I just shit my pants at work.**Now with fart stimulation**

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Hoss Bonaventure, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. AubCabs

    AubCabs eatin' fried okra with Oprah
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    My most liked post by far is my poop story in here.
     
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  2. One Two

    One Two Send it!
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    “Ah yes, let’s get a large pickled jalapeño to go with these fried chicken tenders that I’m going to cover in hot sauce”

    - me earlier today picking up lunch, prior to sharting myself 10 minutes ago while working out
     
  3. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
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    That's the dream
     
  4. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
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    Where was the food from?
     
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  5. tylerdolphin

    tylerdolphin My spoon is too big
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    Are you still with that girl? She seems like a keeper
     
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  6. One Two

    One Two Send it!
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    Gus’s Fried Chicken
     
  7. AubCabs

    AubCabs eatin' fried okra with Oprah
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    yep. will be engaged by the end of the year.
     
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  8. Beachy Toast

    Beachy Toast Doing some beachy things.
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    Very aspirational.
     
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  9. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    Kansas State WildcatsSeattle Kraken

    I don’t remember the details but I do remember thinking “damn she is a saint” so I’m glad your relationship decision making is better than in other areas of your life.
     
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  10. Tender

    Tender Well-Known Member
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    I'm years behind on this thread and catching up, but there ain't no rain without some thunder.
     
  11. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q

    Will one of you fellas just shit your pants already.
     
  12. Buster 5000

    Buster 5000 "Don't buy a Lincoln you'll look like a pimp."
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    Probably best case scenario but the other day after a long night of drinking the day before I was about to jump in the shower. Before stepping in I felt a fart coming on so I got into a nice squatting position and low and behold projectile shit on the bathroom floor.

    Immediately I did a crouching wipe over the toilet and rinsed my feet off just to be safe, then took the bathroom rugs to the washer and started it. I then proceeded to clean the bathroom floor with some sanitary wipes, hot water and soap.

    When my wife came home she asked where the bathroom rugs were. She was quite pleased when I told her that I was washing them as washing the bathroom rugs was something I think I did exactly 0 times time in the previous 2.5 years we’d been together.

    I should’ve just let her think I was being a good guy and doing a little extra around the house but a couple weeks later I broke the news that I had actually shit myself after trusting a fart. This was about 3-4 months ago and I still haven’t heard the end of it. Women and their inability to relate.
     
  13. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q

    there was a toilet right there?
     
  14. Buster 5000

    Buster 5000 "Don't buy a Lincoln you'll look like a pimp."
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    Yep. Like I said, trusted a fart. Was completely blindsided by my asshole betraying me like that.
     
  15. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q

    happens to the best of us.
     
  16. Buster 5000

    Buster 5000 "Don't buy a Lincoln you'll look like a pimp."
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    [​IMG]
     
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  17. jbr

    jbr Well-Known Member
    Donor TMB OG

    I think the pandemic has weakened sphincters across the nation. We very well may be on the cusp of widespread pants shitting with no plan to counter what is about to be unleashed.

    Years of holding it in has been erased by the proximity to your home toilet over the last 12-14 months and your lower GI tract knows it. I, for one, fear the day I am forced to go back out into the world because I am not sure I have the butthole control to survive.
     
  18. Voodoo

    Voodoo Fan of: Notre Dame
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    Why did you get in a squatting position to fart?
     
  19. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also gay
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    This is what I want to know. My toddler does this when she shits her diapers.
     
  20. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

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    I get it. Sometimes you just really wanna send it
     
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  21. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    What the hell are you waiting for?
     
  22. Buster 5000

    Buster 5000 "Don't buy a Lincoln you'll look like a pimp."
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    That’s a fair question and it’s not something I normally would do but at the time it was this:

    and it really backfired. Literally.
     
  23. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    Really sending your body mix signals by squatting and then opening your asshole
     
  24. Buster 5000

    Buster 5000 "Don't buy a Lincoln you'll look like a pimp."
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    Some lessons are learned the hard way.
     
