Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. PAHokie

    PAHokie Can't a bitch living say I bought her Michael Kors
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    Lane assist is great on the highway.
     
    gopack2104 likes this.
  2. Arrec Bardwin

    Arrec Bardwin He ain’t me, he can’t be me
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    Incorrect
     
    fattus, Dump, bigred77 and 2 others like this.
  3. Imurhuckleberry

    Imurhuckleberry Avid spectator of windmill warriors
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    False
     
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  4. seanofthedead86

    seanofthedead86 Well-Known Member
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    On long drives I throw on the auto cruise control, lane assist, and take a nap.
     
  5. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    Don’t ever drive in miami
     
  6. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode from memes to dreams
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    New Orleans PelicansNew Orleans Saints

    life is a highway
    with lane assist i can ride it all night long
     
    IHHH, Tobias, electronic and 5 others like this.
  7. Snakes

    Snakes clumsy interloper
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    Alabama Crimson Tide

    my wife loves it when i'm bored on a road trip and start playing with lane assist.
     
    Cornfed Buffalo, Dump and a.tramp like this.
  8. Schadenfred

    Schadenfred Well-Known Member

    ismywiferight.com is a solid website that uses AI to settle issues with your wife. Definitely recommend it.

    My wife wants to eat our children, but I'm concerned because we're out of mustard.


    Well, you see, the fact that you're out of mustard could actually be contributing to your wife's desire to eat your children! Our brains crave the tangy flavor of mustard, and without it, your wife's desire for a savory meal might be transferred onto your kids. So really, the lack of mustard is the root of the problem here.
    She's dead and I miss her so much

    Well, clearly your wife was right to leave this earthly plane before you, so she wouldn't have to deal with your inability to cope with the loss. Have you considered that maybe you should have appreciated her more when she was alive?
     
  9. southlick

    southlick "Better Than You"
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    :smug:
    [​IMG]
     
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  10. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    She’s talking to someone about not getting ahead of ourselves in a situation. She used this phrase

    “Let’s not jump the shark just yet”
     
    Lip, Iron Mickey, tjsblue and 24 others like this.
  11. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    My wife will sometimes talk to herself. I figured she just didn't realize that she was doing it out loud. At first I'd give her a "huh?" like she was talking to me, and she'd just say that she didn't say anything. Thought I'd scare her straight the other day and asked her if she was talking to herself. She just said yeah, so what?

    :laugh:

    Had nothing for her. Impressive, really.
     
    Lip, tjsblue, CoastalOrange and 10 others like this.
  12. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    mind your own business gosh!
     
  13. beerme

    beerme Well-Known Member
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    My wife calls me to pay for her parking because she refuses to download the app that prevents her from walking to the machine to pay
     
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  14. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    That just sounds like a life hack to me
     
    Iron Mickey, tjsblue, IHHH and 13 others like this.
  15. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Take it to the “scheming shit that wives do and husbands allow” thread.
     
  16. beerme

    beerme Well-Known Member
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    she called me today a second time to pay for her moms car too that’s what finally brought me here
     
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  17. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Kansas State WildcatsTexas Rangers

    Oh shit, MIL in on the scheme as well now. Goodnight sweet prince.
     
    Iron Mickey, tjsblue, fattus and 19 others like this.
  18. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
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    My boss used to call his admin in the middle of the night to call his hotel front desk to request items like more pillows. It's truly unbelievable.
     
  19. Snakes

    Snakes clumsy interloper
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    Alabama Crimson Tide

    wrong thread
     
    bigred77 likes this.
  20. mal630

    mal630 Well-Known Member
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    How do you guys hate lane assist? You put on cruise and don't have to drive for long stretches on the highway
     
    Brocephus, Dump, CF3234 and 2 others like this.
  21. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Interested if there's a reason why you put this in this thread
     
    Baron, Dump, blind dog and 1 other person like this.
  22. SpartanGA

    SpartanGA Well-Known Member
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    AK47
     
  23. Snakes

    Snakes clumsy interloper
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    Alabama Crimson Tide

    lol my bad mean to put it in home maintenance thread!
     
  24. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    “On today’s episode of to catch a philanderer…”

    oh wait, there is a thread for that too.
     
