Q: why does hellen keller masturbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Bateman, Jan 19, 2011.

  1. Bateman

    Bateman Guest

    A: So she can moan with the other

    :gaddam:
     
  2. IrishLAX2

    IrishLAX2 Dude's car got a little dinged up
    Donor TMB OG

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    Holy shit
     
    Legend likes this.
  3. IV

    IV I'm often wrong, but occasionally correct
    Donor TMB OG

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    What do you get when you cross a parrot and a caterpillar

    A walkie talkie
     
  4. SOM

    SOM Well-Known Member

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    How did Hellen Keller break her arm?

    She tried to read a stop sign
     
    Houndster likes this.
  5. 34

    34 your favourite snow mexican
    Donor TMB OG

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    lmao
     
  6. AUB

    AUB Now we got bad blood, breh
    Donor TMB OG

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    what kind of pants do ghosts wear?

    BoOOooOooOooOooo jeans
     
    IV likes this.
  7. wes tegg

    wes tegg Donkey sauce.
    Staff Member Donor

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    How did Helen Keller burn her face?

    She tried to answer the iron.
     
  8. SOM

    SOM Well-Known Member

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?

    They rearranged the furniture
     
  9. Black Falcon

    Black Falcon Carnivore and Voyeur
    Donor

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    What color were Christa McAuliffe's eyes?



    Blue. One blew one way and one blew the other.
     
  10. IrishLAX2

    IrishLAX2 Dude's car got a little dinged up
    Donor TMB OG

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    How the fuck did she hear the phone ringing in the first place?
     
    ~ taylor ~ and 2 County like this.
  11. ACEDGOD

    ACEDGOD I am your OG and I will be respected as such

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    What's the cruelest thing you can do to Stevie Wonder?

    Leave a plunger on top of the toilet seat.
     
  12. Redav

    Redav No puppet. No puppet. You're the puppet.
    Donor

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    Some better than others...

    What's the difference between Jelly and Jam?
    You can't jelly your dick into a girl's ass

    What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
    One less drunk

    How can you tell your wife is dead?
    The sex is the same but the dishes pile up


    how long does it take to kill a baby in a microwave?
    i'm not sure, i was too busy jacking off.

    what happens when you spin an oriental guy around?
    he becomes disoriented

    what's funnier than a dead baby?
    dead baby in a clown mask

    what's the difference b/w a trunk full of dead babies and a trunk full of bowling balls?
    you can't unload the bowling balls with a pitch fork

    what's the difference b/w a BMW and a wheel barrel full of dead babies?
    i don't have a BMW in my garage

    What do 9 out of 10 people agree on?
    Gang Rape

    What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
    Christopher Reeve after a housefire.

    What's the best thing about making love to a 12 year old in the shower?
    You can slick her hair back and she's looks 9.

    Why did the little girl fall off of the swing?
    She didn't have any arms.

    What's better than winning the gold medal at the special olympics?
    Not being retarded.

    What do you do if someone is having a seizure in a bathtub?
    Throw in a load of laundry.

    What's the difference between a police cruiser and a porcupine?
    A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
     
  13. * J Y *

    * J Y * TEXAS
    Staff Member Donor TMB OG

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    Why is Helen keller's dog always depressed?

    You would be too if your name was UUNNHHHHHHHHHH
     
  14. Menelaus

    Menelaus The Red-Haired King
    Donor

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    What do you call Irish lawn chairs?

    Paddy O'Furniture
     
  15. Menelaus

    Menelaus The Red-Haired King
    Donor

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    Have you seen the dog that hides from gay people?

    No? Haha you're a faggot
     
    bertwing, blind dog, Merica and 5 others like this.
  16. jltperson

    jltperson Making The Mainboard Great Again
    Donor

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    whats the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon?

    ones fun to hit with a sledgehammer and tastes delicious and the other is a watermelon
     
  17. BhamBammer

    BhamBammer Showtime for Heisman
    Donor

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    There is some corny ass shit itt
     
  18. Black Falcon

    Black Falcon Carnivore and Voyeur
    Donor

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?

    A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
     
  19. ACEDGOD

    ACEDGOD I am your OG and I will be respected as such

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    helen keller jokes :D

    dead baby jokes :|
     
  20. VoodooChild5

    VoodooChild5 Fan of: Notre Dame
    Donor

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    I laughed at the Helen Keller jokes.
     
  21. Redav

    Redav No puppet. No puppet. You're the puppet.
    Donor

    No racist jokes yet?
     
  22. Menelaus

    Menelaus The Red-Haired King
    Donor

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    What did the lifeguard at the beach name her daughter?

