My wife usually cooks dinner, and I usually do the dishes while she's putting our daughter to bed. For whatever reason, she's absolutely freaking incapable of cleaning dishes while she cooks. Whenever I get home, it looks like a bomb went off and my entire kitchen was used to prep the meal. I don't understand it. When I cook, I usually end up with zero dishes other than a single pot or pan when it's all done. So much easier to do it that way, and it's not like it's terribly difficult to do.
My wife bakes a lot. Nothing better than coming home and be expected to clean a bowl with batter that had hardened over the last 6 hours. Better yet, I got thoroughly bitched out for scratching a Teflon pan because I must have used a metal spatula on it. Last night she was making scrambled eggs, using a metal spatula on the Teflon pan.
About a week ago we started noticing mouse shit in the house. Wife threatens to go stay with her sister, makes me stop at Home Depot to get traps, basically throws a giant fit. I tell her to make sure all the food in the house is put up and sealed but after a few days still nothing in the traps. We come home tonight and she opens up the spare bedroom where she keeps all of her stuff and screams saying she just saw one. I place 3 traps in the room and seal the door to make sure there is no way for this fucker to get out. Five minutes later she causally says "oh I forgot I have my bag of birthday chocolate in the room." I go and open it, and a third of the chocolates have been destroyed by the mice.
Unrelated I live in urban Los Angeles and pretty much the only wildlife I see are gross birds, some outside cats, dogs being walked, flies by dumpsters, roaches on sidewalks at night, and rarely a rat running across a sidewalk/street into the bushes at night. The other day I saw a rat scurry along a railing and hop onto a palm tree and start climbing straight up. I was dumbfounded and stopped walking. It stopped and looked at me like "what the fuck you looking at?" then it proceeded to climb the rest of the 50 feet to the top of the tree. I became very grateful we don't have trees close to our windows on the 4th floor. Didn't realize rats are so adaptable they can just yolo into squirrel mode. Now back up a week before this climbing rat incident. My roommate and I are walking down our block and see a dead rat on the sidewalk. I'm like gross did you see this when you walked your dog a few mins ago? He's like no it wasn't here. There was nothing around except for a tall palm tree. I'm like wtf did it fall out of the tree? Nah they don't do that right? God answers questions in truly majestic ways.
My wife is about to leave for a girl's camping trip shortly. Apparently because I didn't do everything to help her get ready I didn't do anything.
Gf was working in the car while I drive us to Orlando for the weekend. After about 3 hours she slams her mouse on the laptop and yells fuck. I ask what happened and she says excel crashed and she lost her work. I ask when her last save point was, she says when we got in the car and that she lost everything. I'm an asshole for saying it's her own fault for not saving every 20 minutes or so to prevent this kind of situation. This isn't the first time this has happened.
I asked. For whatever reason auto save doesn't save her pivot tables or whatever. Who knows. I don't work in excel. Maybe she's lying to me just to make me feel bad for her
My sister who lives out of state has been planning for months to come home and surprise my mom for her 60th birthday this weekend. We get to the lake house an hour before my sis is going arrive and fiance goes "wait, where's your sister going to sleep?" Way to waste the good surprise. Mom played it off like a champ but dammit how hard is it to not mention anything for a fucking hour.
DuckintheDesert did one of those butthole molds that bertwing did for Shocker a few years back. He ordered a bunch of chocolates shaped like his bhole and gave them to his wife for her birthday. Hence Birthday Chocolate.
Her birthday was two weeks ago. One of her coworkers gave her a bunch of candy (including a bag of Hershey kisses). You haven't lived until you've sent a mold of your asshole to stranger to make chocolates.
Mrs. Celemo has gotten into the habit recently of making plans to do shit that involves me but she neglects to tell me about them. Then when the time comes, I'm the asshole because I have no idea what she's talking about
Groundhogs climb trees too. Saw it once at my parents house. Told them. They were like get the fuck outta here they don't climb trees. Couple weeks later they see one scurrying up a tree as if the thing lives in trees.
This is why I sometimes don't even bother helping. If I'm just going to get bitched at for helping why even bother? I can spend that time doing stuff I want to do instead.
I was going to say sounds like a premise for a shitty melissa mccarthy movie but yours has a better visual so I'm going with that.
Yes it was crazy first time I saw it. I did a double take and was like "What the fuck? is that motherfucker climbing up a god damn tree??" I've only seen it once in my life, must be some unicorn shit.
Wife comes home from Disney today after spending half the day with her friend, our son and our son's new girlfriend. Starts to tell me about the conversations her and her friend Jen had: Her: "...and Jen kept asking what I thought about his new girlfriend but I said I really didn't know her well yet." "Uh huh." Her: "And Jen was like "I can't believe you haven't given her the three degree yet because you always have..." "Wait...what?" Her: "What?" "The THREE degree?" Her: "You know what I mean, when you question someone a lot!" . . . . The 3 degree.
claims she never has time to do anything during the weekends, sleeps until 3:00 p.m. or later saturday and sunday
Meh. She works really hard during the week and pulls long hours. She's not lazy, just has some sort of sleeping disorder and refuses to acknowledge it. It doesn't bother me because it gives me a bunch of free time to do whatever I want without her nagging me
I was making fun of her for complaining about having no time to do anything she had planned because she slept so long. And I defended people calling her lazy. She isn't. Pretty big difference.