Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    Past experiences

    Me - you need to leave you’re going to be late
    Wife - you aren’t going don’t rush me

    This morning
    Wife - we’re going to be late why didn’t you say anything
     
  2. burnttatertot

    burnttatertot may contain traces of nuts
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    That's the only one I've heard of, so yeah.
     
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  3. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    Update

    said something this time.

    got yelled at.
     
  4. PaulKemp

    PaulKemp Well-Known Member
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    Refuses to watch anything with subtitles for the 11+ years we’ve been together. Walk in on her watching The Circle Brasil o Reality tonight with English subtitles
     
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  5. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    My wife and I have a really small kitchen so it’s tough for both of us to be in there at the same time.
    Me: I’m going to go make an omelette for breakfast
    Her: oh ok, do you mind if I go make oatmeal real quick and then I’ll be out of your way?
    Me: sure
    *makes her oatmeal and I go in to make my omelette. Literally before I get the eggs on the stove she’s back in there cleaning up her oatmeal bowl and blocking my way to the sink and the fridge*
    Her: why do you look grumpy?
     
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  6. Daddy Rabbit

    Daddy Rabbit But the second mouse gets the cheese
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    Maybe she was using the tight quarters as an excuse to rub her ass on your crotch. She really wanted to fuck, but you're worried about scrambling the wrong type of eggs.

    SMDH
     
  7. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    She got her wisdom teeth out 2 days ago. She is not in the mood to fuck
     
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  8. Daddy Rabbit

    Daddy Rabbit But the second mouse gets the cheese
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    Percocets are basically aphrodisiacs
     
  9. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    They thought us that in freshman orientation
     
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  10. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Ol' goopy eye, they called him
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    I feel this. We have a larger than average and very open kitchen. Yet somehow when I am at the range or particularly the main prep space, the dishwasher being emptied becomes a matter of national security. Holy hell it ticks me off. Like you followed me in here to get in the way? Really?
     
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  11. Willpépé

    Willpépé Well-Known Member
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    Same with my kitchen and then add large dogs. One always lays near the fucking sink, coupled with people, I get fired up.
     
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  12. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
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    This must be a common thing. My wife can be sitting in the couch for hours but the second I start to do something in the kitchen I'm twisting and weaving everywhere and having to ask her to slide out the way.

    I did a very exaggerated "throw my arms up and back away to make space for her" thing once while I was cooking and it didn't go well.
     
  13. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    It seems to be a trait in women
    Mine can sit on the couch watching tv/talking on the phone all damn day while I'm outside working in the yard or some outdoor project. But the fucking second I come inside suddenly all the laundry needs to be folded, the dishes need to be done, the kitchen floor needs waxing, bathrooms need sanitized, walls mopped, etc etc
     
  14. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Ol' goopy eye, they called him
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    Goddammit boys I think we've discovered a new gene of some sort.
     
  15. Kylebw1

    Kylebw1 UNC ACC Champs
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    They just think we’re going to mess up their kitchen.
     
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  16. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    No,
     
  17. mal630

    mal630 Well-Known Member
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    Do you wives/gfs friends constantly flake on plans? I feel like we are batting .850 on her girls nights falling apart. Typically I make plans since I know I have a free night with her over at a friends house, her friends all bail and then she is sad that I'm going to get dinner with one of my buddies.
     
  18. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    All the damn time

    I always look forward to my night with just me and my boy hanging at home,, and them bitches ruin it
     
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  19. Funshot Residue

    Funshot Residue Ol' goopy eye, they called him
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    If my friends bailed half as often as hers do, they wouldn't be considered friends. Hell it happened today. She had plans to go run with a good/close girl friend and homette just completely ghosted her until minutes prior to the arranged meeting time, when she sent a text saying it was "too cold". Like I apologized for them constantly letting her down. Damn if I understand.
     
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  20. THEBLUERAIDER

    THEBLUERAIDER Well-Known Member
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    Shit like this happens to my wife all the time.
     
