Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci How can less be more? It's impossible
    Donor

    My sword is called Buttmuncher
     
    Celemo likes this.
  2. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
    Staff Donor
    Florida Gators

    see, the sword discussion actually brought me back.
     
  3. skiedfrillet

    skiedfrillet It's not a lie if you believe it.
    Donor
    Clemson Tigers

    my expertise doesn't come cheap
     
  4. THF

    THF Banned From Hogville for Being an Ass
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSan Francisco GiantsOklahoma City ThunderDallas CowboysSan Francisco 49'ersMontreal Impact

    Its hilarious to watch his posting style go from his "Roy" posting, back to something which resembles a regular poster. Comments like "what is this amateur hour?" sound nothing like what Roy and his "sorry about that" posts.

    Definitely a troll. I petition to start a new "dumb shit my bff does" and leave this to Roy and his rambling bullshit.
     
    cutig likes this.
  5. MORBO!

    MORBO! Hello, Tiny Man. I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!!
    Donor
    UCF KnightsNew York YankeesNew York GiantsUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamAtlanta United

    I have a Master Sword that was bathed in the Hyrulian Sacred Flames.
     
  6. The Real Roy Williams

    The Real Roy Williams Oklahoma Sooners, OKC Thunder
    Donor
    Oklahoma SoonersOklahoma City Thunder

    I’ll quit posting in the thread if I’m pissing everybody off. I just respond to comments when I get a notification or someone tags me. I’m not trying to blow up the spot. I feel bad now.
     
  7. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci How can less be more? It's impossible
    Donor

    Nerd
     
    MORBO! likes this.
  8. Degausser

    Degausser Well-Hung Member
    Donor
    Georgia BulldogsAtlanta Braves

    Why was this your response to his post? He was just playing along with you.
     
    AubCabs likes this.
  9. The Real Roy Williams

    The Real Roy Williams Oklahoma Sooners, OKC Thunder
    Donor
    Oklahoma SoonersOklahoma City Thunder

    I don’t know. I don’t know what to do with my hands. Some posters seem seriously annoyed with me.
     
  10. PCH

    PCH 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
    Donor
    Clemson TigersAtlanta BravesTiger Woods

    You're not posting anyone off. Just tell him to put you on ignore if you bother him that much. Quit apologizing so much. You've done nothing.
     
    Baron likes this.
  11. The Real Roy Williams

    The Real Roy Williams Oklahoma Sooners, OKC Thunder
    Donor
    Oklahoma SoonersOklahoma City Thunder

    You’re a nerd. Nerd. I’d still love to catch a show and some drinks with you and tot next time I’m in Portland.
     
    Joe_Pesci likes this.
  12. ugafish

    ugafish Not a new member
    Donor
    Georgia BulldogsAtlanta HawksAtlanta FalconsLiverpool

    So she came home after work, left the recycling outside, and when I told her she forgot to move it back, she told me to do it. I laughed and said she needed to offer much more than that. Unfortunately, She didn’t get that part of my response, so She moved it back until next week. Oh well. Stupid girl.
     
    Luka, Hatfield and Baron like this.
  13. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
    Donor

    You remind me of........me. Ask anyone who's been around a while and if you remind me of me then you got problems that you haven't addressed. It took multiple detoxes and 3 stints in rehab until I finally realized I needed therapy. I talked like you do and thought nothing was wrong years before it all fell apart. I started seeing a therapist once a week to finally get some self-realization.

    I'm not sober yet but at least I understand I have things I need to work on with life. Once a week therapy has been a Godsend. So I'm working on it and getting better. It's a journey, not a race, but eventually I'll get there.

    P.S. I've got a great career, too (and having a great career doesn't make you stable). I've rushed into relationships with red flags, too (and every time they were disasters). I blamed everything on being an alcoholic, too (but the alcoholism is more of a result than a cause). At least with me and I'm pretty sure you, but I'm no psychologist so, seriously, at least go once (and be 100% honest with them)? If you don't like it pick a new one and go again. And again. It doesn't hurt to try.

    I don't think you're an idiot. I just think you need to wake yourself up and stop believing your smoke and mirrors.
     
  14. The Real Roy Williams

    The Real Roy Williams Oklahoma Sooners, OKC Thunder
    Donor
    Oklahoma SoonersOklahoma City Thunder

    Thanks. I don’t want to derail the thread anymore but appreciate it. I’m glad you’re feeling better and happy for you. We can talk in the private thread if you want.
     
    Luka, One Two and Baron like this.
  15. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
    Staff Donor
    West Virginia MountaineersPittsburgh PiratesPittsburgh PenguinsTiger WoodsNational League

    Back when people used to get annoyed of me (which they no longer do) I learned to post more and eventually they’ll like you
     
  16. Arrec Bardwin

    Arrec Bardwin He ain’t me, he can’t be me
    Donor
    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesAtlanta FalconsChelseaAtlanta United

    The Valtrex helps too
     
    Luka, Imurhuckleberry and fattus like this.
  17. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsTexas Rangers

    9BE60724-BA12-4D01-8D7C-9E17099B5F90.gif
     
  18. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City Chiefs

    Used to?
     
    dahldennsull, Luka, Oranjello and 4 others like this.
  19. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City Chiefs

    What?
     
    HuskerInMiami likes this.
  20. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
    Donor

    You used to annoy me but you grew to be one of my favorites.
     
    Luka, wes tegg and devine like this.
  21. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
    Staff Donor
    West Virginia MountaineersPittsburgh PiratesPittsburgh PenguinsTiger WoodsNational League

    <3
     
    wes tegg likes this.
  22. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
    Donor

    Stop beating yourself up over derailing the thread. It happened. No biggee.