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  25. ~ taylor ~

    ~ taylor ~ Boom... head shot.
    Donor TMB OG

    [​IMG]
     
  26. fucktx

    fucktx ruthkanda forever
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    i looked through this thread and i guess i never told this story

    3-4 years ago i went to the movies with this girl from tinder. after the movie was over i noticed my stomach was fucking killing me, so while i was driving us back to my place i tried to let out a silent fart. it was silent but there was also a bit of shit. at this point i realized there was no turning back so as soon as i saw my first opportunity (a public park) i whipped my car into the parking lot and told the girl id be right back. so i kinda penguin waddled to the nearest spot where i knew the coast was clear behind a tree. keep in mind it was like midnight. i pulled my shorts down and just unleashed the fury of 1000 shits all over the ground. used my boxers to wipe and just left them there. luckily none of the shart got on the shorts, so i was in the clear smell wise other than what was on my leg. i walked back to my car nonchalantly and acted like nothing had happened. told the girl i was tired and needed to take her home, but i think she knew because she said ok and we didn’t talk the entire ride home. dropped her off, blocked her number out of shame, and to this day i still wonder if that girl knows i shit my pants with her in my car
     
  27. bro

    bro Hey Hermano
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    She absolutely knows. You quickly turned into a public park and waddled away from the car without explanation
     
  28. Room 15

    Room 15 Mi equipo esta Los Tigres
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    Not a ton of room for debate here
     
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  29. Marty Kaan

    Marty Kaan By any means necessary
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    .
     

    Attached Files:

  30. Dump

    Dump The Forever Chaos Agent of TMB
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    I didnt know Hoss Bonaventure name was Joshua Fabia
     
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  31. UncleJesse

    UncleJesse Did I invent hip-hop? No, but I was there.
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  32. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Eating nothing but take out and drinking nothing but beer will do that to ya, and that's how I like to vacation.
     
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  33. UncleJesse

    UncleJesse Did I invent hip-hop? No, but I was there.
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    Yeah, but I still don't shit my pants.
     
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  34. El Tiburon

    El Tiburon Well-Known Member
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    Sounds like you just don’t want it enough.
     
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  35. Redav

    Redav One big ocean
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    Is it really a vacation if you didn't shit your pants?
     
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  36. Room 15

    Room 15 Mi equipo esta Los Tigres
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    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesAtlanta FalconsAtlanta UnitedUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamLiverpool

     
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  37. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Texas LonghornsAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta FalconsAtlanta UnitedGeorgia Southern Eagles

    Exactly, clearly he isn't doing it right.
     
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  38. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q

    im pistol whipping the next motherfucker who bumps this thread without shitting their pants.

    [​IMG]
     
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  39. Fat Drunk & Stupid

    Fat Drunk & Stupid Barning Hard
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    I've shared this story before in another thread:

    July of 2018, I was hit by a Nissan Armada in a Chick Fil A parking lot. Went flying about six feet. Taken to an ED in Amberlamps, but amazingly nothing was broken. Pretty bad road rash and really sore, but overall lucky.

    In the ED, they stripped me to make sure I was OK. As I was about to be discharged, the wife started helping me get dressed. She told me I couldn't put my boxers back on though, as I had shit myself. The Armada literally knocked the shit out of me.


    40wwttamgib
     
  40. RockHardJawn39

    RockHardJawn39 #FranklinOUT
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    EdHardyModel met you in the parking lot, eh?
     
