Think downright may the the best word there. Not really. If you're fighting about everything else, then you still can't get divorced. And you don't have to wait a year to file an action. You can do that the day after you separate (assuming there's no fault ground at the time of filing). You just ask for a decree of separate support and maintenance as opposed to a decree of divorce.
Having the freedom to do whatever you want and chasing 20 somethings around is pretty awful let me tell ya
Think I'll be posting in this thread. I dont post much about my personal life on here as a lot of posters really have an issue with me and enjoy throwing things like this back in my face but fuck them. Dont even know where to begin First of all we've been together for 6 years and married for almost one. We met in our 20's and liked to party together, which now that I look back on it most of the fun times we had we were drinking. She was/is one of those people who if they have 1 drink they are going all out and cant just have a couple and then relax whereas I can easily turn it on/off. Over the years shes had her ups and downs with the partying and its always been an excuse train each time. When I met her I was in the academy and she was in nursing school so she was a bartender to pay her way through school. So she blamed the drinking on being a bartender, then at her new job it was because there was one girl who was a bad influence, then we moved for both our jobs and she didnt have any peope to hang out with so she drank etc. etc. I cant tell you how many times she used to come home from bartending when we first met hammered, how she never got a DUI I dont know. It should have been my first sign to get the fuck out of there. And I cant tell you how many times I've come home from work exhausted only to find her passed out drunk. But she would make promises to get her shit together and she would for a short period of time before she would revert back to her self. I think the problem was that I always felt she would grow out of it or that I would be able to change her. I felt once she began her career she would start to act like an adult and stop acting like we were 22 on spring break. Before I met her she had a rough childhood growing up and her mother died when she was in her early 20's which really fucked her up in the head. I would find her thinking about her mom a lot and crying which was one of her major excuses for drinking because it would take the pain away. We moved out to SLC almost a year ago and she has only gotten worse. At one point she was on a drunk bender for about 4 days and when my parents came to town to visit us I had to make an excuse that she was sick and that was why she couldn't be at lunch with us. Then she came to dinner with my parents at this fancy restaurant and she was hammered and humiliated me. I told her the next morning when she sobered up that I couldn't do this anymore and that I wanted a divorce. She admitted, for the first time, that she had a problem and that it wasn't fair to me and that she would go to AA. Fast forward 45 days and she was 45 days sober, the longest sober she had gone since I had met her was 9 days prior to this. She was going to meetings every night she didnt work and it was great. She felt happier, acted happier, looked incredible(lost 12 pounds) and life was amazing. Probably the happiest I had been since we met each other. Then we went home for a wedding and she relapsed. Ever since we got back its been a nightmare. She tried to convince me she wasn't going to meetings because "I'm not like those people, I need to be able to have a drink every now and then." Well we had about 3 days where she was fucked up constantly, I'd dread coming home from work knowing she was drinking at home and God knows what the house would look like. I came home the other night and she was telling me that she just wasn't happy anymore because I hadnt been showing her attention, to which I replied why would I want to be around a drunk? I know I get a lot of shit from all of you for being on here a lot but most of the time its because she is drunk in the living room and I'm in the guest bedroom posting on here as an outlet. She also somehow fell and broke her 4 front teeth which she doesnt remember. I then told her I was done and wanted a divorce, I couldn't pick up the pieces anymore. I just have been thinking a lot about my future and I can't be married to someone to where I constantly have to worry about if they are ok and what they are doing at home. I like to drink on occasion and so do our friends, so what do I do not hang out with my friends anymore or do so and come up with some lame excuse why we cant drink(she wouldnt be able to anyway). I cant even keep any form of alcohol in the house to entertain any guests because I'll come home and it'll all be empty. I want to be able to go on a vacation or go out for happy hour and not have to worry about ending up being a babysitter. sorry about the rambling just feel shitty about the situation but I have to look out for me. Really going to feel like shit telling our families its over but I just cant live like this anymore.
There are some beautiful ladies out here, but some of these Mormon girls are off their rockers with this religion shit
I went to Mormon church while I was at Fort Benning. It's pretty legit. They don't even have preachers.
The members just give their testimony and one of them is like designated to talk about a certain topic.
Damn Gibbs, hate to hear that. Hope it works out for you but yeah she sounds like if she's not willing to change, you have to do what you have to do.
