Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. Luka

    Luka Roll Tide what? FUCK YOU!
    Donor
    SMU MustangsTexas RangersArizona CardinalsDallas StarsDallas Mavericks alt

    but it would be better for you when Trump gets re-elected and a Civil War happens
     
    HatterasJack and IHHH like this.
  2. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
    Donor
    Kansas State Wildcats

    Why not just ask for cash, checks, or Venmo/PayPal? Then no one is taking a cut.

    Also fuck anyone who gives gift cards.
     
    Doc Louis, Hank Scorpio and Rabid like this.
  3. HatterasJack

    HatterasJack Is your refrigerator running? It's Mike Hunt.
    Donor

    Plus all that sweet, sweet free healthcare.
     
  4. Jigga

    Jigga I am Steve Rogers
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Florida GatorsMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersAvengersMiami Heat

    72350936-5879-4FC8-A2BF-16B9579D6EDB.jpeg
    She had to take my keys tonight and was confused why I had a rape whistle on my key chain
     
  5. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
    Donor
    Kansas State Wildcats

    i have that same usb stick
     
  6. Rabid

    Rabid Fan of: DQ Treats
    Donor TMB OG
    Minnesota Golden Gophers

    *rape whistle
     
  7. Nandor the Relentless

    Nandor the Relentless Former Leader of Al Quolanudar
    Donor
    Kentucky WildcatsBoston CelticsNew England PatriotsUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamUniversity of LynchburgUSA BasketballNXTAEWMetal

    Men can get raped too. Why she being sexist? :crossedarms:
     
  8. CC

    CC Waiting for moments that never come
    Donor TMB OG
    Miami HurricanesLos Angeles Dodgers

    While we were in Italy a local guy was explaining his small town's summer tradition where there are lots of fireworks. As he was trying to find the right words to translate the name of it to English, she blurted out "Fourth of July?!"
     
  9. TimJimothy

    TimJimothy Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Kansas State WildcatsKansas City Royals

    I guess tmb isn't above man rape shaming even in these days...
     
  10. THF

    THF BITE THE NUTS, THUMB IN THE ASS!
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSan Francisco GiantsOklahoma City ThunderDallas CowboysSan Francisco 49'ersMontreal Impact

    Honeyfund....

    That is what I am using.

    https://www.honeyfund.com
     
  11. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure College football is overrated anyways.
    Donor
    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsDallas CowboysGame of ThronesSneakers

    000677D6-1D79-48AC-8E27-0A3A91E740E9.jpeg
    She bought this for the bathroom. It should be an emogi
     
  12. AaronCE

    AaronCE Swoll Member

    The little known cologne variant Sex Leopard?
     
    Cornfed Buffalo and Open Carry like this.
  13. Hank Scorpio

    Hank Scorpio Globex Corporation, Philanthropist, Supervillain
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay BuccaneersTampa Bay LightningWWEGame of Thrones

    Mrs. Scorpio: Did you buy a bunch of shirts or something?

    Me: Yeah, bought some UF and Bucs polos

    Mrs. Scorpio: You spent over $400!

    Me: I regret nothing
     
    ugafish, dahldennsull, Baron and 8 others like this.
  14. MORBO!

    MORBO! Hello, Tiny Man. I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!!
    Donor
    New York GiantsNew York YankeesAtlanta UnitedUCF Knights

    Take it to the ‘Stupid Shit Hank Scorpio Does’ thread.
     
  15. gus_chiggins

    gus_chiggins AND STAY OUT OF THE WOOLWORTH
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesTiger WoodsGrateful Dead

    In this scenario, she’s the reasonable one
     
  16. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishMontreal Canadiens

    Jesus fucking christ
     
  17. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishMontreal Canadiens

    I hope you got the jorts to go with the Florida jerseys
     
  18. Hank Scorpio

    Hank Scorpio Globex Corporation, Philanthropist, Supervillain
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay BuccaneersTampa Bay LightningWWEGame of Thrones

     
  19. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
    Staff Donor
    Florida Gators

    $400 on shirts that are limited in use (games, golf, etc) is not the move.
     
  20. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    Team polo's are perfectly acceptable friday work wear
     
  21. Nandor the Relentless

    Nandor the Relentless Former Leader of Al Quolanudar
    Donor
    Kentucky WildcatsBoston CelticsNew England PatriotsUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamUniversity of LynchburgUSA BasketballNXTAEWMetal

    Shit I wear polos around the house if they are really comfortable.
     
    captbunch likes this.
  22. tjsblue

    tjsblue I was right at the time
    Donor

    This is TMB. Of course it is.
     
