Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. Cabs

    Cabs eatin' fried okra with Oprah
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  2. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    Wife was telling MIL directions tonight.

    MIL got lost.

    Wife “ I told her to take the first exit at the first roundabout and it’s right here.”

    Me that’s the second roundabout

    Wife I don’t count that first one

    Me .....
     
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  3. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
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    Game changer, thanks.
     
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  4. Hank Scorpio

    Hank Scorpio Globex Corporation, Philanthropist, Supervillain
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    Wife wants to quit her $100k per yr job with incredible benefits that's given her everything she's ever asked for in order to take up a career crafting.
     
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  5. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    Why can’t you support her for once?
     
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  6. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    You should get divorced now so that you can get alimony based on her current salary instead of the nothing she’s about to be making.
     
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  7. Homo Erectus

    Homo Erectus The important thing is, you think I'm attractive
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    Be a team player..

    Her potential happiness is much more important than the impending bankruptcy it will cause.
     
  8. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    But really, she is just pissed off at something and dreaming. She is not quitting. You should probably let her dream and just listen without being an asshole. I bet she will realize soon enough that she can’t quit
     
  9. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Think of all the sick doilies you'd get
     
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  10. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    I need confirmation that doilies means blowjobs before validating that post with a like.
     
  11. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Sounds like you are going to be getting some shitty Christmas presents this year.
     
  12. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Pinterest is the maker of millionaires, dont you know
     
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  13. Hank Scorpio

    Hank Scorpio Globex Corporation, Philanthropist, Supervillain
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    I'm trying, but as someone who works in education, I'm having an extremely difficult time being sympathetic.
     
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  14. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    Not going to fault her. I think about quitting to do something that pays a lot less every day.
     
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  15. NP13

    NP13 MC OG
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    i think about quitting and doing nothing.
     
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  16. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    My dream is basically Sam Jackson’s in Pulp Fiction. Just walk away from everything and become a nomad.
     
  17. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    And I thought mine wanting to go from her $100k per year job to a $45k per year job because it’s close to the house and less stressful was bad...
     
    BigReff73, devine, -Asshole- and 2 others like this.
  18. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
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    Congrats on being married to a hipster.
     
  19. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Trust me when I say she has had these for 20 years and is the complete opposite of a hipster.
     
    devine likes this.
  20. TheFreak55

    TheFreak55 He should keep his mouth firmly shut
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    doesn't having them for 20 years make her more of a hipster?
     
  21. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    She had them before everyone started thinking they were cool
     
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  22. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    Rewatching breaking bad. Do you think your BFF would be down with you if you took up Walt's business? Same circumstances...... Go.
     
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  23. tjosu

    tjosu This is kind of like the breakfast club, huh?
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    [​IMG]
     
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  24. Homo Erectus

    Homo Erectus The important thing is, you think I'm attractive
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    As a murderer, money launderer and drug kingpin?

    I cant see why not
     
  25. Jimmy the Saint

    Jimmy the Saint The future is a benevolent black hole
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    Nothing. To
    Totally.
     
  26. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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    You mean wander the land, like Caine from Kung Fu?
     
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  27. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
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    Hadn't had a good fight in awhile so I decided to ask. Screenshot_20180629-225130-01.jpeg

    She shows signs of being a keeper I believe.
     
  28. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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  29. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    My favorite part of Breaking Bad was when Walt stole Skyler’s engagement ring and replaced the diamond with a cubic zirconia
     
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  30. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Update, two keys and two red fobs from amazon about $20
    Keys cut at local locksmith for $3

    Program both fobs and keys in like 10 minutes

    One set is now permanently in my work truck, so there is no way she can find it and lose it
     
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  31. Druce

    Druce Fuck football.
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    Everyone hated Skylar b/c she wanted Walt to stop being a criminal and putting her and their son in the crosshairs of drug lords and murderers because it's a TV show and they wanted him to do more crazy shit, I can almost guarantee that no wife or gf of anyone on this board would be supportive of them if they did the shit he did.
     
  32. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Skylar is who people should sympathize with.
     