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  21. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    My wife's friends are generally pretty good (aside from the one who is a "I'm 5 minutes away" and hasn't left the house type) but a lot of them have young kids now so the percentage is dropping
     
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  22. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    So Friday I get home to an unlocked front door, wife out shopping with her sister
    Yesterday I am out in the yard getting ready to mow when the wife leaves for a baby shower and locks me out of the house

    I ordered one of these yesterday

    Limited-time deal: Smart Lock Fingerprint Door Lock, hornbill 5-in-1 Keyless Entry Keypad Door Lock, Smart Locks for Front Door, Biometric Door Lock with Fingerprint, Reversible Handle|Passcodes|Free App|IC Cards
     
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  23. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    oh my god, exactly the same. That is one I did not expect. Something is always wrong with one of them so it falls apart 4 hours before the event
     
  24. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    motherfuck….and then she acts like shit when I go with the plan in place (meaning no plan or tacos when she is not home) which leads to me telling her that I would’ve made better plans if she was not supposed to go out which leads to « well, If I knew my presence was going to bother you that much I would have gone out »
     
    #13074 IHHH, Nov 7, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2021
  25. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Are you married to my wife?
     
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  26. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    not married yet, she is just my gf. She is telling me right now that she is ready to break it off with her husband.
     
    #13076 IHHH, Nov 7, 2021
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2021
  27. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Ohh please do :beaver:
     
  28. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    I know you don’t mean that, we love our women
     
  29. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    It's pretty obvious you aren't married
     
  30. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Smart locks are must haves IMO.
     
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  31. Connor Norman

    Connor Norman Cool ass dog
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    Put the Christmas tree up already.
     
  32. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    The lock we installed when we moved I just died so we got a WiFi one that I can operate and check status on directly through my Ring app. It’s great
     
  33. Jack Bauer

    Jack Bauer Damn it!
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    We hung our Christmas lights outside over the weekend. Still have a bunch of yard trash to put out, but I’ll be fending off her requests to pull that stuff down from the attic until Thanksgiving.
     
  34. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
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    Fify
     
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  35. Marbles

    Marbles Trudging the road to happy destiny
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    Yeah. We would’ve but my son was at his dads this weekend.
     
  36. TimJimothy

    TimJimothy Well-Known Member
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    Brief background;
    - my 9 year old has been obsessed with fishing this year. It's been great...love it. It gets us out of the house, and has been a lot of fun.
    - we own a couple dogs, and my wife and her parents spoil the shit out of them with fancy treats and toys, etc. Fine, no problem there.

    Yesterday, wife comes home from the store and proudly trots out to the living room with a package of some sort. She shows my 9 year old, excitedly, who kinda gives her an excited reaction...but not nearly as much excitement as I could tell she was expecting. So next she shows me the bag. It's a bag of fancy, expensive fish flavored dog treats. I scrunch up my nose, for obvious reasons, which prompts a bad look from the wife. She proceeds to open the bag and be absolutely surprised at how terrible the treats smell. It instantly fills the living room with dead fish smell. She bought the treats because my 9 year old loves fishing, and she was sure he'd be excited about them. She didn't expect them to have a strong, fishy odor.

    Yeah, fish dog treats smell like....fish. I put on my shocked face and joined the crowd.
     
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  37. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
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    It’s holiday hair appt day

    :ohdear:
     
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  38. Marbles

    Marbles Trudging the road to happy destiny
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    Christmas decoration day. Fully expect to be bossed around getting things just right.
     
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  39. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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    Wait, this is a thing?
     
  40. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
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    It’s her regular hair appointment with the addition of “I want my hair to look good for the holidays” so I’m bracing for even worse sticker shock. I’ve already threatened divorce if there are any product charges tacked on.

    The $300 hair cut/color is something I will never just accept quietly. I’m pretty sure I complain about it at least annually in this thread.
     
  41. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    Lady Tegg and I get our hair cut by the same girl, and she drives to Montgomery to get it colored for about $150 less than it would be here. I have zero complaints.
     
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  42. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
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    I’ve cut my own hair for 10 years so at least that’s a savings

    :mulletsmug:

    I wish I still needed to pay to go get my hair cut

    :tebow:
     
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  43. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    I have to get mine cut every 4 weeks. Totally worth it having a great head of hair.
     
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  44. WhiskeyDelta

    WhiskeyDelta Well-Known Member
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    I just shave my own head every week or so
     
  45. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
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    whats the round trip to Montgomery
     
  46. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    Hour fifteen each way.
     
  47. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
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    2.5 hrs and the gas and car mileage for $150.
    Why not
     
  48. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
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    It’s like once every two months and she does other shit when she’s there, too. It’d be every month if she were doing it here.
     
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  49. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    There are a lot of things that I don't ask the price of, and my wife's haircut is pretty high on the list. Make her cut mine to defray some of the cost tho :mulletsmug:
     
  50. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Woah, my wife just left for her holiday cut.
     
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