Worst ways to die?

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by wes tegg, Feb 9, 2017.

  1. Barves2125

    Barves2125 "Ready to drive the Ferarri" - Reuben Foster
    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesManchester CityBirmingham LegionUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamPoker

    It's worth noting for those unfamiliar that the creator of this torture device (Perillos of Athens) was so boisterous about the evil genius of it that it bothered the ruler (Phalaris) he created it for so much that he made the creator get inside it himself to test it out. He was taken out right before death and thrown off a cliff/hill immediately after.

    Moral of the story - Don't do evil shit and don't fuck around with someone like Phalaris who is known for being especially sick and twisted.
    Tobias, Joe_Pesci, Merica and 7 others like this.
  2. RU-Omega Potato

    RU-Omega Potato We play 'til the gun you crotchety old bitch.
    Rutgers Scarlet KnightsNew York YankeesDallas Cowboys

    Upon pulling away from the scene I actually wished this on the cop that gave me my first traffic ticket.

    Because I was innocent, a kid, and he was a fucking asshole.
  3. soulfly

    soulfly Well-Known Member
    Seattle MarinersSeattle SeahawksBarcelonaSeattle SupersonicsSeattle SoundersSeattle Kraken

    I always let Michel Foucault take it away with questions like this:

    On 1 March 1757 Damiens the regicide was condemned "to make the amende honorable before the main door of the Church of Paris", where he was to be "taken and conveyed in a cart, wearing nothing but a shirt, holding a torch of burning wax weighing two pounds"; then, "in the said cart, to the Place de Grève, where, on a scaffold that will be erected there, the flesh will be torn from his breasts, arms, thighs and claves with red-hot pincers, his right hand, holding the knife with which he committed the said parricide, burnt with sulphur, and, on those places where the flesh will be torn away, poured molten lead, boiling oil, burning resin, wax and sulphur melted together and then his body drawn and quartered by four horses and his limbs and body consumed by fire, reduced to ashes and his ashes thrown to the winds" (Pièces originales..., 372-4).

    "Finally, he was quartered," recounts the Gazette d'Amsterdam of 1 April 1757. "This last operation was very long, because the horses used were not accustomed to drawing; consequently, instead of four, six were needed; and when that did not suffice, they were forced, in order to cut off the wretch's thighs, to sever the sinews and hack at the joints...

    "It is said that, though he was always a great swearer, no blashemy escaped his lips; but the excessive pain made him utter horrible cries, and he often repeated: 'My God, have pity on me! Jesus, help me!' The spectators were all edified by the solicitude of the parish priest of St Paul's who despite his great age did not spare himself in offering consolation to the patient."

    Bouton, an officer of the watch, left us his account: "The sulphur was lit, but the flame was so poor that only the top skin of the hand was burnt, and that only slightly. Then the executioner, his sleeves rolled up, took the steel pincers, which had been especially made for the occasion, and which were about a foot and a half long, and pulled first at the calf of the right leg, then at the thigh, and from there at the two fleshy parts of the right arm; then at the breasts. Though a strong, sturdy fellow, this executioner found it so difficult to tear away the pieces of flesh that he set about the same spot two or three times, twisting the pincers as he did so, and what he took away formed at each part a wound about the size of a six-pound crown piece.

    "After these tearings with the pincers, Damiens, who cried out profusely, though without swearing, raised his head and looked at himself; the same executioner dipped an iron spoon in the pot containing the boiling potion, which he poured liberally over each wound. Then the ropes that were to be harnessed to the horses were attached with cords to the patient's body; the horses were then harnessed and placed alongside the arms and legs, one at each limb.

    "Monsieur Le Breton, the clerk of the court, went up to the patient several times and asked him if he had anything to say. He said he had not; at each torment, he cried out, as the damned in hell are supposed to cry out, 'Pardon, my God! Pardon, my Lord.' Despite all this pain, he raised his head from time to time and looked at himself boldly. The cords had been tied so tightly by the men who pulled the ends that they caused him indescribable pain. Monsieur le [sic] Breton went up to him again and asked him if he had anything to say; he said no. Several confessors went up to him and spoke to him at length; he willingly kissed the crucifix that was held out to him; he opened his lips and repeated: 'Pardon, Lord.'