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  33. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    The best thing I ever did was get a personal phone after using my company issued phone as personal phone for a few years. I can literally go hours unplugged on the weekends
     
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  34. Thoros of Beer

    Thoros of Beer Academy Award-Winning Actor, Tim Allen
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    Yup, I often think about how easy it was to let go back in the 90s. Shit can wait.
     
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  35. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    Get off my lawn
     
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  36. Thoros of Beer

    Thoros of Beer Academy Award-Winning Actor, Tim Allen
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    Indeed
     
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  37. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    Was watching Jeopardy and she interrupts, “So what exactly happened to those kids who are stuck in Thailand?”. I explain they’re stuck in a cave, etc.

    Her response: “What’s a cave? Like a hole in the ground?”
     
  38. gus_chiggins

    gus_chiggins Where you goin’ with those clubs, punk
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    What’s a cave?
     
  39. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    I'll take "what every girl does after multiple attempts at anal if you tell them you love them" for $500, Alex
     
  40. fish

    fish Impossible, Germany
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    Went out for a bite at a local gastropub. Ordered a Ballast Point Sculpin and she got a glass of wine (rare for her).

    Me: What looks good to you?
    Her: The meatloaf or maybe the carne asada tacos. But I really shouldn't.
    Me: Order what you want, it's practically a holiday anyway. You can work it off later. (wink)

    Waitress comes to take our order and she gets the salad with grilled shrimp.

    On the way home, I tell her that I need to stop at the grocery store to pick up a couple racks of ribs for tomorrow to take to her sister's house. I'm picking out my ribs, she comes over with a grass fed ribeye in her hand that was in the manager's special bin. "It's 30% off and I'm still hungry, will you cook it for me?"

    [​IMG]

    That meat probably made her happier than mine would have.
     
    #5640 fish, Jul 4, 2018
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2018
  41. Wicked

    Wicked Next One's Comin' Faster
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    Not wife or girlfriend but I went to training this week with some co-workers from all over the US and there was a girl that works at one of our NY locations that was talking to our group of 10 people at dinner.

    We are all just casually eating/bsing and we get to the topic of vacations. Someone brings up how he's always wanted to visit Alaska. Said girl from earlier pipes up how she has always wanted to visit the the SW US. I said you mean northern US? She's like no, the island of Alaska of the SW coast. This mid 30s woman thought Alaska was an island off of the SW United States. We all just stopped eating and stared at her for about a minute in silence. Finally one guy pulls out his phone and corrects her and holy shit was she embarrassed.

    It baffles me that someone has gone through life thinking that.
     
  42. Thoros of Beer

    Thoros of Beer Academy Award-Winning Actor, Tim Allen
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    What's even more baffling is that it was Bristol Palin
     
  43. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    I hate to break it to you pal but i’m pretty sure you married an alien.
     
  44. Rabid

    Rabid Fan of: DQ Treats
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    My 3.5 year old son can point it out on a globe. I’ve seen a few posts like this so when he was putting his puzzle together and referred to Alaska as being by Hawaii I had to correct it immediately.
     
  45. TheFreak55

    TheFreak55 He should keep his mouth firmly shut
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    I’m sure my wife would be pretty stoked about me getting cancer
     
  46. Jimmy the Saint

    Jimmy the Saint The future is a benevolent black hole
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    Those grade school maps with Hawaii and Alaska next to each other south of the Continental U.S. doesn’t help this but you’d think this gets corrected at some point before, I don’t know, graduating high school?
     
  47. HatterasJack

    HatterasJack Is your refrigerator running? It's Mike Hunt.
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    Wife told her brother and I that we needed 225 euro each to pay for this tour we were taking. Hand the guy the cash afterwards and he just gives me shitty look and says “come on!”

    Me to wife: what was the total again?

    Wife: 550

    Me: good thing I have another 100 on me.

    Wife: why?

    Me: What is 225 + 225?

    Wife: Sorry...whatever, don’t be a smartass!
     
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  48. LookslikeUofI

    LookslikeUofI Well-Known Member
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    [​IMG]
     
  49. NoNatty

    NoNatty Keyboard Cowboy
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    nice humble brag about being in europe.
     
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  50. RSK

    RSK Well-Known Member
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    What kind of tour costs 225 euros? I hope he gave you a zj afterwards