  23. Hank Scorpio

    Hank Scorpio Globex Corporation, Philanthropist, Supervillain
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay BuccaneersTampa Bay LightningWWEGame of Thrones

    In my defense:
    1. I bought most of the shirts in 2 different sizes (online order) because their fits vary wildly depending on the brand (and even within brand) imo, so half of what she saw on the statement is being/has been returned
    2. I wear them to work most days, so they get a lot of use.

    In reality, it's closer to $200-250
     
    THF, NineteenNine and -Asshole- like this.
  24. Nandor the Relentless

    Nandor the Relentless Former Leader of Al Quolanudar
    Donor
    Kentucky WildcatsBoston CelticsNew England PatriotsUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamUniversity of LynchburgUSA BasketballNXTAEWMetal

    How many shirts will you actually keep if you keep one size of each shirt?
     
  25. Hank Scorpio

    Hank Scorpio Globex Corporation, Philanthropist, Supervillain
    Donor
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay BuccaneersTampa Bay LightningWWEGame of Thrones

    8
     
  26. Nandor the Relentless

    Nandor the Relentless Former Leader of Al Quolanudar
    Donor
    Kentucky WildcatsBoston CelticsNew England PatriotsUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamUniversity of LynchburgUSA BasketballNXTAEWMetal

    Sounds like you got a good deal to me then given these are licensed sports polos.
     
  27. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishMontreal Canadiens

    [​IMG]
     
  28. jonbenetramsey

    jonbenetramsey Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG

    I have to work this morning which means taking care of the kids by myself will be next to impossible. She just *had* to go to yoga at 9:30 to relax after a long and stressful week.

    Left at 9am
    Got some coffee at Starbucks
    Yoga
    And a Whole Foods charge about 5 minutes ago

    I’ve been working all morning with bored and frustrated kids while her 60 minute yoga class has been a 2.5 hour excursion with stops for coffee and snacks. Today is the day I get divorced.
     
  29. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
    Donor TMB OG
    Miami HurricanesMiami MarlinsMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersTiger WoodsGame of ThronesMiami Heat

    Need an update on this
     
  30. REGGNECK

    REGGNECK Hard to be soft , tough to be tinder.
    Donor
    Georgia BulldogsAtlanta BravesLos Angeles LakersDallas CowboysBayern MunichTiger WoodsGrateful Dead

    My wife does this type shit all the time .
    But my kids are older and she always naggin me while I’m on the golf course!
    Think I’m gonna block her number when I play ...
     
  31. jonbenetramsey

    jonbenetramsey Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG

    Not much to it. She came home, I bitched at her, she took the kids for a while, and I grabbed lunch by myself. I’ve been married long enough to know to pick my battles. I’m not digging my heels in on something like that.

    If I pitched a fit every time she did something that pissed me off (or vice versa) then we definitely would be divorced.
     
  32. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
    Donor

    That's 3, maybe 4 shirts
     
    IHHH likes this.
  33. Billy King

    Donor
    New Orleans SaintsColorado RockiesNew Orleans PelicansWest Virginia Mountaineers

    Not my girlfriend but last night JeremyLambsFace's wife slobbered all over my dick because she thought it was a t bone steak
     
  34. Druce

    Druce Fuck football.
    Donor
    North Carolina TarheelsNotre Dame Fighting IrishAtlanta BravesDetroit LionsBarcelonaSneakers

    [​IMG]
     
  35. HotMic

    HotMic Mr So-and-So
    Donor
    Ohio State BuckeyesCleveland BrownsKent State Golden FlashesCleveland CavaliersCleveland IndiansGame of Thrones

    [​IMG]
     
  36. JeremyLambsFace

    JeremyLambsFace For bookings contact Morgan at 702-374-3735
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksAtlanta BravesDallas CowboysNational LeagueAvengersBarAndGrill

    Billy is lashing out because I told him some hard truths about how truly terrible he is.
     
    bertwing, HoosDaMan, ARCO and 4 others like this.
  37. NoNatty

    NoNatty Keyboard Cowboy
    Donor
    Oregon DucksPortland Trail BlazersSan Francisco 49'ersManchester UnitedPortland Timbers

    75D2EEBA-CDC7-4271-92D3-0D0C4AE00E3A.gif
     
    bertwing, Baron, ARCO and 9 others like this.
  38. DaveGrohl

    DaveGrohl Public Figure
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideTennessee TitansWolverhampton Wanderers

