Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. Biship

    Biship Well-Known Member
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    How about now??? IMG_0172.JPG
     
  2. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    If she doesn't get girth, you don't either
     
    blind dog, Nole0515, Biship and 47 others like this.
  3. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
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    I literally just sent my 37-year-old girlfriend a text telling her not to Snapchat while driving.
     
    Nole0515, Doc Louis, BigRed and 25 others like this.
  4. IHHH

    IHHH Well-Known Member
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    Stop bothering her mate, I enjoy seeing her naked
     
  5. Jigga

    Jigga Ty Webb is a mean person
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    She's watching HGTV, one of the shows they are looking to move to another country.

    "So if they move to Mexico and have a kid, then the kid is Mexican right?"
     
  6. dahldennsull

    dahldennsull Living in the best state
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    in her defense, this strategy is widely used in the opposite direction :americanzi:
     
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  7. Fecta23

    Fecta23 Well-Known Member
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    Yeah, what dumb fucking question.

    So is this kid a mexican citizen or not?
     
    TheFreak55 likes this.
  8. Fecta23

    Fecta23 Well-Known Member
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    Double post
     
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  9. dvnasty

    dvnasty donuts make me go nuts
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    [​IMG]
     
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  10. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Legally the kid would be a Mexican, if the parents are still US citizens, then he would also be an American.
     
    One Two likes this.
  11. Fecta23

    Fecta23 Well-Known Member
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    Thats what I thought.
     
  12. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Mexico grants nationality by birth via geography so this is correct.
     
    tjsblue, One Two and wes tegg like this.
  13. BB3

    BB3 watch our for your cornhole bud...
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    Story isn't about my wife, but a female coworker.

    I was sitting at my cubicle when a coworker popped in and asked if I had my key to the drawers attached to the desk. I said that I usually don't keep it with me (I don't keep anything valuable there anyway).

    She looked disappointed. I asked her why she needed my key. She said well...I forgot mine at home and now I can't get into my drawers. I was slightly confused. I said well...I'm not sure how my keys would've helped you open your drawers. I don't think keys/locks work like that. Trying to be gentle.

    With a fire in her eyes she says why wouldn't they? They all look the same don't they? Why wouldn't they be the same key? I kind of just looked at her like

    [​IMG]

    Welp...good luck and I turned around. I hear her ask another coworker. Who ends up giving her their key. She prances back to her desk. Comes back a minute later once again dejected. Says the key doesn't work. Then she loudly sighed and mumbled about calling a locksmith.
     
  14. tjosu

    tjosu This is kind of like the breakfast club, huh?
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    To be fair, all of the desks/filing cabinets in my office are the same and most of them do open with the same key
     
  15. Wywan Bwowna

    Wywan Bwowna Wywan Bwowna
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    Your facilities dapetment, if your company has such a thing, should have additional copies/master keys. But don't tell her that and let the locksmith come for the enjoyment
     
  16. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    The ignition for the Gator that GoodForAnother brolift and I drove for our campus job was so shitty that basically any key would start it.
     
    #3266 Name P. Redacted, Jul 11, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2017
  17. Tobias

    Tobias dan “the man qb1” jones fan account
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    my grandparents own a gator at their farmland and you can start it with a flat head screw driver or basic butter knife
     
  18. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Yep we used a generic key that unlocked all the classroom podiums to start that thing. That led to a few of the student-workers taking it for joy rides.
     
    slogan119, brolift, dump and 2 others like this.
  19. lhprop1

    lhprop1 Fullsterkur
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    You should have said, "Yeah, I have the key to your drawers", winked, and then whisked her away to the bathroom for a quickie.
     
    Nole0515, slogan119, HotMic and 16 others like this.
  20. Festus McBadass

    Festus McBadass Cool ass dog and 5 star recruit
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    Are you familiar with sexual harassment?
     
  21. Matt Foley

    Matt Foley RIP EARL
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    The answer appears to be an obvious yes.
     
  22. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Did that with the golf carts at a summer campus job.
     
  23. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    small town park outdoor concert tonight with two bands we both really want to see, been planning on going all week, she been talking abouy it got baby sitter all lined up

    i just went ahead and bought tickets online 30 minutes ago (its usually just cash at the gate kinda deal, never sells out)

    10 minutes ago wife starts telling me how she doesnt feel good this morning
    i can already see it, we aint going
     
  24. ohhaithur

    ohhaithur e-Batman
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    go alone, assert dominance
     
  25. Thoros of Beer

    Thoros of Beer Academy Award-Winning Actor, Tim Allen
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    Go with the hot neighbor lady, assert dominance
     
  26. a.tramp

    a.tramp Insubordinate and churlish
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    Go with your twink, assert dominance
     
