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Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by TrustyPatches, Apr 4, 2021.
Whenever my mom goes (hopefully not for a while) I’m gonna be a wreck. Sorry for your loss.
Just learned that my god mother (aunt on fathers side) passed away yesterday and another of my favorite aunts growing is in a coma and has a couple weeks to live. These two women were extremely important parts of my life growing up but as an adult we grew apart.
My god mother moved first to Washington then to Florida so we weren’t in each others lives besides birthday cards and calls. My other aunt got divorced from my uncle and she mostly stayed with her side of the family.
I don’t know how to grieve these two women. Like I said as a kid they were extremely important parts of my life but as an adult not as much. So I’m feeling the beginnings of the end of my childhood. Of relationships that once meant everything but are now gone forever. I feel like I should cry but right now I’m numb. I’m not looking for sympathy I’m just attempting to work through my emotions.
It's depressing when realize that no part of your childhood is really around anymore or at least nothing you remotely recognize. Trying to determine if you feel sad or nothing is a psychological gut punch.
I lost my mother when I was 18
At 44 I still have dreams that she is still around, but lately it's like she was gone like she had faked her death and ran away for 20 years or something. It's very weird
26 years and I will still wake up crying from these dreams
I've just realized that once the wedding season phase of life ends then you go right into death season. Its been one after another now as I turned 34 then 35
Life is a never ending circle. I’m going to a birthday party for a one year old while I mourn and grieve. Life goes on. Also Homo Erectus (not saying you’re implying this) but I am sad I do feel something I just don’t know how to feel it or if I have the right to feel something. I don’t know if I’m grieving my childhood or them.
What happened to your mom if you’re ok talking about it?
My bad. Wasn't trying to say you weren't feeling anything. When stuff like that happened to me I sort of felt lost as much as overwheming sense of loss. Hard to pin down things and it just blurred into depression.
I guess what I'm trying to say is...Nothing matters, eat @ Arby's
like I said I didn’t think you were implying that we’re good
My grandfather shot himself when I was 21. I still have dreams where I'm trying to save him from his depression 20 years later. They're not great!
She was a physician who had self diagnosed/self treated/monitored diabetes.
She died of a heart attack at 48 years old caused by an undetected heart disease, that many of our Dr friends told us later was probably easily delectable and probably caused in part by the diabetes.
If she had only ever actually had a physician she regularly visited for stuff it would have been detected..... problem is most, if not every physician doesn't ever do that.
It was quite a gut check for many of the doctors that were close friends of the family/I grew up around.
Most every physician I know well right now is the exact same way.
I try and tell them, but they ain't gunna listen. Literally everyone else in their world thinks they are the smartest person they have ever known and treats them that way.
Grief is a very difficult, very personal process. I think we have societal expectations as to how we're supposed to deal with it, and sometimes it doesn't happen that way. Sometimes you go full all-the-stages, sometimes it's nothing really visible outwards. Depending on what else you have going on in life at the time, etc.
I lost pretty much everyone older in my family starting with my father between my mid 30's and mid 40's, culminating with my mother and maternal grandmother six weeks apart right after Christmas. I was numb, on autopilot. Executor of my Grandmother's estate while trying to process both of their passing, etc. It's been over ten years and we've lost my mother in law and brother in law on my Wife's side in the intervening time.
You process what you can, when and how you can. Sometimes it's in little pieces here and there, sometimes it's by the book. Hang in there D.O, there's no right or wrong way.
I've felt guilty for how I've handled things at times, but you'll honor their memories by how they pop up in thoughts, conversation, and stories with those who you care about. Hang in there.
Never thought about it but gotta be weird as a physician finding a PCP. Having to tell a colleague your most personal and embarrassing issues with your body, especially as a woman. I guess that's why the self diagnosis stuff is such an easy fallback.
My mom lost a sister to ALS, a mother to cancer and a father to suicide (the one I mentioned above) in an 11 month period. She has said she had to have been in something like shock because she felt like a zombie going through it. I guess that was her brain's way of protecting her from too much bad input. It just glossed over a ton of stuff during that time period.
