Corporate Speak Thread_2024-01_Finalv11-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. TDCD

    TDCD Handling the Fisher account
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    My company does an agile standup every morning, and every day my boss says their 'blocker' is that they have meetings to attend

    that not a blocker. It's literally your job and what you're paid to do.

    /rant
     
    War Grundle likes this.
  2. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    I have 9 meetings today ama
     
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  3. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    How many could be handled with an email?
     
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  4. TC

    TC Peter, 53, from Toxteth
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    Got a cool zoom background? Lol
     
    Kirk Fogg, Doc Louis, racer and 6 others like this.
  5. Capstone 88

    Capstone 88 Going hard in the paint
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    We’ve been working from home for almost 3 months and the amount of times this interaction happens makes me want to throw my laptop in my pool
    “Person, you’re on mute”
    “Oh sorry I was talking didn’t realize I was on mute. Anyway...”
     
    Doc Louis, slogan119, racer and 8 others like this.
  6. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
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    i think people just aren’t paying attention and when it’s their turn to talk, that’s the excuse. One thing I have learned, the job that everyone has been spending 50+ hours a week performing only takes about 25-30 hours a week working from home to get the same results...
     
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  7. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    1
     
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  8. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    We use teams, and nobody is dumb enough to use the video because we’re used to this environment
     
  9. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    This was normal for me before everyone started working from home
     
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  10. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
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    Arkansas RazorbacksAtlanta FalconsPGA

    our director is a big fan of “face to face” interactions so if we are speaking, our camera is “highly encouraged” to be on.
     
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  11. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    I was actually thinking about doing it during my weekly team meeting tomorrow to help up morale. Maybe wear a funny boonie hat and sunglasses

    Everyone’s been kind of going through the motions the last few weeks
     
  12. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    What about wearing your birthday suit? LOL
     
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  13. dukebuckeye

    dukebuckeye I’m OK with your low opinion of me.
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    Have you guys heard that these are some unprecedented times?
     
  14. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    “New normal”
     
  15. THE REAL GUBBERJK

    THE REAL GUBBERJK original ocean grown
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  16. THE REAL GUBBERJK

    THE REAL GUBBERJK original ocean grown
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    ON SECOND THOUGHT?
    CORPRATE BUNNY UNIFORMS >/??????????
    no wonder donations are down must get Daniel to order edibles for boomfer the toy eater.
     
  17. THE REAL GUBBERJK

    THE REAL GUBBERJK original ocean grown
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    extra thc so he looks like he not salivateing on jrs barney toy .
     
  18. TDCD

    TDCD Handling the Fisher account
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    we have a new scrummaster and he gives us a pump up speech every morning. I hate it so much
     
    racer likes this.
  19. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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  20. mangler

    mangler Well-Known Member
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    Wife and I have been really fortunate that we've been able to work from home during this entire ordeal without interruption to our pay. However, with a kindergartner and a 2 year old at home, I'm finding that it takes about 70 hours to do from home what usually takes ~50 hours to do from the office. Sent the 2 year old back to daycare today, productivity is through the roof.
     
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  21. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    My 4-year-old went back to daycare today too. I came back and went to bed for my first uninterrupted nap in months.
     
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  22. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
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    Arkansas RazorbacksAtlanta FalconsPGA

    Its night and day. I still have to go in the AMs but am usually home at 12 everyday. Since there isn't anyone at work, my productivity level is insane because I have so few interruptions. the majority of everything I need to work on is completed by then and its just meetings in the afternoons. I'm usually pretty fortunate and don't have any meetings after 3.

    So 6-12 of real work then just BS meetings in the afternoons. I can see why European countries have adopted the 35 hour work week
     
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  23. TDCD

    TDCD Handling the Fisher account
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    every single day
     
  24. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Bingo. You nailed it. I am thankfiul for that though as watching our 4 year old while we are both full-time is tough. Due to my wife's Lupus we can't take a risk of sending hinm to summer camp so we have him all summer and we both have been cleared to work from home through August.
     
  25. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    in office life I made it a point to not bring my laptop to meetings unless it was necessary. All of these online Hangouts make that impossible so I find myself very easily distracted with other work, Gchat, slack whatever else is going on in real time.

