I just shit my pants at work.**Now with fart stimulation**

Discussion in 'The Mainboard' started by Hoss Bonaventure, Jul 8, 2015.

  1. arsenal

    arsenal Well, ain’t this place a geographical oddity.
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    I was talking about the actual stomach pain. Not the swamp water I put in my toilet.
     
  2. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure Eye of the tiger, dick of a horse.
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    That and the cold shakes and everything are the worst. Can’t even keep any liquids down so just horrible dehydration. Think it was in the dad’s thread where I was posting through my imminent death the last time I had it and luckily we had some pedialyte popsicles which were clutch.
     
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  3. Shawn Hunter

    Shawn Hunter Vote Corey Matthews for Congress
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    Had a couple hot dogs for lunch, got what seems like an endless amount of gas and am in don't trust a fart territory, so this afternoon is highly unproductive to say the least.
     
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  4. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    Happy National Hot Dog Day

    :beerchug:
     
  5. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    Anyone else ever do that thing where you have to take a very urgent dump in a single public bathroom, realize that, in your haste, you forgot to lock the door, and then you just stare at the door praying to whatever deity that someone doesn't walk in, thus ending your life as you knew it?
     
  6. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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  7. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    Well I just did. Everything turned out ok, thanks everyone for the Ts and Ps
     
  8. zeberdee

    zeberdee wheel snipe celly boys
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    I've had co-workers walk in on my taking a dump twice in my career (two different employers). I survived.
     
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  9. arsenal

    arsenal Well, ain’t this place a geographical oddity.
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    I’ve been having the opposite problem of pants dumping the past few days. I sat on the toilet for 25 min trying to push a single turd out. I think I had fecal impaction. I had gloves but didn’t want to disimpact myself unless absolutely necessary…

    Finally got it out after a lot of rocking and pushing. My asshole feels battered and bruised.

    might need to up my water intake
     
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  10. 40wwttamgib

    40wwttamgib Fah Q, Ohio
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    [​IMG]
     
  11. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    My dentist does this too. Peak efficiency
     
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  12. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    Miralax brother.

    And fart stimulation, obviously
     
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  13. arsenal

    arsenal Well, ain’t this place a geographical oddity.
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    Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk on the dangers of hardened stool.
     
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  14. emma

    emma sun is the same in a relative way but you're older
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    [​IMG]
     
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  15. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    It’s an absolute rookie move to not shit on another floor or in a different part of the building.
     
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  16. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    WOAT work shitting situation at my work. Limited bathrooms, gotta use the same ones patients use to collect urine samples and stuff. Nothing worse then trying to make a subtle exit after an all out porcelain assault, to find a patient patiently waiting outside the door.

    It's srsly made me think about finding another job.
     
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  17. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    Counterpoint: the people that work on that floor and prefer to use that bathroom know exactly why you visit and we all hate you and have nicknames for you
     
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  18. zeberdee

    zeberdee wheel snipe celly boys
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    weird behavior
     
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  19. Goose

    Goose Hi
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    When I’m in the office I shit in the executive wing because our bathroom is gross. It’s the same bathroom our manufacturing associates use and all of the grease and grime somehow makes it to the bathroom
     
  20. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    Was shopping for fans for bathroom reno this spring. They're all proudly ultra quiet. Who in the fuck wants that?
     
  21. ramszoolander

    ramszoolander Guess what? Vulcan butt!
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    do u evn cruciferous vegetables bro
     
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  22. Boo MFer!

    Boo MFer! No longer a cog in some powerhouse machine
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    Impossible. I have trained my body to not shit at work, but when I do, I use the first floor bathroom that is open to all building tenants.
     
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  23. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    I wish there was a way to bookmark posts or pages because I'd love to revisit that fart stimulation page frequently
     
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  24. ned's head

    ned's head Well-Known Member
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    ~ taylor ~ likes this.
  25. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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    “Overflow” bathrooms are groovy. For a second you were giving me flashbacks to the dorks that used to come down and use our bathroom religiously. One of them had to have a medical condition. His dumps smelled like a bucket of rotting snakes.
     