I don’t know if “dying of a broken heart” is real but my uncle just passed away. He was my aunt’s (god mother) husband who just passed away a couple weeks ago. When I spoke to him after she passed he sounded okay. Today they found him dead in his kitchen. They’d been together as long as I remember.
It took my dad a year, but it happened to him too. It’s like concentrated grief can almost poison you.
I feel like I need to break down and cry but I just can’t for some reason. Every time I come close something happens and I feel like I need to hold it in.
The will to live is a very real thing. Sorry for your loss and hope you can find comfort and peace in your time of grief.
Very sorry for your loss, Daniel Ocean. I think it is very real, the heart wants what the heart wants especially after so long together. Breaking down will happen when you least expect it. A song on the radio while driving, something else to trigger a memory, etc. Hang in there.
What an confronting thread.
Let the best memories of your loved ones shine through.
Lost an uncle to cancer back in january 2013. The other uncle passed away from cancer in february 2021.
Since then i've let the cool memories of my loved ones shine through.
Sorry for your losses.
A very good friend took his own life last week. Every time I picture him in my head he’s smiling and I just can’t wrap my head around it. Hearing the news was as jarring a thing that’s ever happened to me.
Talk it out brothers and sisters, please.
sorry for your loss
Very sorry to hear this.
Today would have been my father's 75th birthday
6 years, I miss him
My Uncle passed away the last Sunday in April at the age of 63. Among other things, he was a
- Commodities trader on the floor of the Chicago stock exchange (big arbitrage guy)
- US Army Veteran (said they were flying over the Gulf of Mexico headed for combat to fight the Sandinistas and got the call to turn the plane around)
- Minor league hockey defenseman (until he took a skate to the eye)
- PGA club professional (missed qualifying for the U.S. Open by 2 strokes at East Lake)
- Honorary Key West local and avid angler of pretty much anything swimming.
- My Dad’s (RIP) best friend and the reason my parents met.
Pretty much the perfect Uncle, had a huge heart, and always down to have a good time. Love him and will miss him.
Lost my dad 12 years ago and I have a recurring dream about him faking his death. It's really really odd. I was executor of his estate and part of the dream is trying to round up the money from his estate to give back to him.
I've had the same recurring dream about my mom, it's always weird like she just shows up at the house one day
Mine is definitely more of a scheme where he wants everyone to still think he died except for me.
It’s extra odd because I sat with him at the hospital after they took him off life support. I’m glad I was there but I’m also glad my mom and sister weren’t. It’s a very traumatic experience.
I lost my father when I was 9, trying to process grief as a child is almost impossible, so most children just compartmentalize it. I lost a child in 2019, and my mom in 2020, the last few years have been dark at times as I’ve had to learn to cope.
Fuck, man. I couldn’t imagine.
liking this is just feeling for your pain
Damn man that’s a rough hand. I hope you’ve been able to find your peace.
I came in here because I was all down about my cat and my mom’s lifework (company) getting third-party purchased by a company she never would’ve sold to, and has been directly fighting against for at least a decade.
I’m going to exit and put some perspective on things.
The worst part was she died in the hospital alone during the height of covid, because visitors weren’t allowed. She died from heart failure, but never getting that closure, the chance to say goodbye messed me up for awhile.
My grandmother died alone in the hospital with COVID at the very beginning of the pandemic when doctors still didn’t exactly know what we were dealing with. I had to say goodbye over a conference call with the nurse holding the phone near her while she was intubated. It was awful.
To this day, I still get pissed when I hear assholes downplay COVID like it was nothing or brag about how they took no precautions or bothered to get vaccinated.
Bro, same here with my dad
We went out to dinner for a break from the hospital icu when I got the call from the doctor that they were recommending pulling the plug
My mother had passed almost 20 years earlier, but my sister couldn't make it there in time, and I was there holding his hand as it ended.
Sucks man, but I feel you
Lost a friend this week, just fucking sucks
Sorry to hear that man. I hope you can enjoy and find peace with all the good times and memories you have of them. Growing up and watching friends die is fucking shitty.
Thanks, appreciate this place to just say it out loud as it were.
Sorry man. My condolences.