Had a business partner screw me out of 93k and then get drunk in the office at noon and draw on the walls with the dry board markers. That was pretty fun. Sorry haven't been in an actual office since '04
talk about the weather non-stop like it is some sort of surprise it is hot in August and cold in December
I work in an office that is mostly mid 20's out of college people (we are a startup). This means I have 50% of the people I really like because they are similar to me (I'm 29) and work hard. The other 70% are pieces of shit that are god awful lazy. I'm talking 10 minutes late to work every day, will act like they care to try and do something to better themselves but are really only saying it to end the conversation because they won't do it, and lastly TALK ALL THE FUCKING TIME. The biggest problem? The ones that oversee them are upper 20's guys that have never led before so they have no backbone. They do that awkward thing about trying to get somebody to do something by suggesting it or complaining to a coworker without addressing the issue. For the 50% of us that actually work....god dammit.
My three biggest annoyances: 1. Like H/T said, when I'm buried in paper work and someone stands in my office door forever until I acknowledge them and then they follow up with the question, "You busy?" 2. That creepy turtle looking guy who never washes his hands after peeing. 3. Lunch is the only time I get to read the paper, so I hate it when I try to catch a quick bite and catch up on the news and someone wants to stop by and discuss business.
Had some old guy that ate fucking potato chips every damn morning at 8 am. Loudly. He got laid off, though.
Worked at a startup courier service one summer and had the pleasure of being paired with a madman once that had a dead bonk on for going out of his way to please folks. An absolute brown noser he was and he'd try his best to get into the good graces of the boss or anyone else like as if he were racking up points on some invisible scale of effectiveness. Imagine working with that creepy lookin' guy from them knob pill commercials that always had that plastered on mannequin smile. That's how this specky gadge looked all the time. Anyways, we worked for this Finnish guy who was alright enough as long as you got the work done on time and didn't take any personal time off to go faff about, which neither of us did so we were always on good terms with him so there was never a need to go above and beyond like this wally did, but he did and often. He'd rush to work and bring coffee "FOR THE BOSS!" and offer to lift anything "THE BOSS!" had, be it minor boxes or shopping bags like some sort of gilded over achieving nut. Now while I didn't give too much a toss about it, (He wasn't a bad one and who am I to fault a bloke for wanting to kiss arse; tis his life and lips) the boss started to make mild jabs at how I could be a bit more of a 'go getter' like said nonce, which fucking pleased him and started to annoy the fuck out of me as if I weren't already pulling my own weight. He got done in for about two weeks because the boss' mate fed him some wrong information during one of his brown nosing escapades. That was a good laugh until me and said mate managed to clear things up. Story below if you care to delve any further into this. Spoiler Alright, I told you this bastard loved to kiss up to the boss like Eddie Haskel gone mental and one day it bit him in the arse. One day the boss came by with an old mate of his to work who ended up spending a few weeks at headquarters with us. He was a chill bloke, bit of a party animal and never could say no to a pint and the both of us hit it off (A black guy that likes Korpiklaani? I was tops in his books) whilst poor brown nose who wasn't much of a drinker or a metal fan couldn't really find any solid ground to climb with him, but we never excluded him from our little pub gatherings and such because I treat decent Co-workers like friends if not just to keep the work train moving. At an after work gathering with the two of us having spent a solid portion of the night drinking pints of ale, Brown Nose gets it in his head that he wants to learn a few phrases in Finnish to add a bit of sugar to his arse kissing and ask said bloke to say 'Good morning Boss!' so he could impress our employer. As you'd guess, this joker pretty much gives him a phrase that says 'Hello, I'm going to fucking murder you.' or some shite like that without Brown nose looking it up because he's a trusting lad and he spends the majority of the night parroting this phrase until he knows it by heart. Cue up the next day and in comes the boss with his Fiancé, speaks little to no English and from what I heard from the Boss' mate is a bit of a spoilt princess. I go over, say my pleasantries, give her a wave and a smile and toddle off to do my duties. All the while I'm noticing Brown Nose dicking around in the back as if he's waiting for a proper time to see them and jump out the box with his new phrase and he does. Walks up to the boss and let's it fly. They both stare at him like he's off his tits. He then turns, thrusts out a hand to the Boss' lady and repeats it again, creepy shit eating grin on his face 'Hello, I'm going to fucking murder you', in Finnish. She recoils like she's seen the devil himself, starts babbling in Finn' until they both seem to be full throe into an argument which results in her storming out and him chasing after her. Brown Nose looks deflated and comes over to me wanting to know exactly what happened. Now I've been trying my best not to burst into laughter at the whole debacle and I do my best to feign ignorance as to what just happened in order to appear as confused as he is but then the boss comes back in, chews him out and fires him on the spot. That took the edge off of the laughter, especially since I'm not a fan of people getting unwarranted guff. So after I told the Boss' mate the next time I saw him and he agreed, he told him about the whole joke and feeding him the wrong phrase and got him his job back after a week and some days of him moping around his flat the few times I visited him to make sure he didn't go and top himself over the cockup he placed himself into.
