Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    Keep it g rated please
     
  2. dahldennsull

    dahldennsull Living in the best state
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    [​IMG]
     
    BigRed, HotMic, Celemo and 16 others like this.
  3. The Hebrew Husker

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    Just checking in to see if any of you have met a woman that actually knows how to wash a dish off before putting it in the dishwasher and/or leaving it in the sink.

    TIA
     
    CC, BigRed, Why?Pokes and 12 others like this.
  4. Matt Foley

    Matt Foley RIP EARL
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    Hard to meet something that doesn’t exist imo.
     
  5. Arkadin

    Arkadin inefficiently efficent and unclearly clear
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  6. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
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    Married to a cleaning nazi, so yes
     
  7. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    You wanna swap wives like once a month so you can get a break and I can get my house cleaned?
     
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  8. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
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    I'd make that deal. Most of the time it's great because of course everything is clean and I kinda need someone to keep me in line in that regard. But sometimes I just have to laugh at her, especially if we are having company over.
     
  9. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Yes
     
  10. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    I think every woman on earth turns into a Cleaning Nazi when company is coming over.
     
  11. texasraider

    texasraider thanks
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    And still doesn’t clean dishes before leaving them in the sink
     
  12. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    One of my favorite tangents.

    Also let's not forget dishwasher loading skills. "Honey, I don't think those plates are gonna get cleaned stacked on top of each other on the top rack underneath the baking sheet"
     
  13. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
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    It seems to always come back to lil girls being indoctrinated with princess fantasy, fashion, and make-up instead of learning how things work. More lil girls changing the oil on their dads car and fewer Disney princesses, if for no other reason than we can get some properly loaded dishwashers.
     
    dump, One Two and bigred77 like this.
  14. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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  15. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
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    I start my daughter off with a pinch of Red Man everyday to teach her how to load the dishwasher.
     
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  16. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    I just throw it in the dishwasher. If you're the type of person that rinses it off before the dishwasher, just go ahead and add some soap to that rinse and finish the job.
     
  17. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode with the mandem
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    [​IMG]
     
  18. DaveGrohl

    DaveGrohl Public Figure
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  19. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Do you also expect them to greet you at the door when you get off work and have dinner ready for you on the table as soon as you walk in?
     
    BlazingRebel, bigred77 and MORBO! like this.
  20. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    hell yeah can't wait to teach my daughter the value of outsourcing work (because changing my car's oil requires removing the front panel) so she knows to hire a house cleaning service when she's older
     
  21. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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    I hate doing dishes and thought a logical solution was to just use all disposable/recyclable plateware and silverware while agreeing to take out the trash and recycling anytime requested.

    That went over about as poorly as imaginable (ex, not the current). I honestly thought that was going to be a win for her as it’s a pretty big removal of workload - but it ended up devolving into a conversation about me not caring enough.
     
    Ty Webb, Hatfield, One Two and 3 others like this.
  22. texasraider

    texasraider thanks
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    God you’re such an asshole
     
    -Asshole-, blind dog and bigred77 like this.
  23. Fafa fofo

    Fafa fofo Tell me 1 thing, 1 thing BACON can't improve...
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    This is half absurd. Yes Greet me at the door, with a kiss and my slippers, but jeez dinner right when I get home, can't we unwind for about 30 minutes then eat?
     
  24. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    The hidden gem in that post is that the dad’s car needs the oil change and not the mom’s. Mom has her shit together while dad is 2,000 miles over the recommended mileage for service.
     
  25. blind dog

    blind dog wps
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    Getting my wife a new phone tomorrow so she wanted me to import all of her pictures. This shit has been running for over 3 hours now

    [​IMG]
     
    BigRed, bertwing, Champ and 17 others like this.
  26. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    no iphone/icloud?
     
  27. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Or no Dropbox or Google Drive with the auto backup for photos?
     
  28. REGGNECK

    REGGNECK You wanna know what I been down , DONT BOTHER ME
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    #markeroftrashyppl
     
  29. blind dog

    blind dog wps
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    Oh wow you got me I’m so offended :(
     
    bertwing, DaveGrohl, dump and 2 others like this.
  30. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Wife got mad on Saturday because I had to work (work like one Saturday a year) and she wanted to look for new furniture which is pretty overdue, we really do need a new set of living room furniture
    So she decided to go to town and go to a furniture store, picked out a good reasonably priced set, paid for it, and it will be delivered on Wednesday

    No idea why this was such a big deal that she actually was capable of doing this all alone (it's not like I actually give a shit about what the furniture is) but damn if I haven't heard her tell atleast 1000 of her friends on the phone about how she had to do it all by herself because I wouldnt take the time to go with her (like I actually wanted to)
     
    Eathan Edwards, Baron, mc415 and 18 others like this.
  31. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Congrats on your new hot pink leather furniture set!
     
