Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. El Tiburon

    El Tiburon Well-Known Member
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    As a man who has been on multiple courses of steroids, I have never once heard of pants pooping as a side effect of the medication.
     
  2. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Fan of: Name P Redacted’s Mom’s Butt
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    The Ivermectin regimen I’m on is no joke. I’m fully diaped at all times.
     
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  3. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
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    We take ours rectally. It’s starting to make sense now.
     
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  4. IV

    IV Freedom is the right of all sentient beings
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    No
     
  5. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    I think if I ever shit myself alone, I'm just tossing the evidence and never telling a soul
     
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  6. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    9440B2A1-1B81-4625-B321-76A207FBF8AC.gif
     
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  7. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Actually it only happened once, but luckily I had a large quartz slab to hide the evidence under
     
  8. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Fortunately for me, I only plan on putting food on the top of the patio table I make out of that slab!
     
  9. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    As someone who has seen you many times you both look like someone who has never taken steroids and multiple times pooped your pants
     
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  10. El Tiburon

    El Tiburon Well-Known Member
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    Well you’re wrong about the steroids, bub!
     
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  11. Willpépé

    Willpépé Miles of D.
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    My friend shit himself at work one time during the evening hours. Needless to say it’s a pretty skeleton crew, if there’s shitty underwear in the trash you’ll be pegged. In his panic he put the evidence in the drop ceiling of a conference room.
     
  12. Snakes

    Snakes stubbornly litigious
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  13. Nandor the Relentless

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    I shit myself one time when I was mowing at a summer job. Luckily the underwear held it all in before I could get to the toilet. Just threw away the underwear and went back to work. Was not fun.
     
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  14. Nandor the Relentless

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    After shitting yourself sounds like a bad time for pegging
     
  15. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    My toddler had a blowout on a road trip once and we just threw his entire outfit into a gas station trash can. He did some things that would make Hoss Bonaventure blush
     
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  16. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
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    I’ve never heard of the steroid shits
     
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  17. Pharm

    Pharm Right Handed
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    Wife wants a new job
    I sent her a link to a new job week and half ago.
    Job stopped accepting applications last night and this date was known from the start.
    She logged in last night to do application and she didn’t have all the required stuff.

    “guess it’s just not meant to be, this sucks”
     
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  18. mal630

    mal630 Well-Known Member
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    How many times do you guys type out long posts in this thread and just delete them? I feel like I do it twice a week.
     
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  19. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    It is a very delicate line between wife is ridiculous and you are an asshole. Tread lightly because the thread will cannibalize without warning.
     
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  20. mal630

    mal630 Well-Known Member
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    I don’t think I’ll get roasted for this one but we will see.

    My GF had expressed a desire to move. She has lived in Bham for like 10 years including college. I told her I am up for moving for a good job or opportunity, but we aren’t just doing it to do it.

    She has been checking out new jobs and found one that was a dream job. 30k raise, being a business analyst for a company that owns vets and dog day cares. She interviews like 5 times and it’s pretty apparent she can get this job. She decides her last interview to express that “she might be moving in 6 months to a year”. She comes home and knows she is lock for this job. She tells her friends and family, she is so excited.
    They end up passing on her because she told them she was moving. Keep in mind that we have no real plans to move at all.

    This results in days of tears. She was mortified. WHY the fuck did she tell them she wants to move??!!! Of course I can’t bring that up.
     
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  21. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    There is nothing worse ITT than hearing about truly idiotic things that you can't even get some entertainment from busting your lady's chops with. Ts & Ps
     
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  22. Fuck this

    Fuck this Oh Hey
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  23. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    I've had people say shit like this in interview before and it's just mind blowing

    I'm too nice of a guy to end the interview right there, but I'm pretty sure I'm not a good enough actor that if they had any little bit of self awareness they would notice that I immediately check out for the rest.
     
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  24. Dump

    Dump SUCK IT ALABAMA
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    Imagine the vet and doggy daycare discounts you could have had mal630
     
  25. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Ohh and mal630 if you see any long term future with this girl, you should probably start looking for something for yourself somewhere you want to move too cause you are gunna move
     
  26. Boom TittyMilk

    Boom TittyMilk User Formerly known as Big R
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    [​IMG]
     
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  27. Snakes

    Snakes stubbornly litigious
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    came here to post that they are 100% moving in the next 6 months and she just hasn't quite talked him into it yet.
     
