Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    damn. Had the flu a few weeks ago. Didn't get out of bed other than to use the bathroom/shower for three days. Didn't eat anything the entire time either. When I finally feel well enough to eat, I am absolutely starving. Wife says she is going to go out and get me food after running a quick errand. She comes back with food 3 hours later...
     
  2. Festus McBadass

    Festus McBadass Cool ass dog and 5 star recruit
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    As soon as she mentioned having to run a quick errand you should have just door dashed something. Nothing with women is ever quick.
     
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  3. WillySaliba

    WillySaliba Well-Known Member
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    When you last 72 hours what’s 75?
     
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  4. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    Oh I knew I was screwed. But at that point I was delirious from not eating for 3 days so the thought of using door dash never even crossed my mind.
     
  5. REGGNECK

    REGGNECK You wanna know what I been down , DONT BOTHER ME
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    You order door dash it comes , she says “ why did you order door dash , I would’ve got it for you “ yea right whenever it fits your schedule....
     
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  6. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    that absolutely would have been the smart move, but my brain was a pile of mush at that point.
     
  7. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    women who say "oh its the man flu" whenever you feel ill are the worst
     
  8. HatterasJack

    HatterasJack Is your refrigerator running? It's Mike Hunt.
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    Have never heard that phrase. But I think the appropriate response would be “at least the man flu doesn’t come once a month”. Yeah, that would definitely work.
     
  9. El Tiburon

    El Tiburon Well-Known Member
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    As a recent flu sufferer myself, I can relate. Worst thing was I came down with the flu the first day of a difficult trial. It took every ounce of energy I had to get to court each day and I barely made it through with fevers, chills and muscle aches all day long. So when I would get home my wife banned me from going upstairs and I was relegated to a small corner of the couch prepped for me while at home so as not to infect her or the kids. Fine, I get it.

    However, she got so strict on it that she would yell at me if I even got up just to pour myself some water or charge my phone. She demanded that I not leave the couch for anything other than using the restroom or showering. Like, not even access to the TV remote because I would taint it with illness, so she required me to ask her to change the channel for me or raise the volume.

    By day 3, she’s bitching at me for being ungrateful that she’s doing everything for me. Meanwhile, that’s a function of her own requirements. I was more than happy to help myself with basic tasks while being otherwise relegated to a confined area. WTF?
     
  10. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    Wrong. What are the Moops!
     
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  11. tjsblue

    tjsblue I was right at the time
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    Pharmacist to my wife “aaw he has man cold”
    Pharmacist #2 “And if she was sick you wouldn’t hear about it”
    :comicbookguy:
     
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  12. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
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    Yep, sounds like the man cold
     
  13. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    What the hell is a “man cold”
     
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  14. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    The belief women handle colds better than men
     
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  15. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
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    Eww
     
  16. Snakes

    Snakes clumsy interloper
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    Yeah that is ridiculous. That’s what guest bedrooms are for.
     
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  17. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    That’s sexist and I can’t believe Louis Holth is telling his customers that
     
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  18. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    I was thinking a hotel room
     
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  19. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
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    I was thinking your new girls place. That sounds horrid.
     
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  20. Homo Erectus

    Homo Erectus The important thing is, you think I'm attractive
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    Is that where your penis "sneezes"?
     
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  21. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Exactly
     
  22. ugafish

    ugafish Not a new member
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    An illness women cant get, and apparently clown baby cant either.
     
  23. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    The man cold/flu is based on the belief that men act like they’re dying when they get a case of the sniffles.
     
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  24. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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    Should try complaining about every ache and pain around them. It goes over even better than a cold or flu.
     
  25. Marbles

    Marbles Trudging the road to happy destiny
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    Ah yes, men can’t complain about not feeling well but we’re supposed to put up with their monster side for the 5 days before their period because we just don’t know how it feels.
     
  26. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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  27. El Tiburon

    El Tiburon Well-Known Member
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    At least I wasn’t accused of exaggerating. One night I got home from court and passed out on the couch. She heard my breathing in my sleep and actually contemplated calling 911 because she thought I was going to die.
     
