But the lights were dimmed, eh. We all know that you can't investigate things when the lights are dim. And there's no way in hell his sense of smell would work in the dark.
B.C. Mounties Find Naked Man Washing Himself With Milk PENTICTON, B.C. - Mounties in Penticton, B.C., say they got quite an eyeful last week after a man peeled off his clothes and began washing himself with milk after inadvertently spraying bear spray down his pants. RCMP spokesman Cpl. Don Wrigglesworth said officers were called to a local gas station shortly before 2 a.m. on Aug. 24 to find the victim completely naked. "He was in excruciating pain and vigorously using his shirt to scrub his genitals with homogenized milk in an attempt to relieve the pain," said Wrigglesworth. The man told police he had been attacked by three unknown men, but Wrigglesworth said an investigation revealed the spray pattern "was consistent with the alleged victim carrying his own can of bear spray and it went off unintentionally." He said the victim then became unco-operative. Later that night, police were called to a home and found five people outside rolling on the ground after they, too, were hit with bear spray. Wrigglesworth said the five were also unco-operative, but told police they were attacked over a debt. (Penticton Herald)
BREAKING: Expect delays at Tim Hortons in Kitchener at 1000 Victoria N. A deer has jumped through the store window.
A high school English teacher in Ontario, Canada, will this week face charges of professional misconduct after allegedly telling a student to “lick me where I fart.” According to a notice of hearing from the Ontario College of Teachers, Jennifer Elizabeth Green-Johnson, who teaches grades 10 through 12 at at Dunnville Secondary School, has also been accused of calling a student a “bloody pedophile,” and allegedly said another “looked like a frumpy old lady today.” Upon being offered muffins by a student in exchange for a passing grade, Green-Johnson also allegedly said, “You mean a bribe? I’d be able to shit for a week ‘cause of all that fiber.” Green-Johnson also allegedly said, “Get that fucking thing out of here” to a student who brought in coffee; told a student, “I have never said this to a student before, but fuck you”; and said, “It’s debate, not masturbate” to the class, all within the 2015–2016 school year. Green-Johnson was suspended for a month without pay last January for professional misconduct, in part because she saw one male student jump on another’s back and responded, “So, you like it from behind?” There will be a hearing to determine if Green-Johnson is guilty of the charges on Sept. 23. Green-Johnson did not immediately respond to requests for comment.
A cougar had emerged from the woods nearby and pounced, he said. "She (Sasha) was crying out in pain and distress so I went running," said Gibb, a 31-year-old technician. "And I saw something wrapped around her so I ran up and punched it in the side of the head. "At that point I realized it was a cougar." Gibb said he charged into the woods after the cougar but turned around to tend to his injured dog, which was whimpering and bleeding on the pavement.
Canada Judge Suspended for Wearing Trump Cap in Court Montreal: The Canadian authorities have suspended a judge for wearing a cap with Donald Trump's campaign slogan "Make America Great Again" in court after November's US presidential election, local media reported on Friday. Ontario Court Judge Bernd Zabel "stopped being assigned to preside in court December 21, 2016," court spokeswoman Kate Andrew told the local daily The Hamilton Spectator without commenting about his future. The decision comes after the court received a series of complaints about Zabel's vocal support for the US president-elect. His official position requires displaying political neutrality. Zabel - who was appointed in 1990 - entered a courtroom in the Lake Ontario port city of Hamilton the day after the November 8 election wearing the Trump campaign's trademark red cap. He explained his decision later, saying it was a response to criticism from colleagues who "all voted for Hillary" Clinton, Trump's Democratic rival, the Toronto Star reported him as saying. "I was the only Trump supporter up there but that's okay," he said. Zabel later apologized, citing a "lapse in judgment" for a "misguided attempt to mark a moment in history by humor in the courtroom."
McEachern said it is illegal to tow a couch through a drive-thru, but the two men were wearing helmets."
http://www.newser.com/story/241016/ancient-village-in-canada-older-than-rome-pyramids.html We may have been wrong about how the first people arrived in North America. The widely accepted narrative, as explained by Smithsonian Magazine, is that humans walked across a land bridge between Siberia and Alaska 13,000 years ago. But lately some have begun to suspect early humans actually arrived by boat further down the coast. A recent discovery by an anthropology student in Canada supports that idea. CTV News reports Alisha Gauvreau and her team were excavating on an island about 300 miles northwest of Victoria when they found evidence of an ancient village. A hearth buried 8 feet underground contained charcoal dated to 14,000 years old, History reports. Spears, tools, and fish hooks found nearby were dated similarly. At 14,000 years old, the village is one of the oldest settlements ever found in North America—older than ancient Rome and three times older than the pyramids of Giza, the Vancouver Sun reports. "We just kind of sat there going, holy moly, this is old,” Gauvreau tells CTV. The discovery of the ancient settlement supports stories passed down by the elders of the Heiltsuk Nation. Those stories say the tribe's ancestors survived the Ice Age by living on a strip of coastal land that didn't freeze. “To think about how these stories survived all of that, only to be supported by this archaeological evidence is just amazing,” a member of the Heiltsuk Nation says. Gauvreau presented her findings this week at the annual meeting of the Society for American Archaeology.