No I love it out here. Especially being in law enforcement its like the 1950's out here. Little kids walking to school every day still(would never happen in FL and for good reason), people leaving their front doors unlocked and windows open at night etc. I'm constantly being flagged down by pedestrians thinking its an emergency and they just stopped me to say thank you for my service and if I want some fresh lemonade etc. I went back to FL for the first time since I moved out here and I wondered how I ever lived there for 29 years
It sounds like your wife is a long way off from having control of her alcoholism and maybe she'll never get ahold of it. But the idea that alcoholics can't be around alcohol (in the long-term once they're on the road to recovery) is a misnomer. Assuming your wife fully embarks on a recovery program, you'll be able to go to happy hours, be around drinking, etc. in the not-too-distant future. And ending a marriage over having to put those things off for a little bit seems kinds of things seems reactionary. And you don't need a lame excuse to tell people why someone can't drink. She can say, "I'm trying to quit drinking." Everyone you would hang out with would likely understand. It's not like having HIV. Everyone probably knows someone who has issues with alcoholism. That's not to say you're going to have it easy or you're a coward for leaving or anything. Alcoholism is awful and your stories are very sad. It just doesn't really sound like, based on your stories, you've really gone through the ringer yet outside of some shitty stuff with family. JMO.
Oh I've been through the ringer for almost 7 years I just didnt want to go into the entire history and more just touch on it with more details to the last straw. Besides my post was long enough I didnt want to add 5 more paragraphs in there
thanks dude Just going through the first phase now of getting my own bank account to transfer my money in there before she pulls an OP and bleeds that fucker dry. Then figuring out the living arrangements while trying to keep peace at home. Right now she is stable because she thinks by going back to meetings and doing healthy things outside like hiking etc. it'll make me want to give her another chance which is motivation. But I'm not interested I just want to be happy and she just doesn't do that for me anymore. And while it sounds shitty even if she got sober again for almost 2 months it wouldn't do much for me as I know how this cycle goes. But I cant tell her all that or else she will just give up, start drinking and make my life a bigger mess over the next few months
So she is missing her 4 front teeth now? She needs help and that sounds like a horrible relationship but me giving relationship advice is like asking a blind man to describe the Mona Lisa.
She went and got it fixed the next day at the dentist she chipped the front 4 they werent completely missing, how she did that I have no clue. She at first claimed she slippedl in the bathroom but our bathroom is mostly carpet so yeah that didnt happen. Then when I was taking her to the dentist she admitted she really doesnt have a clue how she did it amazing to me
Yeah that's terrible. Saw your post above and it sounds like you are done. There's only so much someone can put up with and when it reaches a certain point and no action would correct it then that's probabaly the end. Again, I am probably the worst person on this board outside of Dan Patrick to give relationship advice but damn.
Yeah like I said I put up with it for so long because I thought she would outgrow it and believed the excuses but I've reached my breaking point. Her dad put it best when we first started dating and she would drink all the time which clearly was an issue....every time she did that she was chipping a piece off of my iceberg and eventually there would be nothing left to chip away at. And here we are
I went through a similar path, albeit not as extreme, with my wife. We started dating, partied a lot, etc. I could tell the way she handled her booze that there would be problems, but I turned a blind eye because pussy. Fast forward a few years and we are boozing on my birthday. She is drinking shots like a 250lb man and obviously heading down that path of destruction. I tell her to ease up, she gets pissed, everyone knows that result. We get home around midnight and she immediately pukes/passes out. About 15 minutes later, I hear her retching in the bedroom. She is dry heaving in a passed out state and probably inching towards unconsciousness. I call an ambulance, she gets to the hospital, the doctor says she was at .41 and very lucky to be healthy. The next few weeks weren't fun, but my wife hasn't had a drink since that day 5 years ago. It took a long time to build the trust. I still have drinks almost everyday. We have a great marriage, two kids, and I get a DD out of the deal. Sure, I miss being able to share the good side of booze with my partner, but her sobriety is way more important than comparing tasting notes from the bottle of Pinot we just split. tldr: While I know this is the divorce thread and I'm not getting divorced (yet), I just wanted to share a different perspective/outcome about the current topic.
Good luck Jack Parkman sounds like she's got a disease and isn't willing to treat it going term. Alcoholism sucks for everyone involved for sure.
Amazing you guys were able to overcome that, and she was able to quit cold turkey like that...figured her body would have been so used to the alcohol the withdrawals would have been severe. We tried that during her 45 day streak, she had friends visit and we went out and she drank non alcoholic beer. It seemed to be working but her "anxiety" was a mess. She has anxiety issues and she also says when she drinks it helps with that.
My old lady wasn't an everyday boozer. She just didn't know how to day no and would get into trouble quickly. That's fun when you're dating and fucking, but not when you're making decisions about building a life together. You can PM me for more details if you're interested. I don't want to clog the thread with this stuff.
That's a double edged sword. I have anxiety and yes, drinking helps with it, but I have my worst panic attacks after boozing really hard. I'm pretty sure it's a body chemical type of thing. I'm also no one to ever point fingers as I drink very heavily and it has caused problems in my relationship so I am in no way trying to vilify her or justify her actions.