  27. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Tell her to go out and pamper herself and you'll watch the kids, assert dominance
     
  28. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci lying dog-faced pony soldier
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    go with your mom, assert dominance
     
  29. dump

    dump TMB’s premier expert on women’s CBB
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    Go up the butt, assert dominance
     
    Rabid, HotMic, dahldennsull and 6 others like this.
  30. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    Declare it treat yo self day and go solo

    [​IMG]
     
  31. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    :ohshit:
     
  32. milquetoast

    milquetoast Firm Security
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    Wife is concerned that late afternoon storms may delay our flight next Friday. Just started storming here at 1:30, which has made her happy because today's storm, six days in advance of our flight, bodes well that our flight will leave on time Friday.

    Instead of questioning her pretzel logic, I've adopted the Bill Burr standard response: "Fair enough."
     
  33. John McGuirk

    John McGuirk member of the blue tiger club
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    I've discovered that this is definitely the best response more times than not. Just avoid it altogether because it's leading nowhere good
     
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  34. milquetoast

    milquetoast Firm Security
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    Exactly right. I could ask her how she came to that reasoning but, truthfully, there's not a single answer she could give that wouldn't make me cringe. Avoid.
     
    -Asshole- and Imurhuckleberry like this.
  35. dathalfnukkahd

    dathalfnukkahd dat nukka high definition
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    On my way driving to work earlier this week and my girl calls

    Her: I can't get into the laundry room(where she has been in multiple times)

    Me: The key isn't working?

    Her: No it won't open

    Me: Which way are you turning the key?

    Her: Oh yeah, got it open now. Ok thanks, bye.
     
  36. BigRed

    BigRed Well-Known Member
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    Thanks to the documentary What the Health, my fiancee is now a vegetarian or vegan. Great, just when I was about to buy a ceramic egg grill.
     
  37. Degausser

    Degausser #NewProfilePic
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    Mine was a vegetarian for a couple weeks after watching something. It likely won't last.
     
  38. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    My fiancée watched this the other day and couldn't get over how fucking stupid it was. She said there's a lengthy bit where the guy accosts a security guard and then acts as if Big GMO or whatever refuses to answer his inquiries. Apparently there's also a scene where they blur out a woman's face and pass her off as a hospital's general counsel and she admits that the doctors make a lot of money on surgeries related to complications from meat eating. It actually sounds hilarious but I fear that a lot of people are buying into the fear mongering. Ts and Ps
     
  39. BigRed

    BigRed Well-Known Member
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    I hope so. She just texted me saying David Carter is a vegan. So I expect to get a string of texts of the who's who of vegans.
     
  40. New user

    New user Well-Known Member
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    BigRed likes this.
  41. BigRed

    BigRed Well-Known Member
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    Thank you! She wants me to watch it with her, and I said I will provide a lot of commentary. I will share that link with her afterwards as a second source. Because from what I heard, the documentary is pretty ridiculous, which I see that article states as well.
     
  42. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    I forgot the funniest part. The film features a 9/11-Iraq war montage to demonstrate that more people die every day from meat consummation than fucking 9/11. :roll:
     
  43. Capstone 88

    Capstone 88 Going hard in the paint
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    People watch that dumbass doc and can't understand correlation doesn't equal causation
     
  44. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci lying dog-faced pony soldier
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    ask her if she trusts anything that someone named Kip says
     
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  45. tjosu

    tjosu This is kind of like the breakfast club, huh?
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    Hey I just watched that documentary the other night. The craziest quote to me was when one of the doctors was giving percentages of people that are lactose intolerant based off their ethnicity. His number for African Americans that are lactose intolerant was the highest of all ethnicities. He then went on to say that the USDA intentionally markets milk/dairy in the main food groups of the food pyramid, thus this is a form of institutional racism
     
  46. Clown Baby

    Clown Baby Daddy’s #1 Candy Baby
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    Government cheese is dairy :warn:
     
    wes tegg likes this.
  47. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    That type of awareness and punctuality should be celebrated.
     
    -Asshole- likes this.
  48. Cheshire Bridge

    Cheshire Bridge 2017 & 2019 National Champions - Clemson Tigers
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    Netflix has a FANTASTIC documentary on steak. Extremely in depth. The host travels to quite a few cattle farms and restaurants too. Meets with the owners. Looks at the different breeds alive and butchered. Does taste tests. Etc.

    My favorite thing to watch on my work from home days.
     
  49. lhprop1

    lhprop1 Fullsterkur
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    There's a lot more people fucking their meat than I realized.
     
  50. Arkadin

    Arkadin inefficiently efficent and unclearly clear
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    I couldn't finish that documentary. They're just blatantly attempting to scare the shit out of you