Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. dahldennsull

    dahldennsull Living in the best state
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    Oklahoma City Thunder

    nice humblebrag about being a two income household... my wife's "paycheck" isn't withholding anything either
     
  2. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    We haven’t been on time in eight years.
     
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  3. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member

    The april fools day long game
     
  4. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Everybody just shut up! Shut up, Lutz!
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    My wife says her social security number like 2222-111-33.

    How does everyone else’s wife or significant other pronounce their social security number
     
  5. bro

    bro Hey Hermano
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    :roll:
     
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  6. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Welcome to my hell
    I had never been even close to late to anything in my life before meeting this woman
     
  7. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Blame it on the juice
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    And it's not just that, it's the things that make you late.....for example, last evening before leaving Chez Frez for dinner-
    Shower-check
    Dressed-check
    "Oh but I just need to water these plants and frost this cake real quick"
     
  8. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    “Go ahead an call the Uber.”

    <<Uber driver and I chilling in the driveway for five minutes.>>

    “Sorry!”
     
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  9. texasraider

    texasraider thanks
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    :crossedarms: This was me last week
     
  10. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
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    Florida Gators

    “Go ahead and call the Uber” roughly translates to “I don’t like what I’m wearing, hold on.”
     
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  11. Boom TittyMilk

    Boom TittyMilk User Formerly known as Big R
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    Do you want me to order the Uber?

    “QUIT RUSHING MEEEE”

    I was just aski

    “QUIT RUSHING MEEEE”
     
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  12. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Formerly MK3rds
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    We had our engagement party (which is basically our wedding reception as well since we're going to do a courthouse wedding. The plan was we were both going to stay mostly sober to keep a handle on the 5 different groups of people at this party but flash forword 90 minutes in and she's doing shots with her friends, leaving me to organize 60 people I don't know. She's been stressing this party for weeks and I'm glad she had a good time but a little warning of "I'm going to take a walk off the map now" would have been nice.
     
  13. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    How was the sex?
     
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  14. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Formerly MK3rds
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    Did that before the party and it was aggressive and quite good.
     
  15. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    Notre Dame Fighting IrishMontreal Canadiens

    Probably why she needed the shot, to ease the pain
     
  16. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member

    This exactly.

    I will say though I briefly dated a girl before that was the opposite - we had to leave at an overly specific time for everything - movies, parties, even random things like meeting friends at the damn Oxford Chilis during the day for drinks.

    "If we don't get there on time other people get to pick their seats first and then we could end up next to.......girl she was unhappy with at the time" - and if we didn't hit that target time the world was ending.

    Apparently there is no middle ground.
     
  17. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member

    Another classic in that scenario:

    "Just go ahead and I'll meet you there since you're obviously in a rush"

    Code for "lets just argue at the restaurant/party in front of everyone"
     
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  18. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State Wildcats

    Playing Come As You Are from Nirvana and wife is trying to make up her own lyrics, stretching single syllables over several words

    me "you can't do that"

    her "ok well i've never heard this song"
     
  19. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Everybody just shut up! Shut up, Lutz!
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    Kurt Cobain said that his lyrics were an afterthought to his music, so she CAN do that
     
  20. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    Come as you are, as you were
    As I want you to be
    As I bused on yo back lol
     
  21. mufflax

    mufflax Member

  22. Rabid

    Rabid Fan of: DQ Treats
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    And I don’t have to run.
     
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  23. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
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    A few days ago the wife decided to bake cookies based on a recipe she saw on Pinterest. After pulling them out the oven she mentions to me that they aren't flat cookies and have a fluffy texture "almost like a muffin".

    She asks me why I think they are fluffy and of course I don't fucking know. She's going on with theories and mentions that maybe it's because the recipe called for muffin mix.

    Uhh...yeah that's probably why they're fluffy almost like a muffin.

    Tasted good tho.
     
