I just shit my pants at work.**Now with fart stimulation**

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Hoss Bonaventure, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. Tender

    Tender Well-Known Member
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    How do you forget to flush??
     
    dump, bigred77, One Two and 3 others like this.
  2. Professor Moriarty

    Professor Moriarty Well-Known Member
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    There’s only one thread this belongs in

     
  3. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Right, you deserve whatever mocking comes after that.
     
  4. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Also I was proud of myself for only having a very teeny shart despite having a stomach flu bug the past 3 days. Most of the time that meant I didn't trust anything, but I finally started feeling decent yesterday and had some of the most intense gas leftover as my gut recovered. I'm kind of mad at myself I didn't record any of the farts.
     
    One Two likes this.
  5. Lip

    Lip Yes; this is a photo of me
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    you’re a weird guy, Ace

    what exactly would you do with a recording of your farts?
     
  6. spagett

    spagett Got ya, spooked ya
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    Send it to your friends and tell them volume up
     
  7. gilstein21

    gilstein21 Tight Rip 26 Seal Right
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    Alright, get ready. This is the one that juiced my pants.
     
  8. Lip

    Lip Yes; this is a photo of me
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    unsubscribe
     
  9. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    Definitely record your farts and bring it to your annual checkup. It is very important for your health
     
    dump, Cornfed Buffalo, ARCO and 8 others like this.
  10. FrankReynolds

    FrankReynolds Go Blue
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    I record my farts then invite the smartest people I know over for an intellectual dinner and play them.
     
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  11. scissors

    scissors My goodness, who doesn't just love a fat beaver?
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    With Costco pizza (Lyrtch)?
     
  12. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    'Like' to the first person to upload a fart recording to this thread
     
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  13. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    Dub some Yoko Ono screaming overtop and you'll be lauded for your brave art.
     
    dump, One Two and FrankReynolds like this.
  14. ClemPson

    ClemPson Well-Known Member
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    I have a friend who sent an audio message text of himself just absolutely destroying a toilet to our group chat. He swears that he must have accidentally hit record and somehow send all magically with his phone in his pocket. Dude…admit it….you recorded it and meant to send this to someone else.
     
  15. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
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  16. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    Tangled up in poo
     
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  17. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    That would genuinely be a fun dinner than the crap Whammy is having.

    As far as recording, it's not like I'd keep them in perpetuity stored in some vault. I just like laughing at loud farts and the gas I was experiencing yesterday was so intense. The farts were extremely long and loud, like ones you'd use for a soundboard on some dumb radio show, and I would have loved to sent them to some of my old friends.
     
    One Two likes this.
  18. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    Why the fuck not? Can you imagine after you die at a tender old age, your beloved grandchildren going through your treasures, finding a recording that they're like "oh this must be songs that grandpa recorded!" Hitting play in tearful anticipation of hearing your voice only to hear the rudest volume of ass blasts?

    Fuck I'm doing that today.
     
    dump, Butthead, ARCO and 6 others like this.
  19. Redav

    Redav mostly cows and rocks
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    That gas after getting over a stomach bug is radioactive.
     
  20. RockHardJawn39

    RockHardJawn39 Not all time is Standard time, bitch
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  21. JVP

    JVP Well-Known Member
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    Gizmoandsooz Care to share your stories of your flatulence issues?
     
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  22. RockHardJawn39

    RockHardJawn39 Not all time is Standard time, bitch
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  23. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure Eye of the tiger, dick of a horse.
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    Didn’t shit my pants but I did just spray shit all over my nuts. Ate me a whole mess of deviled eggs for lunch and I guess the way I had my asshole angled ricocheted the ass blast all over my bean bag.
     
  24. Lip

    Lip Yes; this is a photo of me
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    you are quite the poet
     
  25. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    Driving back from a work meeting this afternoon when I felt nature’s call coming on. I was 30 minutes from home and just decided to drive a little faster rather than stop. My sphincter’s clock struck zero right as I pulled in my driveway. I twisted an ankle running to the bathroom while simultaneously trying to undress. Kept it out of my pants but needed about half a roll of toilet paper to clean up.
     
