I'll add my minor contributions here 1. going to my parents' every year for Thanksgiving reminds me that people still have landlines 2. girlfriend walked in on my dad peeing, dad neglected to close the door all the way 3. a family friend came over who had never heard of podcasts and we spent a good 12 minutes explaining that "it's like radio but you can listen to at it any time"
My aunt got pissed at her brother for not bringing pizza back for everyone (just got it for his kids) while they were out and about for hours so she decided to leave early today. Thank god
We left the in-laws today, thank god. My kids sleep like shit there and wake up early, are super cranky all day, etc. They both woke up at 6am today and were not having it. My younger one was rolling around and fussing on the ground when my SIL comes downstairs for the morning. Along with being “have you seen this YouTube video” girl, she is also “I can’t function until my third cup of coffee lololol” girl. Her (after sleeping for 10 hours): I feel you, little man. That’s hashtag mood before my coffee in the morning.
My 3 year old nephew heard the Uptown Funk song and now he walks around saying "fuck you up" instead of "funk you up". It sounds like a threat when he says it, too.
I have had a serial killer staying with me since Wednesday. Have gone to my hall common bath multiple times and someone keeps loading the t.p. under.
Everyone had a pleasant day. Then my sister started talking about “the science of astrology.” I asked her 3 times if she really thought astrology was science and she said yes every time. After the third time, as I got up to leave, she called me a chickenshit for not being open minded and tried to say that algebra was not an accepted science. I said I did not know how to argue down to that level without insults and it’s best that I just left.
I laughed and immediately thought, ‘no way in fuck does this picture get used for Christmas.’ There it is.
My wife works in PR at an arts university and her team was hosting some big time clothes designer. They were at dinner so of course this lady was getting the tables attention. Designer starts talking about astrology and my wife (who likes this stuff but understands its complete bullshit) chimes in with “my best friend reads tarot cards” and tells a story about her. The designer looks at her in disgust and says “um, astrology is science” as if my wife is the moron for comparing the two. The rest of the table joined in trying to condescendingly explain to my wife how astrology is in fact a science as she sat there dumbfounded. It’s not like she could call the lady out, so she just had to take it.
Not annoying but it was adorable, just had to try not to laugh: Gf’s family in town for a late turkey day/early Xmas. Mom is a bit of a worrier. We took them to a farmers market yesterday then went on a drive down a country two-track to look at some scenery and show dad how the Rubicon handles terrain which he was super excited to see. Easily one of the more mild trails on the island. Went about 5 miles down an old logging route being peppered with comments like, “Jesus Christ what the FUCK are we doing here guys,” “I’m serious we’re going to break down on this road and they’re going to find 4 skeletons,” “this is how people get lost and die,” etc... Mind you, we were so close to the house we could have walked back home at a leisurely stroll if we’d had any problems. Reach the end of the trail and let the pup out to stretch her legs and pee before leaving. Dog wanders about 15 feet to sniff a fern and, “SHES RUNNING AWAY! GET HER QUICK SHES RUNNING AWAY!” Had her pop a Xanax for the return trip and that went much smoother.
It was relatively uneventful except that apparently there was some blow up earlier in the day where the dinner was almost moved to my in-laws about 15 minutes away. I didn't ask for details. We did learn that the cousin I mentioned earlier in the thread who boozed it up at my house last Christmas Eve has had his probation revoked and is looking at going to Juve. He will need to pass weekly drug tests (he can't pass those) and actually attend school. He apparently goes to school and just hangs out in the quad selling drugs. He was declared officially a truant in late October, less than 8 weeks into the semester. He has almost zero chance of graduating high school and completing his freshman year looks like a long shot.
My grandma went to my aunt’s house for the 2nd year in a row and my aunt and cousin said they were hiking but were actually sitting at their fucking house 5 minutes away watching the dog show. They don’t know dick about dogs and recently bought 2 basset hound puppies and promptly put them up for adoption after 8 weeks. Just my folks, my sister and her boyfriend, and my wife and me at the table this year. So the drama was relegated to outside of our household for the first time in my life. We drank mimosas, broke out the edibles, and watched football like a normal American family. Worst thing that happened was my dad puffed on his vape pen at the table and blew it in my mom’s face to which she said “look at this jackass trying to show off for his kids. Don’t encourage him.”
