My wife has picked up the habit of moving the crib every morning, taking the nanny cam out of alignment each time. We may not make it through this quarantine
I’m rooting for Shawn and Hood to make it but I worry that Lynchburg, Virginia isn’t ready for its first interracial gay couple
opening the dishwasher to find bowls filled with water, and the food they didn't bother rinsing off, floating around in them have made me consider murdering my entire family on multiple occasions.
My wife puts the toilet paper on the roller with zero thought. More often than not it’s rolling the wrong direction. First of all, how do you not have a preferred direction in general? Second of all, how is the preferred direction not the correct one: top down?! the other night I forgot to put the toilet seat down after peeing in the middle of the night. She literally fell into the toilet. Karma if you ask me.
The people who put the toilet paper roll on backward so that it unrolls and hits the floor are very likely going to die from coronavirus for that same reason
I told my wife she needs to start using tissues (which have been easier to find) after peeing. I did the math for her and explained we have enough tissues for like 1,000 uses but if she keeps using toilet paper each time we are going to run out. When I said that tissues were basically single sheet toilet paper anyway I could see the gears turning and the lights coming on. Was heartwarming and scary all at the same time.
Moved into a new house a few weeks ago and did my first load of laundry last night. The dryer lint screen was "covered' by something sitting on the dryer, so it wasn't clearly visible. Wife has done multiple loads of laundry since we've been here. I took out the lint screen to the most god-awful sight. Shit was caked on there an inch thick and it looked like it hadn't been cleaned in.....weeks. I asked her if she had emptied it between washes like you are supposed to and since it was "covered," she "thought the new dryer didn't have one."
Yes, but why? I don’t think using a single tissue after peeing is going to stop up the toilet. Or am I missing something and I’m the dumb one?
“In contrast, facial tissue is usually infused with a chemical binder that helps the tissue retain its shape. It has wet strength, so that it doesn't disintegrate when exposed to whatever you're blowing out your nose. While these properties come in handy for nose-blowing, its ability to help tissue hold its shape is bad for pipes, septic systems and water treatment plants. Facial tissues should not be flushed down a toilet because facial tissues will not dissolve as readily as toilet paper, and because they can gum up the works.”
Toilet paper should be the only thing you are wiping your ass with if you are going to flush it down the toilet. Even flushable wet wipes don't break down very well so really shouldn't be used in place of toilet paper. If you have to use something other than TP, throw it in the trash, not the toilet.
I have a buddy whose entire back yard had to be dug up to fix and replace sewer line because of “flushable” wipes
“It was definitely the flushable wipes man. It was not because I eat Hungry Man meals on the reg” - Clown “the Big Shitter” Baby
“What channel is Bay News 9?” I told her she answered her own question. “why do you have to be such an ass hole?”
we watched 1 episode of Hunters on Amazon and she decided she couldn't watch anymore, this is just way more violent than I thought it would be... A show called Hunters... about Jews 'hunting' and killing Nazis...
it may get that way, but episode one just had gun shot killings (not overly graphic for a violent movie), and a gas killing in the shower. I mean it wasn't pleasant to watch, but we haven't hit the Fight of the 88 or anything like Kill Bill...
Back when Inglorious Basterds came out in theaters me and a couple co-workers made plans to go see it. Female co-worker asks what we're going to see. me: We're going to see the new Brad Pitt movie her: oooh I love Brad Pitt me: yeah it's a period piece set during WW2 her: I loooooove period piece movies me: feel free to join us fast forward to the Bear Jew bashing in the head of the officer her: Really Celemo? REALLY!!!!!!!!!! you owe me a Matthew McConaughey movie!!!
Do people not read the literal dishwashing instructions that come with every kitchen item you ever purchase
Mentioned to my wife the other day that we should try to cut back on unnecessary purchases for the time being until we can see how this recession is going to play out and more importantly how it affects my industry (as I am our sole source of income currently). Tonight she's talking to our dog about getting the grocery delivery service we've been using during quarantine to bring the dog some Frosty Paws (dog ice cream) this week. She didn't realize dog ice cream was something we should try to cut back on for the time being. I'll never be a rich man.
yep, we always kept a box of tissues on top of the toilet so it was always easier to grab that than the toilet paper. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