Also I was proud of myself for only having a very teeny shart despite having a stomach flu bug the past 3 days. Most of the time that meant I didn't trust anything, but I finally started feeling decent yesterday and had some of the most intense gas leftover as my gut recovered. I'm kind of mad at myself I didn't record any of the farts.
Definitely record your farts and bring it to your annual checkup. It is very important for your health
I record my farts then invite the smartest people I know over for an intellectual dinner and play them.
I have a friend who sent an audio message text of himself just absolutely destroying a toilet to our group chat. He swears that he must have accidentally hit record and somehow send all magically with his phone in his pocket. Dude…admit it….you recorded it and meant to send this to someone else.
That would genuinely be a fun dinner than the crap Whammy is having. As far as recording, it's not like I'd keep them in perpetuity stored in some vault. I just like laughing at loud farts and the gas I was experiencing yesterday was so intense. The farts were extremely long and loud, like ones you'd use for a soundboard on some dumb radio show, and I would have loved to sent them to some of my old friends.
Why the fuck not? Can you imagine after you die at a tender old age, your beloved grandchildren going through your treasures, finding a recording that they're like "oh this must be songs that grandpa recorded!" Hitting play in tearful anticipation of hearing your voice only to hear the rudest volume of ass blasts? Fuck I'm doing that today.
Didn’t shit my pants but I did just spray shit all over my nuts. Ate me a whole mess of deviled eggs for lunch and I guess the way I had my asshole angled ricocheted the ass blast all over my bean bag.
Driving back from a work meeting this afternoon when I felt nature’s call coming on. I was 30 minutes from home and just decided to drive a little faster rather than stop. My sphincter’s clock struck zero right as I pulled in my driveway. I twisted an ankle running to the bathroom while simultaneously trying to undress. Kept it out of my pants but needed about half a roll of toilet paper to clean up.
Almost the same this morning. We have been in Chattanooga for the last two days and we’re going to hit ruby falls on the way out. Made it to parking lot and I felt the panic rumble in my lower gut. I told the wife I’ve got to get to the bathroom asap and took off. Get to the bathroom, guy standing in line, so had a slight panic, but he wanted a urinal. Straight liquid out of my butt once I hit the toilet. Felt like it was all done, but had the slight thought of having to shit my pants down in the cave if not.
Lolol at the image of you going down into the cave and having to crawl around (at least from what I remember doing when I was 12) and then just shitting your pants right as the falls light up.
It’s all an upright walk, but I thought for sure I’d have to find a crevice somewhere. Luckily I made it with no harm to my pants or the cave formations.
God no son You sit on toilet and poop out all that mess, then you flush Then you use some paper to clean up, but the moment you are realizing you ain't getting clean easily you look over and see an empty shower, you just shift over to there. Next realization is how clutch a wand shower head is to an adults life
The last tummy bug iteration that passed through our house was of that variety. Brutal, even with potty trained kids
Yep, I got this back in February after visiting my sister and brother. My sister's kid got it and gave it to her before she met up with us and gave it to my brother and I before she was symptomatic. I had the most brutal diarrhea I can remember, just basically blasting almost complete water from my ass to the point where I was going to have to get an IV if it didn't get better after day 2. The only positive was I didn't really feel nauseous which I hate so much more but I was still in bed for 36 hours.
Stomach bug and food poisoning are the worst ever. I’ll take a right hook to the face over either of those.
For a lot of life’s ailments there’s a pill or liquid to take to make you feel better. Stomach bug is just one of those things you gotta ride out and suffer. I wish it upon no one.