     
    #9038 DaveGrohl, Aug 19, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2019
  39. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
    Donor TMB OG
    Miami HurricanesMiami MarlinsMiami DolphinsFlorida PanthersTiger WoodsGame of ThronesMiami Heat

    smart man. that kind of selfish shit annoys the shit out of me. but you are absolutely right to handle it the way you did.
     
    dump, REGGNECK and jonbenetramsey like this.
  40. Tobias

    Tobias dan “the man qb1” jones fan account
    Donor
    North Carolina TarheelsAtlanta BravesCharlotte HornetsNew York GiantsManchester CityNational LeagueBarAndGrill

    billy you are a thief of joy
     
    #9040 Tobias, Aug 19, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2019
    BlazingRebel and JeremyLambsFace like this.
  41. Marbles

    Marbles Trudging the road to happy destiny
    Auburn TigersAtlanta Braves

    Been married for two months. She and I don’t share s bathroom so it was just today that I discovered she goes through a roll of toilet paper a day. WTF?
     
    bertwing, shawnoc, One Two and 4 others like this.
  42. JeremyLambsFace

    JeremyLambsFace For bookings contact Morgan at 702-374-3735
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksAtlanta BravesDallas CowboysNational LeagueAvengersBarAndGrill

    You don't share a bathroom?
     
  43. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Everybody just shut up! Shut up, Lutz!
    Donor

    How could they if his wife never leaves the shitter
     
  44. JeremyLambsFace

    JeremyLambsFace For bookings contact Morgan at 702-374-3735
    Donor
    South Carolina GamecocksAtlanta BravesDallas CowboysNational LeagueAvengersBarAndGrill

    She has 10 bathrooms she could shit all day
     
  45. Capstone 88

    Capstone 88 Going hard in the paint
    Donor
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesTennessee TitansNashville Predators2pac

    Why is someone’s penis shaped like a T? Why is Marbles wife shitting 8 hours a day? We’ve got questions that need answers
     
    One Two, PAHokie and DaveGrohl like this.
  46. THEBLUERAIDER

    THEBLUERAIDER Well-Known Member
    Donor
    St. Louis CardinalsTennessee TitansNashville PredatorsMiddle Tennessee State Blue Raiders

    My wife and I don’t share a bathroom or a closet. It’s glorious.
     
  47. Fabulousthundercock

    Fabulousthundercock Well-Known Member
    South Carolina Gamecocks

    Is this where Billy bitches about everyone getting "offended" too easily because his jokes are lame?
     
    #9047 Fabulousthundercock, Aug 19, 2019
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2019
    Ray McKigney and DaveGrohl like this.
  48. Marbles

    Marbles Trudging the road to happy destiny
    Auburn TigersAtlanta Braves

    We are same. It’s so nice.
     
    THEBLUERAIDER likes this.
  49. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    I just sat down for the first time this evening since getting home from work because I am cooking 10 briskets tomorrow night for a benefit for one of her friends children, and I came home and immediately started getting shit ready, then I was watering the area where my big smoker is gunna be parked since its dry as fuck here, and the fucking faucet pipe broke
    I get everything shut off and dug up and thank god I have the fittings I need to fix it

    About an hour into that, wifey walks out and says "can you come inside for a minute? "
    Ok, I'm muddy as shit but whatever
    She then proceeds to tell me her ankles are swollen and that could mean she has congestive heart failure or maybe renal failure and she really wishes I would come inside and sit with her and rub her feet

    I told her it could also mean you have been busting your ass doing stuff on your feet the last 5 days or so (like she has) and that her body isnt used to that. She is a stay at home wife who decided to take on helping a friend clean a couple of houses, then went on a deep clean spree of our house for some reason.

    Tells me she really wishes I would reach out to my friend the heart surgeon and ask him about her swollen ankles.

    I told her she really needed to sit back in the recliner with her feet up

    She responded to that asking if i thought she should go to the ER


    I just got done fixing my busted pipe, and filling the hole etc
    I have heard vaccuum and shit running the whole time I am out here

    I may sit here in the driveway drinking the rest of the night
     
  50. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
    Donor
    Texas Tech Red RaidersTexas RangersSan Antonio SpursDallas CowboysKansas City ChiefsTexas Tech Red Raiders alt

    Ohh, and I still need to finish setting everything up to cook tomorrow