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Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by fattus, Feb 3, 2016.
Other than a tongue lashing from a surly bartender earlier today, I am doing well.
Doing great. Holidays are so much better now. Apparently i used to be a real stick in the mud. Just pissed at all the shit i missed the few years i was in active addiction. Cant linger in that though. However, its usually a tough time for a lot of people around the holidays. I am lucky with a great family support staff. Hope all is well with everyone.
2 months sober today. Not easy during the holidays coming off a breakup, but hey...still hanging in there.
you guys...3rd's time's a charm, right?
More like twentieth time.
This is really impressive. Keep up the good work man
I'm not positively sure I translated everything you just said but I'm going to roll the dice and say my answer is yes.
Does anyone have an email or know him or a number where I can attempt to reach out to him?
Someone in another friend said they’re friends with him on Xbox and he was online 3 days ago
Devine, do you think you can ask said poster who saw him on Xbox for am email if they have it? I'd like to see if he needs help.
I got to message a bit with fattus and he wanted me to tell you guys that he's alive. He had a rough year but he's now working for a company that he loves and even tho at one point this past year he didn't wanna be alive, he does now. He was joking, said "fuck bama" then when I told him roll tide he said "fuck georgia too". I'm not to sure if he'll swing back by, says he's trying to stay busy but he does appreciate our concern.
He also wants dump to know he believes in him
I'm alive. That's a win. I'm winning a lot lately though I am still not where I wish I was. Progress.
You guys are all awesome. It really means a lot to know people care.
I’m glad you’re alive too, buddy. Keep on keeping on man
Ive realized that everytime im dry i have a hanquering want to smoke more cigarettes. But when i got weeds for example https://www.bonzaseeds.com/blog/purple-haze/, its literally the exact opposite effect, basically.
Has anyone else had this type of experience? Or even researched this topic? I have heard about people actually quitting by substituting it w/ bud. Interesting to me.
I've been having trouble myself trying to quit smoking cigars. I tried searching for other alternatives like vaping but after a month i came back to cigarettes. I was so desperate to quit and avoid nicotine but then i came across this article that says marijuana can help you quit smoking cigarettes and turns out, CBD can help after all.CBD can remove positively associated smoking memories from the brain, making it easier for the user to quit altogether. Can someone give me more information or any tips? Thanks
So, figured I'd post this here too get advice on the best way to proceed.
My brother has a massive addiction to cocaine. At his worst, my understanding is he had a standing 745 AM order with his dealer for a bag which he would use that day. Next day, repeat.
A couple years back, he got into some legal and professional trouble over his addicting. After he was arrested and fired, my parents took him in and helped him through recovery. No inpatient or intensive rehab stuff. Just my parents monitoring his finances, his phone, his behavior, and periodic drug testing. My parents 100% financially supported him over the past 2 years hoping he would pull through. My grandma also put up the money for his attorney which wasn't cheap. This goes on for about a year and a half and appears to be working as he's exercising, losing weight, he's going to support groups, etc.
Several months ago, brother finally gets another job. We think this is a good sign and that he is getting back closer to normal and we think it will give him a new purpose in life which we considered to be a problem when he was unemployed and doing nothing day-to-day.
So this past week, my parents get a hair sample from him and send it off to the lab for testing. My brother confessed yesterday to going back to his same dealer and getting blow a month or so ago. He claims it was a one time thing.
I'm debating how I should respond. After all the support my family gave him, financial and otherwise, my initial reaction is to tell him he's dead to me and to fuck off. I don't buy the "one time thing" for a minute and my guess is that this has been ongoing.
My other reaction is addiction is a disease so I should be more understanding. I'm hesitant because the relapse, so soon after him gaining some level of financial independence, indicates to me that he has no inherent desire to stay clean and only did so as a result of his circumstances.
I've been going back and forth on the best way to respond. Ultimately, I just want him to be clean and healthy, but recognize that it's a unwinnable battle if he himself doesn't want to stay clean. My guess is some people itt have dealt with similar issues or have more knowledge than I do regarding these subjects and may be able to share some wisdom. I'd appreciate any insight.
Besides your family, does your brother have a solid friend group aware of his issues? Who does he hang out with away from y'all?
