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Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.
Starting a new thread for reasons...
Carry on, gentleman
Doesn't swallow or let me enter through the exit.
She used to use my razor to trim her bush, pits, and legs.
Cut that shit out with a quickness.
I travel for my job, a lot.
When I don't travel, she thinks I'm her errand boy and that all chores around house should be completed by 5pm.
Do you even paperwork, expense report, conference call, prospect?
Wait, what did I miss???
This thread icon and title is really throwing me off
What about shit our boyfriend Tobias does
Just work a carrot up in there till she's down.
Don't speak of thread icons
Way too soon
Well more just referring to the icon being Oracle of Omahawg since he was OP of the last one.
bertwing started the original thread back in the day
we're kicking it old school
Somebody get their hand smacked by their wife for spilling the wrong kind of beans?
she called the cops on me after i smacked her. Dumb bitch deserved it
just wanted to laugh at this again
I don't know if I've ever made a post that long about anything.
FUCKING PREACH MAN
My, as of Saturday, wife informed me that she was shocked that Aruba wasn't just blonde-haired, blue-eyed Dutch people. She also thinks every insect down here has Zika and every shell she steps on in the water are baby sea turtle eggs. This girl graduated magna cum laude from a top 30 school and that was day one of the honeymoon.
I decided to give myself a treat by changing her phone background to a pic of Natalee Hollaway.
Hello new thread - I wonder what the first off the wall tangent will be in our new home.
Came home late last night and got into bed. Meaningless chit-chat for a few minutes, and then "Oh, I forgot to tell you something."
"Tonight I was getting something under the sink and I noticed water in the bucket. Something must be leaking."
"Was that before or after you ran the dishwasher?"
"Did you at least dump the bucket first? Did you look to see what's leaking?"
"Because everything empties through the sink."
"WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!?"
I've found the more annoying version of "she can't find her keys and they're in her purse": I can't find my keys and they're in her purse.
Her purse left the house with her 30 minutes ago
My wife does this shit ALL THE TIME
My work token to log into my desktop at work is connected to my keys so if I want to work from home I obviously need my keys. Never fails that any time I plan a work at home day, she can't find her keys and takes mine because I put mine in the same spot every day.
"I never have time to watch TV."
/Has seen every episode of every show on the DVR
Most infuriating thing ever was when my MIL would come to our house and park behind my spot in the drive way, then run off with my wife in my wife's car with her keys in her purse.
My girlfriend cleans the house by first sweeping and mopping. Then she commences to dust and wipe all the shit on the countertops and shelves and what not on to the recently cleaned floors. I tell her she is doing it in reverse order and her response (as with any of my cleanliness suggestions) is it met with a watery eyed response of "well. *Sniffles* You know I had maids growing up so I don't know how to clean."
I mean A for effort on her part and I may be a little OCD when it comes to tidiness, but I mean does anyone else sweep and mop first, then dust/wipe shit down?
Wife comes home yesterday from a graduation party slightly annoyed. I ask why.
Her: "The front of my car is scratched because of the damn security gate in their development."
I go out and look at it...yep...banged the front, slight dent, scratched...super.
"So...this happened when you were leaving the neighborhood?"
"Did you not see the gate was closed before you tried to drive through it?"
Her: "YES I saw the gate was closed...I stopped and it started to open but I didn't know it opened TOWARD the car!"
"You didn't know it opened toward the car..."
About an an hour later I drive to take my son to get a haircut and figure fuck it, let me swing by there to see if there's any signs because if I'm gonna be an asshole I want to have sources. Sure as shit, there's not one but TWO signs at the exit:
Holy shit at living in a town of 2k. I would die
$300 to fix the dryer
What was wrong with it
Watching the thunder game just now, Ibaka had a big dunk
Wife: you can dunk in the NBA?!?!
Wife: What? I thought you told me you couldn't dunk in NBA? or was it college?
Wife: why are you reaching for your laptop? Is this going on the mainboard?
I would have KOPPED a new dryer before wasting $300 on refurbing an old one.
Should have just bought a gun and shot yourself
Today my wife did the face painting at a birthday party. She's surprisingly not bad.
did you ever have to explain to her that you can't dunk pregame in college? or that they once banned dunking in the NBA to stop Wilt?
they banned dunking in college to stop kareem
Possibly the first. I've never heard of the second before. Is that for real?
My rec league banned dunking to stop me
wilt used to dunk his free throws. that's what they banned because of him
Pics of GTFO
Pic of what?
She hasn't been able to find her keys in over 24 hours. Lawd help me
Rookie. Complaining about how she cleans?
He meant cookies in milk
I dunked on Truman once and he just hasn't been the same since
Birds of a feather and whatnot..
brb deleting my post