Someday I'm going to write an autobiography and that's going to be the title. Today's chapter: I just let fly "motherfucker" in a call with a client and he had me on speaker with his kids in the car.
That sounds like a him problem, not a you problem, especially if that's language you regularly use with him.
My sister was 18 or so looking at used cars in the classifieds (). A fully literate ned of 13 name days found a nice looking buick lesabre, but pronounced it buck la-sa-bri. Haunts me to this day
High school spring break at the beach out with friends at a restaurant. Waitress said “oh y’all go to “X Highschool” in Birmingham? Did anyone have Mrs. Lantz in elementary school?” I replied “yeah I did, she was a huge bitch.” Mrs. Lantz was the waitress’ mother
When I was 19/20 years old I was looking for a job in security, a sweet gig attending concerts, hockey games etc. So my friend gave me the number of the company and told me to call. The owner was a former para athlete who was partly blind, who won a few medals. He was pretty well known and named France. The dude also had a high pitch voice. So I call, the person on the phone tells me to go in for an interview. i get there wait a little and get in the room. The first words out of my mouth ‘hi, my name is IHHH, your secretary told me to come in for an interview here.´ he shrugs it off but then ask me my experience in security, my answer ‘ as you can see on my cv I do not have a lot of experience in security but blah blah blah’ It was him on the phone when I called. So in two sentences I managed to make fun of his voice and also offend him about his handicap. I am still waiting for that call back.
When I was about 12 I was in a national baseball tournament. I had pitched pretty well and was kinda loving myself. Some guy I didn't know comes up to me and asks me to sign a ball. Me, thinking I'm hot shit, gladly sign it. Coach laughs at me and tells me I just signed the home run ball that some kid hit off me the day before. I still look back and cringe
In all stars I stole second base. Popped out of my slide and saw the catcher at the back stop throw the ball back to the pitcher. I wrongly assumed it was a foul ball and jogged back to first. Everyone started screaming at me about halfway back and that’s when I realized what happened. Somehow I caught them by surprise and made it back without a throw. Spoiler stole second again on the next pitch
This is my 34 year old friend's story he told me the other day but it keeps me chuckling whenever I think of it. For reference, my friend's last name is Johnson. He's a big, big golfer and he was able to get a ticket to the PGA Championship in Tulsa in 2022. He was drinking all day with a buddy and just having the time of their lives. Dustin Johnson is one of his very favorites and at one point he found himself near Dustin. He got his attention in a quiet moment by shouting "Hey Dustin, I have a brother named Dustin Johnson!" He said the moment it left his mouth he felt like an absolute idiot and would've given anything to be able to take it back. But then Dustin Johnson turned and looked at him and gave him the most pathetic and sarcastic "Oh yeah?" before continuing on with his golf round. My friend said he still thinks about that embarrassing moment every day.
Did you know before you said it that you were on speaker and his kids were with him? If not, then you shouldn’t feel bad. If so, then yeah I’d feel the same way.
First rule of speakerphone is to immediately tell the person on the other end that they're on speakerphone and you're with your children, wife, parents, or whomever else.
Also in construction and am a PM for an electrical distributor. I coincidentally called a customers' PM a crooked motherfucker over the phone earlier this week while talking to him. Probably wasn't my wisest reaction but I've been having issues with him the last 2 months.He was disputing that we had delivered 100k in materials last week, claiming he never received the products. This was after I showed him our delivery pictures of the material in their shop and his guys signed for it all.
My apologies that I normally associate with normal and proper city folks. I sometimes forget that I befriended some toothless hillbillies from Arkansas and West Virginia and that they occasionally call and that is on me.
mr tramp sir you also have a potty mouth, i make or receive a call from you i'm not putting it on speaker bc some of us have morals and are good friends
I complained to my dentist that my tooth hurt and he told me to gargle some salt water. I looked at him like he was an idiot and asked him where I was supposed to find salt water in Michigan. I don’t know if he really thought I was kidding or not but he was kind enough to pretend that he did.
I've had many. The one that immediately comes to mind is the time I accidentally texted my (at the time) best friend that his girlfriend was too loud while they had sex in college. This had been a recurring theme in our apartment for months, to the point where our other roommate, his girlfriend, and myself would crack jokes about her sounding like a banshee being skinned alive. I can still hear his Motorola Razr going off with the text and me immediately saying, "Oh no" really loud. It was a want to get away moment.
I wound up on a conference call with corporate the other week. They were just talking in corporate buzzwords and being all up tight. "Um, so yeah, we'll need to circle back and find a best practice for this type of situation in the future...." At the end of the call, they finally call on me. " COVIDiskilingme79 do you want this and this and this put into the document?" I wasn't expecting it and just blurted out, "Ah yeah, fuck. Shit, doesn't matter to me." Dead silence for about 45 seconds.
I was getting on a plane to come home from Japan 10/10 hungover/still drunk and received a goodbye email from a lady in my group at work who was retiring. We had worked together for a long time so I wanted to reply (stupid as she was already gone) so I sent her an email full of inside jokes and other silliness. 13 hours or however long the flight was later I land and see I have tons of emails. I had reply all’d accidentally and sent it to hundreds of people. Still cringe when I think about it.