    And then forgetting which tab your meeting is on when you switch on/off for a second is an adventure in itself
     
    mangler, War Grundle and racer like this.
  26. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
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    I’m in training sessions this week where the session leader has used “bio break” instead of “washroom break” (or simply just saying we’re having a 5 minute break). Bio break is now near the top of my corporate speak pet peeves.
     
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  27. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    Bio break has been around for a while.
     
  28. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Yeah I remember hearing that mid 2000s.
     
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  29. steamengine

    steamengine I don’t want to press one for English!
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    It’s a pretty sanitized way of someone saying they need to take a dump, and I appreciate that.
     
    #1279 steamengine, Jun 11, 2020
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2020
    Capstone 88, Goose, racer and 2 others like this.
  30. Gin Buckets

    Gin Buckets Well-Known Member
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    This could also go in the "annoying things your coworkers do" thread, but if you ever have to play "Two truths and a lie" and don't feel like playing along, so something utterly benign like:

    "I was born in March"
    "My Mother's maiden name is Smith"
    "My sister's middle name is Sarah"
     
    #1280 Gin Buckets, Jun 23, 2020
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2020
    steamengine likes this.
  31. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
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    I’ve been in a lot of calls with people from India lately and for whatever reason they refuse to use the word question and instead always say “I have a doubt” or “I have a query”.

    Pretty minor in the context of this thread but where else am I to complain about mild work related pet peeves?
     
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  32. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
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    Arkansas RazorbacksAtlanta FalconsPGA

    Annoying... everyone has to stop talking when it’s their turn because their toddler has wondered in the room and that person thinks it’s cute to be like “not now lol Jonny” While the kid runs around The room like a banshee and that person acts like it’s not a big deal.
     
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  33. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia Thought Leader in Posting
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    yep, this brings back so many memories

    "Please do the needful" is another square on my Outsourcing to India bingo card
     
  34. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    Yesterday Evening vs last night
     
  35. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
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  36. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    My company HQ is in Denmark and in July it’s always “I will be out office until August 3rd.”

    Then the VP of Sales over there complains to me that while they were out my team hits normal numbers in July.

    I tell him I wish we could take a month off like you guys can. I get a month a year but can maybe take 8-10 days.
     
  37. momux

    momux AFAM Scholar
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    Just got an email for a webinar invite from an outside vendor: "3 Methods to Achieve Proactive Cyber Posture Management"
     
  38. Doc Louis

    Doc Louis Well-Known Member
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    Has he run out of cliches and started to repeat himself yet?
     
  39. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia Thought Leader in Posting
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    lol my junk email folder is full of these
     
  40. momux

    momux AFAM Scholar
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    Our spam filter is usually fantastic at catching this crap but for some reason in the last 2-3 weeks I've been getting hit up a lot. No idea why.
     
  41. racer

    racer Yuma, where I work in software.
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    If you’re not suckin' on chili dog outside the Tastee Freeze is it even a chili dog?
     
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  42. TC

    TC Peter, 53, from Toxteth
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    "Pain point"
     
    slogan119, Ty Webb, petey23 and 4 others like this.
  43. War Grundle

    War Grundle Nole Mercy
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    Florida State SeminolesTampa Bay Rays

    On Wednesday we have a virtual three hour team building event between our US office and our Denmark HQs. Each of us received a box of materials needed to help with the team building activities like different flash cards that have different terms that explain our company's values. We're a software and sales organization so nothing screams productivity like having a meeting from 8-11am three days before the month closes.
     
  44. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    I thought we were putting a pin in this thread with everything going on right now?
     
  45. racer

    racer Yuma, where I work in software.
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    Source of truth.
     
  46. Wicket

    Wicket Fan: ND, PSV, Pool FC, Cricket, Urquel, Dog Crew
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    its super easy to change your background on teams, so you neednt be worried about anything but the shirt you are wearing basically
     
  47. AHebrewToo

    AHebrewToo Albino Hebrew Extraordinaire
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    Wanted to socialize the idea and get buy in from leadership before making any decisions.
     
  48. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    *single
     
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  49. racer

    racer Yuma, where I work in software.
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    Not here, buddy!
     
    Where Eagles Dare likes this.
  50. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
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    Arkansas RazorbacksAtlanta FalconsPGA

    who all have you engaged with so far in the organization to see if this is appropriate?
     
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