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  28. 941Gator

    941Gator TMB's resident beach bum
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    The ol’ fake heavy breathing to avoid talking, good tactic.
     
  29. TheFreak55

    TheFreak55 He should keep his mouth firmly shut
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    Minding my business doing the dishes and she comes in:
    Her: I know you're depressed and want to be left alone
    *proceeds to hover around me silently for next 5 minutes
    :out:
     
  30. e
     
    #10280 JuliusLeRoy, Feb 12, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2023
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  31. Festus McBadass

    Festus McBadass Cool ass dog and 5 star recruit
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    Sounds like stupid shit you do for putting up with that.
     
  32. Crepeswithasmile

    Crepeswithasmile Well-Known Member
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    you should clean that freezer out and then put her body in it.
     
  33. but she’s a good whoreder
     
    #10283 JuliusLeRoy, Feb 12, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2023
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  34. Snakes

    Snakes clumsy interloper
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    yikes, both my wife and i would kill each other before it ever got to that. It reminds me of my dad's kitchen. every drawer is stuffed with golf tees, change and gum wrappers. It's like he just empties his pockets in the first drawer he can find.
     
  35. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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    Can’t wait to be an old man to do this.
     
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  36. Daddy Rabbit

    Daddy Rabbit obviously silly and not productive
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    Hodor
     
  37. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    Thank God for Marie Kondo is all I have to say
     
  38. Marbles

    Marbles Trudging the road to happy destiny
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    My wife once suggested I take a new job because she was jealous of my schedule and wanted me working an 8-5 to make her feel better. I just started doing everything around the house so now she doesn’t complain.
     
  39. Deuce

    Deuce Well-Known Member
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    Change talking to high school kids about SoundCloud rap and fashion to college football message boards and that is half this board.
     
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  40. El Tiburon

    El Tiburon Well-Known Member
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    The wife and I got into the most ridiculous argument over the weekend about which movie we should watch On Demand with the kids. She has a habit of saying no to virtually every suggestion as after the kids and I complained she just blew up at me randomly and turned it into a “let me tell you all the things that you’re difficult about” argument. Everyone went to be bed angry and no movie was watched.

    Yesterday I was driving my 12 year old daughter home and mom’s meltdown came up as a topic. I asked her if she thought mom overdid it, and my daughter basically endorsed that mom totally overreacted. But the kicker was that she said totally unintentionally, “Mom is awesome, but it seems like once a month she has these episodes where she freaks out over nothing.” I start laughing hysterically, and when my daughter connects the dots she says, “Oh God I hope I don’t get that way when the time comes.”
     
  41. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    You’re so fucked.
     
  42. Festus McBadass

    Festus McBadass Cool ass dog and 5 star recruit
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    She will
     
  43. Crepeswithasmile

    Crepeswithasmile Well-Known Member
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    Yes, yes he is.

    i have 13 and 16 year old stepdaughters and they both start about the same time as their mom every month. I have to imagine that's what it's like being in prison constantly having to be mindful of your surroundings bc you just don't know when shit is going to pop off and who's carrying the shank.
     
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  44. Marbles

    Marbles Trudging the road to happy destiny
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    The 5 days at the end of every month are miserable in our household.
     
  45. TimJimothy

    TimJimothy Well-Known Member
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    There's only one female in my household, but to make up for that her times of the month last for 28 days.
     
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  46. Crepeswithasmile

    Crepeswithasmile Well-Known Member
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    i got home from work last tuesday night and asked them all where they wanted to go eat dinner, and somehow that turned into a huge argument between the 3 of them because of course they all had different suggestions.

    i ended up going out to the garage, getting high and eating pizza rolls by myself as i sorted through a bin of probably a thousand or more nuts, bolts, screws etc. and put them into smaller containers based on size.
     
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  47. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    Are you Lester Burnham?
     
  48. Crepeswithasmile

    Crepeswithasmile Well-Known Member
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    :laugh: nah, not yet. i'm pretty happily married 3 weeks out of every month.
     
  49. WillySaliba

    WillySaliba Well-Known Member
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    I get hit with the old trifecta once a month as well. It's a surreal experience.
     
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