    "The horses tugged hard, each pulling straight on a limb, each horse held by an executioner. After a quarter of an hour, the same ceremony was repeated and finally, after several attempts, the direction of the horses had to be changed, thus: those at the arms were made to pull towards the head, those at the thighs towards the arms, which broke the arms at the joints. This was repeated several times without success. He raised his head and looked at himself. Two more horses had to be added to those harnessed to the thighs, which made six horses in all. Without success.

    "Finally, the executioner, Samson, said to Monsieur Le Breton that there was no way or hope of succeeding, and told him to ask their Lordships if they wished him to have the prisoner cut into pieces. Monsieur Le Breton, who had come down from the town, ordered that renewed efforts be made, and this was done; but the horses gave up and one of those harnessed to the thighs fell to the ground. The confessors returned and spoke to him again. He said to them (I heard him): 'Kiss me, gentlemen.' The parish priest of St Paul's did not dare to, so Monsieur de Marsilly slipped under the rope holding the left arm and kissed him on the forehead. The executioners gathered round and Damiens told them not to swear, to carry out their task and that he did not think ill of them; he begged them to pray to God for him, and asked the parish priest of St Paul's to pray for him at the first mass.

    "After two or three attempts, the executioner Samson and he who had used the pincers each drew out a knife from his pocket and cut the body at the thighs instead of severing the legs at the joints; the four horses gave a tug and carried off the two thighs after them, namely, that of the right side first, the other following; then the same was done to the arms, the shoulders, the arm-pits and the four limbs; the flesh had to be cut almost to the bone, the horses pulling hard carried off the right arm first and the other afterwards.

    "When the four limbs had been pulled away, the confessors came to speak to him; but his executioner told them that he was dead, though the truth was that I saw the man move, his lower jaw moving from side to side as if he were talking. One of the executioners even said shortly afterwards that when they had lifted the trunk to throw it on the stake, he was still alive. The four limbs were untied from the ropes and thrown on the stake set up in the enclosure in line with the scaffold, then the trunk and the rest were covered with logs and faggots, and fire was put to the straw mixed with this wood.

    "...In accordance with the decree, the whole was reduced to ashes. The last piece to be found in the embers was still burning at half-past ten in the evening. The pieces of flesh and the trunk had taken about four hours to burn. The officers of whom I was one, as also was my son, and a detachment of archers remained in the square until nearly eleven o'clock.
  4. Tony Ray Bans

    Tony Ray Bans Most Overlooked. Most Overbooked.
    Texas Tech Red RaidersDallas Cowboys

    It is the worst shit ever man. My mom's aunt lost her husband to it, remarried, then lost husband #2 to it. Now all three of her adult children (my mom's cousins) have early onset Alzheimer's at like 45-50 years old. I don't know how she faces the world every day. It breaks my heart.
  5. Lyrtch

    Lyrtch My second favorite meat is hamburger
    Staff Donor


    how did you come to this conclusion
    Merica and wes tegg like this.
  6. Toast

    Toast Capo di tutti i capi
    Chicago White SoxChicago BearsChicago BlackhawksKansas State WildcatsMontreal Impact

  7. wes tegg

    wes tegg I'm a Guy's guy, guys.
    Staff Donor
    Atlanta BravesDenver BroncosChicago BlackhawksMississippi Rebels

    Man, losing control of your body until you can't breathe anymore sounds anything but chill.
  8. Whiskers McSchitty

    Whiskers McSchitty Who ate the Cat?!?
    Florida State Seminoles

    Having your lover stick both of their arms up your ass, grabbing your intestines and ripping them out after sodomizing you with a curling iron.

    Your move Ohio!!
  9. Teflon Queen

    Teflon Queen The mentally ill sit perfectly still
    Auburn Tigers

    Chill compared to horrific torture
  10. milquetoast

    milquetoast Firm Security
    Florida GatorsNew York MetsTampa Bay BuccaneersNew York Islanders

    And the treatment is what...20 long ass needle shots in the stomach I believe. The sweet release of death might be more comforting.
  11. og

    og ready to party? by party I mean smoke cigarettes
    Donor TMB OG
    Pittsburgh PenguinsPittsburgh SteelersPenn State Nittany Lions

    Broomstick rape
  12. lhprop1

    lhprop1 Fullsterkur
    Staff Donor
    Minnesota Golden Gophers

    There is no treatment once symptoms appear. Those shots are all preventative measures.