My uncle decided to try and help my Dad transfer the Turkey from the roasting pan. Somehow my uncle managed to almost knock the roasting pan onto the floor, he did do just enough to send a wave of Turkey juice all over the place. I was standing nearby and instinctively put my hand out to catch the pan, and my hand got burned to hell from all the scalding liquid goodness. Not to mention none of the good family members showed up, the family members that did come are a bunch of dour mutes. Ended up eating with a burned hand, and a bunch of wet blankets.
My wife's family is just the holiday gift that keeps on giving. Every year it's something Her sister, black sheep of he family who lives in absolutely filth, failed to tell everyone that her 4 year old had lice. Let her sleep in my in-laws bed with then without mentioning it. We all found out on Saturday when people started asking questions. Wife has made me check her scalp like ten times already.
Unfortunately/fortunately my only contribution for Thanksgiving. All my parents friends where they retired have kids in the 21-28 range so I basically have a big group of friends to go out with every holiday weekend now. I hit the jackpot on that. Played cards for way too long out of view of the TV Thanksgiving night at my aunts but other than that no complaints, just got drunk for 5 days and got some numbers
Had 33 people at thanksgiving, everyone behaved and I got so drunk I was asleep at 930. Call that a win
I haven’t spoken to my ex wife’s parents in probably 4 years. We always got along fine, but weren’t super close or anything. They live like six hours away. Got the annual Christmas card from them. When I went to toss the envelope I noticed a note apart from the card. It was a two page handwritten note from her mom essentially apologizing for ever thinking our divorce was my fault and basically trashing my ex for the next page and a half. It was both super awkward and heart warming at the same time. The Christmas spirit is alive and well in the Hatteras household this year!
Not holiday related but we are having my sons first birthday at my house next weekend. Just found out sil is coming with her three kids under 5. Add in the inlaws and I might need to get a hotel room.
So... I got voluntold by the folks that I must drive the grandparents up to Gainesville GA this year for Xmas since I live only 2 hours away from them. Love my grandparents to death but being in a car with them for a 7 1/2 hour drive which will inevitably take at least 9-10 hours because of the amount of stops that will be involved is going to be hell. Not to mention it’s 2 1/2 hours out of my way to go pick them up before the epic 10 hour drive begins. Oh, and I’ve got to do it all over again the day after Xmas because I have to be at work the 27th. Fun times... oh, btw, this was also brought on because my 18 year old cousin threw a huge tantrum about having to drive them back down and fly back to Asheville the following day. Because she couldn’t “stomach” doing any more travel during the holidays... this is also the same cousin who only shows up the day before Xmas and then drive back Xmas evening or the following morning and just comes to get her presents. Long story short, my cousin who has zero responsibilities and fucked up priorites is terrible...
For real, grandma and grandpa need plane tickets on your parents points or something. This is the kind of shit that makes me want to go camping on the beach or in the mountains for the holidays.
And what are the chances that the Johnny blue is actually an old bottle that he finished but put some Johnny red in there?
About three years ago ITT I posted the story of that bottle. My brother bought it for my stepdad, an avid Jack Daniels drinker. Minutes later they cracked the Blue open and started mixing it with Coca Cola. Same bottle in the closet, now three years old. About 3oz left.
Just to give you an idea, I am Canadian and I have never seen that bottle anywhere. And crown royal is pretty cheap.
I buy bottles of beer more expensive than Crown. But my bar “glassware” is also not from my last stay with Tom Bodett.
Touche But I was really just trying to make light of how bad that whisky surely taste...I mean It is called Canadian masterpiece....and they felt compelled to add - imported - on the bottle
My mom's dad died when I was 7 and I had put up a little Christmas tree in my room. My Dad's mom "Granny" told me. I was happy I didn't have to go to school. But I felt sort of ashamed at the funeral that neither my sister or I were in tears like our ten other cousins. I was just pretending to be sad. My sister clung to my mom's leg every time she interacted with our bitch Nana. When I was 20 I learned my mom's parents left her a letter on her desk in their small business firing her and disowning her for marrying my no good father while he was in medical school. I can't tell you how bad I want to kick my grandfather's ass.