Wow. It's gonna be hard to express my emotions from chapter to chapter because I'm not nearly as dedicated as jack is about his posts. There was no was I was going to put this book down to write a review in between each chapter, as much as I hold you loves dear. So here goes my last diary entry: Jon - I totally forgot about that dickbag Slynt. My boyfriend Jon just wants to get a little rest after days of almost none and this fag has to come and jiggle his saggy cheeks all over the place. Thorne acts like a complete asshole, nothing to see here. I was kind of glad to see th3 killing of Halfhand come out into play. It felt like it was hanging over my head as a reader and was just waiting for the axe to drop. Tyrion - Not...exactly...the outcome I was hoping for. Gregor is probably going succumb to his wounds (), but Oberyn ends up getting his face smashed in, in a violent Japanimation style. Tyrion is going to die and I really, really hate that. Daenerys - So she made Selmy and Jorah climb through the shit. I know that probably wasn't hard to figure it out, but I'm gonna chalk that one up to me just being really fucking smart anyway. As it seems, Selmy has basically replaced poor old Jorah as her right hand man. Gotta feel bad for Mormont. Shit on by Ned for some lame garbage, serves Dany in every way he can, gets friend-zoned HARD, and now cast away. Yeah, he pulled some pretty shady shit, but you'd have to think that it's all in the past. Ah well, I hope to see that bear in the next couple books. You have to think that he'll pop back into the picture. Also, Dany is staying in Meereen to learn how to rule. That's pretty damn smart and patient as well. Really looking forward to her story, but I hear that she's not even in AFFC. Jaime - Yeah, guy just continues to impress me. Pretty happy that his shit with Cersei is over(for now, at least). She's a cunt, and a ruthless cunt at that. It's really better to cut that cord because it's only going to lead to bad stuff down the road. Atta boy, James. I will miss his interactions with Brienne, though. Thought they would have some weird boning bit, but I was wrong. He shows that deep down that he is a pretty genuine dude by sending her to protect Sansa, but he was showing signs of that for a while now. Found "losing his sword to the blade of Zollo the Fat" very funny for some reason. Yep. Love him. Jon - I want to hang out with Tormund Giantsbane. Let's just be real about this. The later discription of "a great friend and a terrible enemy" is perfect. Anyway, this shit caught me by surprise, even though Davos was absolutely going to get Stannis up there. I found myself trying to figure out who the shit it was plundering though the wildlings and didn't until it was right in my face. One of my few daft moments, but no one's perfect. Arya - This girl is a little badass. I've been waiting for her to really go off, even though she's not even a teenager yet. You knew she had it in her. Then, she leaves Sandor to die (Cold as ICE by Foreigner would go here, but it takes up too much space). She gets screwed over by some shitbag lady and had no where to go...until she whips out that coin. I'm assuming that she's headed to Bravos, unless that coin was so bad ass that they're going to take here up north to Eastwatch. I'm betting on Bravos and I really, really hope Jaqen or whoever he is now makes a cameo. Samwell - Nice little reunion for our boys up north. They talk about trying to get someone else's name in the hat for Lord Commander and we all know who he was going to suggest. Jon - Stannis lays some extremely tempting shit right out there. Oh how I hope Jon doesn't bite . I love that Jon shows Stannis a bit of attitude. Our boy's got some balls. Tyrion - Oh hey, look! Jaime is still awesome. I honestly thought that GRRM was going to kill Tyrion in this chapter and was very happy to be proven wrong. In a sick way, I feel like I want to see what type of things happened in the fourth level of the cells...I'm pretty weird. Shit. Forgot. Tysha was NOT a whore? Sweet gat dam. That is some brutal business. While I was praying for what came next all the time, it didn't catch me off guard as much as Joff's death did. Either way, Tyrion had to kill Tywin(as well as Shae). That's just the way it had to be. That last line, "Lord Tywin Lannister did not, in the end, shit gold" was itself fucking gold. Samwell - YOU SNEAKING LITTLE BUGGER, YOU! Jon - Lord Commander. Fuck yes. That touch with The Old Bear's raven flying to his shoulder was tits. Stannis isn't going to be happy, but oh well. Nothing he can do about it now. Some form of a Stark is going to wind up in Winterfell anyway. Sansa - This whole chapter just epitomized "WHAT. THE. FUCK." Sansa starts out building nice little model of Winterfell, only to get face-raped by Littlefinger, and then sees how truly awful Robert is, then gets fucking attacked and almost killed by total whack-job Lysa, only to find out that her and Littlefinger KILLED Jon Arryn, and then finishes off by seeing Petyr push Lysa to her death...and blame it on the singer. That was one hell of a final chapter, until... Epilogue - She's alive. I don't know how, but I'm thinking that Thoros had something to do with it, but the lady is alive and that is pleasing to me. To clarify, I'm not happy that Cat herself is back because as I've mentioned before, her chapters are really and truly terrible. It's more of the fact that it's a "win" for the Starks, in a sense. I'm really fucking tired of seeing them get shit on. Welp, I hope some of you enjoyed my thread. I didn't break everything down move by move because I half serious, half jokingly wanted to make this a "diary" and basically gossip to myself. I love all of you and look forward to finally reading the ASOS book thread. P.S. As I am of House Paperback(the only house that matters), was anyone able to find ADWD in that version? Amazon says it doesn't come out until August 28th.