  24. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
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    Her: this rice isn't cooking right
    Me: how much rice did you put in?
    Her: I don't know
    Me. What about chicken broth?
    Her: I don't know
    Me. So you kinda winged it?
    Her: do you want to come in her and finish it? Why don't you just cook your own meals from now on.
    Me: :boythatescaledquickly:


    She is 7 months pregnant and blamed it on that though and all was fine later.
     
  25. Connor Norman

    Connor Norman Cool ass dog
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    Sounds like you already did that
     
  26. TheFreak55

    TheFreak55 The giants milk we got drank pretty good don’t it
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    Freakness:I'd like to go to Athens we haven't been in awhile
    Freak: You know what would be a lot cooler
    Freakness: What
    Freak: Going to Austin *insert gif of Matthew McConaughey pounding chest*
    Freakness:those seem really different financially
    Freak:[​IMG]
    Freakness: please stop sending me MEMES
     
  27. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
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    [​IMG]
     
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  28. dahldennsull

    dahldennsull Living in the best state
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    Oklahoma City Thunder

    when she shuts down your trip, need to respond with:
    [​IMG]
     
  29. TheFreak55

    TheFreak55 The giants milk we got drank pretty good don’t it
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    fair but I was sharing because she calls gifs, memes
     
  30. El Tiburon

    El Tiburon Well-Known Member
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    Some gifs are memes, but not every meme is a gif.
     
  31. TheFreak55

    TheFreak55 The giants milk we got drank pretty good don’t it
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    [​IMG]
     
  32. Tobias

    Tobias dan “the man qb1” jones fan account
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    you do use gifs too much tho freak. she is trying to tell you something
     
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  33. HotMic

    HotMic Mr So-and-So
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    [​IMG]

    3 hours head start getting ready, doesn’t matter. We’re late. I’ve learned getting upset is a waste of my time.

    Being someone who’s always been anal about punctuality due to my slight anxiety, it’s my personal daily hell.
     
  34. TheFreak55

    TheFreak55 The giants milk we got drank pretty good don’t it
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    naw
    [​IMG]
     
  35. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Formerly MK3rds
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    MM isn’t a Marshall fan?
     
  36. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    Is this a serious question or a really bad joke attempt?
     
  37. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Formerly MK3rds
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    That would be the latter.
     
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  38. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
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    This was well done, I have unliked and liked
     
  39. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Everybody just shut up! Shut up, Lutz!
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    I hope my wife’s maid of honor enjoys tours of our master bathroom and closets because they’re fucking sparkling clean and organized in anticipation of her visit
     
  40. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State Wildcats

    You need to walk her into the master bedroom and say “and here’s where the magic happens” and wink.
     
  41. HotMic

    HotMic Mr So-and-So
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    My wife sent me a text at 7:30 (eastern) saying she stopped with a couple girlfriends at the Mexican restaurant for a quick bite and asked if I wanted something.

    I’m currently still waiting on my Fajitas.
     
  42. Jigga

    Jigga I am Steve Rogers
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    Spoiler: they aren’t coming
     
  43. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    “OMG I totally forgot!”
     
  44. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
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    I've had soemthing similar happen.

    Her: I'm going to dinner with some co-workers I'll text you to see what you want and bring you home something
    Me: sounds good

    Two hours later walks in the door with no food.

    Me: what did you get me
    Her: oh I forgot, I'm sorry
    Me: dang, I'm hungry I wish you would have let me know.
    Her: if you were so hungry you could have got your own food.
    Me: but you said...as I'm grabbing keys to car to go get food and anger eat McDonalds
     
  45. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State Wildcats

    That’s better than my wife texting me “I’m hungry” when I’m upstairs and she’s 10 feet away from the fridge. Bitch it ain’t my problem.
     
  46. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    All the feels. But she wants you to eat with her so she doesn’t feel so bad about it

    Dude....
     
  47. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State Wildcats

    More like she wants me to make food even tho I’m not hungry.
     
  48. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    Notre Dame Fighting IrishMontreal Canadiens

    Oh, that is not cool
     
  49. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    I have a unfunny reply that would go well on rivals but I will shut up
     
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  50. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Everybody just shut up! Shut up, Lutz!
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    Say your piece, son
     
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