    I read that there has been only one person who survived once symptoms appeared and that was due to an experimental treatment where they put her in a coma and turned off her brain for a month. Other than that, everyone else has bit the dust.
    devine likes this.
  13. Damion

    Damion Fan of: Firing Butch Jones
    Donor TMB OG
    Tennessee TitansAtlanta BravesTennessee VolunteersNashville Predators

    Being eaten alive
  14. DriveByBBQ

    DriveByBBQ Well-Known Member
    Alabama Crimson TideTiger WoodsBirmingham LegionPGAGrateful DeadUnited States Men's National Soccer Team

    - She should have crawled the rest of the way into the donation box

    - Her death reminds me of this type of Racoon trap


    - Submarine watching the water fill up and waiting to drown would be a pretty terrible way to go.

    - Fall out of a tree stand> unconscious> come to> paralyzed waist down > covered in fire ants inside and out> anaphylactic shock
  15. osuteke2

    osuteke2 You're a custom title.
    Ohio State BuckeyesCincinnati RedsLos Angeles LakersNew Orleans SaintsHartford Whalers

    Pancreatic Cancer.
  16. Jim Brockmire

    Jim Brockmire I think you're wildly underestimating heroin.
    New York IslandersManchester UnitedEnglandNational LeaguePittsburgh Pirates

    I know exactly where this podunk town is and it does not surprise me in the least.

    Spent two days in the next town over from there for a FD function back in 2000. The locals are... intriguing.

    There must be something in the water.
  17. Fusiontegra

    Fusiontegra My life is dope and I do dope shit.#SparedByThanos
    Donor TMB OG
    Florida GatorsMiami MarlinsJacksonville JaguarsSporting Kansas CityAvengersMiami HeatSneakersWu-tang

    Getting stuck would be pretty awful.

    Tiffin likes this.
  18. Iron Mickey

    Iron Mickey a guy who posted here like five years ago hates me
    Donor TMB OG
    Notre Dame Fighting IrishChelseaSeattle Sounders

    Last Podcast on the Left did an episode on this that was pretty good and horrific.
    FSUtony likes this.
  19. Pharoh

    Pharoh king tuttchdown
    South Carolina GamecocksAtlanta BravesLos Angeles LakersTennessee Titans

    "The boats" is definitely the worst
  20. soulfly

    soulfly Well-Known Member
    Seattle MarinersSeattle SeahawksBarcelonaSeattle SupersonicsSeattle SoundersSeattle Kraken

    Couldn't find any other thread to bump, and didn't really want to start a new one, but I'm pretty certain my dad is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's and it fucking sucks real bad.

    Already went through it with both of my paternal grandparents and thought that was bad enough. But nah. Nothing will ever prepare you for this shit.
  21. Jake Barnes

    Jake Barnes Team Mac OG
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesAtlanta Falcons

    Tie for me between burning alive and being eaten by a shark.
  22. Randy Bobandi

    Randy Bobandi Well-Known Member
    Baltimore Ravens

    One Two likes this.
  23. HotMic

    HotMic Insider
    Ohio State BuckeyesCleveland BrownsKent State Golden FlashesCleveland CavaliersCleveland Indians

    Damn, I'm sorry man.
  24. miles

    miles All I know is my gut says, maybe

    Jan Van Leiden/Bernhard Knipperdolling for 600 alex
  25. Nick Rivers

    Nick Rivers Well-Known Member

    Remains found behind grocery store cooler identified as employee missing for 10 years
    • CNN Wire
    • 6 hours ago
    Larry Murillo-Moncada's parents told police he'd been acting irrationally, possibly because of medication.

    Workers removing shelves and coolers from a former No Frills Supermarket in Council Bluffs, Iowa, in January discovered a body behind one of them.

    The remains were recently identified as those of Larry Ely Murillo-Moncada, a former employee who had been reported missing November 28, 2009.