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  41. rbalboa

    rbalboa The Bible should say 1 thing: Try not to be a cunt
    Florida GatorsTampa Bay BuccaneersTampa Bay Lightning

    This man might be on to something. I have had some close calls in my life previously, but have never full on shit my pants......that is until recently. I was watching the Lightning game Wednesday and indulged in several alchoholic beverages and threw in one additional for closing out the series. Woke up and went about my day as any other. I happened to finish a case the same time a coworker did and we agreed to meet up at a cajun place. My friend enjoys spicy food, the spicier the better. I am admittedly a pussy in this department and can do some hot wings, but I don't go looking for crazy heat. At any rate, we got an app and our entrees. It had some kick, but nothing out of this world. We finished up and went our separate ways. I was about 30 minutes from home. 15 min into it, it began. The sea was angry that day my friends. I briefly contemplated pulling over into a fast food restaurant or something of that nature where I could curtail a disaster. I chose poorly. 5 mintues from home was excruciating. I was sweating, I turned the AC on full blast. I was fidgeting and clenching with all I had in me. 3 minutes from home I realized this was going to be a photo finish and wished I had just stopped somewhere. I had my seatbelt off, my pants undone, my keys in my hand. Everything I could possibly think of to make my transition into the house as quick as possible. I clicked the garage door opener 42 times to make sure I wouldn't have to wait a single second on it. I parked and I'm not even sure I turned the car off before making a full on sprint to the bathroom. I turned around to sit and the dam broke. It started before my pants ever got all the way down. I had already shit my pants because I couldn't hold it a second longer to get them down. However, to add insult to injury this was happening all in one fluid motion as I was removing my pants and going to sit. It continued coming out as I was sitting on the seat so the shit that was just unleashed on the seat I immediately proceeded to sit on. So now I not only have I shit my pants, I shit on the toilet sit and then squashed it everywhere sitting down. To be honest, I was relieved to at least have done it in my house in my bathroom. I just took my pants completely off and since they were already soiled decided to use them to wipe the floor and clean up the secondary damage to the seat. I took them to the shower to use some soap and water to clean them as well as myself before they went into the washing machine. I will wear this badge as an honor as I now join the club.
     
  42. BWC

    BWC It was the BOAT times, it was the WOAT times
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    Preferred nomenclature is bacon strips A Black person
     
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  43. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure I can’t pee with clothes touching my butt
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    And I shall reign as your pants shitting god king. All hail Hoss!
     
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  44. A Black person

    A Black person Well-Known Member


    Fax
     
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  45. Nandor the Relentless

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    Was at home but I came pretty damn close to having a contribution. Was washing the dishes. Had a feeling come in all of a sudden of needing to shit. Went to grab my phone and could it about to come out. Got to the toilet just in time to get sit down then just straight ass pissing.
     
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  46. Louis Holth

    Louis Holth but we also just might be those motherfuckers
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    I’m really gonna need one of you guys to shit yourself here soon. Haven’t cried from laughing so hard in here in awhile. Hoss Bonaventure
     
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  47. Room 15

    Room 15 Mi equipo esta Los Tigres
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    Went camping with a girl I've been dating around a month. For some reason decided to have the 2nd cup of coffee before hiking out back to the car. Originally thought I'd make it to the parking lot where there were facilities but each wave hit with more intensity, and I finally told her it was time. Ran off the trail into the woods and dispensed what looked like chocolate froyo. Luckily she brought toilet paper (she's a keeper).

    She then told me this story about the last guy she dated shitting himself and said "I'm only telling you this cause you'll never meet him, it's pretty embarrassing".

    I said "It's not embarrassing at all...let me tell you about a group of internet friends I have"

    "Guys are so dumb"

    Yep.
     
  48. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Texas LonghornsAtlanta BravesAtlanta HawksAtlanta FalconsAtlanta UnitedGeorgia Southern Eagles

    Tell her "If you can't handle me at my shittiest then you don't deserve me at my driest."
     
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  49. Nandor the Relentless

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    Well what’s this story?
     
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  50. Room 15

    Room 15 Mi equipo esta Los Tigres
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    Auburn TigersAtlanta BravesAtlanta FalconsAtlanta UnitedUnited States Men's National Soccer TeamLiverpool

    It wasn't even that embarassing...just a standard story of a dude trying to push his limits and failing.