He's developed some support through his gf, her dad, and their church. Know the gf is aware of the depth of the problems. Not sure if or to what extent her dad or the church people are aware.
My understanding is he also got friends from work and his NA group. Obviously the NA people would be aware, but idk how close he is to those folks tbh.
This is geared toward therapists, but I have given this to several families and they found it useful: https://www.mirecc.va.gov/visn16/docs/CRAFT-SP_Final.pdf
Addiction is brutal in families because there is so much emotion involved. You and your family have to find a middle ground where you let him know know you love him unconditionally while at the same time letting him deal with natural consequences.
Really appreciate the link. A lot of information to process in that doc but helpful and sending to my family.
He is not ready to go about it alone. Clearly. He still needs a lot of support. He needs to realize what is the big issue here, did he ever went to a doctor?
It's my understanding that follicle testing should be able to tell you exactly how long he has been using and if it was a one time thing or not.
It doesn’t really matter. He started again and it only gets worse after that. He needs to go see a doctor and tell him/her the truth. They will point him in the right direction. It’s either a mental issue or a physical issue.
I disagree. If he was telling the truth and it was indeed a one time thing, it's a much different situation than if he blatantly lied to his family on multiple occasions and has been using continuously since he got his new job.
Yeah, I get it. Did not see it that way with your previous post. But cocaine(any addiction really ) is tricky, I don’t believe that it was a one time thing
I really think that the best course of action is going to a doctor and tell the truth.
Your brother might have add, or anxiety issues and self medicating.
I abused cocaine and pain killers for years in my early 20s and the issue I always had when I tried to quit was that I felt they made me better at my job. Every time I was promoted, I was high, every raise or pat ontheback I got, high af. Jumping back into the work force after so much time off has to be intimidating and maybe he thinks he needs an edge.
That being said, I’ve been about 80% clean for about 10 years now. Cocaine is one of those things I can do randomly, drink a few beer and pass-out and be good with it for a long time. If I take a fucking norco I’ll be snorting Percocet the rest of the week. He very well may have had a one off situation, but it deserves to be treated with care and a level of seriousness
Let me add to this that I don’t condone my casual drug use at all and I know it’s very stupid. It’s why I don’t contribute to this thread as much I’d like even though I’ve beat serious addiction. I just felt like I had some perspective to add
what exactly do you think a doctor is going to do for cocaine?
He will put out a diagnostic and find the right medication and therapy to get him off cocaine.
It is the first step, but addiction is complicated so I don’t pretend to know everything.
No offense Tilly but I don’t think you’re going about it the right way. There’s a private message with all of us in recovery. The family should absolutely be removed from the monitoring of his drug use. He’s got to learn to stand on his own. You may have to wash your hands of him for a while but never stop loving him. It’s the addiction that lies. Not him. He’s no intentionally hurting y’all. It generally takes more then five times to achieve true recovery. His support needs to be the recovery community. I could never achieve sobriety until I distanced myself from my family and found spirituality. I don’t know the timing of God removing the desire to use but I do know that you have to stay close to the pack of people in recovery to love you up and help you work the steps till you are able to take someone else through the steps and find that faith that your higher power is stronger than the addictions. It took me 7 years to get sober.
I’m not sure what you think a “diagnostic” is going to do in this case. Also there is no medication for a cocaine use disorder. It’s pretty clear you don’t know what your talking about, and in those cases it’s just best not to say anything at all.
what do you suggest?
Going to a professional in healthcare seems like a pretty solid option, but you seem to know better.
I suggest they try and figure out what’s going on. In the meantime, there is a lot his family can do to support him and address the situation. From what was posted it’s not really clear if he needs professional help, and certainly a medical doctor wouldn’t be the first approach.
- Signed a psychologist.
I strongly disagree, they will always give him the benefit of the doubt. He needs to get out of the situation that might or might not be helping his addiction. Obviously you are a pro and probably saw a few of these situations but that one strikes me as one that the family is just not helping when they try to help. And I am sure a doctor would point him towards a psy, the issues are always deep and it’s important to get away from the stimulus that drove one to addiction at first.
