Stupid shit your wife/girlfriend does...

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by bertwing, May 16, 2016.

  1. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    Starting a new thread for reasons...

    Carry on, gentleman
     
  2. Whiskers McKitty

    Whiskers McKitty Who ate the Cat?!?
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    Doesn't swallow or let me enter through the exit.
     
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  3. Whiskers McKitty

    Whiskers McKitty Who ate the Cat?!?
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    Florida State Seminoles

    She used to use my razor to trim her bush, pits, and legs.

    Cut that shit out with a quickness.


    I travel for my job, a lot.

    When I don't travel, she thinks I'm her errand boy and that all chores around house should be completed by 5pm.

    Do you even paperwork, expense report, conference call, prospect?
     
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  4. HotMic

    HotMic Mr. So-and-So
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    Wait, what did I miss???
     
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  5. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    Nothing exciting
     
  6. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
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    This thread icon and title is really throwing me off
     
  7. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    What about shit our boyfriend Tobias does
     
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  8. lfriend

    lfriend Well-Known Member
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    Just work a carrot up in there till she's down.
     
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  9. Whiskers McKitty

    Whiskers McKitty Who ate the Cat?!?
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    Florida State Seminoles

    Don't speak of thread icons

    Way too soon
     
    devine likes this.
  10. Baron

    Baron Well-Known Member
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    Well more just referring to the icon being Oracle of Omahawg since he was OP of the last one.
     
  11. BayouMafia

    BayouMafia Honor is dead. But I'll see what I can do.
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    bertwing started the original thread back in the day

    we're kicking it old school
     
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  12. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
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    Somebody get their hand smacked by their wife for spilling the wrong kind of beans?
     
  13. BiMaleStripper

    BiMaleStripper Well-Known Member

    she called the cops on me after i smacked her. Dumb bitch deserved it
     
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  14. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    just wanted to laugh at this again
     
  15. Lyrtch

    Lyrtch Nude Member
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    I don't know if I've ever made a post that long about anything.
     
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  16. Tiger Tiger Woods Y'all

    Tiger Tiger Woods Y'all Putting big balls in little holes, circa 1995
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    FUCKING PREACH MAN
     
  17. LSUTigers1986

    LSUTigers1986 Well-Known Member
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    My, as of Saturday, wife informed me that she was shocked that Aruba wasn't just blonde-haired, blue-eyed Dutch people. She also thinks every insect down here has Zika and every shell she steps on in the water are baby sea turtle eggs. This girl graduated magna cum laude from a top 30 school and that was day one of the honeymoon.

    I decided to give myself a treat by changing her phone background to a pic of Natalee Hollaway.
     
  18. Doug

    Doug Skeptical Doug-o
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    Hello new thread - I wonder what the first off the wall tangent will be in our new home.
     
  19. slogan119

    slogan119 Her?
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    Came home late last night and got into bed. Meaningless chit-chat for a few minutes, and then "Oh, I forgot to tell you something."

    Um, OK.

    "Tonight I was getting something under the sink and I noticed water in the bucket. Something must be leaking."

    "Was that before or after you ran the dishwasher?"

    "Before."

    "Did you at least dump the bucket first? Did you look to see what's leaking?"

    "No, why?"

    "Because everything empties through the sink."

    "WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!?"
     
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  20. Ralph

    Ralph Well-Known Member

    I've found the more annoying version of "she can't find her keys and they're in her purse": I can't find my keys and they're in her purse.

    Her purse left the house with her 30 minutes ago
     
  21. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    My wife does this shit ALL THE TIME

    My work token to log into my desktop at work is connected to my keys so if I want to work from home I obviously need my keys. Never fails that any time I plan a work at home day, she can't find her keys and takes mine because I put mine in the same spot every day.
     
  22. Fuzzy Zoeller

    Fuzzy Zoeller College football > NFL

    "I never have time to watch TV."


    /Has seen every episode of every show on the DVR
     
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  23. Fuzzy Zoeller

    Fuzzy Zoeller College football > NFL

    Most infuriating thing ever was when my MIL would come to our house and park behind my spot in the drive way, then run off with my wife in my wife's car with her keys in her purse.
     
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  24. Icculus is a Bammer

    Icculus is a Bammer marco esquandolas took my job
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    My girlfriend cleans the house by first sweeping and mopping. Then she commences to dust and wipe all the shit on the countertops and shelves and what not on to the recently cleaned floors. I tell her she is doing it in reverse order and her response (as with any of my cleanliness suggestions) is it met with a watery eyed response of "well. *Sniffles* You know I had maids growing up so I don't know how to clean."