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  26. emma

    emma sun is the same in a relative way but you're older
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    yall need metamucil and to train your body to exclusively poop at home unless you shit yourself by accident
     
  27. Stone Cold Steve Austin

    Stone Cold Steve Austin Tickler Extraordinaire
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    I love shittin at work

    You could smell that?
     
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  28. Whammy Business

    Whammy Business Well-Known Member
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    If I absolutely must shit at work, I head down to the first floor. It’s half as populated due to lobby, conference rooms, training rooms, law library, etc. Rarely see anyone else in there.
     
  29. Simon Templar

    Simon Templar Well-Known Member
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    You should try massaging your intestines
     
  30. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    What kind of idiot poops for free on their own time?
     
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  31. gilstein21

    gilstein21 Tight Rip 26 Seal Right
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    I poop at work everyday. I avoid the single stall work room toilet out of respect for my coworkers, but I’ve walked in after several of them have blown it up.
     
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  32. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Seat still warm?
     
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  33. gilstein21

    gilstein21 Tight Rip 26 Seal Right
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    No, just walk in there to piss and smells like a water treatment plant. There’s no exhaust fan in that room which is another reason why I don’t poop in there.
     
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  34. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure Eye of the tiger, dick of a horse.
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    I have 2 secret bathrooms at work that no one ever is in
     
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  35. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    You work from home with no pants or underwear on
     
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  36. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure Eye of the tiger, dick of a horse.
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    I took a new job since then and go into the office now
     
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  37. Jimmy the Saint

    Jimmy the Saint The future is a benevolent black hole
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    No pants or underwear in the office? That’s bold.
     
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  38. Hoss Bonaventure

    Hoss Bonaventure Eye of the tiger, dick of a horse.
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    It was part of my job offer negotiation. HR hates it but I got it in writing that I’m allowed to work Winnie the Pooh style.
     
  39. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Now I understand why the shit my pants at work thread has been more active
     
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  40. killrbee7

    killrbee7 EMAGin' and Swaggin'
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    My son caught a stomach bug earlier this week which took out him and his mother from Monday-Wednesday. Thought I was in the clear. I was wrong. Happy to report that I trusted a fart yesterday that did not warrant such respect. Had to wash my sheets for reasons. Luckily, I was not judged harshly due to the amount of vomit and diarrhea that has been unleashed on my household this week.
     
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  41. One Two

    One Two Hot Dog Vibes
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  42. bigred77

    bigred77 Well-Known Member
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    Almost.....
    Went to let out a fart and suddenly realized there was more to it
    Luckily nothing made it out before I made it to the toilet
     
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  43. TimJimothy

    TimJimothy Well-Known Member
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    Without a doubt I'd get that initial eruption fired into the toilet, then quickly waddle over to the door with my pants down to my knees and lock the door. Obviously a lot of risk in that course of action (poo dripping down onto my pants, someone walking in and seeing something worse than me perched on the toilet, etc) but I think it's what I'd decide to do in the moment.
     
  44. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    I hate it so much when there's a knock. I wish I could muster something better than a wimpery "hhey I'll be right out" but what else do you say? "I'm releasing a gator back into the wild here, go away!"
     
  45. roggins

    roggins Butcher of Bakersfield & Chris Gaines impersonator
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    "Come back with a warrant"
     
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  46. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    Yes I appreciate the brainstorm sesh let's see what other ideas we got
     
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  47. arsenal

    arsenal Well, ain’t this place a geographical oddity.
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    “Occupied” is my go-to

    or they hear the crying come from my stall and just leave to find another toilet.
     
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  48. pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ

    pnk$krtcrÿnästÿ Mind your own damn business
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    Per another thread's discussion I may opt for singing the opening lines of Hinder's Lips of an Angel as a response

    'skinda hard to talk right now
     
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  49. The Milkman

    The Milkman Send lawyers, guns and money, shit has hit the fan
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    I had a minor surgery and was prescribed hydrocodone. I haven't shit in 4 days. I pray I'm not at work when this check needs to be cashed.
     
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  50. arsenal

    arsenal Well, ain’t this place a geographical oddity.
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    Stimulation, water and Miralax is what I’ve learned from this thread.
     
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