As juvenile once said; one of my bitches fell in love with that outside dick. That outside dick keep them hoes sick.
It's hard, but you need to pick yourself up and prepare yourself for life after your wife. If she has been hiding an affair from you from months than she doesn't respect you at all and there's no way I could continue any further.
You should do this anyway bc of your son. I wasn’t married to my sons mother and found out she cheated but tried to force myself to stay... made this worse and it does have an effect on your son whether you know it or not.. and get a dna test.. that likely wasn’t the first time(it wasn’t in my case and I got a dna test)
Zebbie I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life, but it is going to be much easier to separate while your child is young rather than try and grit it out and most likely end up in the same spot 3-4 years from now when the kid is older. Its also not easy to say, but you need to get a DNA test. You don't know how long this has been really going and need to be 100% sure.
None of us have a son with your wife. None of us are married to your wife. You do what you think is best for you and your son.
As has already been said, the existence of a kid makes this less of black and white situation. I would have left my wife while the confession was still coming out of her mouth before my son was born, but if she were to cheat now I have no idea what I would do.
Complex emotional, financial, social, and family dynamics typically lend themselves to black-and-white, unbending rules of conduct with no regard to context or circumstances. Talk to a Texas lawyer who knows family law asap. Don't have to act on anything, but need to know your options before you can make any intelligent decision moving forward.
Well then, alimony may not be an issue for her but could be an issue for you. If you need anything let me know.
I am confused. Is it because you wouldn’t want the kid to grow up with divorced parents? Or out of a fear that you may not get custody? I have been cheated on before and just don’t see how rebuilding the relationship would be possible. I also don’t have kids, though.
remember. shes just mainly pissed that she got caught. Some chicks change after giving birth. Wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she is in some strange way jealous of your son, or at least the attention that's paid to him and not her. After we had our daughter I was shocked to see that my wife sometimes needs more attention than the children. Guys can deal without that shit, women not so much. Feel so bad for you and your little guy.
For me it would be missing out on time with my son. I have been cheated on before as well and it was the end of that relationship.
Not really though. Like I said it is a good bit more complex than just the sexual act and there are various other policy reasons to prevent an aggrieved spouse from holding that act over the other's head.
Gotcha but first blush reaction is, that seems like victim blaming to me. So what if he did or didn't accept her sexual advances after that?
Pretty much I take him to day care every morning & most nights give him his bath & put him to bed - not being able to do that every day/night would absolutely rip my heart to shreds more than anything else at this point
Yeah. The consistency is very alarming. Shes not only physical with another person, but you know there is an emotional connection too. That's the part that is unforgiveable IMO.
The next time she makes a sexual advance on me will be the first in years - that’s one of the many reasons we haven’t had sex in a long time/didn’t very often - I always had to initiate it, so I think subconsciously it made me think she didn’t want to
The question isn't whether they had sex. The question is whether there was implied forgiveness of the act and an intent to continue with the marital relationship. Having sex one time is evidence which one can infer forgiveness, but is not, standing alone, enough. However, sex coupled with continued cohabitation might be enough, though less likely with kids in the picture.
"And did you swallow? Ma'am this is very important. I need to know if there was implied forgiveness."
Same. I work 6AM-3PM and my wife works 9AM-6:00PM. She deals with the morning wake up and feeding then I deal with the afternoon evening stuff. 90% of the time coming home to an ecstatic to see daddy happy 1 year old is the high water mark of the day.
That's why you fuck him first before she can? Counseling is nothing but time and some money, but this isn't right at all man nor do I think you can salvage it. She already feels that way apparently.
Yeah, the thought of not coming home every day to see him happy to see me makes me literally wanna throw up right now
this is a very good analogy actually, because while you think you know what the opponent will do, you never know how they will react under pressure and stress. I went through an ugly one so I have a different perspective on things, but your first step should absolutely be meeting with a qualified attorney. Advice is good to listen to, but ultimately you have to do what you feel is right for you and your son. Unless your only goal is reconciliation, you have to find a way to leave your wife's feelings and needs completely out of the equation for now.
this combined with the cheating is a massive red flag. think of it like this. Would you rather be in a seemingly loveless and miserable marriage and have your kid be a part of that so you can see him every day, or would you rather see him less but be able to get out of a seemingly awful situation and be a lot happier when you are around your child?
nobody can or should tell you what to do. but the reality also is that 95% of the time, a marriage that has infidelity cannot be saved. I just had a family member try and forgive her husband for cheating on her. They made it through two years happy before he started cheating again. And this was a marriage that was great (by her own admission) in all aspects outside of the infidelity and they couldn't make it work. Only you really know what is going on, but from what you are saying, its going to be better for everyone to separate now.
FWIW, I feel like I am a much better father post-divorce, and more appreciative of the time i do get with him. Its only half the time but you make the most of it.
yes, 50/50. In Florida that is the best you can hope for, I am told it is practically impossible to get sole custody. Not sure how it is in other states but with the experience in this thread i've seen its about the same.
And chances are, this person shes having an affair with is also married w/ children. Married people rarely cheat w/ a single person.
Did you suspect something or did you just happen to see a text or something pop up on her phone? Had a friend go through this same thing. His wife was a project manager and fucking some guy that worked in the warehouse at work. He made it out of the divorce pretty good but there weren’t any kids in the mix
Have a hard conversation with her about wanting to be a primary parent to your son. I had the same conversation with my sons mom and after several talks she agreed. She gets him 2 weekends a months. We rotate holidays.. we rotate 2 weeks in June and august. She gets him full month of July give or take some days. Just have a plan prior to talking to her. That was my plan I laid out and she ending up agreeing to it.
Started getting a gut feeling that something was off - she started putting her phone face down all the time, was real weird about letting me look at anything on there, & was on it all the damn time. Logged into AT&T and noticed his number on the call logs a bunch, so that heightened it more until I finally couldn’t take it any longer & went through it last night.
Man, thanks a lot for that - not sure if she would agree to it but it wouldn’t hurt if it comes to that point. Since it’s still day 1, I’m still trying to figure which way the wind’s blowing in this shit storm
I don't frequent this thread, but decided to drop in this morning for some reason. This guy deserves to be fucked in the ass by a dildo with metal spikes for the rest of eternity. What a piece of shit Carry on with the good advice everybody. Pulling for you Zebbie
My fiancé gets like that because I lay my phone face down all the time. I don’t even notice it because I have always done it at work because anyone can just look down and see it if a text comes through so I just always set it down face down. She got suspicious and I gladly let her go through it but I can see how that is a big warning sign.
95% chance it is going to be joint custody. plenty of people make it work with zero issues. don't let that be a factor in your situation. do what is best for your happiness.