    I mean A for effort on her part and I may be a little OCD when it comes to tidiness, but I mean does anyone else sweep and mop first, then dust/wipe shit down?
     
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  25. milquetoast

    milquetoast Still waiting for an Idaho logo icon
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    Wife comes home yesterday from a graduation party slightly annoyed. I ask why.

    Her: "The front of my car is scratched because of the damn security gate in their development."

    I go out and look at it...yep...banged the front, slight dent, scratched...super.

    "So...this happened when you were leaving the neighborhood?"

    Her: "yeah"

    "Did you not see the gate was closed before you tried to drive through it?"

    Her: "YES I saw the gate was closed...I stopped and it started to open but I didn't know it opened TOWARD the car!"

    "You didn't know it opened toward the car..."

    About an an hour later I drive to take my son to get a haircut and figure fuck it, let me swing by there to see if there's any signs because if I'm gonna be an asshole I want to have sources. Sure as shit, there's not one but TWO signs at the exit:

    Gate-Opens-Inward-Sign-K-8279.gif
     
  26. soulfly

    soulfly Well-Known Member
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    Holy shit at living in a town of 2k. I would die
     
  27. Moxin24

    Moxin24 Show me that smile
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    $300 to fix the dryer
     
  28. Doug

    Doug Skeptical Doug-o
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    What was wrong with it
     
  29. Scott Van Pelt

    Scott Van Pelt The penis man
    Alabama Crimson TideOklahoma City ThunderChicago BlackhawksLiverpool

    Watching the thunder game just now, Ibaka had a big dunk

    Wife: you can dunk in the NBA?!?!
    Me: ........
    Wife: What? I thought you told me you couldn't dunk in NBA? or was it college?
    Me: .....
    Wife: why are you reaching for your laptop? Is this going on the mainboard?
     
  30. Kylebw1

    Kylebw1 UNC ACC Champs

    I would have KOPPED a new dryer before wasting $300 on refurbing an old one.
     
    redbull_87, IV and Name P. Redacted like this.
  31. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    Should have just bought a gun and shot yourself
     
    #31 bertwing, May 22, 2016
    Last edited: May 23, 2016
  32. Magneto

    Magneto Thats right, formerly Don Brodka.
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    Today my wife did the face painting at a birthday party. She's surprisingly not bad.
     
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  33. ohhaithur

    ohhaithur e-Batman
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    did you ever have to explain to her that you can't dunk pregame in college? or that they once banned dunking in the NBA to stop Wilt?
     
  34. Tobias

    Tobias doubtful...not with brexit
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    they banned dunking in college to stop kareem
     
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  35. Scott Van Pelt

    Scott Van Pelt The penis man
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    Possibly the first. I've never heard of the second before. Is that for real?
     
  36. Tobias

    Tobias doubtful...not with brexit
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  37. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    My rec league banned dunking to stop me
     
  38. ohhaithur

    ohhaithur e-Batman
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    wilt used to dunk his free throws. that's what they banned because of him
     
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  39. Scott Van Pelt

    Scott Van Pelt The penis man
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    Pics of GTFO
     
  40. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    Pic of what?
     
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  41. Scott Van Pelt

    Scott Van Pelt The penis man
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    You dunking
     
  42. devine

    devine hi, i am user devine
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    What?
     
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  43. Trop

    Trop Momma stayed on Glenwood. Aye. Aye. Aye.
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    She hasn't been able to find her keys in over 24 hours. Lawd help me
     
  44. Trop

    Trop Momma stayed on Glenwood. Aye. Aye. Aye.
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    Clemson Tigers

    Rookie. Complaining about how she cleans?
     
  45. brolift

    brolift ☭☭☭☭☭☭☭
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    He meant cookies in milk
     
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  46. Rabid

    Rabid Fan of: DQ Treats
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    Duh.
    [​IMG]
     
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  47. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    I dunked on Truman once and he just hasn't been the same since

    [​IMG]
     
  48. Truman

    Truman Well-Known Member
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    pixels
     
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  49. Ty Webb

    Ty Webb A donut without a hole, is a Danish.
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    Birds of a feather and whatnot..
     
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  50. bertwing

    bertwing check out the nametag grandma
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    brb deleting my post
     
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