He does have legal recourse through the Hague convention, he just can't afford what that will cost (likely going to Austria) to litigate.
i did not know that and yes you're right he has no hope to afford that, at the moment. it is conceivable in the long-term, maybe, but frankly the kid would be better off growing up in Austria.
the lacking confidence thing is the understatement of the year - figuring out how to turn that around and coping with the divorce are the 2 main things I’m gonna be working on with my therapist
Sorry if that came off as insulting. Just appears like it's past the point of any justification. Any reasonable marriage standard.
Just wanted to post an update since it’s been almost a year since i posted in here about my divorce I’ve been with the same girl for approximately a year now, she’s honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Since she was coming out of a similar situation our ability to connect and appreciate each other is amazing. I can’t express how great it is going to work and not having to stress about what is going on at home or what I’ll be coming home too. I honestly feel like I’m able to breath for the first time in years. We’re currently trying for a baby and come August I’m going to ask her to marry me For those just going through the process just know there’s someone out there for you that’ll treat you the way you should be treated and don’t give up you’ll find em
Awesome! Happy for you man. The last thing you posted is the biggest thing I’m having a hard time with - probably because it’s still so fresh & I’m still in so much emotional pain, but I just don’t think there’s anyone out there for me.
There is, and there’s someone out there thinking the same thing as you. These days with all the dating sites and apps it’s gotta be a completely different ball game in terms of dating than 20 years ago. Get out there and don’t be afraid to swing for the fences. I went on 5-6 dates until I met my currentl gf and we hit it off right away and instantly I felt like a 100 lb weight was lifted off my chest. But be patient with the process
I know, it’s just hard to see it or feel that way since I’m still in the fog of the war. How’d you meet her, by the way...dating site or just by chance?
Dating site, she was recently divorced as well for a lot of the same reasons why I was. Was a refreshing feeling knowing she understood completely everything I went through
The only way out is through - there are no shortcuts and attempts to circumvent the process will ultimately backfire. But there is a light at the end of your proverbial tunnel and there will be happiness and another woman in your life. Take your time and as Jack says, be patient. Rushing into something new is a common mistake. You'll know when you're ready (if you're honest with yourself and don't allow others to pressure you). Counseling is a good way to verify that of course. Good luck man.
If one of my friends was in a situation where he got divorced, almost immediately dove penis first into another serious relationship, and within a year was trying for a kid before even proposing to this girl, my buddies and I would have already had a few serious conversations with him to try to make him realize that this is the worst decision in history. However, if some internet message board guy whose situation I don't know the full details on thinks it's what he wants then I say go for it, and we'll wait for him to circle back through this thread in a couple of years. In appreciation for the work you do in tagging my fanbases when we have some news gibbons I'm putting my full thoughts and prayers behind you, this girl, and your love child.
I didn't have an eloquent way to say this so I just wanted to echo your thoughts. This is after all a serious thread and calling a random guy going through tough times an idiot didn't seem right. Having said that, this might be the textbook case of what NOT to fucking do.
We have mediation tomorrow morning. As of now with what the court ordered, I get my kid for 5 days in a row every 2 weeks, or 120 days a year. I pay $1020 a month on my $36k salary. We both have something to barter with, I have a large amount of days and a lot of days in a row, she gets a lot of money. Neither of us are in any position to take this to trial and continue fighting it in court, I'm better off than she is financially though. I'd assume if we go back to court they'll continue with the initial order which I could stomach but it would be a lot of work. Before she served me papers I begged her not to go to court and that I would pay her $400 a month and I would just take 8 overnights a month with my kid that fit my work schedule. On the phone the other day she said she wishes she would have accepted that and not went to court, and that if it was on the table again at mediation she would accept it. I'm looking for advice for what to suggest at mediation for all aspects of this, especially with my daughter starting preschool this fall and how that will factor into things. Mom and I live an hour away from each other. What Mom hates the most is the 5 days in a row and she claims she would willingly accept less money in child support if those 5 days were broken up into smaller groups. I'm not trying to get out of supporting my kid at all and I could see how someone could say that, but my kid is more than taken care of. Once her Mom moves in with her boyfriend within a year or 2 who makes 2-3x as much as I do, she'll be taken care of too. My plan for now is to suggest 8 overnights a month that are chosen at Mom's discretion, and to make up for some of the days I lose I'm asking for 3 weeks in a row in the summer so that we could go on a vacation or something and have some real time to ourselves. My family also doesn't ever get together ON Thanksgiving or ON Christmas, usually just whenever the family can make it either the weekend before or after, so I'm going to offer her those holidays. I want my birthday, fathers day, half day on her birthday, and really can't think of anything after that. 4th of July and Halloween we can split? But for that to happen I don't want to pay so much. Does that make me a piece of shit? Just in a tough spot financially and willing to do a lot of things to get out of it. Down the line I'd really just want entire summers that way we could just golf all summer and get that easy scholarship. I know some other things I need to have plans for are transportation and potential moves (out of state or not) down the line. Just want to cover all my bases, my lawyer is not coming to the mediation but obviously will look over any agreement we make.
bartering this way usually isn't kosher with the court. once you go to trial, they pretty much want to stick with the guidelines. It's going to be tough to trade less days for less money. Its almost always an inverse relationship.
That's how the lady made it sound at the 1 on 1 meeting I had at the mediator the other day; that the 2 things aren't really related at all. So I'd have to get Mom on board with essentially going back to how it was before with nothing court ordered? I'm not catering to any of Mom's offerings otherwise. I quit my job and started a new one so that I could work 7 days on/7 days off and spend my full amount of time with my daughter. I'll be damned if I give her anything now after the stuff she pulled which lead it to this.
I think that actually sounds extremely reasonable. You've got to get that $1k child support cut in half. That amount is totally unreasonable with your salary. Hope it works out!
In my experience, once you end up in court, you are pretty much stuck with the guidelines regardless of what the parties want. I'm sure Tilly could give you a better answer. He has a lot more experience in family law.
So to update since it’s been a while - still living in the same house & just got back from a week in Vancouver that we’d had planned for a while. That trip just re-affirmed that she’s emotionally/romantically checked out on me, so looks like a separation will happen soon. In mid-May, I caught her talking to the other guy using Google Voice since she knew I was checking phone records, and when our therapist asked her point blank if she thought she could do a therapeutic separation (separation with intent to come back & re-assess after an agreed upon amount of time) without talking to him, she said no, so that pretty much killed the possibility of that working out on my end because my #1 rule for that would be we don’t date other people while separated. Getting to the point where I think he & she deserve each other.
Fuck her in the ass one final time and get you + your belongings out of there and onto your new journey.
The ass fucking part was more of a joke, but you need to set a hard deadline of 7-14 days to be out of that house and in your own life.
Yeah I know - deadline is probably gonna be more like 5-6 weeks since my son’s 2nd birthday is July 20th. After that, looks like I’ll be done unless a miracle happens.
Seems like a pretty unreasonable expectation given the circumstances that lead to this point. That combined with her continuing to go behind your back to talk to the guy tells you that she's accepted that it's over.
Eff that. Zebbie, plan a vacation for your son's b-day for just you two and don't tell her until you land at Disney world.
The big factors, at least in Florida, are the net salaries of both parents, child care costs and health care costs. If he makes more than mom, which appears to be the case, it can get wacky quick.
Insane. So glad my sons mom wanted to avoid court. She's happy just paying a quarter of his after school care.