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  26. gilstein21

    gilstein21 Tight Rip 26 Seal Right
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    Almost the same this morning. We have been in Chattanooga for the last two days and we’re going to hit ruby falls on the way out. Made it to parking lot and I felt the panic rumble in my lower gut. I told the wife I’ve got to get to the bathroom asap and took off. Get to the bathroom, guy standing in line, so had a slight panic, but he wanted a urinal. Straight liquid out of my butt once I hit the toilet. Felt like it was all done, but had the slight thought of having to shit my pants down in the cave if not.
     
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  27. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Lolol at the image of you going down into the cave and having to crawl around (at least from what I remember doing when I was 12) and then just shitting your pants right as the falls light up.
     
  28. gilstein21

    gilstein21 Tight Rip 26 Seal Right
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    It’s all an upright walk, but I thought for sure I’d have to find a crevice somewhere. Luckily I made it with no harm to my pants or the cave formations.
     
  29. Lip

    Lip Yes; this is a photo of me
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    your sick
     
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  30. Lip

    Lip Yes; this is a photo of me
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    this does not qualify. That’s called pooping
     
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  31. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    There is a time for just getting in the shower
    You're home, it's not like you couldnt
     
  32. Lip

    Lip Yes; this is a photo of me
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    are you suggesting poop in the shower?
     
    One Two likes this.
  33. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    God no son

    You sit on toilet and poop out all that mess, then you flush
    Then you use some paper to clean up, but the moment you are realizing you ain't getting clean easily you look over and see an empty shower, you just shift over to there.

    Next realization is how clutch a wand shower head is to an adults life
     
    El_Pato and One Two like this.
  34. Lip

    Lip Yes; this is a photo of me
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    Re read your post and act like we don’t think you’re a shower pooper
     
  35. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    Your poor fucking body, man.
     
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  36. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    Hoss's body after anytime he opens his mouth and puts something in it:

     
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  37. Daddy Rabbit

    Daddy Rabbit obviously silly and not productive
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  38. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
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    Did you purposefully shit on a turtle?
     
    Fuck this, letan, El_Pato and 8 others like this.
  39. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also a robot
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    Was laying on my bedroom floor cuz my stomach hurt and farted. Now I’m taking a shower.
     
  40. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also a robot
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    Somehow shit myself while in bed. This is the worst
     
  41. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
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    Are you sick?
     
  42. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Either sick or hungover
     
  43. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    He put ketchup on a hot dog I bet
     
  44. Name P. Redacted

    Name P. Redacted I have no money and I'm also a robot
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    There’s been a stomach bug going around at daycare and it’s my turn.
     
  45. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    The last tummy bug iteration that passed through our house was of that variety. Brutal, even with potty trained kids
     
  46. Pile Driving Miss Daisy

    Pile Driving Miss Daisy It angries up the blood
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    Yep, I got this back in February after visiting my sister and brother. My sister's kid got it and gave it to her before she met up with us and gave it to my brother and I before she was symptomatic. I had the most brutal diarrhea I can remember, just basically blasting almost complete water from my ass to the point where I was going to have to get an IV if it didn't get better after day 2. The only positive was I didn't really feel nauseous which I hate so much more but I was still in bed for 36 hours.
     
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  47. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure Eye of the tiger, dick of a horse.
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    Stomach bug and food poisoning are the worst ever. I’ll take a right hook to the face over either of those.
     
  48. arsenal

    arsenal Well, ain’t this place a geographical oddity.
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    For a lot of life’s ailments there’s a pill or liquid to take to make you feel better. Stomach bug is just one of those things you gotta ride out and suffer. I wish it upon no one.
     
  49. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    My brother, I implore you to look into zofran
     
    ARSENAL likes this.
  50. Lip

    Lip Yes; this is a photo of me
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    pepto ultra pills are also pretty amazing
     
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