In SC, any form of alimony terminates upon continuous cohabitation (90 days here) with a new partner. Most, if not all, states have a similar provision though they do vary in the length and nuance of the determination. If you want to point out an issue, it is the couple who has been dating for many years, but one maintains a cheap separate residence and they refuse to get married because it'll terminate the obligation. I'll agree that situation is bullshit for the payor spouse, but also really tough to prove 1) they're not getting married *solely* to keep the alimony payment, and 2) that the separate residence isn't maintained to ensure security and stability in the event the relationship fails. I see both sides of that coin and am not terribly opposed to seeing the result in that situation change in some respects, just never seen a good proposal on how to analyze and weigh the competing interests, at least to the extent any solution exists.
I'm glad we have you in this thread but you're forgetting about S.C. Stat. 2.345: Bitches be shoppin'
Fuck I never thought I'd be posting in this thread but I'm not sure what the fuck is going on in my life. Wife and I have only been married for three years come Wednesday. We've always been pretty fine. We fight at times like every couple but we always make up even though both of us are incredibly stubborn. We had a tough time last year as she got cancer for the second time and is not yet thirty. So she quit her job six months ago because even though they say she's cancer free she's never been the same physically since treatment. Fortunately I'm an actuary and make more than enough. We just bought our first place about six months ago. Just came back from a ten day trip in Europe. Saturday morning we fought so I went to my dads to watch college football and cool down. Three hours later I get a text telling me she's withdrawn 80% of our checking account. I of course call her and she says that's her money. She had a decent sized critical illness plan before getting cancer that had paid out the year prior and she told me she wanted it in a separate account she just had access too. I of course was taken aback by this as she hadn't worked in six months and I had been paying for everything including still paying off her medical bills through my HSA. I also had paid off her student loans two years ago as I came into the marriage with significantly more and it benefited us both having them gone. So we of course fought but she finally admitted that what she did was wrong and she would move the money back. So we were fine yesterday and most of today. Until around 8:00 tonight when she started to pick a fight and we started going at ecach other and she ran to our bedroom and tried to lock me out. So I put my foot in the door. So she whipped out her phone and called the cops. I immediately left and went to my moms where I'm staying the night. The cops showed up about the same time my brother and dad did to get some of my stuff and according to them she told them that she's certain I would never lay a finger on her. But that she was frightened. Now you have to understand that I'm kind of the prototypical gentle giant. 6' 4" and 230 lbs but not a single violent bone in my body. I literally stopped playing both basketball and football because I wasn't rough enough for coaches. She knows this and apparently told them this, why the fuck would she call the cops. What the fuck is going on? What the fuck happened to my wife? Who is this person? I literally have no idea what type of reaction I'm supposed to have to this. Am I supposed to be hurt? Angry? Why the fuck does part of me want to make up and get through this?
I’m sure you’ve been with her every step of the way through her treatment, but it’s hard to understand exactly what they’re going through. When my wife was battling, she never let it change her attitude towards me or anyone else, but you tell it’s affecting them. I didn’t get this far with my wife because she passed, but maybe some counseling would help her and you. She may be feeling guilt for putting you both through all of that, so it may be her way of helping you get out of the marriage because she wants you to be happy.
Her mind is probably allover the damn place. Dealing with cancer twice before 30 has to be a real fucker. Have to second looking into counseling if she's willing.
not married or divorced, but this action alone would prompt me to change the structure of the relationship to protect myself financially. That's wholly unacceptable
We were planning to go to counseling after what happened this weekend but now I'm not sure I can. After the last couple days I don't feel safe around her. Not in a she's going to attack me kind of way but I have no idea what she's willing to falsely accuse me of after her recent actions.
Yes that much is clear. I am opening a separate account this morning and having my checks directly deposited into it.
pianoman its entirely possible the cancer has effected her mental state as much as her physical one. I agree with everyone else that she needs to see a therapist. In my opinion, she needs some sessions on her own to help diagnose what’s going on in her head before you start to work on the marriage. Also. If she made a move to withdraw her insurance settlement funds, it would seem she has already seen a lawyer. I would start trying to familiarize yourself with your state’s statutes when it comes to division of assets or consult a family law attorney if you aren’t comfortable doing the research yourself. Sorry you are going through this and hope everything works out.
Shit man, i'm really sorry you are having to go through this. When my marriage went down the tubes, my ex took 70% of the money in the account too, so I know the terror of that moment. You're already taking the right step of getting a separate account, if I were you I would cancel the other checking account and take the money she didn't out of it so she has no access to it. Also, you really need to talk to a lawyer. Most will do a free consultation to give your the lowdown on your rights and what the next steps are. I also completely agree about being cautious around her, if her mental state is compromised you never know what she will do, and you are at a significant disadvantage if she does decide to accuse you of something (been there too). I don't think there's any reason not to do counseling, in that case at least you have an impartial witness to counteract any bullshit claims she might make, as long as you are careful during the times you are together before/after the sessions. Most important, don't think that taking these steps is a betrayal to your marriage. You are protecting yourself and at the same time protecting whatever future you might have with her by getting out in front of this. PM me if you need advice or just to vent, myself and a lot of other have been there brother.
Well. Looks like i'm a part of this thread now. Not technically married but together for 5 years and a daughter together. I could write a book on what has happened these past 5 years and the lies she has told but it will make me look like an idiot too much to believe any of it. Fuck this shit.
