Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Nice that got me my nut too
     
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  2. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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    This is definitely a thing (not being even slightly sarcastic) - a woman isn’t secure in their relationship without a solid picture of their significant other’s genitalia -

    I appreciate the level of formality with which she addressed the situation.
     
    #8502 Eathan Edwards, Apr 24, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2019
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  3. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    Randomly texts for dick pics during the day but doesn’t like the use of the word pussy. Can’t explain that shit.
     
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  4. oknole

    oknole MC OG
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    Got home from work yesterday, power is out.

    "How come our wifi isn't working?"
    The power is out.
    "What does that have to with the wifi, it's wireless"
    You can't be serious
    "Are you going to post this?"
    Yep
    "Asshole"
     
  5. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Should have told her to unplug it and plug it back in to see if she would put 1 + 1 together
     
  6. oknole

    oknole MC OG
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    She can be stupid sometimes but 14 years of marriage and she's still giving blowjobs so you take the good with the bad.
     
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  7. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Know what you are saying, as evidenced by my posts of my bff itt
     
  8. TheFreak55

    TheFreak55 He should keep his mouth firmly shut
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    We talking start to finish bj?
     
  9. blind dog

    blind dog wps
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    Yeah those were plentiful before marriage. Now they are the rarest of birds. She developed a bad gag reflex after 3rd baby and doesn't want me to cum in her mouth anymore :rolleyes:

    Did get some buttsex Sunday night tho so that was p cool
     
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  10. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Are you still walking funny or has that worn off haha
     
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  11. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb Living rent free in Jigga's head
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  12. blind dog

    blind dog wps
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    I'm a seasoned professional, was walking fine immediately after
     
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  13. texasraider

    texasraider thanks
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    The start to finish bj is the rarest of animals
     
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  14. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
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    fixed for married tmb'ers
     
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  15. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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  16. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    AaronCE, HotMic, dump and 17 others like this.
  17. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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  18. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    That situation must be frustrating just a tad...
     
  19. dahldennsull

    dahldennsull Living in the best state
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    [​IMG]
     
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  20. oknole

    oknole MC OG
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    Yeah man. We're talking out of the blue, unsolicited, BJs to completion.
     
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  21. blind dog

    blind dog wps
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    Ah to be young again. Even better is unsolicited road head.
     
  22. jbr

    jbr Well-Hung Member
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    A91C7957-D1F6-4AD4-9E97-77EE9B2644FA.jpeg

    My wife and kids were out running errands today. They came home to take care of the tick on my oldest’s forehead...

    ...except it wasn’t a tick. It was a poppyseed from the bagel they all shared for a snack earlier in the afternoon.
     
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  23. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Gets into so many at fault accidents that our reduced limit auto insurance is almost as much as our home insurance
     
  24. Arrec Bardwin

    Arrec Bardwin La Araña Discoteca
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    At some point it becomes cheaper to sell the car and have her just uber everywhere and have stuff delivered instead.
     
  25. Daddy Rabbit

    Daddy Rabbit obviously silly and not productive
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    #8525 Daddy Rabbit, Apr 26, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2019
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  26. BUstang

    BUstang Lawyer

    My wife and I are expecting our first kid here in a few weeks. Here's a conversation from this morning:

    Me: I guess I will need to learn to play Minecraft. Seems like all the kids are obsessed with it.

    Her: You didn't play that as a kid?

    Me: No? Wasn't it released when we were in college?

    Her: I don't think so. I played it all the time when I was a kid. I'm better at it than you.

    Me: What are you talking about? I know for a fact you haven't played Minecraft, built cities etc.

    Her: Building cities?

    Me: Yes. That's what you do in that game.

    Her: No you click around the bombs until you find all of them.

    Me: *Fist into mouth, screaming.*
     
  27. NP13

    NP13 MC OG
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    Close enough
     
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  28. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    also pretty sure fortnite and Apex Legends has replaced Minecraft
     
  29. TimJimothy

    TimJimothy Well-Known Member
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    Roblox is apparently where it's at nowadays.
     
    ashy larry, dump and Name P. Redacted like this.
  30. PAHokie

    PAHokie Can't a bitch living say I bought her Michael Kors
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    Now I won’t get anything done at work and will play that all day. Thanks.
     
  31. TheFreak55

    TheFreak55 He should keep his mouth firmly shut
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    She watches Lunatics on Netflix
     
  32. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    In San Francisco with a friend, car gets broken into
    Louis Vuitton purse gone
    Suitcase gone
    Thank God she had her wallet with her
     
  33. tjsblue

    tjsblue I was right at the time
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    Nice humble brag about having God in your life.
     
  34. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    Why didn’t she put them in her trunk? That’s like rule number 1 in a city. If it’s visible someone will bust a window out to snag it
     
  35. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    She was begging for that to happen
     
  36. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    Now she gets a new bag. Duh .
     
  37. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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    Exactly - two months down the road after you've already replaced it they hit you with the "Oh I guess it was just in the closet at home the whole time, silly me".
     
  38. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Really? You think a logical decision is happening with two women excited to go take a picture of the crooked street?
     
  39. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Apparently somebody that lived directly above where the car was parked videotaped the whole thing
    4 guys in a Black Mazda with plates that match a stolen Infiniti
    Welp, thanks
     
  40. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Did I mention she just bought that suitcase on Thursday?
     
  41. dahldennsull

    dahldennsull Living in the best state
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    man, T's & P's at your life with a girl that leaves a freaking Louis in plain view on the street
     
  42. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    I went to a historical site earlier this year and they had Louis Vuitton trunk from the very early 1900s with the signature monogram canvas pattern. Looked to be in exceptional condition on the outside. I can't even begin to imagine how much money that would fetch at an auction.
     
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  43. fattmante

    fattmante Well-Known Member
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    Your girl was in Coming to America?
     
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  44. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    We got a new recipe book and have been adding our favorites. Today’s addition sounds delicious!

    [​IMG]
     
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  45. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    You still got the point asshole
     
  46. Festus McBadass

    Festus McBadass Cool ass dog and 5 star recruit
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    That’s how it’s pronounced in the south
     
  47. Marbles

    Marbles Trudging the road to happy destiny
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    As a Missippi resident that’s exactly how we say it so I completely understand the mistake.
     
  48. Gambler

    Gambler Hog Fan
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    Tell'em about the gun line boss.
     
  49. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    Next recipe might be a medium rare piece of devine if she learns about that post
     
  50. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    devine won't be basting her in his ranch butter sauce anytime soon