Curious heifers marched after beaver, rancher calls event a very Canadian moment "We just thought this was so funny and so Canadian," she said. "A Canadian beaver leading around a bunch of Canadian cattle just makes it even more funny."
http://vancouversun.com/news/local-...s-victorias-mr-floatie-pooped-ready-to-retire Long, successful sewage plant battle leaves Victoria's Mr. Floatie pooped, ready to retire A mascot that helped raise a stink about the dumping of raw sewage into the waters off Victoria is about to be retired....CHAD HIPOLITO / THE CANADIAN PRESS
http://www.fox32chicago.com/news/montreal-man-fools-police-with-fake-car-made-of-snow Montreal man fools police with fake car made of snow POSTED: JAN 17 2018 07:49PM CST UPDATED: JAN 18 2018 10:29AM CST MONTREAL (KMSP) - Simon Laprise had a plan, some snow and a couple hours to spare. The result? A delightful picture of a lone police officer, staring skeptically at a car parked in a snow removal zone, ticket book in hand. Little did the officer know, however, that it was all a trick. The 33-year-old machinist and artist from Montreal was hoping to prank snow removal crews in his neighborhood with a fake car he made after a storm Monday, modeled after the Delorean DMC-12 of Back to the Future fame. Laprise's coup de gras was a real windshield wiper he had found across the street while working on the project, placed inconspicuously as if it were the only exposed part of the car. The police soon came to investigate because it was parked was in a snow removal zone, only to discover after some time that the car was made entirely of snow. Officers did end up writing Laprise a ticket--one that said, "You made our night hahahahaha :)" All good things must come to an end, however, and snowplows destroyed Laprise's creation the next morning
Edmonton woman catches purse-snatcher, returns wallet, takes thief for coffee 'I wanted to show him some compassion' Tess Aboughoushe intervened in a purse-snatching in downtown Edmonton Wednesday afternoon. (Tess Aboughoushe/Facebook) When Tess Aboughoushe heard the scream, her instinct kicked in. She chased the purse-snatcher down an alley and found him hiding behind a dumpster. An hour later, she would be sharing a coffee with him in a nearby café. "I offered the guy a coffee because you could tell he was very distraught and upset," Aboughoushe said in an interview Friday with CBC Radio's Edmonton AM. "He wasn't leaving or running away but just looking very lost." Aboughoushe was returning from a lunch-hour appointment at the chiropractor Wednesday when she spotted a struggle down the block. "I was walking back to my office and crossing the street and a lady calls out, 'Stop. Thief. He took my wallet.' "Just like in the movies, she screams and I see this man start to run. I didn't stop to think or anything. I just kind of took off after the guy." Aboughoushe sprinted after the man for two blocks before she turned a corner and found him cowering in an alley near a parkade. His face was lined and scratched beneath a clean-shaven head. Though she is a long-distance runner, Aboughoushe's five-feet-three-inch frame was trembling. Her heart thumped in her chest. The man had one hand shoved deep in his pocket. Aboughoushe feared he might have a knife. But instead, he hunched over inside his oversized blue parka and began to sob. Winnipeg woman gives eggnog and gingersnaps to burglar "He came out from behind the dumpster and says, in a conciliatory way, 'Here is the wallet, I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry, just take it, take it.' "So I took the wallet, and the woman caught up soon after. I gave it back to her and he stayed there, apologizing a lot." Aboughoushe gave the woman a hug and wished her a Happy Valentine's Day. Then, she walked with the man to Credo, a few blocks down the street, and bought him a large black coffee. The man told Aboughoushe he was desperate. He had been visiting the city with his friends from Calgary when they left him stranded without money. He told Aboughoushe he didn't have anywhere to go and needed to get back home. "He said, 'I've never done anything like this before. I just really need the money. I don't know where to go. I'm lost.' " Aboughoushe wished the man luck and gave him directions to the public library, so he could seek out the social workers on staff. She acknowledged she may have put herself at risk, but has no regrets. It was a humbling experience, she said. "Thank goodness for the Edmonton police and firefighters who demonstrate a willingness to actively put themselves in risky situations every single day," she said. "That, I'm truly in awe of." Aboughoushe did make a report to Edmonton police later that afternoon but said she has no desire to see the man punished. She said she hopes he gets help he needs. "You kill more flies with honey than you do with vinegar," she said. "I wanted to show him some compassion."
Over 500 Canadian doctors protest raises, say they're being paid too much (yes, too much) Catherine Clifford 9:23 AM ET Tue, 6 March 2018 https://www.cnbc.com/2018/03/06/canadian-doctor-protest-their-own-pay-raises.html
I’ve done this before, not because I was fleeing a crime but because I had a lawnchair and a case of beer and thought it’d be fun. It was.