Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

What kind of teeth does residential beautification have?

 

I feel ya, brah. I hate it when my wife makes me de-clutter the wine cellar when she knows that's the Butler's job.

 

Had to trade vehicles with my MIL today. Get in car and there is trash everywhere, 7 miles until empty and the fucking seat heater is turned on. It's hot af today. That crazy woman leaves her seat heaters on high year round. I found this out bc I drove her car by myself once to Dallas in July, about an hour into trip I thought was getting sick bc my entire body was sweating before I realized her insanity

 

The set up:
Scheduled a completely over the top lunch with Anison and goblue31602 Saturday to exchange bourbon and eat hot shrimp at Harry & Izzys in Indy. It is a two hour drive for everyone but we don't get to see each other much outside of football season. I told her a month ago and she wasn't happy about it since I travel all the time and it being a holiday weekend. So I scheduled a week home before the weekend and am taking Friday off since the kids are out early on their last day of school. She still wasn't happy about it (not mad, but throwing in some jabs).
The lead up:
Some passive aggressive comments about how my mom might have her holiday event Saturday so I'd have to be back early.
She agreed to watch two king Charles Spaniels this weekend for a teacher at my kids school for some reason. I have no idea how that would have even been presented. We have a husky that will be all over them making my weekend annoying. She comments about how she'll have all the kids and the dogs while I'm gone.. like it is my fault she has extra dogs.
The fuck you:
Last Friday her college roommates father died. I figured she'd carve out time to go to the service. They fucking schedule the service (that is two hours away) Saturday morning of the holiday weekend. So now not only am I not going to my fun event, I'm watching three dogs, my kids, and of course I'm the bad guy because she feels bad about making me miss the event.
The extra fuck you:
I could have brought the kids or left them with my family for the time I was gone... had we not had these extra fucking dogs.

 

It's all those years of wild savage anal sex that has caused her derriere to be so cold due to the massive anal cavity she's been left with and the cavernous drafts inside it help keep her bum a chilly 45 degrees.

 

Bring your kids and lock the dogs in a fucking bathroom with a bowl of food and some water. You'll be gone 6 hours, what could those little shitheads really do?

 

IF I could make it home before her it would be happening.

 

Tell the teacher you can’t keep the dogs. Your wife said she’d watch them not you.

 

I mean, it would be pretty costly, but depending on how bad you want to go you could drop the dogs off at a doggy daycare type place for the day. But that situation sucks, sorry man.

 

I have no idea how these dogs would react or act around other dogs but I (more like she) would never allow that one for other people’s dogs. And you need to submit records. Also I have no idea yet how our dog is going to react around them which is going to be fun.

 

Then tell her to take the fucking dogs to the service since she agreed to watch them, not you*.


*-I realize this is divorce advice, and probably belongs in the divorce thread.

 

She’s leaving town tomorrow. No way my wife is going to have that we bailed on her the day before she leaves floating around the school.

 

How about this. I’ll bring them to Cincy and NE31602 can watch them.

 

The double extra secret fuck you: her college roommate was an orphan.

 

Remember that thing I said about locking them in the bathroom? Yeah, that's what she would do.

I don't see why you can't just separate the dogs and take off. It's only 6 hours, I assume they're used to going an entire workday without going out.

 

I'd say take your lumps and stay home this weekend with the rental dogs and kids and then use it as ammo for a bigger and better guys weekend down the road? Probably wishful thinking but that would be my game plan

 

Yeah I’m thinking Chicago in three weeks Anison visa

 

That on her, not you.

 

LOL OK.

 

Hoss, it's these kind of responses that get you almost killed by your wife

 

YOLO

 

I would not hesitate for a minute to take the extra dogs to a boarding service. Get family to watch the kids or hire a babysitter.

Dog sitting is absolutely optional in this situation.

 

We haven’t heard a good knife under the door story in a bit. We’re due

 

It's not that simple...ours required full vet records and even a temperament check. tjsblue seems fucked, but should be able to play it into a new man trip pretty easily imo

 

Haven’t really had any I can think of. We’ve gotten into it but she hasn’t lost it in awhile.

 

yeah, it's not just a spontaneous drop off.

but i'm officially team - put the dogs in a bedroom/bathroom locked away.

FUCK watching someone else's dogs your wife volunteered for. even if I didn't have an event and my wife offered that for someone and bailed, I would be abandoning those things in the guest bedroom or something all day.

 

fify

 

pffft. like a female would ever allow something to be held over her head.

 

Nah, half the time you end up with little bits of food steam-pressed to some of the dishes. Then you spend way more time chiseling them clean and running another load through the dishwasher than you ever would have spent simply rinsing the plate as soon as you finished eating.

Dishwashers aren’t designed to remove the food from dishes; they’re meant to disinfect the residual bacterias and microbes left that the rinse doesn’t wash away.

 

Gotta use this:

 

I have those and just spent the last week re-washing all the loads of un-rinsed dishes our houseguests ran through the washer.

 

How old your dishwasher?

 

Pretty much brand new but regardless I’ve used more than just this one dishwasher in my lifetime.

Like I said, it doesn’t happen every time or to every dish, but when it does man is it a bitch to re-do. You never have that issue rinsing and also don’t risk clogging the drain or culturing any funky smells.

 

Throw away the plate or glass.

 

pretty sure the wife's friend should have done that in the first place. it'd be a shame if those spaniels got in a few mud puddles before being returned...

 

I live walking distance from harry and izzy

I'll just take your spot

Your friends would prefer me anyway I'm sure

 

It’s hair appt day in the jbr household. She won’t tell me how much it costs because a) she has no idea what’s she actually getting done and b) she will likely buy whatever hair product the salon is pushing this weekend (and keep it in her car for a week so I don’t see it because she knows I’ll blow up over another $30 bottle of leave in conditioner). I’m setting the over/under at $250.

In her defense, the hair appointments have dropped to every 3-4 months. In my defense, spending $250 because “that’s just what women do” and “most of my friends go every 6-8 weeks” aren’t good reasons. I’d rather her spend $250 at the spa than the fucking suburban stepford mom salon racket.

 

my wife spent $600 on doing her hair blonde a year ago. Three months after that appointment she decided she didn’t like it anymore so went back to dark brown. Like clockwork, yesterday she hit me with “I want to go blonde again.”

 

She’s a part time hooker. Kidding but I kind of like the variety idea from a wife.

 

So how are the dogs?

 

Woke me up today at 5:30 and from 5:30 to 7:00 would jump on the bed just when I fell back asleep. Other than that they are chill. The boy keeps marking the house.

Update: They stare at me when I poo. I don’t enjoy the pressure.

 

if she didn’t just have a child 6-months ago I would be a skeptical hippo.

 

please update for Vegas

seems like you should be able to change hair colors for a little bit cheaper....

My wife just got done having the loudest conversation with her sister about if letting our niece use tampons would stunt her grown and cause her to gain a ton of weight

 

The under initially hit at $238, but please keep your tickets for a few days in case the tip isn’t included in the current total.

 

woof I didn't even think about tip.....my wife recently spent a $100 over two trips and I'm now actually thankful....how much do you tip on a $200 trip to the salon

 

For that price they better give you a couple of glasses of champagne. If I ever make bank and decide to go to the fancy barbers, if I pay over 100$ I want that good scotch

 

It’s also the time that they spend there, 1 hour and half to fix my hair? No thanks

 

Yeah, I would’ve taken the over before and certainly would now.

 

Sup

cc: Anison goblue31602