SLC is a great city. The strong Mormon influence helps bring out an even stronger counter culture. I've spent several months there working at the Tesoro refinery north of downtown. Would love to go back some time when I don't have to work 6 days a week. Your wife has a disease and unfortunately there isn't a real cure. It's something that she will have to deal with for the near and long term future, if not her entire life. It sounds like you're pretty convinced of your path, and it seems like the best choice for you. My dad's alcoholism took a toll on my family. I think my mom's Catholic upbringing is the only thing that kept them from getting divorced. You can't help someone who isn't ready for it, and you're not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Best of luck.
Hank Scorpio Interested to hear how things have turned out for you. Just read this entire thread, and I'm just about 3 years from your exact situation(mine was admittedly worse). We made it, somehow, hoping the same came from your situation.
I USED TO THINK YOU WERE A GREAT POSTER . YA KNOW . NOW YOUR JUST A TRUMP THRED WORTHLESS FUCK . PLEASE GO BACK YOUR NOT QUALIFIED TO GIVE ADVISE .
Yep, everything is still going well. Again, the counseling is probably what saved us. We definitely communicate a lot better than we did before. Hope everything works out for you. PM me if you have any specific questions.
because I am able to separate trump fuck head shit from real problems . I am quit interested to ask why in the world are you so glum ? you know and are certainly smart enough to realize that . what is breaking that heart is co- dependency . and before you speak. just remember it is always 2 people who are wrong not just one . in-other-wards if you are not honest with you it will turn into excess baggage . if there is only one person then that person has no other to blame for things not working out but that person . but in a marriage its called divorce - right ? there-fore it take 2 people to get a divorce or 2 people to make a marriage work . at any rate in a divorce both are wrong . that being said I-ME doesn't need or want to knw what you did wrong you have to live with that . as soon as you are able to come toterms with that issue you will start to heal . I PROMISE YOU BROTHER GATOR . YOU WILL BE OK . I PROMISE YOU . sometimes it does not seem like it but you will . and when you do . you will think . why did I not just do this before ? I will say a prayer for you even though you went along with the thred ban . that is how I know you need to heal .
Sister-in-law and her husband went through a very similar situation, actually thought you might be him for a second. That shits rough and there's really no good answers. They're in the middle of their separation and I doubt it will work out. She's been to rehab twice but it hasn't stuck either time. She's living with her dad, no job, and relapses pretty consistently. By the end I just felt bad for the husband, he didn't sign up for that shit. We could get into that the warning signs were everywhere and he should have seen it coming but like most I'm sure he turned a blind eye, made excuses, etc.
I came home the other night and she was telling me that she just wasn't happy anymore because I hadnt been showing her attention, You're doing the right thing. I've been through this as well. On top of the substance abuse, there is depression etc. If they can't be happy with themselves, they'll never be happy with you. If they aren't willing to work on it, punch out. I thank my lucky stars mine ended when it did. Stay strong, stay in your routine, and get some exercise through the process. It's proven in many studies that antidepressants are not more effective than exercise which releases endorphins.
Depression, anxiety...it's all there. In 6 years I'd say 95% of our fights were in relation to her drinking. I stayed as long as I did because I honestly believed she'd beat it but she can't. I think her attitude is what really made me just punch the clock for me. The other day when she thought she had the upper hand she tried telling me that this is her and she's never going to be able to stop drinking and if I really loved her I'd have to accept that. Yeah no
Shitty situation but be glad that you don't have a child to raise together. Not easy but you're still plenty young enough to start over again and find somebody good for you. Trust me, it'll be mind blowing when it happens. Spent 5 years of my life with a girl that had depression/alcohol issues, and bailed right after the point of realizing that we should've been getting married soon based on where our career and living situations were.
H/T and Jack Parkman , how you guys doing? Any new developments? No matter what happens, remember its ok to let yourself be upset, deal with your emotions, and wake up the next day ready to move forward. Whether you stay together or get divorced, don't lose yourself in the process, its ok to stand up for yourself and what you need while still trying to do what's best for your relationship. MK 3rds , haven't asked in a while, how are things with your ex? She giving you any problems seeing your daughter?
We actually get along pretty well these days. We'll see how it goes being in much closer proximity but my immediete family and her immediete family keep in touch; we're all aware that 1/3 is priority #1. She's dating and is probably going to marry a guy I've known since I was 6 and was in my wedding which is kinda fucked up, but knowing him he'll never leave Atlanta (so 1/3 will always be close to my family) and can give her the sycophantic love she needs so whatever.
I lol'ed at that, so much my ex as well. Glad things look like they will stay good and 1/3 will be close. You're coming home pretty damned soon right?
Yup, this weekend. Gunna be in Atlanta for a few days and then taking the fam to Florida to do beach/house hunting/burning myself to death after 2 years in the cloudy north.