    Sandy
     
  23. Black Falcon

    Black Falcon Carnivore and Voyeur
    Donor

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    How do you keep a dog from humping your leg?

    Suck it's dick.
     
    dcspartan likes this.
  24. wes tegg

    wes tegg Donkey sauce.
    Staff Member Donor

    When is the best time to rape Helen Keller?
    After you break her hands.
     
  25. The Bear Jew

    The Bear Jew Well-Known Member

    Did you know Helen Keller had a Dollhouse in her backyard?

    Neither did she
     
  26. EOE

    EOE Baws

  27. jltperson

    jltperson Making The Mainboard Great Again
    Donor

    :laugh:

    have never heard that one before
     
  28. The Bear Jew

    The Bear Jew Well-Known Member

    What was the worst day in Helen Keller’s life?

    The day she burned her mouth, and couldn’t taste anything, either.
     
  29. tne

    tne Now tagging people with spaces in their name
    TMB OG

    what happens when you spin an oriental guy around?
    he becomes disoriented


    yes
     
  30. Beemer

    Beemer Blackshirts.
    Donor TMB OG

    Whats the difference between a large pizza and a :w2d:?

    a large pizza can feed a a family of 4
     
  31. Duval

    Duval The almighty fuck boy
    Donor TMB OG

    what did helen keller do when she fell down a well

    She screamed so hard she broke all her finger
    *done whilst moving your fingers*
     
  32. wes tegg

    wes tegg Donkey sauce.
    Staff Member Donor

    What is Helen Keller's favorite movie?
    The 6th Sense
     
  33. Principal McVicker

    Principal McVicker Not so New Member

    What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?

    They can smell it but they cant eat it!
     
  34. wes tegg

    wes tegg Donkey sauce.
    Staff Member Donor

    What does my dick taste like?
    Ask my daughter.
     
  35. Menelaus

    Menelaus The Red-Haired King
    Donor

    What's long, black, and real hard?

    The Unemployment Line
     
  36. cutiger1024

    cutiger1024 New Member
    TMB OG

    :nahnah:
     
  37. Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    [​IMG]
     
  38. CC

    CC Waiting for moments that never come
    Donor TMB OG

    What's Helen Keller's favorite color?

    Denim
     
  39. WC

    WC Bad Company, till the day I die.
    Donor TMB OG

    Where do you find a dog with no legs?


    Right where you left it.
     
  40. CC

    CC Waiting for moments that never come
    Donor TMB OG

    What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

    The wheelchair

    What kind of the women are easiest to get digits from?

    Jews. Just roll up their sleeves
     
  41. The Banks

    The Banks TMB's Alaskan
    Donor TMB OG

    Why was helen keller a bad driver

    cause shes a woman
     
  42. Celemo

    Celemo A Motherfucking Starboy
    Donor

    What's got 9 arms and sucks?

    Def Leppard
     
    roggins, Legend and FatDrunkandStupid like this.
  43. TheChad

    TheChad Boiled peanuts are good

    If u went went camping with a dude and woke out the next morning with a jizz filled condom lodged in your ass, would u tell anyone about it??

















































    Want to go camping on Saturday??
     
    supercity likes this.
  44. Topper Bottoms

    Topper Bottoms Capt. USS Rough Service
    Donor

    What was the most painful thing Helen Keller ever read?

    The cheese grater
     
  45. OopsPowSurprise

    OopsPowSurprise watson thinks i'm a bad poster :'(
    Donor

    A jewish girl asks her father for 50 dollars.

    Her dad says, "Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"
     
    Legend likes this.
  46. Trip McNeely

    Trip McNeely Guys like us....we are a dime a dozen
    Donor TMB OG

    Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling?
    He doesn't know he's black
     
  47. the Weimar Beer Belly

    the Weimar Beer Belly everything is good here/please come home

    I don't know if these have been posted but here are some;

    Abraham Lincoln was Jewish didn't you know?
    "Oh yeah?"
    Yeah, he was shot in the temple. :drumroll:

    What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
    "What?"
    (making gagging noise and mime deep-throating a dick)

    Do you know what sound a baby makes in the microwave?
    "What?"
    I don't know, I was too busy masturbating.
     
  48. tjosu

    tjosu This is kind of like the breakfast club, huh?
    Donor

    god damn at both of these
     
  49. Talking Head

    Talking Head The Bag Man.
    Donor

    Re: Q: why does hellen keller masterbate with one hand? (Gimme some jokes)

    [​IMG]
     
    berg and soulfly like this.
  50. EOE

    EOE Baws

    Found on some site....

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans over to the bunny and says "Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur"? The bunny says "No". So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    (bitches :nebraskafans:)

    A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

    After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

    Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"

    "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

    Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

    The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

    The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

    The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."


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