closed the door, closed the toilet head, and dropped her pants. She pulled her ten inch member, completely hard, out of her panties. She threw all of her leggings (plus shoes) on the ground, leaving her lower half completely exposed to the bathroom air. She breathed the musk of her dick inward, inhaling deeply and exhaling with content and excitement. Her legs spread wide, feet firmly on the ground, she started to stroke her massive girl-cock with her right hand.
    Pre-cum from her mushroom head leaked down her veiny length and into her stroking hand, serving as an excellent lubrication. She let out short gasps of air, mixed with quiet feminine moans accompanying each breath. She sped up to a more relaxing speed and began to massage her covered breasts with her unoccupied hand. Still stroking and moaning, the blond took her shirt and bra off with one skilled hand. She groped her c-cup tits, one then the other. Her fapping becoming more audible (falling on deaf ears, as no one else was in the room), she let her tongue slide out of her moaning throat. Her tongue slithered around her lips, wetting them as she unknowingly let some drool slide out of her mouth.
    She pinched her nipples with her fingers as she tried to rub out her load, faster and faster with each passing minute. She let her head fall back as she placed her second hand on her giant prick, using double force to ejaculate. Her eyes closed as the stall around her disappeared, she was in her own world now. Fuck! She thought, I'm so close! Just a bit more…more…
    She didn't hear the bathroom door open. Carla slipped into the room, whispering, "Elliot? You in here-" She stopped herself when she heard a loud fapping sound, accompanied by an aroused girl's moaning, coming from a stall. Carla couldn't resist the call of curiosity as she peeked into the unlocked stall. What she saw almost drenched her panties and most definitely turned her on. Her best friend was in a sexual daze, completely naked, and pounding her hands up and down on a monster cock, which seemed to be attached to her body. Amazed, she accidentally called out, "Elliot!"
    Elliot came back to reality, the walls of the stall returned, and she stopped fapping (before her release). She snapped back to the real world and looked up at Carla. Elliot started to shriek in terror of being found naked (and masturbating, nonetheless). She let of her cock and tried to cover herself with her arms, to no avail. Carla leaned into Elliot and covered her screaming mouth with her hand.
    "Stop-Stop it! Stop screaming!" Elliot's muffled scream died down as she looked at Carla with eyes wide. "I'm gonna uncover your mouth now, don't scream. Ok?" Elliot nodded quickly, fear and embarrassment still in her expression. Carla slid her hand off and leaned back. Elliot brought her legs to her chest, her large testicles still exposed, but the rest of her was mostly covered.
    "You ok?"
    Elliot didn't answer, her head bowed in shame. She started to quietly cry.
    "Hey, hey…it's ok, we all have to get off every now and again." Elliot gave a short laugh at her joke.
    "Please, just don't tell anyone about…about me."
    "I would never!" Carla assured here. Elliot looked up at her, mascara smeared with tears, and smiled. Carla smiled back. "Now, why don't I help you finish the job?"
    Elliot's smile went away as Carla bent to the ground. "Wait-wait! Think about Turk!"
    "He wouldn't mind me sucking you off, Elliot! He'd probably encourage me to help you!" She pushed Elliot's legs off the toilet, exposing her cream colored body. Her cock still rock hard, she allowed Carla to weave her tongue around Elliot's length. The blonde waned her neck and moaned with pleasure. Carla started to suck on her head, sliding her tongue around the soft tissue. She pushed herself on Elliot's man-piece, driving Elliot crazy with arousal.
    "Uhh…Fuck! Carla! Deeper…deeper!" Elliot stayed as quiet as she was able to avoid attention. Carla slowly stuffed her throat full with half of Elliot's cock. She pulled back and moved forward, inching further and further on the blonde's monster with each slurp. She moaned into Elliot's dick, vibrating her schlong and sending pleasure through her body.
    Carla made one powerful plunge, and landed her lips at Elliot's base. All ten, thick, juicy inches were filling Carla's stretched mouth, and Elliot was in heaven. Carla slurped back and forth, taking all of the cock out and forcing it back into her trained mouth.
    Elliot could hardly take the buildup of girl-cum: she placed her legs on Carla's shoulders, knees bending around her back. She pushed Carla into her cock as the Latino continued her blowjob. More! More! Elliot thought (or said, as her sex was back in control of her words). She firmly grasped Carla's head, forcing it on her giant cock and thrusting into her mouth. Elliot's eyes rolled back, as did her head, as she yelled, "Fuck! Carla! I'm gonna explode! I'm cumming!"
    Carla tried to pull off of Elliot's member before she released, but the horny futa would not let go of her. She pushed Carla inward and outward, her spooge launching into the Dominican's throat. Seeing no escape, Carla continued the blowjob to the best of her ability. She started to fondle Elliot's huge balls while sticking two fingers in and out of her perfect ass.
    Still thrusting into Carla, Elliot leaned forward, mouth wide open, shouting and moaning with feminine arousal. Drool spilled out of her mouth as she licked her lips wildly, as if searching for another mouth. Carla became more forceful with her squeezing, and Elliot responded by moaning louder and forcing the blowjob to speed up. Unable to breathe, drowned by the girl-cum in her body, Carla fell backward on the stall door, escaping Elliot's death grip, coughing and breathing heavily. Elliot wasn't done with her massive orgasm, however. Already a minute long launch, she beat herself off with both hands, launching more and more thick, semen all over the stall. Carla was sprayed with the futa's essence, as were the walls. Still stroking, Elliot pointed her prick at her own face and swallowed up as much as cock as she could, performing auto-fellatio. She drank the girl-cum with bliss and shivering pleasure, up to the last drop. When her launches finally ceased after two more minutes, her body fell limp, her cock slid out of her throat and fell parallel with her legs. For a few seconds, the tired member would twitch, sending the final spurts of spooge onto Carla.
    After a rest, the two cleaned themselves up. They licked the semen off of each other and decided to play hooky for a bit. They ran outside to their cars and sped off to Elliot's
     
