Got in a while ago. She came back and opened the door. Might have to hide a spare key somewhere outside for when this inevitably happens again.
I locked myself out of my new house with my 2 month old inside. Top 5 stressful moment of my life, even though I could see her safe in a seat. Less than a week later, I had a hidden key, a keypad on another door, and had programmed the garage entry keypad
Added SimpliSafe door lock. I can open with phone and have a couple key codes. Gave my builder unique code. Then delete it once not needed.
My buddy in houston during one of the major flooding events woke his family up and took them out onto the front porch to see the storm. The youngest daughter shut the door which then locked. They called a locksmith who showed up with his girlfriend at like 2am to let them in. By the time he finished the city was flooding so the locksmith and his + 1 spent several days with my buddy and his family. His kids learned a bit of polish and his wife gets to tell the story about how he got the family locked out of the house, in their pjs, in a storm. Win win!
My former residence was one of those apartment complexes where the door automatically locks - the wife for whatever reason had her key fob (parking garage, gym, etc.) on a separate key ring than her actual keys and would pretty much twice a week lock herself out for at least the first month we were there.
I’m repeating myself at this point, but this one was too on the nose to pass up. Her: I got you a treat…Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups with pretzels. Me: How much did you spend at Target? Her: What does that have to do with anything? Me: You got me candy to soften the blow and I’ve seen this movie before. How much? Her: $322 Me:
What I’m blue fuck did she spend $322 on? My wife and I have a rule of if we’re spending over £150 it needs prior notification.
95 packages of peanut butter cups with pretzels. They were on sale though, so she really ended up saving money
Ever been to target with a woman? I bet half of that trip was all the cheap shit that’s by the front door.
A tale as old as time. Also the first thing upon coming into the house with several bags is to drop off the treat to try to distract us from remotely investigating what they purchased as they head into the other room with their plunder.
My wife also habitually rounds down (bordering on just lying) to try to obfuscate. Her: How much? I don’t know. A hundred bucks or something. Me: …. Her: Or maybe a few hundred dollars. I think probably $200 or $300. I don’t remember. Me: …. Her: So like $300. And then…I think $310 or $320. Me: …. Her: $322 $19 is really only $10 to her because it’s not $20. It’s a fun game we play.
One of my favorites - my ex was a bottle service girl. Me: How'd you do tonight? Her: Made $700 Me: That's a solid night.......you mean take-home right? Her: Well no, I meant before tip-out. Me: So you made around $450 Her: I don't know, around that This never changed during the course of a 4 year marriage.
Feeling p good about my don't ask, don't tell financial lifestyle. Mine keeps talking about this interior decorator service she's signed up for that I've chosen not to mentally process
Wife had a couple doozies this last month. We were in DC for a work trip and she tagged along. Had Friday afternoon off and we walked around the capitol area. She took a picture of a building across from Old Ebbitt Grill. Was a historic looking building and behind the White House perimeter fencing and close to a security entrance. Innocent enough. She posted the picture to a snap group and implied it was the White House. I looked at it and just go, did you think that was the White House? We were about 50 ft from the entrance and it was tan… Next up, she has been feeding our 9 month old Yumi. Pre made purée food. Switched to chunky version recently and fed her some. Her and our nanny were freaking out bc it had plastic in it. Chatted with them and got a refund, but main intention was to let them know about it. Nice work wife. After doing all that and then showing me when I got home she realized it was the white bean casing that was included in the food and not plastic. She’s pregnant so I’m giving her a break on these bc her memory and thought process is completely shot right now.
We are basically like this except if she purchased something really unnecessary she will tell me about it completely unprompted and give me a spiel about why the purchase makes total sense. I'd rather just not think about it.
Try being married to an interior designer. We just absolutely had to have another set of antique plates the other day. Also the rounding down thing hit me hard. Every fucking time.
Couldn't figure out why my credit card was so high so dug into the transactions. My wife (she has a card connected to my account) spent $300 at Trader Joes in 3 days...And if I pushed that 3 day window out 2 days I guarantee if I looked at her cards there would be two Publix trips in that span too.
My better half last night wanted to order some dessert for delivery through door dash. I tend to hesitate doing so because it’s such a waste of money and we have plenty of treats in the house. Her: I don’t want the typical cookie or ice cream place we usually get, I’m in the mood for something different. Me: Well that could be tough because there aren’t a whole lot of dessert spots that are on the app, and they have pretty bad reviews. Her: Okay maybe we just order dessert from a regular restaurant. Me: Okay you in the mood for any category of food and their related desserts? Like Italian, American, or Greek? Her: No, not really. Me: So you want me to list off the desserts for every food option on the app? That would take forever. Her: Gosh you don’t even put in any effort, I don’t know why I ask
This sounds a lot like our dinner conversations through any of the apps. Her: I don’t know what I want, you name some places Me: *names 10-15 places* Her: I don’t want any of those Me:
This is typically followed by deciding she wants something that was on the list but has closed since we started looking
You guys goofed on that one. If you do the entirety of the meal planning and cooking, you will never have these discussions
1. I’d have multiple “emergencies” a day. 2. Mini just means I’d need 2 or 3 of them to address an “emergency.”
I stick with asking if there are any types of food that she does NOT want and then going from there. Spoiler It still doesn't work. "No, I'm good with anywhere." *Names off 3 places* "Well I had [insert restaurant name here] a couple of days ago so I don't want that." "Ok, so there ARE places you don't want." *Me being told I'm frustrating* [\Spoiler]
I try to keep emergency ice cream sammies at all times but the emergency is always that I get the munchies
We’re having lunch at my parents house today at 12:30. Mind you, they live an hour away so we need to leave by 11:30. I left at 10 to go let my buddy’s dog out, grab some chicken and drinks from the store, and pick up my oldest at our friend’s house. I just got home and she still hasn’t even got in the shower yet.
My wife just tested positive for covid while I'm negative. Can't wait to get it from her. Heard such great things.