I appreciate everyone posting in this thread. The commentary about personal battles with addiction is very valuable to help provide perspective. I would be really sad to see all the real dialogue move to a private text, but I would understand.
The private text is absolutely great and wide open. Some people here are superb
Echoing some of what's already been said Tilly
Re: your family taking care of him while he's getting back on his feet -- seems like a great situation and kudos to your family for being that supportive. However, unfortunately it could be that was too much support and didn't force him to change enough on his own. I have a friend that could never get sober in SC -- finally did when he moved out of state and totally away from his family. He told me he didn't realize at the time, but he had never fully "grown up" until he left and was cut off from all support. Not saying it's the same with your brother but just something an addict has told me.
Re: the relapse -- I agree it's possible the "one time" is bs, but it's also possible it really was one time. Dude mentioned in my previous post relapsed after one year sober. Used one night, then started a new sober streak the next day and has almost a year again. Especially if he's going to NA and taking it seriously, I'd say it's possible the one time thing is true. Could also easily be a white lie to make it sound better though. However, as others said relapse is quite common before getting 100% recovered (which can itself be a misnomer) so I wouldn't recommend the write off approach (as difficult as that may be). If you've stuck with him this far, I don't think you should give up now because he could be right on the brink of coming through. Idk
I appreciate all the input and feedback. Going to have my mom get his phone records for the last several months and the dealer's phone number.
Feel like, ultimately, that will tell the tale about where he's at. If he lied about the one time thing, that's something I can't live with and I'm out. If he didn't lie about it, then I'll still have his back and help him through.
better check to see if he uses encrypted messaging apps
Posted this in another thread but thought it would be better here if anyone else is dealing with the same thing.
Congrats man. I need to do the same. I have fears for my future, I don't drink hard stuff except on special occasion, but it is no big deal for me to run through around 18 beers in a day. It's constantly in the back of my mind that my kid may never get to grow up with me if I keep it up. Glad to hear your story. It makes me want to change.
If you don’t have to have it you should be fine. I’ve been a heavy drinker since I was 18 (I’m 36 now). I can’t remember a day that I didn’t have a drink since I was 18 unless it was because I was broke in college. It’s never affected my job as I would never drink before I went to work and I was always able to keep the beast at bay because I would wake up early, go to the gym, go to work then come home and have a few drinks before going to bed early but never enough that I couldn’t wake up and be at the gym at 4am. What got me was when I tore my bicep back in October and had surgery and was laid up with nothing to do all day so I just said fuck it, I’ll get drunk and I just drank all day long and didn’t do anything but sit on the couch. That’s when it got its claws in me and caught up to me.
I'm highly functioning and I don't need it, but it still bothers me, my liver enzymes are out of wack and I has some other issues I attribute to it but they come and go. I think it is time to get clean, and I like your plan. I know it's gonna suck but I can see doing this.
They key is hydration. I drank water and had Gatorade or pedialyte. Keep a huge glass of water and something with electrolytes next to your bed at night and when you wake up take a few sips of each. I couldn’t actually take gulps because I’d just puke it up so I’d just take a few sips and try and lay back down and If I couldn’t go back to sleep I’d take a few more and just did that all night. The days were bad but nights sucked because it’s the longest period I’d go without a drink. The journal was a huge help as well. The first few days I’d get this feeling like I needed a drink and sure as shit I’d look at the clock and it would be close to the time for my next drink. Not a dr, but I know it takes an hour to hour and a half for the body to process a drink so by waiting I never got drunk or had a buzz because I wasn’t ever intoxicated. It was strictly to help ween me off. The less alcohol you’re drinking each day the less the withdrawals are. If I would have tried going cold turkey coming off of drinking at least a fifth of hard alcohol a day for so long it would have been bad.
Thanks brother. I really appreciate the guidance.
Like you my liver enzymes were high. I went and had blood work done during the process and had an ultrasound and that’s how they saw the fatty deposits and the inflammation. Tomorrow was the soonest I could get into a specialist but I just want to know if there’s anything I can do or stop doing other than quitting drinking that can also help heal.
I did some research for a family friend with non alcoholic fatty liver disease so it might not apply, but dr.google housewife blog recommended milk thistle and sure enough their enzymes went into a normal range after using it. Best of luck man