Well for one, I have a daughter now with her bc she said she had her ovaries removed and couldn’t get pregnant. But the biggest one, she said she had cancer and didn’t. Moved from Nashville back to my home bc of it. I even dropped her off at the dr office many times (what she actually did during that hour or so I’ll never know). Once I figured it out, I let it go bc of the family she grew up with wasn’t the best and She just wanted away from it. So many more too. Like I said, I could write a book.
Unbelievable. Hate to say it, but the majority of women I've known are the most selfish and shameless self promoters on the planet. Pulling for you, buddy
Honest question, what makes some of you guys attracted to crazy? I mean, I know all women are crazy to a degree, but I'm talking about the batshit crazy that many of you have described here.
Some of the shit you’ve talked about before, I think it’s safe to say you’re the crazy one in your relationship and your wife is probably on a board like this talking about you. See the thing is, you don’t realize it at first or at least I didn’t. She was the most fun, loving person and then all of a sudden you realize all of this shit is bullshit after you’ve been with her for x amount of time and have a child so you try and work it out at that point. You try and understand. For instance. Her dad died when she was 13. Her pos mom use to take her to other men’s houses and leave her for days at a time with strangers. Me knowing this and knowing most females follow in their mother’s footsteps, tried to break the habit and “fix” her. Which I did to a certain point. She has hated her mom since she was 17 and does not talk to her now. She’s a great mom to our daughter but damn, still fucking crazy.
I'm just really struggling to understand how you stayed with someone that lied to you about having her ovaries removed? That's a pretty outlandish lie and one that I don't see how you could look past.
dude. I don’t know. Sex. That’s the only answer I can give. At that time I was fucking everything walking anyway and wanted to settle down. Stupidity as well. I hated the thought of leaving her and moving back to Alabama while having a daughter I could never see in Tennessee. Couldn’t do it for my daughters sake and now, glad I didn’t. Through all of this shit I still have her so Im fortunate for that.
I had a relative who married an Australian woman and lived there with her. She claimed to be getting a masters degree for two years, he frequently dropped her off at school, etc. She was chilling at home doing nothing. Literally wasn’t ever registered at the university. They seem to be happy now but the rest of the family was like
Through all walks of life. I've been through some rough stuff the last couple of years, so I'm probably a little jaded
Just an FYI for any guys going through, about to go through, or have been through divorces, the proposed tax plan eliminates alimony payments as being deductible by the payor and taxable to the other spouse. Something to keep in mind if the obligation isn't set yet or if it is a modifiable obligation. If the obligation is non-modifiable, then it'll raise some serious legal issues moving forward, largely benefiting hurting the rich spouse. Haven't seen a ton on this yet, but imagine I will read a decent amount about it in the coming weeks. If you'd like me to post updates I will but don't want to clog up the thread if no one wants the info. ETF - error in my post. Changes hurt the rich spouse bc the alimony they were previously deducting is no longer deductible under the new plan.
Yup. Everyone will be swamped with people wanting to know what their remedies are to fix the change. I'll have those and probably be swamped with calls about ways to get around the change when you can't modify the obligation. That's going to be a nightmare research and briefing project, especially given recent scotus rulings about federal law vs divorce decrees telling payee spouses to get fucked in the context of military retirement division.
Edited the post. Fucked up writing it. Massive benefit to the dependent spouse. Payments they have been paying taxes on will now be tax free. Deductions the rich spouse had been claiming will now be taxed at their rate. Really doesn't benefit either party moving forward (now there is no way to create more money to split between the parties via shifting the tax burden which is often used in settlement), but huge windfall to dependent spouses already receiving payments which were calculated assuming a tax relief/burden would be implemented in the future.
You shouldn't be angry. Part of you wants to get through this because you love her. This post seems to focus a lot more on $$$ than the reasons why you guys are fighting. Maybe that's an issue. Whether you have lots or you're broke money will always start fights.
Have you ever advised a client getting royally screwed to do whatever it takes to get back together with the ex?
I can't believe I'm fucking typing this but I've realized that divorce was the best fucking thing that could have happened for me. Lol I'm not saying my life is perfect but holy hell is it better not worrying about that shit.
I wish. People are emotional, crazy, and dumb as fuck. Do all kinds of stupid shit that screw themselves. I often think about this Avon quote at work- Avon: This ain’t about him. It’s about you. You can’t play him out of that lobby. You can’t take a beating neither. So the first thing you do, you get all emotional. You pull your gun out. You do some dumb shit that now we gotta work around. Not quite like that. I just lay out their options and what they can realistically expect from the court. They ultimately have to make the decision whether it is better for them to stay in the marriage (assuming that is even an option) or proceed. That being said, if someone is alleging fault against my client, I'll certainly explain to them what condonation is, examples of it, and ask whether there is any evidence of it in their case. What they do with that information moving forward is up to them.
For two, as they age it is no surprise that the female of the species becomes more crafty, adapting and becoming more proficient at what some scientists refer to as "hiding the crazy" to a point where the male of the species is lured in and does not know until it is too late.
This is incredibly naive and condescending. It’s not like you get a mental health resume on the first date. Also, humans aren’t emotionally or mentally static. People end up in situations for a multitude of reasons, deciding they want a crazy partner is never one of them.