    1. You did
    2. Who fucking cares? It didn't make my life any better or worse. It just took me longer to catch up on the thread :)
    3. What private thread?
     
  23. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
    Donor
    Florida GatorsSan Francisco GiantsGolden State WarriorsSan Francisco 49'ers

    Real Roy's diary thread I think
     
  24. The Real Roy Williams

    The Real Roy Williams Oklahoma Sooners, OKC Thunder
    Donor
    Oklahoma SoonersOklahoma City Thunder

    There’s one on pm that several multiple people are members of. A recovery thread. I don’t know who has to give you permission to post but they will. Or just hit me up.
     
  25. The Real Roy Williams

    The Real Roy Williams Oklahoma Sooners, OKC Thunder
    Donor
    Oklahoma SoonersOklahoma City Thunder

    I’ll post in that thread but not too much about this stuff.
     
  26. fattus

    fattus Well-Known Member
    Donor

    Oh I might be a member already. Or was. I haven't been active much in a while.
     
  27. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Cincinnati BearcatsAlabama Crimson TideCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsTiger WoodsFC Cincinnati

    So last night I'm in the kitchen making a quick sandwich, with a pita pocket (this is key) before I hit the bar to go watch the bearcats game with a couple buddies:

    Wife looking at my sandwich on the plate as I'm stuffing the pita..

    Wife: Oh, that's a good idea to cut the pita in half
    Me: Yeah
    Wife: That looks way easier than how I did it today
    Me:


    I didn't even wanna know she made hers. I can just picture her slicing the pita open like you would a bagel or something.
     
  28. Anybody else have a partner that seems to lack mastery of even the most basic tenets of fire safety?

    She loves candles. So much so she loves to put them right in the middle of her stacks of paperwork, directly under cabinets, etc. Came home yesterday and she was happily clipping away at paperwork with incense and candles with loose papers, like, overlapping on them. Also, space heater with the drapes laying right over it.

    No clue how our house hasn't burned down yet
     
  29. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City Chiefs


    T&P's for your impending loss of home

    UncleJesse might be able to offer some advice having gone through the process himself
     
    blind dog, dahldennsull, Luka and 2 others like this.
  30. cdaysker

    cdaysker Quarry
    Donor TMB OG
    Nebraska CornhuskersChicago CubsDetroit LionsUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    Buy her some scentsy stuff for valentine's day and throw the candles away
     
  31. Came home a couple years ago and she had a candle under one of our cabinets and the cabinet door was starting on fire with the flame climbing the door like 12". Wtf. Thought i had cleared shit up pretty well then and there.

    Yeah, we're gonna die
     
  32. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Cincinnati BearcatsAlabama Crimson TideCincinnati RedsCincinnati BengalsTiger WoodsFC Cincinnati

    [​IMG]
     
  33. angus

    angus Well-Known Member
    Donor

    Make sure your premium in paid and up to date.
     
  34. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersColorado RockiesCalgary FlamesArsenalTiger Woods

    Dude. WTF?
     
    a.tramp likes this.
  35. UncleJesse

    UncleJesse She came up and asked if I wanted a Big Mac.
    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesDallas Cowboys

    That will definitely burn your house down.
     
  36. I'll be sure to make a post in the "stupid things" thread when she burns our house down cuz that's p stupid iyam
     
  37. righty

    righty Respect The Pouch
    Donor TMB OG
    Miami HurricanesNew England Patriots

  38. angus

    angus Well-Known Member
    Donor

    Might be cheaper to get a new wife.
     
  39. I wonder if "fire safety concerns" has ever been listed as a chief reason on divorce filings before.

    Might even get me sole custody of our daughter
     
  40. Thinking i'll install some sconces in safe places where the only candles in the house can go
     
  41. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member

    Just get her some of these bulbs

    [​IMG]
     
    dahldennsull, Luka, LetItSoak and 4 others like this.
  42. angus

    angus Well-Known Member
    Donor

    She's obviously a pyro. She's not going to be satisfied with pretty lights.
     
    Nole0515, HuskerInMiami, Luka and 5 others like this.
  43. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
    Donor
    Florida GatorsSan Francisco GiantsGolden State WarriorsSan Francisco 49'ers

    From the sounds of it she is probably making sure his life insurance premiums are paid up instead. "I'm just so silly with fire."
     
    #7843 Imurhuckleberry, Feb 8, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2019
  44. I've made peace with leaving this earth staggering down the street, arms flailing, completely engulfed in flames.

    They got start running background checks at yankee candle
     
  45. angus

    angus Well-Known Member
    Donor

    Candles don't kill people, people do.
     
  46. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsDuke Blue DevilsIllinois Fighting IlliniKansas City Royals

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last few years, it’s to never stop posting.
     
    Luka, One Two, Lyrtch and 4 others like this.
  47. OZ

    OZ Old balls

    Catching up. I assume, after a string of post about organizing, this is the person responsible for me having to decide what I feel connected with in my closest by ‘touching and feeling’ every piece of clothing.
    Yep, was going to just avoid posting but this did the trick.

    She loses shit (including finding a credit card she had to cancel, because it was in the dryer because why wouldn’t it be stuck in the dryer for 3 weeks) because she loses shit. Most of the shit I lose? Because she organizes shit just as I figure out where everything is located from the previous reorganizing of shit.
     
    Luka, ARCO, wes tegg and 3 others like this.
  48. laidoutfab

    laidoutfab Well-Known Member
    Donor

    Yep, and that's why candles aren't allowed in our home anymore
     
    pnk$krtcryna$ty likes this.
  49. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby I don’t cry. I Saab.

    pnk$krtcryna$ty I don’t have any advice on how to stop your wife from burning down the house with candles, but I do have some advice on which candles would be most soothing to burn to death to