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  25. CF3234

    CF3234 Fan of: Bandwagons
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    yea, this is 100% on you. Stupid shit you allow.
     
    beerme, Rabid, Dump and 1 other person like this.
  26. TimJimothy

    TimJimothy Well-Known Member
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    Kansas State WildcatsKansas City Royals

    I don't have lane assist on my vehicle, but I still put on cruise and don't pay attention for long stretches on the highway.

    I'm not proud of it, and it terrifies me when I snap to.
     
    Lip, tjsblue, ButchCassidy and 6 others like this.
  27. Homo Erectus

    Homo Erectus Upstanding Citizen
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    Sounds very lazy. Doing it for her is dumb on your part not hers.
     
    beerme likes this.
  28. Gizmoandsooz

    Gizmoandsooz From Australia
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    Stupid shit that people do...

    Ok i've got an example.

    There is a couple who are on the other side of the playground who bicker nearly all the time.

    The kids then bicker at their parents because they are sick of the arguing.

    Then you have a stupid idiot over the road who speeds when he's either driving in a car or riding his motorbike.
    Hoons late at night.
    causes other people's dogs to bark all the time.
     
    Dump, One Two, FTK and 1 other person like this.
  29. beerme

    beerme Well-Known Member
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    did you read any of the… nevermind
     
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  30. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    thank you
     
  31. NineteenNine

    NineteenNine Divers are, in fact, wankers. It's science.
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    So brave.
     
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  32. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
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    Our 9 year anniversary is today. My wife completely forgot about it and is panicking.

    Success!
     
    Lip, Ric Flair, Anison and 35 others like this.
  33. MLS

    MLS Well-Known Member
    Tampa Bay BuccaneersMississippi Rebels

    Benefit of the thruple is seemingly no-one cares about anniversaries
     
    NineteenNine and Dump like this.
  34. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
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    That’s actually where the conversation went.

    “Now that our anniversary seemingly doesn’t mean much, what are your thoughts on introducing a few new bodies into the marriage?”

    Given she took a pregnancy test this morning and I’m snipped, I think she has a head start on that.
     
    Lip, Anison, ramszoolander and 21 others like this.
  35. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Eathan Edwards cares
     
  36. MLS

    MLS Well-Known Member
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    This is a hard pivot but AMA
     
    Iron Mickey and PAHokie like this.
  37. Festus McBadass

    Festus McBadass Cool ass dog and 5 star recruit
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    Happy Anniversary!
     
    Lip, Iron Mickey, tjsblue and 18 others like this.
  38. Jimmy the Saint

    Jimmy the Saint The future is a benevolent black hole
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    You know what they say, the 9th anniversary is the “surprise baby” anniversary.
     
  39. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
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    63B6182E-1806-447E-B4D0-39A15DC4DC5C.gif
     
  40. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    Guessing your wife is one of those women who keeps a stockpile of tests just because.
     
    One Two, lazy bum, Dump and 1 other person like this.
  41. Festus McBadass

    Festus McBadass Cool ass dog and 5 star recruit
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    In case of a miracle baby from her sterilized husband?
     
  42. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    Anxiety ain’t logical
     
    lazy bum and Dump like this.
  43. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
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    In the woke year of our Lord 2023, I am trying real hard not to reply with “FIFY”
     
    Dump likes this.
  44. Bruce Bowen

    Bruce Bowen Well-Known Member
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    Mine wouldn’t stockpile but would take them here and there if she felt she couldn’t diagnose some sickness or idk why. Always fun coming home to a pregnancy test wrapper in the bathroom trash when we weren’t trying and having a panic attack.
     
    Lip, tjsblue, DollarBillHokie and 5 others like this.
  45. NP13

    NP13 MC OG
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    Congrats on the sex though
     
    Cornfed Buffalo likes this.
  46. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Yeah, good for Bruce's wife
     
  47. Gambler

    Gambler Hog Fan
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    This is all your fault.
     
  48. Bruce Bowen

    Bruce Bowen Well-Known Member
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    [​IMG]
     
  49. beerme

    beerme Well-Known Member
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    upload_2023-4-5_23-34-17.jpeg

    My wife sent me this thinking it was a good idea… for our kids…
     
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  50. Clemson327

    Clemson327 Well-Known Member
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    That’s a naughty pancake. Depending on how old the kids are, they might just see a tail.
     
    beerme likes this.