    Investigators used his parents’ DNA to confirm the identity, and the clothes matched the description of his attire at the time he was reported missing, according to Council Bluffs Police Capt. Todd Weddum.

    Murillo-Moncada’s parents reported their son missing after he became upset and ran out of their home. They told police at the time that he was acting irrationally, possibly because of medication he was taking, Weddum said.

    Officers contacted family members, other law enforcement agencies, nearby detention centers and even the US Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency — he had been deported to Honduras before making his way back to the United States — but received no information regarding his possible whereabouts.

    Investigators now believe that Murillo-Moncada went to the supermarket and climbed on top of the coolers. The space was used as storage for merchandise, Weddum said, and employees would sometimes go there to hide when they wanted to take an unofficial break.

    He is thought to have fallen into the 18-inch gap between the back of the cooler and a wall, where he became trapped. Noise from the coolers’ compressors may have concealed any attempts to call for help, according to Weddum.
  26. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
    Miami HurricanesNew York YankeesMiami Dolphins

    Yeah this is definitely up there on the terrible ways to go list
    buckwild and OldazzNinjaman like this.
  27. Bo Pelinis

    Bo Pelinis Not really into dinosaurs right now
    Donor TMB OG
    Nebraska CornhuskersBig 8 Conference

    Someone being dead in a supermarket and nobody noticing is definitely not surprising for Council Bluffs.
    Tiffin likes this.
  28. Pelican

    Pelican COOL huh
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Cincinnati BengalsCincinnati RedsNew Orleans PelicansNew Orleans SaintsOhio State Buckeyes

    Just imagine that. You're thinking to yourself "yeah this sucks but someone will surely hear me." But then no one ever does because the coolers and whatever are too loud and no one can hear your screams. :ohdear:
    oldberg, herb.burdette and buckwild like this.
  29. TC

    TC Let down and hanging around
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersCarolina Hurricanes

    Would be better if he was never found and his parents could believe he was living in Honduras somewhere :(
  30. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
    Miami HurricanesNew York YankeesMiami Dolphins

    How does nobody smell a dead person in a supermarket?
  31. Bo Pelinis

    Bo Pelinis Not really into dinosaurs right now
    Donor TMB OG
    Nebraska CornhuskersBig 8 Conference

    A combination of the No Frills Supermarket Chain and Council Bluffs, Iowa.
  32. joe-

    joe- the air is thick with hotdog flavor
    Donor TMB OG
    Kansas City RoyalsDSA

    oh sweetie you’ve never smelled council bluffs
  33. Owsley

    Owsley My friends call me Bear
    Donor TMB OG
    Alabama Crimson TideAtlanta BravesAtlanta UnitedTottenham HotspurGrateful Dead

    Envenomation would be much worse from a pain perspective.
    Barves2125 likes this.
  34. Pelican

    Pelican COOL huh
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Cincinnati BengalsCincinnati RedsNew Orleans PelicansNew Orleans SaintsOhio State Buckeyes

    I've experienced both and found envenomation to be the preferred way of dying.
  35. herb.burdette

    herb.burdette Meet me at the corner of 8th and Worthington
    Ohio State Buckeyes

    Reminded me of this one:


    Maintenance workers cut power to an elevator they are trying to fix. The elevator is stopped on the 12th floor and they are at the bottom.

    They don’t check the elevator. There is a woman trapped inside. They go home for a holiday weekend.

    The woman is found 30 days later, dead, once they get the elevator working.
    Tiffin, bigred77 and tylerdolphin like this.
  36. Joe_Pesci

    Joe_Pesci lying dog-faced pony soldier

    I love some good midwest town smack talk
    a.tramp likes this.
  37. soulfly

    soulfly Well-Known Member
    Seattle MarinersSeattle SeahawksBarcelonaSeattle SupersonicsSeattle SoundersSeattle Kraken

    Definitely the dude that died after 28 hours of being stuck upside down in Nutty Putty Cave.

