Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    start being a hot girl without any boundaries and you will get there
     
  2. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Killy Me Please can we get a damage update, or is the wound too fresh?
     
  3. Killy Me Please

    Killy Me Please I lift things up and put people down.
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    LOL. Fortunately the vehicle wasnt running. She did not move it. So yeah they had to do what i expected. Drop the tank and clean it out. But it took 2 days. Which drove me crazy. Because i wanted her to tow it home and take an Uber. But it was only about a grand plus hotels.
     
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  4. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    Then why the hell did you make such a fuss about it asshole?
     
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  5. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    While watching hurricane coverage, I get asked "doesn't the panhandle of Florida connect to Louisiana?"

    'No babe, there are two entire states between Louisiana and Florida"

    "OK, but they are pretty close, right?"
     
  6. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    It’s like 70 miles between LA and FL. Hate to do it but gotta say it’s not that dumb of a question
     
  7. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    I'm sorry all yalls little flyover states are so small
     
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  8. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    I stopped at a gas station that had a diesel pump this week. Just for my own sanity, I checked to see how the diesel nozzle would fit. I now have new admiration for the mental image of your wife holding the nozzle against the opening for however many gallons it took to fill the tank. Probably spilled at least half a gallon in the process.
     
    #12708 CF3234, Aug 30, 2021
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2021
  9. Upton^2

    Upton^2 blocked just a park away, but I can't really say
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    The kind of hands on research we like to see
     
  10. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    It was amazing. I knew immediately something was wrong. It doesn't even kind of fit if you force it.
     
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  11. Homo Erectus

    Homo Erectus The important thing is, you think I'm attractive
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    Have you tried using lube? ;)
     
    #12711 Homo Erectus, Aug 30, 2021
    Last edited: Aug 31, 2021
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  12. BrickTamland

    BrickTamland You're not Ron...
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    Funnies part here is the assurance that you were prepared with a thorough yet quick rendition of why you were holding a diesel hose up to a gas port.

    “okay so my friend on the internet’s girlfriend…”
     
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  13. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    Adding to my wife's prestigious automotive contributions to this thread.

    A few weeks ago, the tail light warning popped up on the dash. She mentions it to me, and I make note. Next time I get in the car, I don't see anything, so I assume it was just an error.

    Fast forward to today, and she texts me, "Did you ever look at the tail light on the Volvo?". I tell her no.

    "Ok, well you told me 2 or 3 different times that you would look at it in the evening, or later in the weekend. The tail light is broken because somebody just brought in pieces of the tail light. That is probably why it was alerting us. Did you not look at the light when walking by?"

    :iseeu:

    I assume that someone backed into her. Silly me.

    A few hours later I walk outside and notice that there are pieces of the tail light at the end of our driveway and text her a picture of it.

    "It's probably from when I backed into the trash can yesterday on the way to work. It was out in the middle of the driveway. It was out in the middle of the driveway so I didn't see it when I was looking out of the mirror. Meant to tell you that you need to put those as close to the edge of the driveway as possible."

    :deerstandnotkneel:
     
  14. Thoros of Beer

    Thoros of Beer Academy Award-Winning Actor, Tim Allen
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    She is a national treasure
     
  15. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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    Wife is going to her first Ole Miss game this year - this somehow developed into me also having to go to a Yale game which is a complete waste of time and not exactly a nice city to stay within.

    Her trump card was that the mascot is a bulldog because she knows I'm an UGA (mascot) die-hard and has been resisting my efforts to purchase one since we can't get a Wallaby legally out here and eludes to potentially being ok with it. This is full on carrot-dangling and it's sadly going to work.

    Usual stuff in the Edwards household.
     
  16. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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    This is fantastic.

    Also - how fast is she backing out? I don't know if I could break the taillight on a trashcan backing out without pulling some Fast & Furious moves or something.
     
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  17. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Am I reading this right that she smashed her tail light in your own driveway, and left the remains until someone else brought them to her?
     
  18. El Tiburon

    El Tiburon Well-Known Member
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    New Haven is a shithole, but worth a visit just to eat some Frank Pepe's pizza.
     
  19. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    Smashed it in our own driveway. Went to work where I guess a few other pieces came off, and one of her co workers saw the pieces on the ground and brought them in and put them on her desk.
     
  20. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    This was my first thought, but I'm just never surprised anymore.
     
