Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Thing is, they aren’t wrong.

 

Got you fam
https://a.co/d/ewMLEA0

 

From the UK resident contingent: Range Rover drivers are all cunts.

 

What the heck did my wife order?

 

I mean it says it right there. Multiple penis.

 

Seems like a current scam of some sort

https://www.yahoo.com/news/montvill...mw7RD51AtawcBwm43mgDBrkqtd0bk0zE10kDwqcpKfkO9

 

Think that second word is for a knife, so keep your head on a swivel buckaroo

 

“refrain from putting Penises gifts into sensitive ports” is going to be tough advice for bertwing to abide by

 

Damn, all she wanted was some penis

 

So penis knife? Wow.

 

I get the unpaid toll ones all the time and haven't driven a car in like a decade.

Like guys, you might be able to penis(es) scam me but how do I get off this toll registry.

 

Maybe a device to keep you from chewing your finger nails.

 

Really covers your bases in a dark alley

 

Was requested to WFH today to be here for a delivery. She then asks if I can bring it downstairs after they drop it off in the garage.

Dude gets here, wheels this giant wood box in on a mini forklift, the label says it weighs 200lbs. I have maybe 1% base level upper body strength and she has negative levels, so I can already anticipate how pissed off I’m going to be trying to do this.

 

Wait til she says she doesn't like it and wants you to return it for her.

 

It came in a giant wood box, so when that happens I’ll be doing my best Kane impression when I light this thing on fire.

I already told her at least the box can double as a casket when I don’t survive whatever awaits me later.

 

Gets it downstairs, has him move it all over the room to find a perfect spot, and decides it's not the right shade of brown and must be replaced

 

"Well, I needed to see it in the proper lighting to know if it was going to work!"

 

I think our worst was the heaviest bar cart of all time that MLS ordered and immediately returned once seeing it in the apt.

Ended up costing me about $500 or so because I had to tip the guys to help me bring it up a staircase and then hire people the next day to bring it back down for return.

 

Thankfully it’s not furniture it’s some kind of Pilates equipment…which means it will be a clothes hanger by like March (if I get it downstairs by then)

 

Never mind

 

I'm not even remotely joking when my wife told me that we needed to buy a different house with room for one of those reformers, because we'd save so much money on not going to the classes

 

Lol same rationale I got. I think she said she’d breakeven after 5-6 months, which isn’t bad but that’s assuming it gets used.

We moved into a new house earlier this year with an unfinished basement, I’ve hated not having my own “space”…but in hindsight at least there’s a wide open room for this stupid thing (again, pending my ability to get it inside)

 

nm

 

Ohh you arnt allowed to NM this thread brother

 

He was posting about how he had to recreate the dragon smut book scenes

 

I don't even know what this means - but long story short it was them in an airbnb attempting characters with a McDonald's and Jersey Mike's bag.

 

I'll post it later - nothing mind-blowing basically starting with them thinking the McDonald's bag looked angry and unsuccessfully tried to give him a Jersey Mike's friend.

It's funny though from the context of - wonder what these crazy ladies are up to tonight?

Creating hypothetical plotlines between McDonald's and Jersey Mike's bags, that's what they were doing (If not they certainly spent a lot of time on the alibi).

 

Talking about the dad of one of our son's friends that is of Mexican descent.

Her: "OMG, I just found out so-and-so's dad is getting deported!"
Me: "What? Are you sure?"
Her: "Yeah, he just left for training for a couple weeks. After that, he comes back for a minute before being deported to <insert Middle Eastern country>. They chose that because it means he can retire next year and their family gets to stay in Tampa."
Me: "Wait, do you mean DEPLOYED?"
Her: "Oh yeah, whoops!"

Spoiler: Plot Twist

I'm actually the "Her" in this scenario

 

There's a side tangent in the trump thread of users' wives reading the latest craze with is fantasy involving dragons and smut scenes.

 

I don't know why but if she's had a couple of drinks, she absolutely WILL NOT go to bed without me.
Gets grumpy as hell, wants to argue over petty shit because she's tired.
I just went and laid down in bed for less than 5 minutes, she fell asleep and I'm back in the living room watching tv

 

maybe she wanted to smash?

what you watching?

 

SNL on tbd

 

IHHH what you sippin on

 

I found a perfectly âgéd box wine on my way back from réhabilitation

:)

 

lots of weird symbols on those letters

what are you rehabbing? Knee injury?

 

My nerf sciatique is the issue

 

IHHH is nursing a bruised ego after our Canadian poster power rankings had him dead last. Chin up though, buddy, last place Canadian is still miles ahead of first place Australian

 

not true, i still rank ahead of enjj

but truth be told, when people started to name the great canadian posters i could not really argue.

 

Posters who only appear when the sens do something semi relevant don’t count.

 

I have the misfortune of sharing an Airbnb with in laws (and wife & kids that part is cool)

we are in Santa Fe. I haven’t been here a lot but every time I have the food has been pretty damn good

my MIL is door dashing fucking Panda Express

 

she probably wants you to stay in, away from the temptations

 

Sometimes you need to mash some orange chicken

 

Feels like there’s more you’re not telling us

 

She wants to share with you her new found cognitive dissonance

 

my in laws prefer shitty fast food you can get anywhere over good restaurants

not much else to explain on this one

 

This only confirms my suspicion that something more sinister is going on

 

I am sometimes guilty of spending too much on shitty fast food because I am lazy and the gf and I like a good easy greasy fast food once in a while but on vacation there is no way I am eating at a chain restaurant .

And fast foods are now way too pricy

 

Did you get the OTPHJ on your flight?