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  12. Redav

    Redav My favorite meat is hotdog
    Donor

    I just find it hilarious that people are so attached to the Home Improvement characters.
     
  13. RMIrish

    RMIrish Well-Known Member
    TMB OG

    Mark was such a dweeb.
     
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  14. Teflon Queen

    Teflon Queen The mentally ill sit perfectly still
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    Auburn Tigers

    well it is like the greatest sitcom ever
     
  15. Moxin24

    Moxin24 Show me that smile
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    I hated that show and everyone who liked it. Still would have fucked the mom though.
     
  16. racer

    racer Better call Saul!
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    Shameless bump
     
  17. chet fire

    chet fire Man in Members Only jacket

    I never thought about it, but I like how the title of this thread implies that there was once a time when everyone wrote Home Improvement fan fiction and it was perfectly acceptable.
     
  18. ~ taylor ~

    ~ taylor ~ Boom... head shot.
    Donor TMB OG

    I hope people are writing Last Man Standing fan fiction already. Nancy Travis. :gfa:

    Although I did like the first oldest daughter they cast more than the current one.
     
  19. tne

    tne Now tagging people with spaces in their name
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    Arsenal

    thread never fails to make me laugh

    love every time it is bumped
     
    racer and Redav like this.
  20. racer

    racer Better call Saul!
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    I'm so glad I finally know how Jacob's Ladder ends.
     
  21. Redav

    Redav My favorite meat is hotdog
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    I'm a big fan of the ones that get super serious. Like a main cast member gets cancer or turns out to be gay. What kind of fucking weirdo is writing this shit.
     
    TylerDurden likes this.
  22. Geordi La Forge

    Geordi La Forge Unsung hero

  23. The Blackfish

    The Blackfish The Fish in Black
    Staff Donor TMB OG
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    Disney Baby is an avid writer of fan fiction, mainly Community/AD crossover
     
    jhooked likes this.
  24. Rebelution

    Rebelution I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious.
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    Huge downgrade for the oldest daughter.
     