  28. mal630

    mal630 Well-Known Member
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    Her not getting the job is sign that we need to move obviously.
     
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  29. Snakes

    Snakes stubbornly litigious
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    Typically I will think something out to post in here then I realize that I'm actually being an asshole. And if there was a thread that my wife could post on with stupid shit her husband says/does that she would have a lot more ammunition than me.
     
  30. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    The whole city is cursed
     
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  31. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
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    It's not like she has some sorta dream job keeping her there.
     
    #12931 Imurhuckleberry, Oct 14, 2021 at 10:08 AM
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2021 at 7:53 PM
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  32. ButchCassidy

    ButchCassidy Well-Known Member
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    :chrispaulnoooo:
     
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  33. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    I honestly can't imagine the trauma she will repeatedly endure every time she drives by that place. You might want to move just to avoid hearing about that
     
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  34. IV

    IV Freedom is the right of all sentient beings
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    so I accidentally asked JBF76 for an update on this in another thread

    he was confused
     
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  35. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Fan of: Name P Redacted’s Mom’s Butt
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    jbr stands for Jon Benet Ramsey whereas JBF stands for Jabroni Butt Fucking
     
  36. El Tiburon

    El Tiburon Well-Known Member
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    But now you have me wondering whether JBF76 had marital sex or not.
     
    IV likes this.
  37. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
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    My pink eye cleared up, I’m pretty sure I’ve had sex since then (with my wife), and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.
     
  38. Boom TittyMilk

    Boom TittyMilk User Formerly known as Big R
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    My wife putting dishes into the sink after cooking. I’ve learned to basically stop and evaluate the sink before putting my hands in there
    E9FB54AC-4B1D-4E4B-AE17-458D6DCB844F.jpeg
     
  39. Joe Withabee

    Joe Withabee PS I have sifulus
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    Oooooh you've been to the Masters, brag about it
     
  40. Fuck this

    Fuck this Oh Hey
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    She gets home about 4 from work and I’m normally home about 945/10pm. She takes her lunch to work and I can’t tell you how many times the Tupperware of leftover lunch is in the sink with zero soap and water. I can’t explain why but it absolutely infuriates me.

    also leaving the toilet lid open and our dog is an absolute fiend for shit bowl water.
     
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  41. Boom TittyMilk

    Boom TittyMilk User Formerly known as Big R
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    :fratzy:
     
  42. Homo Erectus

    Homo Erectus Well-Known Member
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    My wife did that except it was full of soapy water. Amazed it didn't end up with me getting stitches. Now I will wait until the bubbles are gone.
     
  43. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    I have that cup
     
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  44. Upton^2

    Upton^2 blocked just a park away, but I can't really say
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    Thread is now about who got their friends to buy them Masters merch.

    I also have a couple Masters cups.
     
  45. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    gonna chalk this up as a win for me since my wife just leaves the knives on the counter next to the sink
     
  46. Duck Smoker

    Duck Smoker Who needs harmony, melody, or rhythm?
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    Wife and I have a horse ranch, we of course have a healthy fly population that comes with livestock. As Fall comes, many flies cling to the westside of the house overnight since it last received sunshine and offers them the most warmth they can find as nights drop to 30-45 degrees.

    Me for the last two weeks at least three times a day: Don't let the dogs out the front (western) door in the morning b/c flies will get in.

    My wife yesterday after letting 100-200 flies in the Western door: I didn't think they would be there with overnight temps finally going below freezing.

    She got offended just looking at the look on my face as I processed her answer.

    I think I've murdered at least 150 flies in the last 24 hours, and been tempted to add a human to that carnage. Amish leather fly swatters have no peer, FYI.

    My wife is a pretty prominent person in her scientific field, and can't grasp fly behavior...or basic, repeated requests.
     
  47. Willpépé

    Willpépé Miles of D.
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    I'm thinking of a way in which you could just mass murder those flies while they warm up on that wall.
     
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  48. Capstone 88

    Capstone 88 Going hard in the paint
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    Hell yea another horse person on this board. There’s dozens of us! Dozens!!
     
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  49. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
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    Yeah... well I got the bigger version of it.
     
  50. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Fan of: Name P Redacted’s Mom’s Butt
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    I have an officially licensed Masters toilet. So who’s drinking out of the biggest Masters brand receptacle now?