  21. Snakes

    Snakes clumsy interloper
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    Speaking of trash cans, nobody told me how much of my adult life would be spent managing the trash/cardboard boxes in my 4 person household.
     
  22. texasraider

    texasraider thanks
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    if you figure out a way to teach your wife how to break down boxes before putting them in the recycling bin, please post to YouTube and send me the link
     
  23. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia Thought Leader in Posting
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    I would pay decent money for this
     
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  24. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    So many amazon boxes
     
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  25. ashy larry

    ashy larry from ashy to classy
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    a fun and zany game you can play with your wife is putting all the boxes she neglected to break down on her side of the bed and then hiding under the bed. they love this.
     
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  26. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
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    From a timeline standpoint, was the warning light from before she Tokyo drifted into the trashcan?
     
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  27. ashy larry

    ashy larry from ashy to classy
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    be sure you bury you face (to muffle the giggling) because you’ll blow your cover if you aren’t careful
     
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  28. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    This is an outstanding bit
     
  29. texasraider

    texasraider thanks
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    "why didn't you vacuum under the bed while you were down there asshole"
     
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  30. Bruce Bowen

    Bruce Bowen Well-Known Member
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    upload_2021-9-9_11-18-7.png
     
  31. Eathan Edwards

    Eathan Edwards Well-Known Member
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    At a minimum the wife orders like 20 things a week and seemingly returns 19.

    The online clothing stores that promulgated this system with free returns and automatic deliveries have to have been a massive boon for the box manufacturing community.
     
  32. DollarBillHokie

    DollarBillHokie Usher is the worst
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    We’ve found the new onlyfans business model
     
  33. WillySaliba

    WillySaliba Well-Known Member
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    I don’t have the solution to your problem. I can tell you my one daughter has been on box duty for the last 6-7 years at least. Boxes all go to the same spot for staging, pre breakdown. She’s a smart kind and all, but I have to tell her every fucking time. If you would just let it accumulate there, there would be enough to make a replica Taj Mahal before she took action. It’s like they’re missing that piece of their brain.
     
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  34. Rabid

    Rabid Fan of: DQ Treats
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    My wife used to at least put them on top of the recycling bin. Then it was at the door going to the garage. It has evolved to leaving boxes wherever she opens it. When I ask her to at least make it convenient for me I get a retort that she was going to but I grabbed it before she could do it (mind you, this is typically hours to 1-2 days after opening it). It’s a habit very similar to using tools and leaving them behind instead of returning them to where she found them.

    Apparently I’m salty.
     
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  35. texasraider

    texasraider thanks
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    And here I was thinking my wife wasn’t also married to you
     
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  36. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
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    My recycling pickup and garbage pickup are just completely opposite services. My garbage pick up will grab anything I throw out on the curb even if it’s not in the bin. Now my recycling people will not pick up anything unless it’s inside the bin. It’s crazy even if I put something on top of the bin. They aren’t getting out of the truck.
     
  37. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    It’s like 150.
     
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  38. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    upload_2021-9-10_16-6-19.gif
     
  39. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    We had a $4000 situation where the box of shit that she ordered to try on and then return most of never arrived. One would think that would become an issue for the seller and the shipping company to work out amongst themselves, but one would be incorrect.
     
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  40. Snakes

    Snakes clumsy interloper
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    yes i am almost certain i posted a Rent-the-Runway disaster in this very thread a few years ago.
     
  41. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    update:

    she’s upset with how much it cost to fix the tail light. I told her there was a solution: don’t fucking back into something and break it.
     
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  42. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Thank you for the correction
     
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  43. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    It was your fault since you left the garbage where she backed up
     
  44. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    you know that was her immediate response.
     
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  45. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    We’ve seen the same movie my friend
     
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  46. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Also the reverse sensors were too fucking loud for her to concentrate
     
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  47. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    This had somehow not even crossed my mind. Even more impressive :facepalm:
     
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  48. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Only crossed mine because I've lived it already, brother
     
  49. CUgator

    CUgator Well-Known Member
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    I will include a contribution from my mother in law. I’m out doing yard work, shirt completely drenched in sweat. I’m not sure if she does this to troll me because she knows I’d cut a toe off with a butter knife to get out of Florida, or what.

    she opens the door, and her first words are, “that cool breeze feels just wonderful!”

    current conditions:
     

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  50. dump

    dump TMB’s premier expert on women’s CBB
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    like mother, like daughter