  25. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby A good poster that wont whiff away while driving
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    What if The Wire was a comedy? We'll never know what could have been...or will we
     
  26. The Blackfish

    The Blackfish The Fish in Black
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideIndianapolis Colts

    Romcom, love triangle between Omar, Brandon and... Rawls!!! Dun dun dunnnn
     
  27. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby A good poster that wont whiff away while driving
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    You, McNulty, are a gaping fucking asshole...but I gotta go, I've got Lakers tickets
     
  28. Bo Pelinis

    Bo Pelinis WE GO HARD ON EARTH
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    Nebraska CornhuskersBig 8 Conference

    From 58:30 - 1:05:00

     
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  29. racer

    racer Better call Saul!
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  30. Thoros of Beer

    Thoros of Beer Academy Award-Winning Actor, Tim Allen
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    Crystal Palace

    This ought to be a good episode
     
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  31. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    And I thought Mark going goth was a weird turn of events.
     
    Celemo, Owsley, Tiffin and 11 others like this.
  32. —

    Well-Known Member
    Donor

    Not surprised, did you see his behavior in The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift?
     
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  33. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia slowly learning that life is ok
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    he has a very large head
     
    Tiffin and blind dog like this.
  34. SD_Irish

    SD_Irish El Mas Chingon
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    I played against this guy in a soccer tournament while growing up. Believe at the time he played for the Pasadena Exiles. They were a decent squad.
     
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  35. steamengine

    steamengine I don’t want to press one for English!
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  36. Saul Shabazz

    Saul Shabazz You need help packing up your Donk, Ron?
    TMB OG

    easily the lamest taylor kid

    and that's saying a lot because ya know...Mark
     
    Owsley, Tiffin, buckwild and 10 others like this.
  37. HotMic

    HotMic Insider
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    The episode where Brad learns it’s not ok to choke girls

    [​IMG]
     
    Celemo, UncleJesse, Owsley and 29 others like this.
  38. Jack Parkman

    Jack Parkman Well-Known Member
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    Kid was very hatable

    Perfect villain in first kid
     
    Owsley, Tiffin, Artoo and 11 others like this.
  39. Saul Shabazz

    Saul Shabazz You need help packing up your Donk, Ron?
    TMB OG

    always bothered me that they tried pawn that village of the damned spawn off as an offspring of Jill and Tim

    maybe wilson had the daywalker genetics and slipped em in.....that wasnt both they kid dohhh
     
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  40. DirtBall

    DirtBall Who Cares?
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    What’s up with the Taylor kids using all 3 names in real life?
     
  41. hudson

    hudson Oh, you know...stuff.
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    I wonder if there is any fan fiction where Tim and Jill welcome Heidi into their bed.
     
  42. Papa

    Papa Well-Known Member
    Donor

    [​IMG]
     
  43. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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    "this week, on a very special episode..."
     
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  44. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
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    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

    They don’t call him “Tim the Toolman” for nothing.
     
    racer and HotMic like this.
  45. Fire Jimbob

    Fire Jimbob Boo Mfer’s kids biological father
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    those are some drunk roid rage eyes for sure
     
  46. The King of Burgers

    The King of Burgers No your blueness.
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    Does everybody know what time it is?
     
  47. racer

    racer Better call Saul!
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    Time for Brad to drop the soap
     
  48. laxjoe

    laxjoe Well-Known Member
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    seemed like this belonged in this thread
     
    SD_Irish, Tiffin, HotMic and 5 others like this.
  49. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! UCF has a clown car of talent at RB and WR.
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay RaysJacksonville JaguarsTampa Bay Buccaneers

     
    HotMic, Fire Jimbob, laxjoe and 3 others like this.
  50. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode private villa and the fur chinchilla
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