TMB Divorce Thread

She sounds too selfish to have a realistic chance at a happy home, imo. If having a kid doesn’t make her want to settle down and she continues to go out, get fucked up, and disappear for hours at a time, then do yourself and your daughter a favor and try to move on

 

Do they have kids?


Sounds like this is a crossroads and here divorcing BFF is prolly a bad source of inspiration.

Think it may be time to move on given te circumstances unless she's ready to come 100% clean and make changes.

 

If she’s a known liar, how can he be sure she’s come 100% clean even if she chooses to do so?

 

Misery loves company.

 

seems like you need to have a conversation from the buddy's husband. I'm sure there is a lot of gaps you could fill in for each other.

 

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I would definitely set up some time to talk with friend's husband and get his take. I don't want to go overboard here with assumptions, but that should answer a lot of your questions. If he knows his wife is cheating and has proof, that's not good. I would have a hard time with myself, or my wife, hanging out with and/or rationalizing that behavior in any capacity.. We are adults, if you don't want to be with someone, fix it or end it. There's no way I would support any of my friends doing that shit. And if she's supporting it as well, that's just bad decision making.

 

Couple of real conversations you need to have with yourself and her.

1. Is your relationship really good 90% of
the time? Or are you like I was and a little blinded by lack of communication and not seeing some signs.
2. Is she really that great of a mom? My wife is a good mom, but when shit hit the fan and I started my self improvement journey I realized I was a good, but not great dad. My wife had a lot of the same faults I did and I let her know.

Step out of the relationship and look at it from an outside perspective

 

Just saying, if it had been a certain Oklahoma based poster saying his significant other was out until 2 am with a dead phone, we all know what the response from everyone would be. This is the same kind of behavior, but instead of drugs it's booze and cheating. Anon345 no idea who you really are, but it seems like you are trying to convince yourself that the worst isn't happening, but it almost certainly is.

Claiming to be locked out of the house only to find out that never happened and she was MIA until well after 2am? That's not a lie you come up with to do an impromptu girls night at a bar.

 

Also if you find out she has/is cheating don’t leave the house.

Your exit strategy has to be legally thought out first so you don’t lose time with your kid. Don’t make an emotional decision that could hurt you

 

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Pull the plug, man. You don’t trust her and you have good reasons not to

EDIT: Not to mention she’s physically abusive

 

With her cheating and stepping out wouldnt mean you would see your kid less. You have a solid case for physical/primary custody

Why do guys think bc theyre splitting with their kids mother theyre automatically going to lose custody to the mom or not being able to see their kid?

 

Do you have the contact info of the friend's husband? You will likely be able to get a a bunch of answers.

 

Because the family court system is historically very pro-mother. It's a sad fact of life.

 

I know it used to be that way but it doesnt seem to that way anymore. Court systems are more lenient towards fathers now. In my case and others ive heard about.

 

Got a buddy about to get full custody. His dumb ass wife got caught cheating and now has an apartment with dude. While going through the divorce

In fact he may get paid

Extreme example though

 

I haven't worked in family law in a few years, but it's still pretty biased. Not as bad as it was 10-15 years ago, but still pretty bad.

 

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Now unless you're from Missourah, I'm not lahscensed in your state. But that's ok

 

Like gus said, punt while you can. Call around & find 2 or 3 family law attorneys that either do free consultations or for a small fee of like $100, and get their take...and do it on the down low, if she’s hit you in the past, she may try some crazy shit like that again if she gets wind of it. Also, make sure you let the attorneys know about the violence incident, that may help tilt things in your favor a little more.

 

I wouldn’t say anything to her until after you’ve talked to attorneys - if she gets wind that it may be ending, she may go off the rails & do who knows what kind of crazy shit

 

Agree. If your going to end it, get all
Legal matters in order first. Then drop the bomb.

 

good. You need to start protecting yourself and gathering info. No need to make emotional decisions. I know I just said the court system is biased towards mothers, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do everything you can to be around your daughter as much as possible. Unless there is more to the story, you aren't going to get screwed. You shouldn't let her know you are prepping for a legal battle until after you have filed.

 

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Don’t be manipulated

 

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She’s physically abusive, too. That kind of crazy doesn’t go away

 

Basically you just have to decide if all her crazy ass bullshit is worth it. If it’s not, the choice is clear

 

Yeah, tbh that part is much more concerning than the sneaking around in the grand scheme

 

It sounds to me like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She's happy with the kid and relationship with you but also wants the single girl life style. Can't have both. The fact that her friend that she's running around with is cheating and is getting divorced ain't good, my man.

 

Agree.

Document everything. See an attorney.

Leave her and fight for the kid. You have a decent case. At a minimum you will have done everything you could do and someday your kid will respect that.

 

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What was she doing that warranted lying to you? Having some drinks with a friend? Unless you get furious when she hangs out with friends, seems like a really odd thing to lie about.

 

the reality is the cheating isn't that big of a deal legally. disappearing on it's own is a big deal. the physical abuse is a big deal.

 

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If she'll lie about small things, she'll definitely lie about the big things.

 

my bad. it is still really weird she didn't call an uber. She is very likely cheating, but even if she isn't she clearly has a drinking problem if she's sneaking trips to the bar all the time.

I don't really buy the call you thing. She could easily have dialed you, waited for it to ring one time and then hung up so there was a record of her calling you to give her cover.

 

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Maybe. Maybe she just needed a ride.

Maybe she lied because she knew would freak out if you knew it was a dude.

 

Uber solves that problem.

 

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Well yeah. But when drinking rational decisions are not always made. That’s why I’m a big fan of no drinking while fuckery is a foot

 

Take your time. Try to relax then go from there.

Communicate calm and clear with her. However do not tip your hand you may be leaving.

 

I wouldn’t act like everything is ok. Just me, though

 

Agree. Communicate his concerns and be cool and calm.

He may get more info he is an effective communicator