Corporate Speak Thread_2024-01_Finalv11-GB.PPTX

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Gin Buckets, May 6, 2015.

  1. ats

    ats Well-Known Member

    They’re so bad they’re funny

    our video this year had a skit about how making fun of people’s ethnic foods in the break rooms

    another about talking about different hair styles and how it’s not appropriate to ask to touch an Afro even though you always wanted one
     
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  2. ScFan27

    ScFan27 Well-Known Member
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    Appreciate that. Tough way to start my Friday “do you have time to chat at 4pm?”
     
  3. Jimmy the Saint

    Jimmy the Saint The future is a benevolent black hole
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    Was it because you didn’t hit 200%?
     
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  4. $P1

    $P1 Ball State #1
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    There's a "swim lanes" epidemic in my workplace right now.
     
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  5. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    I could never work in sales, I always would feel like I'm being a bad person and trying to pressure someone, but also because y'all are typically the first let go if the company needs to make any cuts.

    I'm guessing you saw that viral video of the sales person getting fired at cloudflare? I hVe two friends, one that used to work there, and one that still works there and it's shocking how bad tech companies are unable to not seemingly fire tons of people left and right still.
     
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  6. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    100% how I felt in sales. I'm trying to trick someone into buying something. I hated it and it felt wrong. It's why I failed out of it.

    I realize not all sales jobs are the same so I'm not saying all sales
     
  7. Sub-Zero

    Sub-Zero ALL THE TOSTITOS!!!
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    I really wish I could make millions of dollars by saying shit like “let’s grow revenue and limit costs“

    upload_2024-1-27_12-24-51.png
     
  8. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    It's my fault for going on LinkedIn, but one of the bigwigs at my company (we are a health care adjacent business) made a post about how, sad but not shocking, vaccination rates among adults are falling. Someone who works in "strategic partnerships" at a pharma company posted this reply,

    I genuinely felt like punching the wall. You can't "business-ify" an easy way to do solve this problem, it's a complete lack of basic science education.
     
  9. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    That's really what you want with art, whatever makes the most money .
     
  10. ScFan27

    ScFan27 Well-Known Member
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    I did see that video. It was a shit show and it should not have been a performance conversation but a “we’re laying people off and unfortunately it’s most recent hires are the first to be let go”. Not that it’s any better but it’s truthful and you’re not gas lighting people into thinking they have been inadequate at their job.

    I do get that and I do want to win every deal but at the end of the day, I’ve shown you the potential value I can provide. So A) do you want it? And B) if so, what does your available budget look like. That’s more my mind set. If you don’t see value in my product, just say so.
     
  11. Born Again Lefty

    Born Again Lefty Respect The Pouch
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    I’m fine with SaaS or tech sales if I’ve reached out about the product and gone through demos.

    What drives me up a wall are the cold calls, LinkedIn messages and emails. No I don’t want to look at your startup AI network security tool which is revolutionizing the game (along with the other dozen companies also saying the same thing).

    If it’s not on our roadmap for a tool or service, we don’t want it. If it is, we’re using the Gartner charts since everyone else is playing the game long enough to get scooped up by the big boys.
     
  12. $P1

    $P1 Ball State #1
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    Every LinkedIn message I've gotten tht last 6 months is essentially, "Let us show you how we use AI to help you wipe your own ass"
     
  13. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    I'll get spam sales emails on my work email. No idea how they know my address or what I do.
     
  14. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    I get spam on my work email. I once got one with the subject line "CUTE CHICK HOT RAPE" and I immediately deleted it out of fear
     
  15. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    I've been to AWS re:Invent the past 3 years and they have a huge expo, the majority of which are vendors that offer some neat swag. You have to get your badge scanned in order to visit their booths and get stuff, this basically means they'll email you or sometimes cold call you a few weeks after. I always tell them that I'm not someone who makes financial decisions at my company and I'm just looking for free stuff which they'll happily give me. Almost all of them do things that I do in my job anyways, basically paying a lot for someone to manage our AWS services when I can do it for much cheaper myself internally.

    All that is to say I still get cold calls and the sales people are sometimes flabbergasted that I'm not interested and only wanted free stuff at the conference. :laugh:
     
    Han Solo likes this.
  16. beerme

    beerme Well-Known Member
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    whats a gartner chart?
     
  17. Born Again Lefty

    Born Again Lefty Respect The Pouch
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    Miami Hurricanes

  18. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode B I O I N B I O
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    RIP motor city kitties
    edit: wtf how did this get posted in here. ill leave it
     
    #2469 hood b. goode, Jan 28, 2024
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2024
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  19. ono

    ono Well-Known Member
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    Better for them to lose now iyam rather than to get their heads ripped off by a juggernaut
     
  20. Jack Bauer

    Jack Bauer Damn it!
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    They wouldn’t have played the Wolverines.
     
  21. JGator1

    JGator1 I'm the Michael Jordan of the industry
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    Do we need to actually get stuff done? Hell no we can have 30 meetings about it and the higher ups can plot ways they can shift the blame to others. We love our brilliant overlords folks.
     
  22. Han Solo

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    Apparently you and I work at the same place
     
  23. Where Eagles Dare

    Where Eagles Dare The Specialist Show On Earth
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    Going through an acquisition is not fun.

    Hello, make sure you continue to do your day job, meet with clients, sell new business, etc, but here are 18 billion hours of SAP Fiori Training, Sales Force Training, a new laptop that is locked down the point I can't share my screen in teams, a VPN that locks me out of some AI Apps I used, and an overbearing WBS code structure
     
  24. $P1

    $P1 Ball State #1
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    In a leadership workshop today and the same person has used "low-hanging fruit" at least 15 times in a couple hours.
     
  25. Upton^2

    Upton^2 blocked just a park away, but I can't really say
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  26. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
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  27. hood b. goode

    hood b. goode B I O I N B I O
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  28. Dillingham

    Dillingham Well-Known Member
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    we use google drive as our file storage and management (don't ask me...) and the lack of features and functionality drives me insane. i have to do some moving and copying and nothing fucking works. this was a problem that was solved in the OG windows, but because 20 product managers need something to do at google they build something so bloated it becomes useless and worse than it was 30 years ago.
     
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  29. kinghill

    kinghill Cool American Flavour
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    sounds better than Sharepoint
     
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  30. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
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    We were Google drive until moving to Microsoft in a merger about 6 months ago. Sharepoint is still unusable for me. Google ecosystem was so much more userfriendly
     
  31. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
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    that’s part of Microsoft’s security I think. Make it where you really can’t use sharepoint effectively and it automatically protects because no one wants to fuck with it.
     
  32. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Sharepoint is pretty shitty when it comes to doing a basic thing of trying to share a file between a specific group of people that aren't on the same email alias list.
     
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  33. Pasta88

    Pasta88 Canes, Bruins, Raps, Jays and Sunderland.
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    An annoying 2023/2024 trend is the proliferation of “fireside chats”
     
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  34. DuffandMuff

    DuffandMuff Well-Known Member
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    I have no idea what I’m doing with sharepoint/one drive. Rarely need to use it, so when I do I always preface my link with “let me know if you can’t access.”
     
    Tug likes this.
  35. bturns

    bturns a better poster than Bertwing
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    I keep hearing this and automatically think marketing is throwing sand on a fire and saying in a scary voice “the tale of the Q2 miss”
     
    Pasta88 likes this.
  36. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    A new thing excel does is say "excel didn't open properly last time... would you like to open in safe mode?" I always say no because I like to live dangerously
     
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