The left one needs to be ready at all time if she finally decides to listen to her mom and cut your dick off Have a good night
Our new pooch has a tendency to wander off so we’ve been on high alert all week, not letting her out without supervision. This is in contrast to our other dog, who never leaves the property when someone is home, stays outside all day by herself, and sprints to the door the second you call for her. This morning I’m taking a shower and the bff is doing yoga on the patio w/ the doggos (escape artist is on a leash). Halfway lathered up I hear a bloodcurdling scream and rush out in a towel. I see our new dog still on her leash, our old dog asleep next to the door, and the bff frantically calling for the old dog. “Babe, what’s wrong?” “She’s gone! I can’t find her and she won’t come when I call her! You have to go look for her!” “Turn around and look down.” “Oh, *phew* I didn’t see her there” Dog was a maximum 8 feet away.
I came downstairs after working out this morning and my wife had our kid’s toys spread across the floor. On the tv was the Japanese woman talking about organizing and bringing joy. What am I in for?
Just a few minutes ago: Walked upstairs to get some water, she has a whole pile of clothes on the couch and she shoots me a look. “I am folding clothes like Kondo says to do” Me:
I'm fairly tidy but could definitely better organize areas if I cared. But, we have separate closets for a reason.
It’s 20* this morning. Me: Why is the heat turned up so high? Her (in pajama shorts and a tank top): I’m freezing!
Browns thread just reminded me. When we first started dating she drank Dr Pepper all the time. Whenever we went out to eat she would order a “DP”. I told her for a while that she had to stop saying that. She said no because it made people laugh. One time she said “it’s just so corny that people think it’s cute”. That’s when I had my lightbulb moment and had to explain to her what DP meant and why people were laughing at her.
At first she didn’t believe me. She didn’t think that was a thing people would actually be into - at least not popular enough for it to have a name. I eventually convinced her, surprisingly without having to pull up pornhub. She started saying DP a lot at home just to annoy me but ordered “Dr Pepper” when we were out. Similar story that I’ve told on here before: a friend of mine said something like “I’d rather get bukkaked than go there” in reference to some bar. She then kept asking what bukkake meant. So I had to explain that one too. It became her favorite word for about a month after that. She would just randomly say it in public.
BFF: You leaving the apartment anytime soon? Me: No, I'm cooking at the moment BFF: Ok, well when you're done can you bring me a pair of flip flops by the salon? I'm getting my toes painted and came in tennis shoes. Me:
Same with my wife. I've called it double penetration so much sometimes she will too. Wait am I missing a hint????
There are so many unnecessary texts there. Send one text saying the same thing. Don't send multiple texts for the same thought.
My wife thought bukkake meant clusterfuck and one day while talking to her mom on the phone said something to the effect of “it was just a complete bukkake.” I was holding back tears as I explained to her what it meant.