Son tested positive for Covid Tuesday night. Now that we’re seemingly past the worst of it I feel like telling him I don’t need any presents - isolation from in laws over Christmas is the best gift he could ever give me.
Nobody wanted to go out to dinner tonight, for obvious reasons -- except Sister Nug. Everywhere will be packed, no reservations, etc. She wins out, because of course. We go to The Wharf in Orange Beach (gross). Go to the place she picks, we get a table and sit down. She looks at the menu, decides she doesn't want to eat there -- because of her gluten allergy (not real) -- as she drinks a beer. Whatever. Our family gets up, walks out because of her. Go to the next place she chooses, hour+ wait. Sister Nug declares "fine, I'm done, whatever yall decide." Nobody else wanted to eat out. Nobody else cares. Everywhere is fucking packed. She's now pissed that we're a tad upset. So now we're on the hour+ waitlist. She's moved to liquor. We got a long night ahead.
I try to go along for my parents. They desperately want their children to get along, so I try. The alternative is a huge blow up fight where she goes scorched earth.
My dad said a player should use his NIL to pay back his scholarship before profiting off his name. Then he said Trea Turner is his favorite baseball player. So I’d like to take this time to announce I am opening my recruitment as a son. I bring a strong resume and an elite work ethic. Please respect my decision.
Regarding discussion on the last page, my mega bitch sister in law went vegan for a few years and we always had to go out of our way for her during the holidays. I would always passive agressivly put chicken broth in everything I cooked just to fuck with her. One year she asked the ingredients and my wife still talks about the shit eating grin I gave her.
I genuinely get that it's a bitch move to be the only one with a huge dietary restriction that the cook has to cater to, that is doing a ton of extra work, but unless she wasn't actually vegan and cheated (like Nug's sister w/ gluten) I don't get the lying aspect.
My MIL buys everybody in the family pajamas for Christmas. Every year my wife tells her I'm XL, every year she buys me L pajamas, every year they're too small and get donated. My wife confirmed my size with her mom 2 weeks ago. I just opened a large pajamas. Wtf.
tomorrow we get to visit the wife's side where my father in law is mad at us because we don't want to discuss politics (read: scream and rant nonsensical fox buzzwords) with him. yippee
So I have the sort of force of will to argue that is generally reserved for your least favorite relative. But that’s not me. I’m not a dickhead but instead a dude who just can’t shut the fuck up when multiple relatives are being racist or saying insane Alex Jones tier shit. I don’t take the shits. I just disturb them. I’ve found the benefit of arguing into the night multiple times over the years is that now holidays don’t involve any politics at all. Wore those motherfuckers down.
Covid obviously sucks, but low key thankful we were able to get out of hosting Christmas this year so we don’t have to have “private Christmas” a few days later.
Family Christmas at my brother and SILs place. All 3 of their kids are in 4H and will be showing cattle. The beer fridge is in the barn. Any political talk or other such bullshit, Uncle Panchoswanson magically disappears for a couple of hours for drinking Busch Lattes and clipping calves and harassing dogs. I don’t fear Christmas anymore.
At dinner tonight, my 3.5 year old nephew has no interest in potty training. SIL tell him next year he can sit at the big table and in a chair instead of the high chair if he is potty trained. He immediately replies back that his "doing" isn't big enough yet to potty train. I'm fucking dying at a 3.5 year old says his dick isn't big enough yet so he can't potty train.