The non-handwashers are the worst. I'm posted up across the hall from the lobby bathroom and there is one woman that will open the fucking door while the toilet is still flushing. She wanted to greet me one morning and I said flat out, "I'm not shaking your hands, Pat."
A co worker always says "what's that?" after someone speaks and that really pisses me off, so I'm making an effort to repeat the last two words out of his mouth in an agreeable fashion just to annoy him. Kinda like jimmy from south park when he takes that prostitute to a nice Italian dinner.
The guy that I just described and hate the most has this laugh. He's a fake ass faggot, too. On Easter, someone asked him if he did an easter egg hunt with his boy and he replied with this cunty line "no, we like to stick with the religious side of Easter". This guy cusses on a daily basis and seems like a scumbag piece of shit. He also over-gels his hair and smells awful at least once a week
Have a guy who will come up to me and read about 15 hilarious ESPN memes in a row off his phone and bust out laughing after each one.
Lie about how much they work. On my last project, I was with 3 people at dinner and they were talking about how they worked Friday night, Saturday and Sunday - on top of the 60-80 hour weeks we typically have. Die.
Similar to this, people who brag about not having time to eat lunch on a busy day. Congratulations, you're soooo busy that you couldn't spare fifteen minutes to eat and now want to seem like a workplace martyr! People who buy coffee and tea every day - I will judge your poor financial habits. People who talk about work and overall organizational stuff to me in the lunch room like I care. People who buy into the company culture and actually think their menial job in an organization with 90,000+ employees matters and is important.
It's just been building up. Upper management had a meeting just about getting him gone 2 weeks ago. He's that hated throughout the entire company.
Definitely the person who wants to shake your hand every time they see you. Not necessary when you see someone every day.
New guy doesn't flush the urinal. I work in a really small office and it started happening right about the time he was hired. The guy also asks the same questions every time you give him a project. I'm going to try to get him fired next review period.
The guy who laughs really loud at something online in an effort to get you to ask "what's so funny?" Laugh all you want, I'm not gonna engage you
The guy who makes a point to be out the front door at 5:00 on the dot every day then bitches endlessly if something comes up that makes him stay late.
Isn't he British? Wouldn't it be forced if he typed like we might talk as opposed to how he normal would?
I do IT and whenever I'm at someone's desk especially the receptionists "Oh Kayla, you look rather different today" with them cracking up thinking they're so fucking witty.
oh good lord, my youtube guy is a 60 year old dude in my dept who got an iPad recently and has discovered the internet. will pull up a yt vid and go from cluster to cluster of people in the breakroom and show all kinds of videos. He's especially fond of song parody ones that feature Bruno Mars . He's also friends with the entire dept. on facebook and is always saying "Did you see what (fill in the blank employee) put on facebook?"
A couple years back I had two guys on my floor who would have a 45 minute talk on the weekend's football action. The problem? The discussion was exclusively CFL football. Nothing ruins your morning like hearing about Ricky Ray's poise in the pocket. Sports talk at work in general sucks. Most of the time I just nod along to refrain from looking like an asshole by telling them they're objectively wrong.
Have a co-worker that goes out 5 or 6 times a week and gets hammered. His son does it 3 or 4 times and he doesnt understand why.
Re: the lunch deal. I Had a Boss say that you had a very large problem with being competent enough to get your work done if you were unable to put side 15 minutes to get lunch.
Getting asked about what I did on every fucking Monday has gotten rather old. Like "did you stay in town or go somewhere?" "Oh really, you have some friends come in town? What did y'all get into?"(if I stayed in town) This is usually followed with other detailed questions into what I actually did. If I go out of town, it causes the same response, every fucking time. Yea I just went home for the weekend. "What?? You live at the beach and didn't stay on the weekend??" Uhh yea, for the millionth time, I would rather go hangout with several friends at home (or another close by city) than hangout anywhere by myself all weekend long. Another annoying/cringeworthy thing a co worker does is being from Ohio. Like the one who moves to SC and immediately puts palmetto tree/salt life stickers on his vehicle. The one who doesn't talk a lick of sports all season long, but the Tuesday after Ohio State won he gets to work early just to print out shit showing that they won.
Worked in a group with a lady that made numerous outlandish statements with no basis in reality. It's been over 10 years, so I can't remember them all, but the one that sticks out was her claim that she could calculate net present values in her head.
I always hated whe people talked on the phone during lunch in the break room. Take that elsewhere so we can enjoy our time
1. Funny reply-all guy. 2. We have a new associate who in her first firm meeting suggested that they start posting associates' monthly hours with anonymous color codes "so we know where we stand." She has since also suggested changing the firm's name. 3. "This is my first vacation in three years...because I'm so busy...working." girl.