  32. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    You were getting yelled at no matter what. Either you go and she bitches because you stopped her from buying the set of furniture she really wanted but was too expensive, or what actually happened.
     
  33. texasraider

    texasraider thanks
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    You never seem to care about the things that matter to me
     
    NineteenNine, dump, AaronCE and 5 others like this.
  34. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    She's buying a $400 hair dryer
     
  35. blind dog

    blind dog wps
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    That's an investment to look good for you, ungrateful asshole
     
  36. TheFreak55

    TheFreak55 He should keep his mouth firmly shut
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    Dyson?
     
    One Two and Ty Webb like this.
  37. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Yeah. I tried to compromise with one of their fans so we could get a dual use, but that was a no go
     
    NoNatty, One Two, angus and 2 others like this.
  38. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Tell her you also want a $400 blowjob. Fair is fair.
     
  39. dump

    dump TMB’s premier expert on women’s CBB
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    what if she just wanted to spend quality time with you you jerkface
     
    One Two, bigred77 and a.tramp like this.
  40. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    I tried that one at my bachelor party and it did NOT go over well
     
  41. TheFreak55

    TheFreak55 He should keep his mouth firmly shut
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    Freakness has one too and it’s amazing
     
    One Two, dump and ned's head like this.
  42. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    We've since spent quality time on the new couch, iykwim
     
    dump likes this.
  43. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb Living rent free in Jigga's head
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    That’s essentially what’s happening

    minus the bj
     
  44. HatterasJack

    HatterasJack Is your refrigerator running? It's Mike Hunt.
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    Wife called on the way to the dog trainer frantic because "she forgot to bring the leash". I started to explain that I was sure the trainer had one, but she thought it was important to use the same leash for consistency, etc. When I asked her where she thought she left it she guessed on the hook by the back door. I looked there, in the laundry room where we leave it sometimes, back porch, etc. No where to be found. Call her back, "hun, bad news...can't find it anywhere". This is where shit gets suspicious because all of sudden it's:

    Wife: Don't worry, you're right, i'm sure she has one, blah blah...
    Me: Wow, that was a quick 180. What happened?
    Wife: Well... I uh, I found it. (while still driving mind you)
    Me: It's on the fucking dog isn't it?
    Wife: He was laying on it so I couldn't see it! I forgot I put it on him!
    Me: See if the trainer has any tips for women.
     
  45. Nug

    Nug MexicanNug
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    I got her to watch Inglorious Bastards for the first time over the weekend.

    After this scene:
    [​IMG]

    Her: I never knew that's how Hitler died!
    Me: ...
    Her: shut up
     
    #8595 Nug, May 22, 2019
    Last edited: May 22, 2019
  46. Chipper>Jeter

    Chipper>Jeter Defund the NCAA
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    It’s 11:30 pm and my wife is vacuuming the house because her sister just got here and the house has to be perfect. My kids are like wtf is this bitch crazy?
     
  47. LSUTigers1986

    LSUTigers1986 Well-Known Member
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    I was tasked on cleaning the game room tonight. Fired up the roomba and plopped on the couch but was later chastised for not working hard enough to get this place sparkling. Half this thread knows who’s coming tomorrow.... the maid.
     
  48. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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    My ex used to rampantly buy coffee tables (this is for a 1 bedroom apartment with a small balcony so not like she was trying to fill a house or something) - she would then, upon realizing that they did not “fit the room” and were not returnable, sell them on Craigslist at a loss.

    The reason for mentioning the balcony - I vividly remember having people over to the apt one time and we were rocking 2-3 coffee tables on the balcony awaiting Craigslist purchase. I still get shit til this day about my awesome patio furniture and we got a complaint from residential beautification about it - so that was a blast to explain.

    This did not occur with any other pieces of furniture - full compartmentalization.
     
    BlazingRebel, dump, bigred77 and 4 others like this.
  49. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    Try this idea on for size: a coffee table book about coffee tables. Would she be interested and what’s her email/net worth?
     
  50. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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    As if I don’t already have 3 in storage awaiting craigslist purchase.