  38. LuPoor

    LuPoor My son is also named Dort
    Tulsa Golden HurricaneOklahoma City ThunderSeattle Kraken

    Between that Nutty Putty shit and The Descent, fuck ever going in a cave
  39. Detlef Schrempf

    Detlef Schrempf Well-Known Member

    You do this shit and you’re just asking for this to happen.
    a.tramp, Tiffin and bigred77 like this.
  40. Hoss Bonaventure

    Arkansas RazorbacksSt. Louis CardinalsHouston RocketsDallas CowboysSneakers

    Fuck that is my nightmare other than the guy getting eaten by the giant snake. I can’t even have an “open” mri. They tried it the first time and I lasted maybe 2 mins before I flipped shit and started banging on the machine and pulling myself out of it with my good arm. It wasn’t even a traditional mri machine but still a big nope from me. They drugged me up and I don’t remember the second successful one.
  41. Nick Rivers

    Nick Rivers Well-Known Member


    A father and son noticed a stench near a stegosaurus statue. They found a corpse in one of its legs.

    A man takes a picture of a large statue of a dinosaur on Tuesday in Santa Coloma de Gramenet near Barcelona, where a man died after becoming trapped inside the statue. (Lluis Gene/AFP/Getty Images)
    Lateshia Beachum
    May 25, 2021 at 12:21 p.m. EDT

    A father and son smelled a foul odor coming from a dinosaur papier-mâché statue in a suburb of Barcelona on Saturday afternoon. A crack in the stegosaurus’s leg revealed a dead man inside, prompting the father to alert authorities.

    The unidentified 39-year-old man found in the hollow leg of the dinosaur figure outside the Cubic Building in Santa Coloma de Gramenet had been reported missing just hours before his body was discovered, the Guardian newspaper reported.

    A spokeswoman for the Mossos d’Esquadra, the local police, told the news outlet that no foul play is suspected in the case and that it appeared the man got inside the statue head first before getting stuck in the leg.

    “It’s an accidental death; there was no violence,” she said. “It looks as though he was trying to retrieve a mobile phone, which he’d dropped.”

    Authorities are awaiting autopsy reports to determine the cause of death, but the police spokeswoman told the Guardian that the man could have been inside the statue for a couple of days.

    Firefighters pried open the dinosaur leg to retrieve the body after three teams were called to the scene, the BBC reported.

    The statue, which was used to promote an old cinema, has been removed from its original location, the BBC reported.
    blind dog and laxjoe like this.
  42. TC

    TC Let down and hanging around
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersCarolina Hurricanes

    This is horrible, like that unresolved case in Georgia with the high school kid and the wrestling mats
    blind dog likes this.
  43. Pelican

    Pelican COOL huh
    Staff Donor TMB OG
    Cincinnati BengalsCincinnati RedsNew Orleans PelicansNew Orleans SaintsOhio State Buckeyes

    Man that case is really fucked up too. Listened to several podcasts about it. What a weird situation.
    TC likes this.
  44. kinghill

    kinghill Cool American Flavour
    Miami HurricanesMiami MarlinsMiami DolphinsMiami Heat

    Sometimes a little agoraphobia creeps into my brain when I read a thread like this.
  45. Gunners

    Gunners Nicking a living
    Ohio State BuckeyesBaltimore OriolesWashington WizardsWashington Football TeamWashington CapitalsArsenal

    Asphyxiation trapped in a small space is definitely mine. How Michael Madson tried to kill Uma in kill bill
    #97 Gunners, May 25, 2021
    Last edited: May 25, 2021
    blind dog likes this.
  46. HotMic

    HotMic Insider
    Ohio State BuckeyesCleveland BrownsKent State Golden FlashesCleveland CavaliersCleveland Indians

    Daniel Ocean, kinghill and Larry Sura like this.
  47. the Weimar Beer Belly

    the Weimar Beer Belly This joie de vivre is killing me
    Alabama Crimson TideMetal

    not sure if this has been posted in here. A list of some of the strangest places people’s bodies have been found after going missing. Pretty gnarly deaths in there
    TC likes this.
  48. TC

    TC Let down and hanging around
    South Carolina GamecocksCarolina PanthersCarolina Hurricanes

    Anybody see the recent Unsolved Mysteries reboot? I remember one of those episodes showing a guy that appeared to be thrown off a roof, but somehow it ended up being some totally plausible normal way he ended up dead there